AmericanHoney Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 As I mentioned in another post I had a FWB with an ex and suddenly it stopped. He stopped calling, stopped texting, emailing whatever he just stopped. I broke up with him and originally there was going to be nothing we were just going to go our own ways and move on. One day he said why don't we try FWB you know no attachment just FWB and I suppose ever since I saw that stupid movie with Justin Timberlake I thought it could work. Wrong! It certainly worked for awhile and then one day he just walked away with no explanation he just walked away like hey thanks for the fringe benefits I am done here bye bye. I thought maybe it was something I had done and blamed myself ( stupid!) if he didn't want the FWB anymore why didn't he tell me that day we went away to the cabin for the weekend that it was over instead of making me wonder if I did something wrong or get his rocks off for throwing me away like garbage and pretending I am invisible. Why is he being a coward and not telling me hey it is over? Sure he " owes" me nothing but it does bruise the self-esteem a bit thinking it was his idea from the get so if he didn't think it was going to pan out and he knew in the end he was going to toss me away why start anything? I have no intentions of calling him asking him why or a thanks for nothing but how can someone be so cruel? Yes I know it takes two to tango but it was his idea! Is he laughing and telling all his buddies how stupid I am and how dang I got her! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 If he's like most guys, he probably just figured that the two of you had some good times and now it's out of his system with minimal expectation. I personally have found that 3 sexual encounters with any one guy resulting in O will start attaching me to him, whether I want to or not. Be careful who you have sex with, it blinds us girls more then them for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) FWB is exactly what you got. It means sex with no attachment. Basically sex until you find someone better. Sounds like he did and walked away. Thats what FWB is. What is it he was supposed to be honest about? Edited January 25, 2012 by Frank13 Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) unfortunately, this is the nature of a FWB, the print is so fine you can't really see it. well -- let's face it - - no one is going to spell it out anyway. but yeah - - the bottom line is the other person can pretty much walk away at any time - - no explanation required. sucks i know - - i've been there. just hang in there. keep posting here. you'll get through it as for him laughing about it with his friends. who cares if he is or not. just focus on yourself. the less you hear from him at this point the better off you are... Edited January 25, 2012 by radiodarcy Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 As I mentioned in another post I had a FWB with an ex and suddenly it stopped. He stopped calling, stopped texting, emailing whatever he just stopped. I broke up with him and originally there was going to be nothing we were just going to go our own ways and move on. One day he said why don't we try FWB you know no attachment just FWB and I suppose ever since I saw that stupid movie with Justin Timberlake I thought it could work. Wrong! It certainly worked for awhile and then one day he just walked away with no explanation he just walked away like hey thanks for the fringe benefits I am done here bye bye. I thought maybe it was something I had done and blamed myself ( stupid!) if he didn't want the FWB anymore why didn't he tell me that day we went away to the cabin for the weekend that it was over instead of making me wonder if I did something wrong or get his rocks off for throwing me away like garbage and pretending I am invisible. Why is he being a coward and not telling me hey it is over? Sure he " owes" me nothing but it does bruise the self-esteem a bit thinking it was his idea from the get so if he didn't think it was going to pan out and he knew in the end he was going to toss me away why start anything? I have no intentions of calling him asking him why or a thanks for nothing but how can someone be so cruel? Yes I know it takes two to tango but it was his idea! Is he laughing and telling all his buddies how stupid I am and how dang I got her! If he didn't think it was going to pan out why start? It's an arrangement to have sex when needed. You agreed. What was supposed to pan out from an FWB arrangement? These arrangements are not bound forever. Two people get their jingles on and then go on their way. If he met someone, say a month after the arrangement began, what do you think would have happened? These things are not meant to pan out. Temporary arrangements to fill needs. He demoted you to someone he just has sex with. You agreed. You should have been insulted. Hopefully, you got your needs met but if you were emotional and did it out of motive, then it was a lesson learnt and all you can do now is move on. Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 The thing about FWB is that we as women think the men are going to treat us with simple human kindness and tell us when the agreement is coming to an end. But that usually doesn't happen. That's why FWB is perfect for the kind of men that go for that, all they have to do is disappear, no explanation, no goodbye, nothing. Then if you ask why you weren't told, you get the "well what did you expect, it was just FWB?" Welp, I expect a man to have some common decency, and be the FRIEND he claimed to be and say out loud that the terms of the aggreement have changed. