Fear Of Affairs And The Other Side

[pureinheart]

To the BS: Do/Did you fear the OM/OW in any way? Is/Was this individual a threat to you or the relationship that your WS is/was engaged in?

 

To the OM/OW: Do/Did you fear the BS in any way? Is/Was this individual a threat to you or the relationship that you and your AP is/was engaged in?

[pureinheart]

To the BS: Do/Did you fear the OM/OW in any way? Is/Was this individual a threat to you or the relationship that your WS is/was engaged in?

 

To the OM/OW: Do/Did you fear the BS in any way? Is/Was this individual a threat to you or the relationship that you and your AP is/was engaged in?

 

First question: Yes, one time. Even though most of my ex's had EMA's, the one that was the biggest threat to me was the last one. He was addicted to porn, strip clubs and prostitution. This freaked me out. I didn't understand what was going on upon discovery, nor how to handle it.

 

I obsessed on it for over a year, studying and researching. He couldn't stop so I left the marriage.

 

Second Question: Mine was an unusual situation because of the drama involved. In my area affairs aren't uncommon and most just move on. I was "cautious" of all of them (exAP, aka exDM and family) because they are a major drama based people and feed on drama.

[Gentlegirl]

No PIH,I never ever felt afraid as the OW.

 

The W never found out really what happened. There was no way in which she could connect me and xMM together as we live so far apart and have absolutely no friends or family in common.

 

If she had found out my identity, I would have told her everything she asked. I am sure for this reason he never told her. He was the one who was afraid of her. He was **** scared she would kick him out and tell everybody in his very small community.

 

GG

[desertmoon]

To the BS: Do/Did you fear the OM/OW in any way? Is/Was this individual a threat to you or the relationship that your WS is/was engaged in

 

I only worried that the OW would get so ticked off with my H(now x) that she would do something to harm his career.

 

To the OM/OW: Do/Did you fear the BS in any way? Is/Was this individual a threat to you or the relationship that you and your AP is/was engaged in?

 

No, xMM (now my fiance ) had his wife (now xW) in check.

[frozensprouts]

My husband's "other woman" most definitely was a threat to me and my children... she was mentally unbalanced( and still is)

 

I had tried to me nice to her when their relationship ended, I sent her an email telling her that I didn't hate her, that she deserved to be happy but that maybe seeing married guys as her preferred type of relationship might not be the best way to make that happen ( she was, and still is, a "serial other woman"). I wished her well, but also asked her to leave us alone. I was angry, but also thought that she was hurt too, and I didn't see any reason to exacerbate that. i hoped that by being kind and nice, maybe it would help her to be a happier person, as well as it may help her to see me as a "person" who she wouldn't want to have any part in hurting.

 

I think I should have just left well enough alone, because after that I got an email telling me how wonderful and "high class"(?) I was for being so nice, and that she wanted me to call her so we could be "friends"...that was weird, and I didn't do it.

 

Then the emails, calls, etc. started, there were lots and lots of them, telling me I was everything from the most wonderful person to ones telling me i was the biggest ( expletive deleted) around. She'd send them from different web based email accounts so I wouldn't know who they were from( I wouldn't answer the phone if it was her number). I never responded to her emails, and then she started sending me ones saying she was going to hurt herself (or worse) and it was my fault. (I did deal with that issue as best i could and tried my best to get her help, as i didn't know if she was serious or not). Then she started sitting in her car across from my house when she knew i was at home with my kids and my husband was at work. She'd just sit there and stare at us if we were out in our yard. That was kind of unnerving.

 

My husband had to go away for work for a few months, and while he was away, i was out shopping with my kids. She came up to us and asked them how they liked their daddy being gone and walked away. Needless to say , this upset them and they were crying. I never understood how she could take her anger and hurt out on three little children like that.It seemed so cruel.

