Boyfriend gained weight, not attracted to him anymore...

[insaneinthebrain]

Is he a competitive eater or something? It's amazing that a man could go from almost perfect to revoltingly fat in 3 short months; not to mention completely turning around all of his eating habits.

 

Anyway, it's time for you to move on towards the man you really deserve.

 

it can happen... lol. i know from experience... .. have been on the other end of this...

 

..All i can say is .... STOP HINTING AND START TALKING....

 

Sometimes the person on the other side of this issue doesn't realize what is happening... doesn't see that they have really let them selves go...

 

Its important to communicate how you feel because it can quickly turn into a nasty spiral .. . and it looks like this spiral has already started... the sex has started to slow down .. and that will lead to esteem issues with him .. and so he will start eating to compensate...

 

My opinion .. .. YOU HAVEN'T DONE YOUR JOB AT COMMUNICATING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT WELL ENOUGH...

 

I know that you think you are hinting... and that you want to spare his feelings .. but there is no way around this.... YOu are either gonna hurt his feelings a little right now and save the relationship.. or hurt him a lot when you break up ..

 

YOU NEEED TO MAKE IT CLEAR TO HIM THAT THE WEIGHT HAS BECOME AN ISSUE ..... and try to make him see it form your point of view... ASK HIM HOW HE WOULD FEEL IF YOU GAINED 50 lbs... This isnt a conversation you can have with him jokingly.....this is a "WE NEED TO TALK" kind of talk... ..

 

.... other wise .. if you keep hinting.. he may never get it... .. .

[insaneinthebrain]

I suppose that's true. But I shouldn't have to dump him for him to get back in shape. He should want to stay in relative shape the entire time to avoid this problem to begin with. And it's not just about me. He doesn't like the lack of sex and blow jobs, so it's affecting him indirectly as well.

 

BTW.. if you dump him .. and he does get back into shape... i doubt that he will take you back...

 

i know that personnel i wouldn't.... because .. no pun in tended... "thru thick and thin " includes putting on a little weight..

 

In other words..This is really a solvable situation... what if something more serious were to happen .. like a health issue or a serious financial problem.... is your first instinct going to be a john kerry and head for the hills... ..

[FitChick]

Have him hire a personal trainer to guide him in forming better eating and exercise habits. Maybe both of you go to the same trainer and get fitter together. A couple I know have done this and they weren't more than ten pounds overweight to begin with. They look fantastic now.

[TheSingleGuy]

I'm gonna say this, and I'm sure you won't like it, but...

 

70% to 90% of all break-ups and divorces are the desire of the woman, not the man.

 

Women are the first to push for commitment and also the first to want to end the relationship.

 

As a guy, why would we want to commit when a.) the divorce rate is at 67% nowadays and b.) it's the women that initiate the break-up 70 to 90 percent of the time????

 

Women have MANY, MANY, MANY different sexual attraction switches. You could be repulsed by how easily you can walk all over him. You could be repulsed by his nasally voice. You could be repulsed by his smell. You could be repulsed by his social skills. You could be repulsed by his skinny arms. You could be repulsed by his perpetual unemployment or less than desirable income. You could be repulsed by his state of depression. You could be repulsed by his height. You could be repulsed by how bad he is in the bedroom. You could be repulsed by his lack of ambition.

 

You've chosen to be repulsed by his gut.

 

The number of ways a guy can blow it with a woman... If this were the ONLY way he could have blown it with you and ALL HE HAD TO DO was not get fat.

 

The problem is, he's got to keep enough of those other attractions going for himself at all times too. Keeping a woman happy for the long haul is MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. I'm convinced it can't be done. Not in today's society of the walk-away-wife.

 

It doesn't matter what anyone says on this message board. By the time you've decided to post the issue publicly, the decision has already been made. You're going to dump him and break his heart. Might as well get it over with. But, please, don't come back on here in a few months complaining that none of the guys you date want to commit.

[denise_xo]

The fact that women initiate divorce in two thirds of all cases is a pretty meaningless statistic to me. A woman who divorces her husband due to domestic violence versus a woman who divorces her husband because she has been unfaithful are two completely different phenomena. Lumping them together as the same kind of thing obscures much more than it tells.

