Filling The Void

[Rimer]

Why do we try to fill the void left by a relationship right away. We feel such a huge need to do that we will attach to the first person to show us any kinda affection. Now this isn't always good for you or your new partner.

 

I ask why is it so important to grieve in peace and when do you know when your ready? What else should you do other than grieve to fill that void? Search for yourself?

[Philosoraptor]

Simply, many do not have the strength to go within themselves as it hurts. It is always easier to berate your ex partner while idolizing the new relationship. These relationships often fail as this person did not find forgiveness nor inner peace with their situation.

[Exit]

Choosing to sit home alone and focus on yourself is friggin' painful, trust me I know. But in my opinion, it's not painful enough to want to hop on some dating website and fake interest in some other girl to get a distraction from it all.

 

I've said this in a few threads when the topic comes up, but I think one of the best tools for coping and filling the void left in your life is to get into some type of exercise program. This may not interest everyone, but pushing yourself out of your comfort zone can be a good thing too. I think it works so well because of how much of a distraction it can provide, by the time you start figuring out a healthier diet for yourself, going to the grocery store to stock up, deciding if you want to work out at home/outdoors/at a gym, doing your workouts, finally being able to get a full nights rest without some thought about the ex because you're exhausted yourself enough to sleep... suddenly you don't have as much time to be miserable about anything else. There are all the other suggestions that always get tossed around like "hang out with friends" or "rent a movie for yourself" but these things will keep you distracted for a few hours at a time at best, whereas I think it's kind of limitless how much you can read about health and diet and try to apply it to yourself. There's a mental aspect to exercise too not just physical, and if you set some lofty goals for yourself like wanting to run a few miles or lift a certain amount of weight, it's definitely a good way to learn about who you are on the inside, and to identify your weaknesses and work on them until they become strengths.

 

You don't need no stinkin' date on Friday night, go to the gym, it'll be empty because everyone else is out drinking.

[Rimer]

Choosing to sit home alone and focus on yourself is friggin' painful, trust me I know. But in my opinion, it's not painful enough to want to hop on some dating website and fake interest in some other girl to get a distraction from it all.

 

I've said this in a few threads when the topic comes up, but I think one of the best tools for coping and filling the void left in your life is to get into some type of exercise program. This may not interest everyone, but pushing yourself out of your comfort zone can be a good thing too. I think it works so well because of how much of a distraction it can provide, by the time you start figuring out a healthier diet for yourself, going to the grocery store to stock up, deciding if you want to work out at home/outdoors/at a gym, doing your workouts, finally being able to get a full nights rest without some thought about the ex because you're exhausted yourself enough to sleep... suddenly you don't have as much time to be miserable about anything else. There are all the other suggestions that always get tossed around like "hang out with friends" or "rent a movie for yourself" but these things will keep you distracted for a few hours at a time at best, whereas I think it's kind of limitless how much you can read about health and diet and try to apply it to yourself. There's a mental aspect to exercise too not just physical, and if you set some lofty goals for yourself like wanting to run a few miles or lift a certain amount of weight, it's definitely a good way to learn about who you are on the inside, and to identify your weaknesses and work on them until they become strengths.

 

You don't need no stinkin' date on Friday night, go to the gym, it'll be empty because everyone else is out drinking.

 

Very good advice both. I didn't respond earlier because i've been in a very dark place the last 2-3 months since the final break up and start on NC. I went to the gym a lot before this but I quit it like I do everything in my life. Now I'm starting to goto the gym again. I realized I went to gym because I wanted my ex back not because I wanted to find my self like I thought I did otherwise I wouldn't have given up. Now I'm gonna start to hit the gym and not feel like I have to go out every weekend and get wasted with friends. It's not healthy in the long run for sure.

[stitch702]

When you go through a tough break up, you feel like ****. Then you go off and jump in bed with the first girl that gives you attention and you realize she is not better than your last because you still pining over your ex, you feel like **** again...Lose Lose right there.

 

Just give it some time. You'll know when your ready. When you start going out and noticing all these attractive females and cease to compare them to your ex is how I knew I was ready.

[BewitchedandBothered]

When you go through a tough break up, you feel like ****. Then you go off and jump in bed with the first girl that gives you attention and you realize she is not better than your last because you still pining over your ex, you feel like **** again...Lose Lose right there.

 

Just give it some time. You'll know when your ready. When you start going out and noticing all these attractive females and cease to compare them to your ex is how I knew I was ready.

 

I wonder if my ex will his call his new g/f by my name, like he called me by his ex wife's name many times...