Then a few weeks later, she sent my husband an email to "anonymously" tell him i was cheating on him. That was really hard to deal with, as he was deployed to a war zone and we couldn't be in touch very often. He was really upset, and I ended up having to go to his officers and let them know about it ( I didn't tell them the full story though). Because she;d sent them email from work on their WAN, they were able to trace it back to her account and she was reprimanded ( not sure what else came of it, as that's all I was told)

 

When my husband got back , he went to his chain of command and told them what had happened ( about the affair and her subsequent actions...he took responsibility for his role in things)and they "unofficially" looked into it, and she was encouraged to get some mental health help. they worked together at the time, and did for a couple of years after.I know from several people who also worked with them but don't know about their affair that she has been involved in several other affairs since then, and also that she has been frequently absent for reasons related to "mental health"

 

Turns out she'd had mental health issues for quite some time, and this wasn't unusual behavior for her. the frustrating thing is that she didn't stop her behavior, and I finally had to get some legal help ( as well as some other help I won't go into here, as it's confidential)

 

I never understood why she seemed to fixate on me and not my husband. None of the calls, emails, "stalking behavior " ( for lack of a better term) was directed at him, just me and to me, that makes no sense.

 

I don't hate her, but I hate her behavior. I do feel sorry for her, as if she has a mental illness, this really isn't her fault.

 

One thing I would advise betrayed spouses, other men/women and even wayward spouses is that if someone's behavior seems to go beyond "normal hurt" behavior when an affair ends, get some outside help ( legal, if possible). Not only to protect yourself, but also for them. I don't think this type of behavior occurs very often, but when it does, the person doing so may not even fully realize what they are doing, and may be hurting a lot...maybe they need a "push" to realize things are out of control and they need help.

In the end, yu are not only helping yourself, but them as well.

[18Years2Late]

Hmmmm...I don't think BS "scares" me...but I'm certainlly "guarded" and I look over my shoulder more than I care to admit...if xMM and BS didn't live 1500 miles away from me...I'd have a full-time body guard and I'd be calling FrozenSprout's legal team...we have the same issue only in reverse...I'm the fOW with crazy (mental) BS and she's is BS with crazy fOW...Yikes...just thinking about what it would be like to live in same city as BS does scare me actually...that would be a nightmare...

 

I totally understand that A's make most of us "crazy"...and I totally expect a period of questionable coping...but even if the period of coping is a long time...years...I should still see some "positive" progress...not the same shyte different day...constant state of suspended animation...spinning in circles...that I see from the BS in my sitch...that said...I'm sure most of it is xMM's fault...he's obviously not doing what he needs to do to help her in her recovery...so I'm the fall gal...

[carhill]

IME, analyzing the dynamic retrospectively, the same gaslighting which impelled me to hate the BH impelled the BH to hate me. In the case of my primary example, the BH actually came to physical violence with the 'other' other man the MW was actually fµcking. I only received threats because of lack of dickinsider.

 

I had no fear of the BH. I had a hole dug for him in the back 40 if he happened to stop by. The stupidity of youth.

[frozensprouts]

Hmmmm...I don't think BS "scares" me...but I'm certainlly "guarded" and I look over my shoulder more than I care to admit...if xMM and BS didn't live 1500 miles away from me...I'd have a full-time body guard and I'd be calling FrozenSprout's legal team...we have the same issue only in reverse...I'm the fOW with crazy (mental) BS and she's is BS with crazy fOW...Yikes...just thinking about what it would be like to live in same city as BS does scare me actually...that would be a nightmare...

 

I totally understand that A's make most of us "crazy"...and I totally expect a period of questionable coping...but even if the period of coping is a long time...years...I should still see some "positive" progress...not the same shyte different day...constant state of suspended animation...spinning in circles...that I see from the BS in my sitch...that said...I'm sure most of it is xMM's fault...he's obviously not doing what he needs to do to help her in her recovery...so I'm the fall gal...

 

 

actually, she lives just up the street from me... I wish she lived much further away

 

Is it possible that the lady you have been having all this trouble with may have been in a fragile mental state before the affair and finding out about it kind of pushed her over the edge? If so, there's probably little to nothing you could say/do that would change her behavior...it almost sounds as if she is stuck in some kind of 'feed back loop" that she can't break out of. Is her husband aware of her behavior, and, if so, has he done anything to try and get her some help to stop it? As long as she is stuck in this "loop", she probably will keep hurting...you'd think he would want to help her get out from the pain he created, instead of allowing her ( and you) to keep paying for his mistake.

 

it's too bad for both of you ( you and her) that she has gotten like this. It's not good for you, and it's not good for her either.

 

Do you find that her behavior is keeping you from moving forward, or have you been able to start feeling better?

[pureinheart]

Wow, FS, I had read a portion of what happened to you and your family in another section of LS and was horrified. IMO unless a person goes through what you did or similar, it is difficult to understand.

