PinkInTheLimo Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Well, I moved on Saturday and am in my own place. I have boxes all around me still, as I am working on the project for this weekend, so I will getting settled later. I slept good every night until last night when I had dreams that my XH and I were talking about getting back together but he was still seeing other women, one after another. I woke up a little depressed. However, compared to the days I sat crying all day long or felt paralyzed by sadness, I am feeling better. I'm hoping I feel better each day, but I know I have a long way to go. I expected XH to be mad that I moved while he was gone, but when he called (I did not answer), his voicemail was about some tax business. He called again and I did not answer, but sent him an email. I guess he was ready for me to move. Now his life can go on with the other woman he has installed in his life. Wish me luck. I am hoping and praying my life gets better. This sure has been hard. Steen, so glad for you that you have your own place. Things will only get better now. Believe me, your xH must be feeling very pissed right now because he knows he will never find someone as devoted as you. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 I just don't get it. I am bereft that my 22 year marriage is gone. He has moved on at the speed of light. I am sad, he is happy. Can someone really be this OK after a long marriage has ended? I understand that he emotionally was detaching anyway, but we are talking a 22 year marriage with a son, a home and many good memories. Surely to God, that would be a little hard! The only sadness I have seen was around Christmas and I felt that he was just feeling sorry for himself. He is "oh poor me' type of fella. I understand how you feel. Sometimes I think it is a guy thing (although I know men who are not like that). You must feel like you have wasted 22 years of love to this man. A lot of men can't be alone. So they immediately have some other woman around them. I hate it. And it's one of the reasons why I would never jump into a relationship with a man because I want to know that he has been really single for some time. Anyway, from what you have told us, you are better off without this man. He does not have a good character. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steen719 Posted February 7, 2012 Author Share Posted February 7, 2012 Steen, so glad for you that you have your own place. Things will only get better now. I sure wish I knew when I would feel better. I cried on and off all day and night Sunday. I was just so sad. I guess I am some better as I have not been crying the last 2 days. I sure feel like I have a big pit in my stomach...just filled with sadness. Believe me, your xH must be feeling very pissed right now because he knows he will never find someone as devoted as you. I don't think he cares about me at all. He is looking forward to his new future. I understand how you feel. Sometimes I think it is a guy thing (although I know men who are not like that). You must feel like you have wasted 22 years of love to this man. I certainly feel like I should have left him after the first affair 14 years ago. A lot of men can't be alone. So they immediately have some other woman around them. I hate it. And it's one of the reasons why I would never jump into a relationship with a man because I want to know that he has been really single for some time. Anyway, from what you have told us, you are better off without this man. He does not have a good character. My head knows he does not have good character, but my heart feels broken into tiny pieces. I don't believe that I have ever felt so alone in my life. I stayed here because my son is in school 5 hours away and I think his dad will move to his hometown (about 4 hours from here). I don't believe they will have a lot of contact and I wanted to be here for my son. Retrospectively, this was not the right thing for me to do. I should have moved home. I have many friends (life-long) and family there. It is about 1100 mikes from here. I wish I had done what others told me and moved there. I would still have a broken heart, but at least I would have people who loved me nearby. I have a year lease now for this condo, so here I am. Oh well, my choice and I have to live with it. Maybe things will get easier for me. I am starting a divorce support group the 29th of February and I am hoping that will help me. Thanks for listening, I am not used to be the one who needs so much support. I don't like it. If I ever feel better, I will be so grateful. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 I sure wish I knew when I would feel better. I cried on and off all day and night Sunday. I was just so sad. I guess I am some better as I have not been crying the last 2 days. I sure feel like I have a big pit in my stomach...just filled with sadness. You need to grieve the loss, and it is a loss. A loss of a life you thought you'd have with him - You loved him, you gave it your all. HE didn't and he created this mess. Maybe one day he'll regret his selfish decisions, his cruelness towards you, maybe not.. But you are going to be okay! Once you grieve and heal, your life will go on and you WILL find happiness again. Him? he'll be stuck going to woman to woman and messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steen719 Posted February 8, 2012 Author Share Posted February 8, 2012 You need to grieve the