That_girl Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I can't stop thinking about him. I thought I would have been over it by now...it's been almost a year. But no. Those nagging, persistent thoughts of him keep creeping back into my mind. I don't know what angers me more- the fact that I can't seem to get him out of there, or the fact that he probably doesn't think about me in the same way. I felt like this was a really soulful, karmic relationship...it's hit me a level deeper than anyone else ever has. I was only with this person for 7 months. He was all of the textbook descriptors of the classically unstable man. He cheated, he lied to me, he made me feel insecure, and even frightened of him when he got upset. I thought I would finally be able to take off the blindfold at this point and see what everyone else saw. My friends all loved him at first. Everyone thought he was sexy- especially my gay male friends. But little by little their perceptions changed when they began to see how unhappy I was becoming. And now they all tell me to forget him, that he'll never come back. Are they just jealous? Or are they trying to solidify something in my mind that should have been solidified long ago? That it's really over. And that I need to 'move on' and trust that my own decisions. I know that I should be happy. I got rid of him, and now I should finally be happy. Only I'm not. I don't want another relationship with some random 'nice guy'. I want that intensity back that I had with him. Is that so wrong? I'm clearly self-sufficient. I've been alone for a year now and all of things have fallen into place for me- in terms of my career and education. But there is a darkness to me now, more than ever. I can live without him. I can move on. And I know that I have to continue doing those things...but I feel like he's taken a part of me. And I don't know if that part is ever coming back. Should I be telling him this? Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Hi hon, You ex reminds me of mine. He was very charming and very sexy, but it was all a cover. Underneath the smile and golden hair lurked a monster of magnitude proportion. But he was an excellent liar, so the relationship was very intense because I believed many of his lies. Everyone told me to stay away from him, but I did not listen. I cried today, as it still hurts. I miss what I thought he was. I've been tested for 2 STDs and they came out negative. I want to get tested for more. It's hard to not contact him because I am so angry and I really do miss what I thought he was. I was struggling today, but after reading your post, I know I am doing the right thing by staying away from him. I don't want him back. I am just curious about him and fight the urge every day to go to his facebook page. I don't go. I never go. I just act like he is no longer on this earth. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkie Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Same here. You would think it would get easier as time goes on but it hasn't for me either. It's been almost a year. Out of a 2 and a half year relationship... I still can't stop thinking about what if's and missing him. He was a charmer as well. In the end I just felt used, but there were bright spots. I was the one that left. I have communicated my frustrations... We still care about each other, but everything has changed. We know it would never work, but we both struggle with the pain from the mistakes we both made. Good days and bad days... the bad days are really dark. Hopefully we will all feel better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I totally empathize with you all...scares me though to think will I be in this mindset in 8 months time, (year). I honestly think the next step for you all is counselling. It can be very cathartic. I know in the US it's not free, don't know where you are from, but the UK it is free via a referral from your GP. Just an idea I thought would be worth throwing out there. I wish you well and that the future is brighter for you. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkie Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 McNulty... I think that is a great idea. I've been considering it. My life is in shambles and I just can't seem to pick up the peices. The aching of my heart and the pain is almost unbearable. Everyday is a struggle for me to carry on with normal activities and I've pushed other people out of my life. I don't know about the OP, because it sounds as if things are going ok for her otherwise... But it definitely couldn't hurt to talk to someone. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Pinkie, I know what you mean re. pushing people away. My family...since it happened, a couple of members of my family said thay would remain friends with her. Well because of this and then their total lack of support, 4 months down the line, I never see my family, i get texts off my mother and the rare text off my sisters, but i've essentially lost them because of these life changing events...so sad. Don't feel like you're alone...you're not. Please feel free to PM me or chat anytime. I've received counselling and also studied it and qualified, I know what it can offer and it will definitely benefit. Link to post Share on other sites
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