 

Why she fixated on you is a mystery, why she abused you and your kids is just disturbing. I am so very sorry FS. I hope that you and your family are well and safe now...there are just no words, you know? ((((((hugs))))))

[pureinheart]

Hmmmm...I don't think BS "scares" me...but I'm certainlly "guarded" and I look over my shoulder more than I care to admit...if xMM and BS didn't live 1500 miles away from me...I'd have a full-time body guard and I'd be calling FrozenSprout's legal team...we have the same issue only in reverse...I'm the fOW with crazy (mental) BS and she's is BS with crazy fOW...Yikes...just thinking about what it would be like to live in same city as BS does scare me actually...that would be a nightmare...

 

I totally understand that A's make most of us "crazy"...and I totally expect a period of questionable coping...but even if the period of coping is a long time...years...I should still see some "positive" progress...not the same shyte different day...constant state of suspended animation...spinning in circles...that I see from the BS in my sitch...that said...I'm sure most of it is xMM's fault...he's obviously not doing what he needs to do to help her in her recovery...so I'm the fall gal...

 

18years2late, my was like your, in the reverse...I had a whole family of them.

 

In my case they both were WS's and BS's, meaning they cheated on each other a lot. I guess it turned into a game and a dynamic in their "marriage". When I didn't play, I ruined the game for them, so retaliation became the new game. LOL, I did play that game though;)

[18Years2Late]

actually, she lives just up the street from me... I wish she lived much further away

 

Wow...that's way too close...my 1st thought was why in the world have an A with someone who's W/H is within ear shot?...but I've never been a person (or so I thought) that would have an affair near or far...I wonder if I felt "safe" in some strange way (like no worry of fallout from dday) since they were so far away???...hmmmm...how wrong was I?...never again...but that's just brazen IMO to do it with someone on the same street??...crazy world...

 

Is it possible that the lady you have been having all this trouble with may have been in a fragile mental state before the affair and finding out about it kind of pushed her over the edge?

 

I don't know her at all...never met F2F...all I know is her actions since dday and what she's said to me...and also from conversations with xMM about how they met, dated, quick M (she asked him)...I've deduced that she is extremely insecure, possessive, and jealous...Why xMM didn't have red flags slapping him on the face and knocking him down before M I don't know...the really strange thing is...her 1st M ended as a result of infidelity...HERS...she cheated...her xH packed her shyte and kept custody of their kid...so yeah...there's some issues in her head prior to me I'm sure...

 

If so, there's probably little to nothing you could say/do that would change her behavior...it almost sounds as if she is stuck in some kind of 'feed back loop" that she can't break out of. Is her husband aware of her behavior, and, if so, has he done anything to try and get her some help to stop it? As long as she is stuck in this "loop", she probably will keep hurting...you'd think he would want to help her get out from the pain he created, instead of allowing her ( and you) to keep paying for his mistake.

 

yeah u would think so huh?...if he had a heart...I'm fairly sure he was aware and tried to intervene but unless he held her hand and stood next to her side and never went to sleep for 24 hrs a day...he couldn't stop all...she's like a kid...waits for him to shower or nap and then she gets in trouble...this is a 51 yr old woman too we're talking about...

 

it's too bad for both of you ( you and her) that she has gotten like this. It's not good for you, and it's not good for her either.

 

Do you find that her behavior is keeping you from moving forward, or have you been able to start feeling better?

 

Well...I posted what happened recently on some other thread...long story short...I stopped responding to her at all for the last 1-1/2 months...because it was keeping both of us from moving forward and I had to b the mature adult...SO...to her 18years not talking to me = xMM must be talking to 18years...so she Internet stalks me...tries to change my Facebook password...AND finds my "real" email address and writes me on it using xMM's email...so I got REALLY pissed, wrote her back a very ugly cease and decist email...and xMM wrote back with a very short but very self-serving "I'm sorry she did that" email...so yes...not good for me...dammed if I do and dammed if I don't...I had been feeling much better...but hearing from him for any reason at all really throws a wrench in things...Didn't knock me back to day one, but close...I'm strong enough to ignore her...I'm not yet strong enough to ignore him...luckily he doesn't try...

 

Sorry for the TJ...

[18Years2Late]

18years2late, my was like your, in the reverse...I had a whole family of them.

 

In my case they both were WS's and BS's, meaning they cheated on each other a lot. I guess it turned into a game and a dynamic in their "marriage". When I didn't play, I ruined the game for them, so retaliation became the new game. LOL, I did play that game though;)

 

Wow...doesn't sound like a fun game...I need to go read your backstory...