[jobaba]

If reading this thread is indicative of the general perspective of the OP, I would suggest to politely end this apparently unhealthy dynamic now.

 

LMAO! :lmao:

[tman666]

You've chosen to be repulsed by his gut.

 

What a load of BS. Attraction is not a choice. Sure, she can "do her best" to get revved up for her boyfriend for the sake of showing commitment and yadda yadda, but the things she's talking about (crotch smell, significant fat gain) are potentially boner-wilting disgusting. Have you ever actually been exposed to a sweaty, smelly, unwashed crotch? Not pretty, my friend. Hygiene is important.

 

As far as the fat gain, everyone's "threshold" is different. Some people might start getting repulsed by a gain of 10 lbs, while some might not really notice the effects until 50 lbs. How much fat her BF has gained is irrelevant for this reason. The point is that his behavior has been negatively impacting their previously healthy sex life.

 

She did the right thing by telling him that this is an issue for her. How long she wants to wait for him to get his butt in gear is up to her. My personal opinion is that it'd be kind of crummy of her not to give him some time to figure it out, but if he doesn't hop to with at least getting back on the right track, I'd be outtie.

 

Classic "bait and switch" scenarios like this can be indicative of poor character traits. Good to find out these things early on...

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I have been dating this guy for several months now.

 

Lately, however, he has gained a considerable amount of weight. He began hinting that we haven't been having as much sex lately, and the truth is because I am less attracted to him now that he has gained weight. I give hints by offering healthy foods, and I cook him good meals whenever he is over. He often buys tons of crap food, and although I have mentioned that it will only add to his weight and hurt his health, he doesn't listen. (I also don't give him oral sex anymore, because his poor diet has affected his smell. I would love going down on him, and did so very often, but I don't anymore because the smell is just so awful.)

 

Now he has a big belly and I am having trouble sleeping with him. It's a turn off big time. I cant help it. I confessed to him today that the weight he has gained has turned me off. I was gentle with him of course, because I understand that it's a sensitive topic. He was hurt and told me i'm not perfect either. This is true, but when we met he was in good shape. I haven't changed physically since we've met, but he has. Now he has let go.

 

I don't want him to think that im only with him for the physical traits, because it isn't true. He is a wonderful person, and I could write a book about how great he is... I just can't have sex with him anymore. I am becoming repulsed.

 

I don't want to be shallow, but listen, if he's fat then he's fat. And if i'm not attracted to him anymore, then i'm not attracted to him anymore. Is this a bad reason to leave him? I mean, it's not a good one, but what's a relationship without sex or physical chemistry?

 

 

 

Of course the difference will be amusing between such a post written by a woman and the same exact scenario described from the male perspective.

 

Outside of that, this really isn't about his actual weight, it's about the implicit contract between two people upon their beginning a relationship which assures that each selected the other as-is. To go out and get a UPC CODE tattooed across your forehead the next day, or opt for a 6-inch bamboo post piercing all three of the membranes which comprise your nose, changes the deal completely.

 

It is one thing if, through no fault of your own, major things about you are rendered completely different (car accident, layoff, etc.) . When you cause these major alterations yourself, with no help from the outside world, then I say the implicit contract can be voided by the other party.

 

What you describe in your boyfriend is his selfish behavior and lack of regard for other people. Had your report instead been about his having commenced a major drug habit in the months since you began dating, then you'd drop him at once if you had any sense.

 

I won't even bother to read any of the other responses in this thread since I can imagine the clueless and inane among their authors somehow trying to justify being clueless and inane merely for seeming strength in numbers.

 

It isn't the element of his weight, in particular, which makes your boyfriend the problem he has become (I'm sure lots of great people lead great lives at his new weight all around us). Instead it is the fact that he himself chose to alter his body/appearance since entering into the relationship with you, which assures that his own selfishness is his central motivational component.

 

D.T.M.F.A. !!!

[kaylan]

Im gonna have fun picking this apart.

I'm gonna say this, and I'm sure you won't like it, but...

