"GREAT BIRTHDAY- ditched by boyfriend" opinions needed!

[meagara]

Yesterday was my birthday which was great cause I got to share it with my family.The only part I was extremely upset about was my bf only stayed for a max of 2 hours. He was supposed to be done work at 6:30 and then he only shows up at 7:30, he missed supper and the cake, then tells me he has to bring his mother to a local bar and will be right back(was only with me for like 15 min before he left), he gets home his mother doesn't need him to drive her, but he still didn't come back, I didn't ask why he didn't come back right away or what he was doing during the time . Doesn't show up until 9:00, he only lives 5 minutes from my house. We go watch t.v. then he tells me he has to leave at 10:00 cause he is going have coffee with his friend? I am extremely upset, but do I have a right to be upset at him.

 

Oh, and for a present, it was really nice of him he got me a card which was really nice and a five dollar gift certificate to our local video store for I quote "a romatic evening!". But he is supposed to bring me out for supper on Saturday, then a movie on Sunday. Cause he spent all his money on Collectable Toys or MINIATURES this week.

 

I have a feeling he is going to take me to eat at the same place we always go to eat on not special occasions. I am most mad cause of the gift or anything, the thing I am mad about is he told me he had a hard day at work and was really tired, but then he ends up going to have coffee with his friend at 10:30 leaving me at home by myself. Then he stays out till 3 in the morning. Sounds like he was really tired I am god damn hurt and I don't know how I feel right now. Just hurt and sick. Do I have a right to be mad?

[dudesomewhere]

uh, yeah you have a right to be mad. You should always look at things like "oh I'm tired but I'll go spend 8 hours out some where else instead of with you." crap like that is too annoying and in my mind, grounds to end things. Which you should btw imo

[meagara]

I know I should be mad, but I have been with this guy for like 2 years, and this is his first relationship. If this had been some cheesy guy I have been dating for a while I definately would, but I love my bf, and he is a great guy. I just don't know what to say to him. I know he will give me some lame ass excuse. The guy he was meeting happens to be one of my friends also, they get together all the time for coffee at Tim Hortons to discuss D&D, my bf is a big player. He supposedly want to come up with his own book for D&D.

I did make him feel bad about it last night, then told him that it was okay which it really wasn't, but I thought guys should just know, Hey I'll spend the night with my girl! Especially on her birthday. I don't want seem as thought I am trying to control him, and saying he can't go out on my birthday. I thought my man was one of the smart ones, but I guess obviously not. I guess I might have to return him back to the store and get a new and improved model .

[Leikela]

Yeah, behaving that way on your birthday is pretty crappy. He got you a $5 gift certificate to the video store? How long have you guys been together? It's obviously he's only putting minimal effort, AT BEST, into your relationship. For example, last year on my birthday my boyfriend and I were together 3 months. He baked me a cake, took me out for dinner, bought me tickets to my favorite baseball team, and bought me a mod for my car that I wanted. This year (my birthday is this Friday) he's putting in money towards my CAI for my car, got me first row seats to the baseball game, is putting my name on display on the board at the Stadium, is taking me away next weekend to Baltimore to see a baseball game down there. I am sure he'll make me a cake and take me out to dinner again too.

 

The point of me telling you all of this is that birthday's are that person's DAY! The only day of the year where you get pampered and made a fuss over. He should be putting a lot more effort into making that day special because he WANTS to. It sounds like he did those little things for you out of obligation. The fact that he left you alone and went out with a friend is just a dick move. Yeah, I'd be a little upset about things!

[meagara]

Well he is taking me to see the new Harry Potter Movie, and taking me to dinner this weekend, but then it won't be my birthday. It'll be just like any other weekend. Last year for my birthday he paid off the rest of my bed, and the first one he got me a tattoo, but that is because he ****ed up royally, he cheated yes he did, so he sucked up. I didn't even get flowers for Valentines Day. He so needs to take Romance 101. Talk about making me feel special. . I guess when I went fishing I shouldn't have been fishing in a puddle!

 

Oh, and if I don't get to write on Friday, Happy Birthday!!

[Leikela]

Originally posted by meagara

Well he is taking me to see the new Harry Potter Movie, and taking me to dinner this weekend, but then it won't be my birthday. It'll be just like any other weekend. Last year for my birthday he paid off the rest of my bed, and the first one he got me a tattoo, but that is because he ****ed up royally, he cheated yes he did, so he sucked up. I didn't even get flowers for Valentines Day. He so needs to take Romance 101. Talk about making me feel special. . I guess when I went fishing I shouldn't have been fishing in a puddle!

 

Oh, and if I don't get to write on Friday, Happy Birthday!!

 

Maybe he's just not the type of guy to go all out for the woman he loves? Do you like receiving that kind of attention, ie- getting flowers, random cards, etc...? If so, then express the way you feel. I LOVE getting flowers and having my boyfriend leave little love notes around for me. I just love it! If he didn't do it, I'd be upset and make my unhapiness known. Of course, I do the same for him. I make him music mixes, leave him love notes, buy him a gift "just because", etc... It goes both ways and maybe you're doing those things for him anyway.

 

Whatever the case, if you're not happy in that aspect then try to fix it. Oh yeah, and couldn't he have had coffee and talked D&D the next day? Don't you think that could have waited a day since it was your birthday? How old are you guys? Fairly young? He sounds a little immature and maybe that's all it is. I hope so in your case. You seem like a really sweet girl and only deserve the best!

 

PS-- Happy Belated Birthday to you!

[FreeMe]

You've been together two years? I think that is a embarrassingly lame birthday gift. It's so impersonal, first of all. And second of course, he put no effort in at all and didn't even hang out with you.

