underpants Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 Hello, and thank you for any advice. There is a person in my peripheral life. Who was/is/on and off having an affair with a married guy with a baby on the way, probably born by now. I don't care. We were never 'friends', but she is manipulative, and uses my friend to hook her way into an event. She has never been invited to my home but comes in on friends of friends then invites others as her guests to a party she was never invited to. Then ignores her children. Whom are dropped off for the day. The issue is she shows up entitled to a once a year event at my house with her children whom she then leaves. Her kids are bullies to other children (stick hitting, dull knife handling, pushing, hogging toys, etc...) and supervision seems amiss. I'm not running a daycare and all the other parents know this. Is it okay to say no you can't come. How do I do that tactfully? Link to post Share on other sites
Author underpants Posted January 27, 2012 Author Share Posted January 27, 2012 It is a tough spot. Isn't it. I have no problems cutting it off, but I wanted to ask parents if there was a better way, that perhaps I have not thought of. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 I'd have no problem being straight with her! You are welcome to join in - but please don't bring your kids if you plan to leave - or leave them unattended. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 Hello, and thank you for any advice. There is a person in my peripheral life. Who was/is/on and off having an affair with a married guy with a baby on the way, probably born by now. I don't care. We were never 'friends', but she is manipulative, and uses my friend to hook her way into an event. She has never been invited to my home but comes in on friends of friends then invites others as her guests to a party she was never invited to. Then ignores her children. Whom are dropped off for the day. The issue is she shows up entitled to a once a year event at my house with her children whom she then leaves. Her kids are bullies to other children (stick hitting, dull knife handling, pushing, hogging toys, etc...) and supervision seems amiss. I'm not running a daycare and all the other parents know this. Is it okay to say no you can't come. How do I do that tactfully? I have a lot of parties and have no problem being straight up if I don't like something and can't even remember the last party I even had to say anything to. One thing that people may not take notice to or think about...injuries and insurance. Ok she leaves her kids there and what if they get hurt? As far as I know, unless you are the parent, you or anyone at your party would not be able to make any medical decisions if it was a need. One party that I had many years ago, I invited the whole neighborhood, then realised that one of the neighbors was sue happy...I was nervous the whole time she was there. Anyway, I think these are valid points to take into consideration...it's your house and at parties people usually get buzzed, right? I can't imagine her not wanting to be there with them in a party atmosphere. I think it is amazing that you have to say anything at all, but I would. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 I have no problem putting a stop to her attending either. you seem to want to handle things peacefully, sometimes that can't happen. I in the wild world I live in would post a sign at all entrances, that any children left unattended would be dropped of at child protective services. Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 She is being rude and offensive in dropping her kids off on you. I don't think I would worry too much about being tactful at all. She has no right to leave them in your care anyway. If she is only a distant social connection then don't hesitate to sever it. I had an acquaintance a long time ago who started to dump her kids on me. One day I tried to phone her at home to come and pick them up as they were wrecking my house. Her husband answered the phone and he thought she was with me. Anyway he began to put two and two together and she was meeting her AP while I was child minding. That definitely stopped her from dumping her kids. So just be very direct but polite and say she is not welcome to leave the kids unattended. Cheers, GG Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 How do I do that tactfully? You can't. You say what you have to and mean it. Also you have to let this issue be known. Your friends might be unaware that you feel this way. Stop worrying about other peoples feelings because they are not worried about yours. Tell all of your friends..... "I don't like _______ and I would appreciate you guys not inviting her into my home again. If any of you try to invite her into my home I will be asking you to leave." Don't ever mince your words in life. Say what you have to. *If her bad ass kids get hurt on your property you better make sure that your insurance is up to date* Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 You can't. You say what you have to and mean it. Also you have to let this issue be known. Your friends might be unaware that you feel this way. Stop worrying about other peoples feelings because they are not worried about yours. Tell all of your friends..... "I don't like _______ and I would appreciate you guys not inviting her into my home again. If any of you try to invite her into my home I will be asking you to leave." Don't ever mince your words in life. Say what you have to. *If her bad ass kids get hurt on your property you better make sure that your insurance is up to date* I like the way you think.... really how many people in your life actually CARE about the way you feel? I reckon very few. So if we don't say what we have to, we end up doing things we don't want to do and for what.... other people who don't give a flying f....? GG Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 You can't. You say what you have to and mean it. Also you have to let this issue be known. Your friends might be unaware that you feel this way. Stop worrying about other peoples feelings because they are not worried about yours. Tell all of your friends..... "I don't like _______ and I would appreciate you guys not inviting her into my home again. If any of you try to invite her into my home I will be asking you to leave." Don't ever mince your words in life. Say what you have to. *If her bad ass kids get hurt on your property you better make sure that your insurance is up to date* PERFECTLY STATED Emme!!!!!!!!! Underpants....you are enabling this person to treat you disrespectful!! Put a stop to it now! You will feel so much after! Believe me I know! Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 I make out the guest lists for my parties. If there's a situation a plus 1 might be unknown to me I find out who it is. My friends know if I don't want someone there then I'll say it and I'll mean it. I don't let friends just bring random other friends along. I'd be having a word with the friends that show up with her in tow and reassess if they're really your friends. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 What reason would anyone have - to leave without their kids? It can't be anything on the up and up! If so, she'd hire a babysitter! So she uses you as her babysitter without asking... I wouldn't tolerate it and neither should you. If she shows up - hand her a bill for babysitting last time. 10.00 an hour is the going rate here. Then tell if she does it again without your permission - the authorities will be notified. She's not practicing good parenting - she's mooching off you. Stop allowing her to do that! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 (edited) Is it okay to say no you can't come. How do I do that tactfully? It's absolutely ok to say she can't come. It's your home and her irresponsibility and tactlessness is unacceptable, OW or not. I know God-fearing, "good Christian" people who are just ask tactless and they are not invited to my home by myself nor by extended invitation if they behave this way. A tactful way may be to say this is a party where children are not allowed. I wonder if you asked this question outside of this forum and if the responses were any different? Edited January 28, 2012 by White Flower Link to post Share on other sites
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