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 They fall in love with each other at the end of that movie. Are you sure you didn't have expectations of getting back together? FWB shouldn't be taking trips to cabins together Sorry this happened to you, live and learn, don't do a FWB again, it rarely rarely ends well, as you can see Go NC with him! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 I think he did pretty much tell you he wasn't serious about you when he asked you to be a FWB. The purpose of that type of relationship is sex with no commitment. Didn't you know that already? I don't think he did anything wrong because you knew what you were getting into. What is it that you think he was dishonest about? Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 You broke up with him. Its called a revenge bang. I would do it to my ex right now too. she broke my heart pretty bad so yep would be really satisfying to me to get my rocks off while treating her like a whore. Did you intend on getting back together with him? And yeah fwb don't go away to cabins together. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 FWB is exactly what you got. It means sex with no attachment. Basically sex until you find someone better. Sounds like he did and walked away. Thats what FWB is. What is it he was supposed to be honest about? Ouch on the part about "sex until you find someone better". I agree with everything else but there's something inherently demeaning about thinking that it's just sex until the other person finds "someone better". There can be a lot of combinations of reasons--like one party being in a relationship and just having recreational sex on the QT where the other party is doing the same. But if one party has no one else, there's a greater chance that they are going to take it personal when their FWB partner just drops off the planet. I admit I did it to a long time FWB. I didn't feel like I needed to tell her it was over because it wasn't really "on" or routine anyway and we never parted with expectations of seeing each other according to a schedule. She had a relationship and was cheating with me. I had no one else but walked on her just because life took me out of range. I didn't know it would be good bye forever. And sometimes I feel guilty because it did turn out to be good-bye forever. It's just supposed to be recreational sex with people who just like having sex with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 The thing about FWB is that we as women think the men are going to treat us with simple human kindness and tell us when the agreement is coming to an end. But that usually doesn't happen. That's why FWB is perfect for the kind of men that go for that, all they have to do is disappear, no explanation, no goodbye, nothing. Then if you ask why you weren't told, you get the "well what did you expect, it was just FWB?" Welp, I expect a man to have some common decency, and be the FRIEND he claimed to be and say out loud that the terms of the aggreement have changed. So completely from experience. Alot of people on here didn't even get any decency from being dumped from relationships, let alone an FWB. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 Why is he being a coward and not telling me hey it is over? Sure he " owes" me nothing but it does bruise the self-esteem a bit thinking it was his idea from the get so if he didn't think it was going to pan out and he knew in the end he was going to toss me away why start anything? I have no intentions of calling him asking him why or a thanks for nothing but how can someone be so cruel? Yes I know it takes two to tango but it was his idea! I think your idea of an FWB and his are totally different. You call each other once in a while for sex and thats it. Thats why you start it, to meet sexual needs. You dont need to have "the talk" when he finds someone he thinks is better. You werent supposed to get attached to there FWB. Its a temp arrangement until you find a guiy you want to be in a relationship with. If you were hoping for it to turn into a relationship, or get relationship treatment (like advanced notice of a breakup) then you were completely mistaken. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 When the agreement is sex only (which it was) you should expect nothing from him except sex. He doesn't owe you any explanation for anything. That was the agreement. When you make an agreement - understand what terms you are agreeing to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmericanHoney Posted January 26, 2012 Author Share Posted January 26, 2012 He whisked me off to the cabin because his grandpa was away for the weekend and said let's go it will be a evening of fun and he even tooted his own horn by saying i'll *** so many times it will be insane. I even had my reservations about going but he insisted.....We got there and the sex was good and all but needless to say he never did *** and he had to jerk of to a PPV to even get to ***. I suppose in his own little mind he thought he would be this sexual beast but when that didn't happen he got upset. I guess we saw things differently he thought everytime he saw me magical things would happen and everything would be perfect but that doesn't always happen. I suppose in my mind I thought even though we were FWB he could still treat me like a decent human being and still be friends ( minus the benefits) and not write me off like I am the plague just because his night didn't go as planned get over it seriously! I guess I live in the movies where everything is happy,happy you stay friends and everything is perfect but in real life I suppose that isn't true. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 I guess I live in the movies where everything is happy,happy you stay friends and everything is perfect but in real life I suppose that isn't true. Are you really just now learning this? Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 FRIENDS with benefits. Okay so what happened to the friends part? Do you disappear with no word from other friends? I don't know, maybe I am being naive, but I expect to be treated like a human being and not like a tissue that is thrown away after being blown on. What's sad is that the only time I was ever treated like a tissue was by this ex...a man that claimed to love only me for 3 years. Every FWB I've had is still my friend, still cool with me, still talk on occasion, ugh, I'm going to go sit down now...*sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 Well the problem with what you said about friends is the additional baggage of the FWB. We have all had friends that drifted away or disappeared without explanation. It goes with the territory. When you add the benefits it can complicate things. Perhaps he felt you wanted more so he got scared and disappeared. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 OP you mentioned the Justin Timberlake movie FWB. I laughed to myself when this came out. As this would never happen in real life. Instead you just get used. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 His imagination is differing from his reality. He thin Nks he can "go" all night - but it takes help from his hand to get off...hmmm, sounds like a guy who masterbates so much he has trouble "feeling it" the same way as he does with his hand and porn. That is HIS problem... And he may very well have embarrassed himself. Let's hope he got you there first - since he was so worried about himself that's never a good sign. I think his ego is bruised. I also think reality doesn't match his imagination. You can't make him do things your way... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmericanHoney Posted January 26, 2012 Author Share Posted January 26, 2012 Thank you Shayla you know how I feel thank you:bunny: Do you disappear with no word from other friends? I don't know, maybe I am being naive, but I expect to be treated like a human being and not like a tissue that is thrown away after being blown on. That is exactly how I feel! I suppose I am naive too:o I guess Shayla you and I are the rare ones who believe we should be treated like human beings and not tossed aside like yesterday's news without a care in the world. He used to be so kind and even during the whole FWB he was kind and caring and we laughed, we cried,etc but the one day poof it was gone and I was thrown away like a tissue. I live and learn......... Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 Thank you Shayla you know how I feel thank you:bunny: Do you disappear with no word from other friends? I don't know, maybe I am being naive, but I expect to be treated like a human being and not like a tissue that is thrown away after being blown on. That is exactly how I feel! I suppose I am naive too:o I guess Shayla you and I are the rare ones who believe we should be treated like human beings and not tossed aside like yesterday's news without a care in the world. He used to be so kind and even during the whole FWB he was kind and caring and we laughed, we cried,etc but the one day poof it was gone and I was thrown away like a tissue. I live and learn......... Don't have high expectations to be treated decently when you put yourself in a situation in which you agree to USE each other for sex. Do you sleep with all your other friends? No. Granted some people are decent FWBs and will extend respect. Some won't and may only be sweet and kind to keep the benefits coming. Just don't have expectations every time you choose to engage in such arrangements. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 (edited) FRIENDS with benefits. Okay so what happened to the friends part? Do you disappear with no word from other friends? I don't know, maybe I am being naive, but I expect to be treated like a human being and not like a tissue that is thrown away after being blown on. "Friends with benefits" never meant Friends with benefits...for most people. Its "I keep in contact with you because I want sex" benefits. They are never real friends after the sex stops. Edited January 26, 2012 by Eddie Edirol Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 "Friends with benefits" never meant Friends with benefits...for most people. Its "I keep in contact with you because I want sex" benefits. They are never real friends after the sex stops. Well put and pretty much sums up what FWB is. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 Why is he being a coward and not telling me hey it is over? Sure he " owes" me nothing but it does bruise the self-esteem a bit thinking it was his idea from the get so if he didn't think it was going to pan out and he knew in the end he was going to toss me away why start anything? I have no intentions of calling him asking him why or a thanks for nothing but how can someone be so cruel? Yes I know it takes two to tango but it was his idea! Is he laughing and telling all his buddies how stupid I am and how dang I got her! FWB = no one owes the other anything except sex on demand It was his idea and you agreed, so it's an arrangement between the both of you. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I don't understand FWB. And can't for the life of me imagine someone touching me with no feelings involved. Just the thought makes me nauseous. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 We got there and the sex was good and all but needless to say he never did *** and he had to jerk of to a PPV to even get to ***. Maybe this is why he dissappeared and is bad mouthing you to his friends. He's embarrassed or worried you'll spread rumors. Guys are real sensitive about these things. Link to post Share on other sites
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