Well, no one likes posts that are biased views with little fact in them =P

70% to 90% of all break-ups and divorces are the desire of the woman, not the man.Women are the first to push for commitment and also the first to want to end the relationship.

Source? And even if you cant cite your claims, who ends relationships most means little. As we know, many guys will more often than not stay in a less than happy relationship simply for the companionship and sex.

As a guy, why would we want to commit when a.) the divorce rate is at 67% nowadays and b.) it's the women that initiate the break-up 70 to 90 percent of the time????

Id like to see your source for A and B. Thatd be nice bro. Someone sounds bitter tbh.

Women have MANY, MANY, MANY different sexual attraction switches. You could be repulsed by how easily you can walk all over him. You could be repulsed by his nasally voice. You could be repulsed by his smell. You could be repulsed by his social skills. You could be repulsed by his skinny arms. You could be repulsed by his perpetual unemployment or less than desirable income. You could be repulsed by his state of depression. You could be repulsed by his height. You could be repulsed by how bad he is in the bedroom. You could be repulsed by his lack of ambition.

Guys arent one dimensional you know. I wouldnt find a push over girlfriend attractive. Nor would I find a bad smell attractive. And if she had crap social skills, I wouldnt be dating her because Im super outgoing and social myself.

 

Also, perpetual unemployment is unattractive in ANYONE. Who wants to date someone whos that irresponsible? You basically rattled off traits that are unattractive in a person in general, regardless of gender.

You've chosen to be repulsed by his gut.

Wtf are you talking about? Many people wouldnt find a new gut attractive on their mate. I am naturally slim and have been working out the last few months to add muscle to my frame and stay fit...a gut on a woman would be unattractive to me. You mad?

The number of ways a guy can blow it with a woman... If this were the ONLY way he could have blown it with you and ALL HE HAD TO DO was not get fat.

All he had to do? Physical attraction is pretty important in a relationship.

The problem is, he's got to keep enough of those other attractions going for himself at all times too. Keeping a woman happy for the long haul is MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. I'm convinced it can't be done. Not in today's society of the walk-away-wife.

Cry moar? Dude you dont just change the person you are once in a relationship. Read my first post in this thread. People fall for the person they met...and mental, emotional, and physical connection are all important to a relationship. If someone starts to slip when it comes to either of those areas, they can expect it to affect their mate.

It doesn't matter what anyone says on this message board. By the time you've decided to post the issue publicly, the decision has already been made. You're going to dump him and break his heart. Might as well get it over with. But, please, don't come back on here in a few months complaining that none of the guys you date want to commit.

I dont see why you are so upset that someones considering breaking up with someone they dont find too attractive. Would you want a girl to force herself to stay with you even though she finds you unattractive and avoids sexual contact with you?

[joystickd]

I thought you were looking for a man with money that would spend it on you so you could feel like a woman. You know most men realize money makes them sexy no matter what size they are. Look at rapper Rick Ross and he's rich. Imagine the women that think he is sexy and want him to bang them

http://www.missxpose.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/rick-ross2.jpg

[kaylan]

I thought you were looking for a man with money that would spend it on you so you could feel like a woman. You know most men realize money makes them sexy no matter what size they are. Look at rapper Rick Ross and he's rich. Imagine the women that think he is sexy and want him to bang them

http://www.missxpose.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/rick-ross2.jpg

 

The money doesnt make him sexy, it only makes the women lower their standards so they can up their lifestyle. Theyd swap him for a hot model in a minute if they could, and keep the lifestyle.

[ShannonMI]

I thought you were looking for a man with money that would spend it on you so you could feel like a woman. You know most men realize money makes them sexy no matter what size they are. Look at rapper Rick Ross and he's rich. Imagine the women that think he is sexy and want him to bang them

http://www.missxpose.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/rick-ross2.jpg

Rick Ross is so repulsive. No matter how much money or fame he has, I'd have a hard time getting my juices flowing to bang him. The massive gut and nasty, thick beard just don't do it for me.:sick:

[Casablanca]

I'd think about whether or not there is more to this than just the weight gain. My guess is that you take care of yourself, and so you expect the person you are with to take care of himself too. In that case, it's more than just "He gained weight." It's about being compatible in how you feel about yourselves and about wanting to be healthy. For example, I think it can be difficult for someone who exercises regularly and eats healthy to have a LTR with someone who watches TV all day and only gets up to refill the chip and dip bowls and grab another beer, no matter how great that guy might be otherwise.

