perfectlyflawed459 Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 It has been awhile since I posted. For five months, I have been in NC, not only healing and bettering myself, but also desperately trying to run away and avoid my ex in fear deep down. Fear of running into my ex, seeing something on Facebook from a mutual friend, fear of confrontation... Today I broke NC after about five months not out of hope for getting him back or ruining his relationship, but in order to confront these fears and finally stop running the other direction from him. I realized the more that I tried to run away, the longer my hurt feelings will still reside within me whenever the sound of his name would simply come up. It took a lot for me to do this and I do not expect anything to come of this, but I feel like I have made a step forward in conquering these fears and finding more inner peace as a reach a greater acceptance of how things are between us. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Unfortunately I cannot do that because almost every time I had contact with my ex, he threw the woman he cheated on me with in my face. So I decided the only way to stop myself from hurting was to completely remove myself away from his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I have missed you Perfectlyflawed so glad you came to post this today. Not trying to be nosy but just curious how you broke NC. Was it email, text, phone call, in person? Did you have a hard time trying to decide whether to break NC or not? Keep us updated on how you feel in the days ahead. I think that would serve as a guide to others who may be in your situation and wondering if they should break NC. Link to post Share on other sites
patagonia Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I am also interested in how exactly you broke NC and what was said. I do think breaking NC to get over fears might not be that good of an idea just because if you don't get a response(and this could take months), nothing was accomplished(other than the fact that you feel that you tried) and if you do perhaps get a response then what are you looking for and will any answer or response actually do you any good? These are all coming from me contemplating NC now and in the future for myself as I am going through the NC process myself. I hope however it turns out that you feel better and will continue to get better for yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 I just texted him a simple hello. He did reply, but the conversation was rather cold on his part. I went out on a on a limb and apologized for being a stranger for so long, however he just said that he didn't expect me to stay in contact because we are going separate ways nowadays (me being in college and him still in high school). I will admit, this hurt me, I mean how can you be that cold towards someone, but I just told him I was happy that he was doing very well with his life (and his new girlfriend I am sure) and that I was happy to catch up. He just said thank you and I left it at that. I am proud I didn't lose my cool to him like I always have in the past and that I didn't start telling him that I missed him or bring up the past. I kept it short, light, and sweet. I do not regret doing this because this gives me more of a reason to press forward. I do not need to deal with someone who is going to act so coldly towards me after I have done absolutely nothing to him for five months. He obviously is putting up a wall against me for some reason, but that is his problem and I do not care to know of his reasons for doing so anymore. It can only get better from here and I am proud that I stood up to this fear Link to post Share on other sites
patagonia Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I just texted him a simple hello. He did reply, but the conversation was rather cold on his part. I went out on a on a limb and apologized for being a stranger for so long, however he just said that he didn't expect me to stay in contact because we are going separate ways nowadays (me being in college and him still in high school). I will admit, this hurt me, I mean how can you be that cold towards someone, but I just told him I was happy that he was doing very well with his life (and his new girlfriend I am sure) and that I was happy to catch up. He just said thank you and I left it at that. I am proud I didn't lose my cool to him like I always have in the past and that I didn't start telling him that I missed him or bring up the past. I kept it short, light, and sweet. I do not regret doing this because this gives me more of a reason to press forward. I do not need to deal with someone who is going to act so coldly towards me after I have done absolutely nothing to him for five months. He obviously is putting up a wall against me for some reason, but that is his problem and I do not care to know of his reasons for doing so anymore. It can only get better from here and I am proud that I stood up to this fear I say you did the right thing then. It's been just a few days for me and it's like, aghhh I gotta say hi, I must say i miss you, blah blah blah. It's very difficult and it takes that strength deeper than deep to say no to it. I'm glad you got it off your chest and faced your fears. Just don't let this become a normal routine for you, it could become dangerous Link to post Share on other sites
sao2 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I think this is a good step. At least I hope it is because I am doing something similar. I am actually planning to see the ex in a few weeks. For a lot of the same reasons. I just need to face her. Glad to hear that it went well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 I say you did the right thing then. It's been just a few days for me and it's like, aghhh I gotta say hi, I must say i miss you, blah blah blah. It's very difficult and it takes that strength deeper than deep to say no to it. I'm glad you got it off your chest and faced your fears. Just don't let this become a normal routine for you, it could become dangerous It definitely will not become a routine for me! I actually got the vibe that he does not want me around in his life and is okay with letting me go so I will definitely not pester him to stay in his life. As much as it sucks, it is the right thing to do and besides, we are in different worlds now because of him being in high school and me in college. Yes it does! The urges become less as you go through the days, however if contact is made, I would refrain from saying "I miss you" or bringing up anything from the past. You do not want him to think you are trying to cause drama or something, but if he says something first you can by all means respond to his I miss you or any comment he makes on the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 I think this is a good step. At least I hope it is because I am doing something similar. I am actually planning to see the ex in a few weeks. For a lot of the same reasons. I just need to face her. Glad to hear that it went well for you. No matter what happens or what the outcome of all this is, I encourage you to remain positive. Even if the outcome is the complete opposite of what you wanted, please please please remain strong and do not allow yourself to fall back into a hole. Do not go in expecting too much and maintain your cool. I am sure you know all this, but I want to reiterate it because I would hate to see it hurt you. It didn't necessarily go well...he was very cold towards me and I will admit that did hurt me because it seemed like he didn't want me in his life, even as a friend. He just said he expected me to turn my back and not keep in touch with him, which hurt me because I never intened it to be like that and I only wish I could express my true feelings to him on how much he still means to me. However, it is not my place to do so and I must take it for what it is worth because I love enough to let him find happiness with the girl he is currently with It is okay though, I remind myself that he is still going to be in high school for another year and that right now this separation is for the best. It hurts, but I have so much to be blessed and will continue to focus on the positives and not allow myself to go into a slump because I have come so far and it isn't worth it Link to post Share on other sites
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 SUDDEN UPDATE!!! He just texted me right now asking how much college schedule is! My heart jumped! I was not expecting to hear back from him because he came off so coldly last night...I made sure to keep it short and sweet last night and I was sure that was that. I will keep you guys updated on how things go, because he actually appears to be interested in how things are going in my life if he is asking about college. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 OMG! Part of me is excited for you and another part worries that this is going to set you back. Do you think he came off cold last night because you gut punched him months ago (even though he says it didn't bother him)? What are you hoping for? Get back together or just being friends? If you two got back together I would be so happy for you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chs Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I have to warn you here, don't get your hopes up before you have concrete evidence that he actually wants you in his life. During christmas holiday my ex started contacting me, she texted me on my birthday and christmas. Very sweet messages just like when we used to date, and she also came up to talk to me in the club and the same night texted me very late how nice it was to talk. I naturally started to assume i had a chance but 2 days after i found out she was actively dating another guy and they are still together today. Link to post Share on other sites
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