 

I don't think A's are a "dynamic" in xMM's M...although BS told me she had a revenge A but I don't believe her...I do think DRAMA, DRAMA,AND MORE DRAMA is the gold standard in that household though...both drama whores...I still think xMM got caught on purpose...no one is as stupid and neglectful as he was...I haven't forgiven him for that...

[pureinheart]

IME, analyzing the dynamic retrospectively, the same gaslighting which impelled me to hate the BH impelled the BH to hate me. In the case of my primary example, the BH actually came to physical violence with the 'other' other man the MW was actually fµcking. I only received threats because of lack of dickinsider.

 

I had no fear of the BH. I had a hole dug for him in the back 40 if he happened to stop by. The stupidity of youth.

 

CH, not to make light of a bad situation, although your post was funny. I had an EA also with exDM, and that is how i was able to conclude their reaction to me after all was said and done...I had been in NC with him for several months also, and she had known about me all along because that was part of the game, throwing the EMA's in the others face.

 

Ya, I had the 40 thing prepped also;)

[pureinheart]

Wow...doesn't sound like a fun game...I need to go read your backstory...

 

I don't think A's are a "dynamic" in xMM's M...although BS told me she had a revenge A but I don't believe her...I do think DRAMA, DRAMA,AND MORE DRAMA is the gold standard in that household though...both drama whores...I still think xMM got caught on purpose...no one is as stupid and neglectful as he was...I haven't forgiven him for that...

 

You know, it wasn't until later that I got the complete story. I had had an idea that the BS was involved in EMA's. They ended up divorcing and as time passed more info kiept surfacing which led me to this conclusion.

 

Ya exDM left up an email that stated me screaming at him, "LEAVE ME ALONE, YOUR MARRIED SO BE MARRIED (or something like that, it's been so long now)"...I had been in NC at that point for several months...so my email signaled "GAME OVER" and that was not appreciated I guess:rolleyes:

[pureinheart]

actually, she lives just up the street from me... I wish she lived much further away

 

Is it possible that the lady you have been having all this trouble with may have been in a fragile mental state before the affair and finding out about it kind of pushed her over the edge? If so, there's probably little to nothing you could say/do that would change her behavior...it almost sounds as if she is stuck in some kind of 'feed back loop" that she can't break out of. Is her husband aware of her behavior, and, if so, has he done anything to try and get her some help to stop it? As long as she is stuck in this "loop", she probably will keep hurting...you'd think he would want to help her get out from the pain he created, instead of allowing her ( and you) to keep paying for his mistake.

 

it's too bad for both of you ( you and her) that she has gotten like this. It's not good for you, and it's not good for her either.

 

Do you find that her behavior is keeping you from moving forward, or have you been able to start feeling better?

 

Personally FS, I think some people are hardwired like this, and I think they know exactly what they are doing.

[skylarblue]

To the OM/OW: Do/Did you fear the BS in any way? Is/Was this individual a threat to you or the relationship that you and your AP is/was engaged in?

 

The only fear I had of the BS was the fear of confrontation. Whenever MM would warn me that something was up, I would really go into panic mode. W had the opportunity to confront me once, but didn’t. I don’t know how/why she didn’t, but I’m extremely grateful that I dodged that bullet.

 

I never felt MM’s W was a threat to me. She made a couple of aggressive comments to H about me, but not something I would’ve taken seriously. I guess if she knew my personal info I might feel uneasy about her. Technically, I can say she was a threat to the R because it partly ended due to problems that arose from him being married to her, but I never thought of it in that manner. If anything I thought of her as an inconvenience.

[SoMovinOn]

I'm not sure what you mean by fear here. I don't recall any feelings of fear as either a BS or OM.

 

I *do* have concerns over how my GF's H would react towards her if he were to find out, but I wouldn't call that a fear.

[pureinheart]

The only fear I had of the BS was the fear of confrontation. Whenever MM would warn me that something was up, I would really go into panic mode. W had the opportunity to confront me once, but didn’t. I don’t know how/why she didn’t, but I’m extremely grateful that I dodged that bullet.

 

I never felt MM’s W was a threat to me. She made a couple of aggressive comments to H about me, but not something I would’ve taken seriously. I guess if she knew my personal info I might feel uneasy about her. Technically, I can say she was a threat to the R because it partly ended due to problems that arose from him being married to her, but I never thought of it in that manner. If anything I thought of her as an inconvenience.