I agree with this and this is how it if for me. Let him know your concerns and it just isnt attraction, at least for me...I also want my SO to take care of themselves and be healthy.

[Sanman]

Some random thoughts about the OP and the situation.

 

1. You can dump him for any reason you want. You have not been in a relationship that long. Even if you have, no one needs a reason to walk away...ever. That is the point of no fault divorce.

 

2. If you are repulsed by this weight gain over a few months, what are you going to do over the long term? Almost everyone gains weight over the course of a lifetime. At what point will you have been in a relationship long enough to live with the repulsion.

 

3. Part of the joy of getting into a relationship is you no longer have to be perfect. That does not mean let yourself go completely. However, if I still wanted to do everything I had to when I was single, I would simply stay single or in casual relationships. If you can't let your guard down and be imperfect at times, I fail to see the point of a relationship.

 

4. You have not done all you could. You have done all you are willing to do. My gf gained weight as a result of new job stress and moving apartments over the last few months. Though, I have not really gained much over the course of our relationships celebrations/life has made me a bit complacent and my gym routine is slipping a bit. My solution was for the both of us to train for a marathon together. Neither one of us will likely post an awesome time, but we will get fit and stay fit together.

 

5. If you break up with him now and try to get back together with him after he loses the weight, he will never consider you more than a place to get his rocks off. I had this happen to me with a former gf after I had knee surgery and could not work. I gained 20 lbs and got dumped. A year later when I was in better shape than ever, she came onto be in a dept store and wanted to go out. You think I gave her the time of day? Plenty of other women like me when I was looking good.

[joystickd]

Rick Ross is so repulsive. No matter how much money or fame he has, I'd have a hard time getting my juices flowing to bang him. The massive gut and nasty, thick beard just don't do it for me.:sick:

 

Beard like Peter on an episode of family guy. Birds had made a nest in it

[thatone]

The fact that women initiate divorce in two thirds of all cases is a pretty meaningless statistic to me. A woman who divorces her husband due to domestic violence versus a woman who divorces her husband because she has been unfaithful are two completely different phenomena. Lumping them together as the same kind of thing obscures much more than it tells.

 

because you're looking to sugar coat it, honestly.

 

you think there aren't abusive women? why do you think every comedian has a 'nagging wife' joke?

[FrustratedStandards]

Ninjainpajamas;3815179 ..they'd rather shove their face and expect you to be fine with that If you "love them"' date=' it's a such a con and incompatibility.[/quote']

 

Actually I'm glad that you mentioned this. He did say something along the lines of "if you really liked me then a beer belly shouldn't be such a big deal".

 

Have you told him, rather than given hints, that if he lost weight you'd be much more sexually attracted to him again.

 

I think telling him that i'm not attracted anymore because of weight gain is clue enough.

 

You've only been dating him a few months...how much weight has he put on in such a short period of time? He must have already been minorly obese or close to it. He hinted that you're "not perfect"--what does that mean? What were your relative sizes to each other when you met, as in how overweight were you both?

 

I am slim actually. He is about 6'5 and used to be about 190 lbs. Now he is about 225. This has happened over a period of about 7 months, so now as quickly as I think you originally had thought.

 

He was a bit pudgy to begin with, and you are right, I wasn't very attracted to him to start. But I overlooked it because he is a great person. But now it's getting too much to handle (no pun intended hehe).

 

However, I find it odd that the amount of weight someone could put on in a few months would turn you off. Something to consider when finding a partner, maybe, or perhaps this guy just wasn't really truly attractive enough to begin with. I don't get how he went from 'good shape' to gross in a few months. I can imagine a guy getting a beer belly or something in that time, but if the attraction was truly there -- and more than ONLY physical -- I don't think that'd be huge issue.