loss, and it is a loss. A loss of a life you thought you'd have with him - You loved him, you gave it your all. HE didn't and he created this mess. Maybe one day he'll regret his selfish decisions, his cruelness towards you, maybe not.. But you are going to be okay! Once you grieve and heal, your life will go on and you WILL find happiness again. Him? he'll be stuck going to woman to woman and messed up. You need to grieve the loss, and it is a loss. A loss of a life you thought you'd have with him - You loved him, you gave it your all. HE didn't and he created this mess. Maybe one day he'll regret his selfish decisions, his cruelness towards you, maybe not.. But you are going to be okay! Once you grieve and heal, your life will go on and you WILL find happiness again. Him? he'll be stuck going to woman to woman and messed up. Thank you, whichway. I believe I am in the grieving stage. These crying jags are killing me. I went to the house to get the AT&T equipment to turn in and ended up in the driveway sobbing in my car. He came out...blah blah blah..my fault, he didn't want the divorce..same tune. Never mind about the OW. Oh man. Drove to Lowes parking lot and sat and sobbed some more. I know I have to walk through the grief. This is a very slow walk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steen719 Posted February 8, 2012 Author Share Posted February 8, 2012 Sorry..it posted the quote twice? Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I sure wish I knew when I would feel better. I cried on and off all day and night Sunday. I was just so sad. I guess I am some better as I have not been crying the last 2 days. I sure feel like I have a big pit in my stomach...just filled with sadness. Totally understandable. The world as you knew it no longer exists. Even though you were already divorced, you now have really left the marriage physically. I understand that you feel lonely. But you know this is temporary. Once your boy will be more independent, you can move back to where your friends and family live. In the mean time the divorce group certainly is a good decision. I think that you also mourn the image you had of your husband as someone who really loved you. Seeing his indifference (at least that is how it looks at the surface, I'm really not sure if it's not a whole different story on the inside) is horrible. Things will get better. I really hope for you that you can read back your posts one year from now and feel that you have moved forward. But it's a process with ups and downs. You moved out, that is a great step. Now are going through a phase of sadness. But soon enough you will feel happy because you are free... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steen719 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 Totally understandable. The world as you knew it no longer exists. Even though you were already divorced, you now have really left the marriage physically. I understand that you feel lonely. But you know this is temporary. Once your boy will be more independent, you can move back to where your friends and family live. In the mean time the divorce group certainly is a good decision. Yes, I have decided to see how I feel by the end of the summer and if I still feel I need to go home, I will. My son has told me to go. It was my decision to stay here and only be 5 hours from him. I am feeling a little better since I decided that I would move towards that goal. I'm still lonely, but I have gone out several days/nights this past week whether I wanted to or not. I'm trying...still lonely, but trying. I think that you also mourn the image you had of your husband as someone who really loved you. Seeing his indifference (at least that is how it looks at the surface, I'm really not sure if it's not a whole different story on the inside) is horrible. You hit the nail on the head right there! I did think my XH did love me. I really did. Indifference towards me is exactly what it is and I am very hurt by that. I also think I am (well, actually, I know) that I am a more loyal person than he is and I take any relationship seriously, even a friendship. I want to be the person who you can depend on...I will have your back. I put so much into a person who can be this indifferent to me and that makes me mad and sad and a little disappointed in myself. Things will get better. I really hope for you that you can read back your posts one year from now and feel that you have moved forward. But it's a process with ups and downs. You moved out, that is a great step. Now are going through a phase of sadness. But soon enough you will feel happy because you are free... ^^^^This is what everyone tells me, so I am hanging on to it with both hands. I start the divorce support group on the 29th of Feb. and I am trying to reach out to friends. I have not turned down an invitation to go somewhere. I walk several times a day; take the dogs to the dog park and promised myself that I would get out and do something each day. I also want to be able to read these posts and feel that I have moved forward in big steps. Thank you for your words. It all helps. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 {{{Hugs}}} to you, Steen! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steen719 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 {{{Hugs}}} to you, Steen! Thank you WGW and {{{HUGS}}} right back at ya! Link to post Share on other sites
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