Meeting women after college, how?

[ScreamingTrees]

only takes a few things,,,

 

one common thing to talk about

and not to be afraid of 'no'

 

a little humor goes a long way...

 

this is only one way but the obvious clubs and bars work too.

i'm sure thats been recommended already but i'm lazyyyy

 

So, if I were to hit up some random attractive girl on facebook, what if there's nothing on her page? I'm not really afraid of a "no", but if there's nothing to work with, it's a bit hard to just be spontaneously humorous or even to relate with a blank page.. I'm not going to try to win her over with my stand up act.

 

I'm not going to bother with online ****, anyway. It started off good, but ultimately went nowhere for several reasons that don't really discourage me but still sort of suck. (Location, age differences, probably me sending one or two sort of loong intro messages or simply sending the wrong type of message to the wrong type of person.)

[stitch702]

Dust, your post it right on point. I know my strategy to approaching girls is just not to give a ****. I'm not saying to be a douche or anything, but I mean to approach them as you would a friend. Be genuine and sincere when you talk to them, then when a convo happens and you feel like you have a connection then go ahead and ask for a number. If she rejects you just say, "hey that's cool I still had a great time talking to you anyway." Or if she says she has a bf I usually just say, "Well I guess it's true what they say, all the good ones are taken." or "Shucks I'm too late, well he's a very lucky guy and it was really great talking to you."

 

Honestly I think that you can't be afraid of rejection because it is bound to happen. It's all about how you handle the situation if you get rejected. I know there have been times where I have said the above after getting rejected and the girl completely changed her mind and gave me her number anyway.

 

Look at it this way. Approaching a girl is like bungie jumping. The more you spend time on the edge thinking about when you are going to jump the more you are going to psych yourself out. Instead just take the leap of faith and go for it. If you get rejected, so what, you'll bounce back and you'll take more jumps. It's all about the adrenaline rush honestly.

[PlumPrincess]

If she rejects you just say, "hey that's cool I still had a great time talking to you anyway." Or if she says she has a bf I usually just say, "Well I guess it's true what they say, all the good ones are taken." or "Shucks I'm too late, well he's a very lucky guy and it was really great talking to you."

That's very good advice. If you get upset, you will ruin it for sure. If you stay cool and friendly, she will remember that you behaved very different from other guys whom she rejected before and it might help her to change her mind one day. And even if she doesn't, you know you were cool.

[ScreamingTrees]

That's very good advice. If you get upset, you will ruin it for sure. If you stay cool and friendly, she will remember that you behaved very different from other guys whom she rejected before and it might help her to change her mind one day. And even if she doesn't, you know you were cool.

 

Does this matter if she's a stranger in passing? I mean, I wouldn't get upset, but it wouldn't make a difference. They simply weren't into me physically enough to want to figure out how I tick.

[harkkam]

Thank you guys for replying to my posts

 

But let me ask you in sincerity your actual closing ratio if you will.

 

I know advice like "hey bro chicks are everywhere" is well intended but half baked.

 

Quite honestly how many dates do you guys get from meeting women on the street, the coffee shop, the bar.

 

Most women are reluctant to talk to strangers just about everywhere so I find it hard that average guy's have oozing charm and picking women up everywhere they go.

 

Most people as a fact meet through some common element that binds people together.

 

Talking to women however is a great idea, I was waiting in line and i started a small conversation with a hot girl. Does that mean that I have enough rapport to see and date her, most probably no.

 

I also find it hard to believe that you guys are picking women off the street, I knew a guy who used to do it, he now teaches PUA classes for 1000 a pop and he is the best of the best and it works for him maybe 20% of the time.

 

But I dont want to be a PUA or pickup women at coffee shops etc.

 

I think that being attractive and confident are easy in that no matter what advice a person gives you, your feelings can take a life of their own and the best thing to do is to say whatever comes to your mind.

 

I saw a girl in a bar last week, she was wearing a fur vest I walked over and said "Hey i hope thats not a dead animal, Im a serious activist" and they all laughed and we chatted for five minutes got her number and she didnt pickup when i called her later during the week.

 

I think that unless you are a specific type of guy its very hard to turn your interaction on the street into dates and I need an easier way. Most people dont meet their bf or gf with PUA

[Dust]

You're probably better looking than I am. Or, maybe you just know what to say to keep things going long enough so that you're at that smooth sailing stage where you're more familiar with each other and the mutual interest is clear.

 

Getting real familar with a girl doesn't make you more attractive. Just trust in what I say since I know more then you and find out for yourself what I say is true. You arn't going to burst into flames if some girls get offended by you trying to talk with them.

 

Look at it this way. Approaching a girl is like bungie jumping. The more you spend time on the edge thinking about when you are going to jump the more you are going to psych yourself out. Instead just take the leap of faith and go for it. If you get rejected, so what, you'll bounce back and you'll take more jumps. It's all about the adrenaline rush honestly.