 

You have a point. I don't have strong feelings for this guy. I don't love him. Also, I mentioned as well that this happened over a period of about 7 months more or less.

 

I don't know if this matters, but my ex was very healthy and in shape. He had the body of a greek god. I went from that, to this. Maybe that's also influencing my taste. I am used to great bodies and it's hard to downsize from that, so to speak.

 

Maybe, but we can't tell because of his "you're not perfect, either" comment that she agreed with. I can't tell if she was bigger than him when they first met and is alarmed he's gotten up to her size--which would be hypocritical--or she's significantly smaller than him and she's just being humble or hypercritical in referring to her "imperfection." If he has ALWAYS been bigger than her, then that "you're not perfect" comment was really a dick thing for him to say.

 

I am really slim. I think he said it because he was offended, and wanted to justify that no one is perfect to begin with. It's true, no one is perfect physically. And I see what he is saying, but I don't think it justifies his sloppy diet.

[FrustratedStandards]

Why don't you date some one from sports & other fields that maintain their physique as well as earn good money?

 

I can't find one of those

 

Why is he gaining weight? Did something change? Is he depressed? Is he more stressed? Eating worse? Lots of reasons folks put on weight.

 

He has always been pudgy, apparently. He had lost lots of weight, which is when we started dating. Now, I suppose, he is going back to his "usual" self.

 

it can happen... lol. i know from experience... .. have been on the other end of this...

 

..All i can say is .... STOP HINTING AND START TALKING....

 

Sometimes the person on the other side of this issue doesn't realize what is happening... doesn't see that they have really let them selves go...

 

Its important to communicate how you feel because it can quickly turn into a nasty spiral .. . and it looks like this spiral has already started... the sex has started to slow down .. and that will lead to esteem issues with him .. and so he will start eating to compensate...

 

My opinion .. .. YOU HAVEN'T DONE YOUR JOB AT COMMUNICATING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT WELL ENOUGH...

 

I know that you think you are hinting... and that you want to spare his feelings .. but there is no way around this.... YOu are either gonna hurt his feelings a little right now and save the relationship.. or hurt him a lot when you break up ..

 

YOU NEEED TO MAKE IT CLEAR TO HIM THAT THE WEIGHT HAS BECOME AN ISSUE ..... and try to make him see it form your point of view... ASK HIM HOW HE WOULD FEEL IF YOU GAINED 50 lbs... This isnt a conversation you can have with him jokingly.....this is a "WE NEED TO TALK" kind of talk... ..

 

.... other wise .. if you keep hinting.. he may never get it... .. .

 

Did you even read the post?

 

BTW.. if you dump him .. and he does get back into shape... i doubt that he will take you back...

 

i know that personnel i wouldn't.... because .. no pun in tended... "thru thick and thin " includes putting on a little weight..

 

In other words..This is really a solvable situation... what if something more serious were to happen .. like a health issue or a serious financial problem.... is your first instinct going to be a john kerry and head for the hills... ..

 

Well yes, if I don't love the guy and we aren't serious. If I love him and want to get serious, then of course thick and thin, but we aren't even halfway there. We are casual, which is why I am considering breaking up with him for a thing as trivial as weight (which in my opinion says alot about lifestyle as well).

 

[quote=TheSingleGuy;3815579

It doesn't matter what anyone says on this message board. By the time you've decided to post the issue publicly, the decision has already been made. You're going to dump him and break his heart. Might as well get it over with. But, please, don't come back on here in a few months complaining that none of the guys you date want to commit.

 

I never wanted to commit, he brought it up himself. I don't understand why people complain that women always want to commit. In all my relationship I have never wanted to be attached. It has always been the man who "set the boundaries" and wanted to get exclusive. Quite honestly I agreed simply because I wasn't seeing anyone else anyway. And if I was, I chose the better of the two and stuck with the one I liked more.

[FrustratedStandards]

What a load of BS. Attraction is not a choice. Sure, she can "do her best" to get revved up for her boyfriend for the sake of showing commitment and yadda yadda, but the things she's talking about (crotch smell, significant fat gain) are potentially boner-wilting disgusting. Have you ever actually been exposed to a sweaty, smelly, unwashed crotch? Not pretty, my friend. Hygiene is important.

