Having trust issues :(

[LilMissMovinOn]

For bkground pls see my 'I was an OW but had no clue' thread.

 

I'm doing well @ maintaining N.C w my ex, & feelings of any sort of 'care factor' have been sharply bought into line with the FACTS of the matter...but... I've noticed I'm now having major trust issues.

 

These issues were already laying 'dormant' I think in a number of family & friend r.ships but suddenly I can no longer tolerate them to the point that I've cut numerous ppl out my life in order to create a feeling of safety in my world.

 

Everyone who was borderline untrustworthy (w the exception of my sister whom I'm hanging onto for now but censoring myself with) has been eliminated from my life. This is a bit of a bugger as when it comes right down to it my exp is tht most ppl are in fact, untrustworthy! My fear is that if this continues, I will be left all alone. That is almost the case already in fact, but instead of being unhappy about it I feel more that I've simply done what I needed to do & that as such 'so be it'. (i.e I dont feel lonely yet & instead feel secure in my capacity to love & nurture myself, which I'm now strongly focused on)

 

Has anyone else exp anything like this after going through something similar I wonder?

Edited January 26, 2012 by LilMissMovinOn

[Gentlegirl]

Happy Oz Day to you!

 

I was the OW, there was a Dday and he dropped me like I was a smelly piece of dog poo. Never heard from him since.

 

Anyway, to get back to your question... after that I re-evaluated everybody in my life and cut out quite a few. They are people who drained me and I was giving more to the friendship than I was getting. I just feel they were users, not to be trusted with my best interests.

 

Now I am not sure whether it is trust issues or I have become hyper aware of how selfish some people are.

 

I do not have many people in my life anymore. I have also become quite reclusive. I still go out but mostly alone. I no longer open my home and welcome people as I once would have. My home is my peace and my haven and hopefully nobody can hurt me here, because I won't let them in the bloody door.

 

I am putting it down to "live and learn". I lived in the cocoon of a happy marriage for 33 years before my husband passed away, so didn't have to worry too much about the rest of the world. I have had a crash course and the A was probably the best education I could have had for learning to look after myself.

 

Not sure if that will help but you are most welcom to it.

 

GG

[whichwayisup]

Just don't let your trust issues rid of everybody. Noone is perfect and not every friend you have in your life has to be 'close'. Keep those whom you trust with your life and have your back dear to your heart..But, if you have friends that are buddies and fun to hang out with (they serve a purpose in your life too), don't throw that away because they may be selfish and not putting huge amount of efforts into the friendship. Also, don't close yourself off to meeting new people. Not all are out to get you, out to screw you over and hurt you. Living life and taking some chances is healthier than hiding and preventing pain, shutting so many out of your life.

Edited January 26, 2012 by whichwayisup

[Eddie Edirol]

You dont have to rid everyone out of your life, and you dont have to have major trust issues. Just know the red flags to look out for when youre dealing with people. Dont overlook the obvious, or let anyone break down your personal boundaries. If you date a guy and his actions dont match his words, pay attention. Dont just generalize all men with paranoia and nothing to back it up. Different people are going to try and pull different things with you, and you need to pay attention to those specific things. That way when someone tride and true comes along, who doesnt raise any of the red flags that you already know about, you can easily trust them.