 

Wow, your straight forward posts (which I might add are consistant) make it hard for me to see you afraid of anything!

 

Ya, second bold, based on the strange dynamics of exDM's marriage, even before I was aware of all of them (dynamics) I never took their marriage seriously.

[pureinheart]

I'm not sure what you mean by fear here. I don't recall any feelings of fear as either a BS or OM.

 

I *do* have concerns over how my GF's H would react towards her if he were to find out, but I wouldn't call that a fear.

 

I was not clear about all of the meanings I had for the term "fear"...certainly fear in the aspect as the tone the thread took (which is much better than the original reason, but still a question too). I didn't want to jack ES's thread any further than I already had, so felt the question that another poster had asked was worthy of it's own thread.

 

Expanding on my OP post (#2) which I hoped would illustrate what I was tryng to ask other posters was not the best attempt. I felt threatened by porn, strippers/clubs, and prostitutes to the degree of being obsessed with wanting to understand why they did what they did (H and strippers/prostitutes). I was afraid of what they could do to my marriage. I bunched up every stripper/prostitute in world as my enemy and was wondering if there were any BS's that post here felt that way now or ever about OM/OW, or the reverse OM/OW about BS's.

 

The research I did was quite interesting and the conclusions of which I'm sure some would not agree with, but I am comfortable with my findings. The more information I got (it took about 6 mo), the better I felt. I wondered what was wrong with me and blamed myself for his addiction.

 

SMO- I would not call your concern for your gf's well-being fear either.

 

Just out of curiosity, do you guys have a plan in place, because by what you said here has me concerned...you know, I hope she makes a move soon, as this would have me unnerved continuously.

Edited January 29, 2012 by pureinheart

[East7]

I never feared the BH, not only because it was a long-distance A but I think he was gaslighted even after the A ended. My xMW admited she had lied to him all along and her confession was very partial.

 

The one who freaked out was xMW instead. Her H had asked her my number to call and ask me questions. He never called, but I would have told him the truth even if that would be a disgusting experience

[donnamaybe]

I have, in the past, feared the possibility of an A in a couple of my R's, but that was because of my view of my R partners. I have learned over time that a R shouldn't be some kind of contest but rather a combining of ideas and methods of doing things and discussion of such and a coming to an agreement on issues to the mutual satisfaction of both parties. I don't fear my man will cheat. Not one bit. I am very clear about his expectations in our R and he of mine, and he always deals with things in a very direct manner. If he was unhappy he would discuss why. If we couldn't iron out the problem and it was important enough to him to be a deal breaker, he would simply move on. No PA behavior from this one at all! It isn't that I couldn't be cheated on. He just refuses to live a life that makes him so unhappy that he would resort to such.

[Spark1111]

nah, I don''t fear the OW in my sitch. Why should I? I was the victim in this mess and I believe she has so much more to lose by exposure than I do.

 

I told everyone I love and care about, and if she ever posed a real threat to me or my marriage or my family, I'd have tons of support for whatever action I deemed necessary to keep us safe.

 

There was some minor stalking events after DDAY from her girlfriends and then a new boyfriend (Oh, the drama continues!), but I ignored them. As a former journalist I found all her personal info within 72 hours of DDAY.

 

I still have emails, receipts, gifts, phone logs, should I ever need them, but I won't.

 

Though I believe her to be unstable and highly vindictive in many areas of her life, I thinks she fears me more.

 

I do not worry about it. I confronted her calmly once and she fell apart like a house of cards. If we were ever in the same room, street, company event, or pub, I think she'd run 50 miles an hour to get away from me.

 

Which to everyone who knows me, is pretty damn funny.

[Hazyhead]

My husband's "other woman" most definitely was a threat to me and my children... she was mentally unbalanced( and still is)

 

I had tried to me nice to her when their relationship ended, I sent her an email telling her that I didn't hate her, that she deserved to be happy but that maybe seeing married guys as her preferred type of relationship might not be the best way to make that happen ( she was, and still is, a "serial other woman"). I wished her well, but also asked her to leave us alone. I was angry, but also thought that she was hurt too, and I didn't see any reason to exacerbate that. i hoped that by being kind and nice, maybe it would help her to be a happier person, as well as it may help her to see me as a "person" who she wouldn't want to have any part in hurting.