 

I would be pissed, but I am a big whimp and wouldn't know what to say to him or how to let him know that was unacceptable. Maybe someone on here has some advice on how you can talk to him about that.

[Pyrannaste]

I'd be *very* upset too. What a jerk!

 

But yet..... I suggest to wait at least a few days and try not to tell him anything until next week.

Just in case he has some big surprise in store for you.

 

Perhaps I am too optimistic but a few guys are like that..... they ignore you and possibly act like they don't give a damn on your birthday and then a few days later they are popping up some beautiful present or some big surprise.

 

try to wait.....just in case. Even if it's only a very lame possibility.

 

If he just didn't understand that it is extremely important for you to have his attention on your birthday, absolutely try to explain it to him.

Hopefully he'll realize he hurt you.

 

Is his own birthday a great deal to him? I know some people that do not give importance to their SO's birthday because they don't even notice their own, so abirthday is just an average day to them.

[meagara]

I write him notes and e-mails telling him how much I love him. But I never get any in return, so I stopped. I don`t think he has ever written me a note. Which is kinda sad, I guess I will have to talk to him about how it made me feel, I bet any money he is going to get upset with me.

 

I do believe he could have waited till the next day but it is a little late to tell him that now. I wouldn`t do anything like that to him ever.

 

I like to be fussed over sometimes, but not overly. Even a note once a month would be great.

 

We are fairly young, I just turned 20 yesterday, and he is 24. He is immature in my opinion in some aspects, but tries to act mature on others.

 

And thank you for the wish.

[FreeMe]

Funny how some of these guys get all pissed off when they're the ones who did something wrong. I know how you feel. Anytime I express what my needs are or if I don't like something he's done, somehow I end up feeling like the bad guy.

 

Try not to be emotional or accusatory, but stand your ground. He should have put in a little more effort.

[disguy]

Well my girl and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years now. Maybe just maybe your relationship is becoming routine. What i mean is that it is boring and you guys just need to spice things up a bit. (i.e. Spend more time together not doing the same things that you normally do, try new things, do things that you both like to do.) Get the picture? I came to conclusion in my relationship, that it was feeling old and boring, so i took the liberty to start doing other things. Rather then stay home and watch movies like we usually do. I took her fishing with me and we enjoyed the sunny, blue, skies in the outdoors. Maybe that's all you need to do. I dunno it worked of me. The more and more i got into this relationship i started to realize that the little things count. Maybe you could get him to read a book that he wouldn't normally read. A good book that i would recommend is "Shade of the Maple" by Kirk Martin. That book just made me realize how short life is and how dedicated the main character was to his love. Things like that help spruce up your life or at least inspire you to be more loving. I too used to be an avid D&D player a long long time ago. I got into playing EverQuest (an RPG game that is somewhat like D&D). So i have dabbed in a little here and there. Most guys aren't all that romantic. Or at least the ones that i know and have meant through the years.

 

And as for being mad, yeah you have every right to be mad at him. That shoulda been your day. But like i said above. Maybe things are just becoming routine.

 

Hope this post helps.

[Pyrannaste]

I forgot to add.....

 

Cause he spent all his money on Collectable Toys or MINIATURES this week.

 

.....it happened the same thing to me once.

Once I spent all my money on miniatures and Magic cards, when my best friend's birthday was coming up. Miniatures can be pretty addictive.

But at least I had the good sense NOT to mention how I spent that money and to come up with a very nice present a couple of weeks later.

I hope your bf will do the same. It's the minimum he can do. If he does(only if he does!), try not to get too angry for the miniatures thing. To some people they are like drugs!

It was very stupid and tactless of him to give you the idea that his miniatures were more important than your birthday.

[meagara]

I don`t get upset with the miniatures, it is just that he spends all his money right away on D&D book and alot of hobby games. He just isn`t into D&D. I know our relationship is getting boring. All he ever want to do is sit and watch t.v. I don`t like to do that . That is how I gained weight last summer. He has an excuse for everything I suggest we do.

 

Like play golf, he says "I used to play golf when I was drinking, and I was always drunk when I played, I would have to learn how to play all over again, and I don't think I will be comfortable just yet" those are all his excuses all the time. I can't do it because I used to do it when I was drunk and I don't want to think of that. I never told him he had to quite drinking. He only did because he messed up. His decision not mine.

 

I couldn't even play cards with him because it was the same excuse. The only reason he took me bowling was because the woman at his work wanted him to join the team. He had to take me first so I wouldn't complain that he is doing something he supposedly doesn't know how to do with the woman at his work.

 

There is always an excuse. I used to be spure of the moment type of gal, now I have to make plans. I once asked him if we could go to the city rent a room and just relax, like just pick up one weekend and go (the city is a 10 min drive). He said that we do spur of the moment things, Like when I go to Captain America (hobby store) to pick some stuff up. In the two years we have been together, he has not taken me to the city for us or me. It is always about him!

 

Talk about being selfish, and un-imaginative.

[disguy]

sounds like you need to start taking control. To make a relationship work you both have to meet at the middle and from what you've posted that it was all about him, make it about "us". Sometimes men can be really stubborn (i should know because i am one ) Sometimes you just gotta help motivate him. Seems to me that he is really getting lazy in your relationship. That he bores easily. All i gotta say is that you really need to put effort into SPICING things up.

[disguy]

One more thing that i forgot to add is that you stated that he has cheated on you. Another possibility is that he might feel that he can treat you, the way he treats you, because he knows that you will always take him back. Cheating is something that is very hard to get over. And for you to take him back for that might be telling him that if she will take me back for cheating then not doing anything with her especially on her birthday then there's no need to even try. Seems like he only will butter up to you when he knows that he has to. Those are some things that you might wanna take into consideration.