 

As far as the fat gain, everyone's "threshold" is different. Some people might start getting repulsed by a gain of 10 lbs, while some might not really notice the effects until 50 lbs. How much fat her BF has gained is irrelevant for this reason. The point is that his behavior has been negatively impacting their previously healthy sex life.

 

She did the right thing by telling him that this is an issue for her. How long she wants to wait for him to get his butt in gear is up to her. My personal opinion is that it'd be kind of crummy of her not to give him some time to figure it out, but if he doesn't hop to with at least getting back on the right track, I'd be outtie.

 

Classic "bait and switch" scenarios like this can be indicative of poor character traits. Good to find out these things early on...

 

Thank you I am willing to give him 3 months. I think that's enough time to change your lifestyle for the healthier, and also enough time to see a change.

 

I dont see why you are so upset that someones considering breaking up with someone they dont find too attractive. Would you want a girl to force herself to stay with you even though she finds you unattractive and avoids sexual contact with you?

 

Exactly. It's not fair to either partner. I was already having sex because I knew it was important to the relationship, but now I can't even do that.

 

I wouldn't want to be with someone who had to force themselves to be with me. I'm glad I voiced my thoughts. I'm glad I was honest with him, even if it hurt him. And the attractiveness isn't just in his weight, but his lifestyle. His motivation etc. It tells quite a bit in this case.

 

I thought you were looking for a man with money that would spend it on you so you could feel like a woman. You know most men realize money makes them sexy no matter what size they are.

 

This guy doesn't have money. Haha

 

The money doesnt make him sexy, it only makes the women lower their standards so they can up their lifestyle. Theyd swap him for a hot model in a minute if they could, and keep the lifestyle.

 

I think this is true.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I am slim actually. He is about 6'5 and used to be about 190 lbs. Now he is about 225. This has happened over a period of about 7 months, so now as quickly as I think you originally had thought.

 

He was a bit pudgy to begin with, and you are right, I wasn't very attracted to him to start. But I overlooked it because he is a great person. But now it's getting too much to handle (no pun intended hehe).

 

Could those numbers be somewhat off? 190 pounds for 6' 5" isn't pudgy in the slightest, and 225 is only very slightly overweight on the BMI scale, 212 is the upper limit of normal for that height. I watch a lot of pro basketball and very few guys who are 6' 5" are 190 pounds, they're usually well over 200. Famous examples--Michael Jordan is 6' 5" and 215 pounds and Ray Allen is 6' 5" and 205 and quite thin. Basketball players don't build a ton of muscle...football players do, and you won't find ANY NFL players who are 6' 5" anywhere close to 200, even the skinnier quarterbacks are well above it. If you saw the movie "The Break-Up," Vince Vaughn was around 250 for most of the film, but after he broke up with Jennifer Aniston and they saw each other at the end and he had lost weight, he was down to 225.

 

Here's Vince at ~250: http://cdn3.iofferphoto.com/img/item/141/463/809/KlVPH21ffYvvVTZ.jpg

 

And here he is in the same film down to ~225 (he lost it in around 6 weeks for the purpose of the story): http://justjared.buzznet.com/gossip/2006/03/jennifer_aniston_and_vince_vaughn_break_up.php

 

Neither shot is all that pudgy, weight distributes really well over that tall a frame. You're going to get very little empathy here if that guy is anywhere close to how you're describing him--half the respondents were assuming you meant he was far bigger than you're saying--he'd have to be 255 to even be at the lowest end of technical obesity and closer to 280 to have people look at him and immediately think of him as fat.

[FitChick]

A pound of fat has more volume than a pound of muscle, which is very dense. That is probably why the man looks fat and flabby. Yet another reason why people need to ignore the scale and just use the tape measure.

[EnigmaticClarity]

A pound of fat has more volume than a pound of muscle, which is very dense. That is probably why the man looks fat and flabby. Yet another reason why people need to ignore the scale and just use the tape measure.