 

I think I should have just left well enough alone, because after that I got an email telling me how wonderful and "high class"(?) I was for being so nice, and that she wanted me to call her so we could be "friends"...that was weird, and I didn't do it.

 

Then the emails, calls, etc. started, there were lots and lots of them, telling me I was everything from the most wonderful person to ones telling me i was the biggest ( expletive deleted) around. She'd send them from different web based email accounts so I wouldn't know who they were from( I wouldn't answer the phone if it was her number). I never responded to her emails, and then she started sending me ones saying she was going to hurt herself (or worse) and it was my fault. (I did deal with that issue as best i could and tried my best to get her help, as i didn't know if she was serious or not). Then she started sitting in her car across from my house when she knew i was at home with my kids and my husband was at work. She'd just sit there and stare at us if we were out in our yard. That was kind of unnerving.

 

My husband had to go away for work for a few months, and while he was away, i was out shopping with my kids. She came up to us and asked them how they liked their daddy being gone and walked away. Needless to say , this upset them and they were crying. I never understood how she could take her anger and hurt out on three little children like that.It seemed so cruel.

Then a few weeks later, she sent my husband an email to "anonymously" tell him i was cheating on him. That was really hard to deal with, as he was deployed to a war zone and we couldn't be in touch very often. He was really upset, and I ended up having to go to his officers and let them know about it ( I didn't tell them the full story though). Because she;d sent them email from work on their WAN, they were able to trace it back to her account and she was reprimanded ( not sure what else came of it, as that's all I was told)

 

When my husband got back , he went to his chain of command and told them what had happened ( about the affair and her subsequent actions...he took responsibility for his role in things)and they "unofficially" looked into it, and she was encouraged to get some mental health help. they worked together at the time, and did for a couple of years after.I know from several people who also worked with them but don't know about their affair that she has been involved in several other affairs since then, and also that she has been frequently absent for reasons related to "mental health"

 

Turns out she'd had mental health issues for quite some time, and this wasn't unusual behavior for her. the frustrating thing is that she didn't stop her behavior, and I finally had to get some legal help ( as well as some other help I won't go into here, as it's confidential)

 

I never understood why she seemed to fixate on me and not my husband. None of the calls, emails, "stalking behavior " ( for lack of a better term) was directed at him, just me and to me, that makes no sense.

 

I don't hate her, but I hate her behavior. I do feel sorry for her, as if she has a mental illness, this really isn't her fault.

 

One thing I would advise betrayed spouses, other men/women and even wayward spouses is that if someone's behavior seems to go beyond "normal hurt" behavior when an affair ends, get some outside help ( legal, if possible). Not only to protect yourself, but also for them. I don't think this type of behavior occurs very often, but when it does, the person doing so may not even fully realize what they are doing, and may be hurting a lot...maybe they need a "push" to realize things are out of control and they need help.

In the end, yu are not only helping yourself, but them as well.

 

God, FS! You went through some awful business with her! I know it must have had such a damaging effect on you guys at the time, but the problem, ultimately, is hers. She will continue to be this way and whilst you and your H do have pieces left to fix after the A, at least you don't have to deal with her cr@p anymore.

 

Also, you're a better person than I think I would have been!

[Hazyhead]

I remember a time of feeling afraid. Weirdly, it seems so long ago now, longer than it actually is, and I can't remember exactly the details. The gist: after dday I had him threatening that if I responded to her questions 'He would destroy me' (desperate words of a desperate man, for which he has since, long ago apologised. Not that it matters!) and her threatening that if I didn't respond she would come into my place of work (I work in a public place in which scandal would lose me my job) and blast off to everybody what I'd done. I didn't blame her; that's not what I'm saying here, just that I feared her in those moments.

 

I now feel no fear of the truth, however it manifests itself. If we adhere to it, when pushed to the wall, we keep our path as clear as possible.

[OpenBook]

To the OM/OW: Do/Did you fear the BS in any way? Is/Was this individual a threat to you or the relationship that you and your AP is/was engaged in?

 

No, there was no fear or threat. I assumed (from what little he said about his M) that it was on the rocks for them, it was just a matter of time. I didn't know her, and had never met her. Wasn't even living in the same state when the A happened.

 

Later - long after my A with him ended, when I heard they had gotten divorced after he took up with someone else - I felt sympathy for her, that she had had to put up with his bullsh*t all those years.