Double standards

[DantaX]

I once had an argument with a partner in relation to double standards. I just read the man slut post and it's riled me up again.

The argument began when something he had done in the past came up into conversation. Having had two girls go down on him. This particular partner had what I considered a colorful past yet it didn't bother me too much everyone's entitled to a history and he was a committed abd faithful partner. No need to complain right? Until he said "if you had over ever done anything like that I wouldn't be with you" I erupted like MT Vesuvius.

He argued that a woman should not be shared, and neither should a male although they should be given a small amount of leniency for once or twice. He also couldn't deal with the thought of the mother of his future children having done those things. Women should respect their bodies more so. I argued that he should be able to hack a partner who had done the same things and could only afford to be picky on the things he himself had refrained on. People change regardless of bull they did years ago in youth. It was a hypothetical argument as my past was vanilla in comparison.

What are people's thoughts and opinions? This still pisses me off majorly when I'm reminded.

 

Thanks!

[Discjockey80]

I hear you.

 

I am a guy but I have an interesting similar story with regard to something my fomer long-time girlfriend was actually doing and how she handled it.

 

When I was 19-20 I was dating a girl, both of us young and the same age, coming into our own in new adulthood.

 

WHile dating she began hanging out with a couple of 4-5 year older guyfriends and eventually they were taking her out places and she was hanging out with them at events, never asking or allowing me to come along, except for rare ocassions. I even began to see physical signs of cheating.

 

The night we had the big argument she in so many words told me that it was okay if she partied and hung around those guys, slept at their houses, let them grope her, but not okay for me to do the same things.

 

That was the end, and I broke it off. Much to her dismay. LOL!

 

So, as a guy, I know how it goes. And it goes both ways. Regardless of what people think or say.

[loversquarrel]

In this day and age there is no place for double standards like that. It's one thing to want to be with someone who shares the same values, but to tell them they basically aren't good enough for doing the same things they did is b.s.. It shows a degree of arrogance and immaturity. What an *******, I don't blame you for getting pissed.

[salparadise]

He also couldn't deal with the thought of the mother of his future children having done those things.

 

It's the madonna-whore complex. Google it if you're not familiar with the concept. There's a long history throughout most if not all societies of this 'double standard' being the norm rather than the exception––and not just societies, but species. Evolution has molded this predisposition a biological trait because it's what works... to give a man's genes the best odds of being duplicated and growing to maturity in a new generation. Think about the Muslims and their burkas. Or Hasidic Jewish women who wear wigs so their natural hair is never seen, and they are never to touch a man other than their husband (they don't shake hands) and men nor women are ever to be in a room with anyone of the opposite sex with the door closed. These are all sociological means of protecting the virtue of females. The reason is to eliminate the possibility of a man unknowingly spending his life and resources nurturing someone else's genes, which is counterproductive from an evolutionary perspective. On the other hand, a highly effective tactic for a man to get more of his genes into the next generation would be to protect his female's virtue while at the same time getting some other families to unknowingly nurture some of his genes, since a female is limited as to the number of offspring she can produce and a man is not.

[silvermercy]

Regardless of the pseudo-sociological/biological/evolutionary mambo jumbo mentioned in this thread, I must say this: "the NERVE of him". If I were you I'd have packed my bags already as I would have found such an atrocious thing a symptom of great character flaw, regardless if he's faithful and sweet and all that jazz now.

[drifter777]

The "double standard" issue is more complicated than appears. It's true that if a man has 50 lovers he is a stud and if a women has half that many she is a slut. This is at least partly due to the assumption men have that women ALWAYS lie about the number of sex partners they have had, as well as any kinky things they have done like 3-somes and/or girl-girl stuff. Since guys believe they lie, anything they admit to is thought to be the tip of the iceberg. If your girlfriend says she has had 12 men the real number is probably 30. If she says she has been involved in a 3-way then she's likely been the star attraction in a few MMF's or out and out gang bangs. This is simply how most guys think, true or not.

 

Another complication is the fact that women can have sex pretty much any time they want. All she has to do is go out to a bar or a party and then simply not say no to one of the many guys that hit on her. For a woman, there is no concept of "conquest". But when a man is able to charm a women into bed it is seen as an accomplishment. The more women he is able to conquer the stronger his pride and self-esteem. He is admired and envied by other men. Since it is no real trick for a women to go out and get laid, a promiscuous women is often feared and hated by other women and thought of as a whore by men.

 

These are not just my opinions, but the opinions of many psychologists and sociologists. Google the subject and read.

 

What it all means is that perceptions and attitudes toward sex is radically different between men and women. We would all agree with this statement, yet when we observe these differences we say WFT? I think we all need to simply get real about this.

[salparadise]

Regardless of the pseudo-sociological/biological/evolutionary mambo jumbo mentioned in this thread, I must say this: "the NERVE of him". If I were you I'd have packed my bags already as I would have found such an atrocious thing a symptom of great character flaw, regardless if he's faithful and sweet and all that jazz now.

 

Pseudo sociological/biological/evolutionary mambo jumbo, eh? For Charles' sake have mercy on us guys, Silvermercy! We're just trying to help you protect those precious eggs while spreadin' a bit of bulk fertilizer! If it wasn't so damn effective we wouldn't be wired that way.

 

I'm dating a smart, liberal minded woman now who is willing to engage in the theoretical mambo jumbo as much as I want, and to acknowledge what is with regard to biological predispositions. Problem is, as a man with an overdeveloped superego, when we get into it I sometimes end up learning a bit more than I'm comfortable with, so I'm finding it wise to be careful what I wish for, and what topics I broach for open discussion... we're all just human, doing the best we can with what we're given, and living with the history we've created for ourselves. It's who we are now, and how we relate, that counts. It would be awfully short sighted of me or anyone to kick a lovely person to the curb because they merely entertain thoughts a little different from our own.

 

Didn't you mean mumbo jumbo?

[kaylan]

Its got more to do with selfish attitudes than biological wiring. If current times have taught us anything, its that plenty of women out there have the same sexual desires as guys do. Personally Id take no issue with a girl whos done the same things I have done. I am no hypocrite. Also, since stds are so prevalent nowadays, a slutty man or woman is gross imo. The guys I know who bed a lot of females, have gross standards and dont get props from the ladies or his boys.

Edited February 4, 2012 by kaylan

[Untouchable_Fire]

What are people's thoughts and opinions? This still pisses me off majorly when I'm reminded.

Thanks!

 

There are tons of double standards out there that we all have to live with.

 

Sure him saying that sounds hypocritical at first... but consider all of the things you expect from him simply because he is a man. This is just something he expects in return because you are female.