Strippers lapdancing and committed relationship

[Johnny]

Iam forty-seven and in a twenty-five year marrage. I have been going to strip clubs since i was nineteen. As I have become wealthier i have done more of the lap/table dancing. lately it is getting out of hand. More and more. This is a major part of my sex life,but is unfullfilling and I feel guilty. Life and sex at home is ordinary.

 

I need some help. Thoughts

[Heather]

When you say that this is part of your sex life what do you mean? Are you cheating on your wife? Does she approve of you going to the strip clubs?

 

If you are cheating I think personally you should stop. It could be very damaging to your relationship. Also you need to be honest with your wife. If you can't help yourself but to do these things when you go to these bars, you probably need to stop going to these bars.

 

Now on the other hand if you are not cheating and not really doing anything wrong but having fun that men insist on having then what is the problem? I think you need to decide for yourself what the real problem is here.

 

Good luck

 

Heather

Iam forty-seven and in a twenty-five year marrage. I have been going to strip clubs since i was nineteen. As I have become wealthier i have done more of the lap/table dancing. lately it is getting out of hand. More and more. This is a major part of my sex life,but is unfullfilling and I feel guilty. Life and sex at home is ordinary.

 

I need some help. Thoughts

[Johnny]

When you say that this is part of your sex life what do you mean? Are you cheating on your wife? Does she approve of you going to the strip clubs? If you are cheating I think personally you should stop. It could be very damaging to your relationship. Also you need to be honest with your wife. If you can't help yourself but to do these things when you go to these bars, you probably need to stop going to these bars. Now on the other hand if you are not cheating and not really doing anything wrong but having fun that men insist on having then what is the problem? I think you need to decide for yourself what the real problem is here. Good luck Heather

[Jenna]

Has it occurred to you that your sex life at home is suffering "because" you are going to strip clubs??

 

I certainly don't throw a fit if my husband goes to a strip club during a bachelor party (or the occasional night out with the boys) but if he frequented them- I would have a problem with it- I wouldn't want him getting hot and bothered from a lap dance and them come home to me. (My opinion)

 

Anyways, if you are asking for help on how to "bring the love back home"- I would say #1: stay out of the bars. Put your efforts and time into making your wife feel sexy and desirable. She inturn will be more willing to meet your sexual needs #2: Check into some books about how to keep your sex life interesting. And put those ideas to use #3: Consider a marriage counselor (seriously). There are obviously some other elements of the marriage that need attention- as a failing sex life is a "symptom" of something else- (not usually a "cause")

 

I think for some reason- you may have become detached emotionally- and the stip bar scene allows you pleasure without the emotional strings. I guess it wouldn't be such a bad thing- except you have a wife, who needs you- and whether you know it or not- you need her.

 

Hope this gives you an idea about where to start.

 

Jenna

 

When you say that this is part of your sex life what do you mean? Are you cheating on your wife? Does she approve of you going to the strip clubs? If you are cheating I think personally you should stop. It could be very damaging to your relationship. Also you need to be honest with your wife. If you can't help yourself but to do these things when you go to these bars, you probably need to stop going to these bars. Now on the other hand if you are not cheating and not really doing anything wrong but having fun that men insist on having then what is the problem? I think you need to decide for yourself what the real problem is here. Good luck Heather

[Johnny]

No cheating; wife tolerates but does not approve. Would probably have more problems with the increasing frequency that I do it.

The difficulty is that it is increasingly part of my erotic (not sex) life. I feel guilty about it even though I am not "going over the line" and cheating.

[Jenna]

I read your second post after I responded (above)-

 

You wrote: "I feel guilty about it ......."

 

This is NOT good- I am suggesting now that you definately seek a counselor.

 

A simple definition of addiction; "To continue negative and\or unhealthy behavior- EVEN in the face of serious consequences." Does this apply to you??

 

You say that your wife does not approve- AND you feel guilty- but you still do it. Get help.

 

Jenna

Has it occurred to you that your sex life at home is suffering "because" you are going to strip clubs?? I certainly don't throw a fit if my husband goes to a strip club during a bachelor party (or the occasional night out with the boys) but if he frequented them- I would have a problem with it- I wouldn't want him getting hot and bothered from a lap dance and them come home to me. (My opinion) Anyways, if you are asking for help on how to "bring the love back home"- I would say #1: stay out of the bars. Put your efforts and time into making your wife feel sexy and desirable. She inturn will be more willing to meet your sexual needs #2: Check into some books about how to keep your sex life interesting. And put those ideas to use #3: Consider a marriage counselor (seriously). There are obviously some other elements of the marriage that need attention- as a failing sex life is a "symptom" of something else- (not usually a "cause") I think for some reason- you may have become detached emotionally- and the stip bar scene allows you pleasure without the emotional strings. I guess it wouldn't be such a bad thing- except you have a wife, who needs you- and whether you know it or not- you need her. Hope this gives you an idea about where to start. Jenna