 

This shirtless pic would be about the size she described, but probably a little bigger, Vaughn looks to be around 230 here: http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/2009_Couples_Retreat/009CPR_Vince_Vaughn_006.jpg

[Els]

Could those numbers be somewhat off? 190 pounds for 6' 5" isn't pudgy in the slightest, and 225 is only very slightly overweight on the BMI scale, 212 is the upper limit of normal for that height. I watch a lot of pro basketball and very few guys who are 6' 5" are 190 pounds, they're usually well over 200. Famous examples--Michael Jordan is 6' 5" and 215 pounds and Ray Allen is 6' 5" and 205 and quite thin. Basketball players don't build a ton of muscle...football players do, and you won't find ANY NFL players who are 6' 5" anywhere close to 200, even the skinnier quarterbacks are well above it. If you saw the movie "The Break-Up," Vince Vaughn was around 250 for most of the film, but after he broke up with Jennifer Aniston and they saw each other at the end and he had lost weight, he was down to 225.

 

Here's Vince at ~250: http://cdn3.iofferphoto.com/img/item/141/463/809/KlVPH21ffYvvVTZ.jpg

 

And here he is in the same film down to ~225 (he lost it in around 6 weeks for the purpose of the story): http://justjared.buzznet.com/gossip/2006/03/jennifer_aniston_and_vince_vaughn_break_up.php

 

Neither shot is all that pudgy, weight distributes really well over that tall a frame. You're going to get very little empathy here if that guy is anywhere close to how you're describing him--half the respondents were assuming you meant he was far bigger than you're saying--he'd have to be 255 to even be at the lowest end of technical obesity and closer to 280 to have people look at him and immediately think of him as fat.

 

You do know that many people that are called 'fat', are nowhere even near the lower end of technical obesity (BMI 30+). This is not noticed so much in people's assessments of men's weight, but given the current standards for women, even a woman in the upper ranges of technically normal weight (BMI 22 - 23) is often called 'fat'. Women who are technically overweight (BMI 25) are most definitely called fat.

 

I agree that standards tend to be looser for men, in that even an average-muscled man who is technically overweight is often not considered as 'fat' as the woman in the upper ranges of normal. But the OP appears to be using the eyes of a superficial man in her assessment of men, so meh, if I was the guy I'd just move along. Plenty of women who don't mind a guy with a few extra lbs.

 

And yes, FitChick, the BMI scale is reasonably accurate for the average person of average muscle mass, which most of us are unless we are completely sedentary or professional athletes.

Edited January 31, 2012 by Elswyth

[mr_sexxxy]

LOL!! You post the BEST troll threads on the forum!

 

I have been dating this guy for several months now.

 

Lately, however, he has gained a considerable amount of weight. He began hinting that we haven't been having as much sex lately, and the truth is because I am less attracted to him now that he has gained weight. I give hints by offering healthy foods, and I cook him good meals whenever he is over. He often buys tons of crap food, and although I have mentioned that it will only add to his weight and hurt his health, he doesn't listen. (I also don't give him oral sex anymore, because his poor diet has affected his smell. I would love going down on him, and did so very often, but I don't anymore because the smell is just so awful.)

 

Now he has a big belly and I am having trouble sleeping with him. It's a turn off big time. I cant help it. I confessed to him today that the weight he has gained has turned me off. I was gentle with him of course, because I understand that it's a sensitive topic. He was hurt and told me i'm not perfect either. This is true, but when we met he was in good shape. I haven't changed physically since we've met, but he has. Now he has let go.

 

I don't want him to think that im only with him for the physical traits, because it isn't true. He is a wonderful person, and I could write a book about how great he is... I just can't have sex with him anymore. I am becoming repulsed.

 

I don't want to be shallow, but listen, if he's fat then he's fat. And if i'm not attracted to him anymore, then i'm not attracted to him anymore. Is this a bad reason to leave him? I mean, it's not a good one, but what's a relationship without sex or physical chemistry?

[kaylan]

LOL!! You post the BEST troll threads on the forum!

 

I feel this is a legit topic. A lot of people go through what OP is going through, so dont hate.