 

I used be afraid of Roller Coasters and thrill rides when I was a kid. I always thought they looked cool and wanted to ride but would psyche myself out and end up saying they make me sick and refuse to ride. Then when is was 14 I just started riding them. I was still scared but I really liked. So some times doing something even though you're scared is worth it.

 

So yeah rejection still kind of scares me a little... but the overiding dialogue I have in my head when single is just have fun and don't worry about it. If a girl acts all weirded out by me I just try to laugh it off and always do. I've never questioned my entire life or got physicaly ill after being rejected by a pretty girl I would have enjoyed knowing. It's all in your head just keep telling yourself that.

 

That's very good advice. If you get upset, you will ruin it for sure. If you stay cool and friendly, she will remember that you behaved very different from other guys whom she rejected before and it might help her to change her mind one day. And even if she doesn't, you know you were cool.

 

I think its good advice he gave too. But if it was you who rejected me PlumPrincess I would start howling. Then I would rip off my shirt and begin beating my hairy chest in a display of dominance.

 

Thank you guys for replying to my posts

 

But let me ask you in sincerity your actual closing ratio if you will.

 

I know advice like "hey bro chicks are everywhere" is well intended but half baked.

 

Quite honestly how many dates do you guys get from meeting women on the street, the coffee shop, the bar.

 

Thats where I get all my dates. I mean do you think I know of some special magic garden where people get dates. Online dating is very bad for men so I recomend you stay away from that as do I! Or at least don't rely on it cause then you'll be here complaining.

 

By the way you can still take classes. Learn cook, learn art, learn to do what ever the fck it is you like. Just go to your old college or a college under the guise of using their library and hit on girls if college is the only place to meet them. Shadow class... I mean I don't understand this hang up people have of having to be in a class and see a girl every day for a semester before being aloud to ask her out.

 

Most women are reluctant to talk to strangers just about everywhere so I find it hard that average guy's have oozing charm and picking women up everywhere they go.

 

So if you're in economics class with a girl you're sudenly not a stranger? Look you're meeting these women in public places and then taking them on dates in public places. It's not like you're meeting them in a back alley and then suggesting you have a date behind the dumpster. If they see potential they'll go on a date. If they're scared they'll meet you at the resteraunt or what ever or just say no.

 

Most people as a fact meet through some common element that binds people together.

 

I never knew this fact. Does this fact apply to you? Obviously not so get over it!

 

Talking to women however is a great idea' date=' I was waiting in line and i started a small conversation with a hot girl. Does that mean that I have enough rapport to see and date her, most probably no.[/quote']

 

You should have asked her out.

 

Again stop getting so hung up on College and class and having to see a girl some arbitrary number of times before being aloud to ask her out. If you have a small conversation with a girl it shows you're cool/fun then you ask her out. You obviously got too scared to ask her out even though it sounds like thats what you would have wanted to do if you didn't think the police were going to come arrest you.

 

I also find it hard to believe that you guys are picking women off the street' date=' I knew a guy who used to do it, he now teaches PUA classes for 1000 a pop and he is the best of the best and it works for him maybe 20% of the time. [/quote']

 

It's not a numbers game! You just keep on living your life until you meet some one. It's not like if you ask out 100 girls and they all turn you down you get put in prison.

 

Just live your life and ask out girls and don't keep track or worry about it. If you keep asking out girls who you find attractive you'll get dates with women you are attracted. Then eventually you'll find some one who just become more and more mutualy attracted the more you get to know each other. This is basic stuff and you know it so stop being so scared.

 

But I dont want to be a PUA or pickup women at coffee shops etc.

 

A PUA is a made up thing that Nerds think about to feel better about themselves. It takes something that is very intuitive and individual to a persons life journey and tries to script it and fill it with codes words.

 

Going after girls you like has been around since the dawn of man. Selling self help books/speeches/merchanise under the title PUA is just a fad. All it does it take time old truths and pervert it to its purpose of giving speeches/classes/books and making a nerdy culture based on the idea that you're tricking girls into liking you...

 

Aproaching girls may be in a PUA book but that doesn't make you a PUA if you follow the time old tradition that a man approaches women... Girls are just to shy to do it for the most part. A girl is considered brave if she just says "hi" and smiles at a guy she likes who she's never spoke to. It's very rare for a girl to introduce herself to a guy and then ask him "what are you doing tonight I'd like to take you out to dinner." You have to ask out girls and you have to drop the insane notion that you have to get to know them in class or something or they will never say yes.

 

I think that being attractive and confident are easy in that no matter what advice a person gives you, your feelings can take a life of their own and the best thing to do is to say whatever comes to your mind.

 

I saw a girl in a bar last week, she was wearing a fur vest I walked over and said "Hey i hope thats not a dead animal, Im a serious activist" and they all laughed and we chatted for five minutes got her number and she didnt pickup when i called her later during the week.

 

You're an idiot thats why she didn't pick up. First you had her laughing and you were being cool and then you're like "WHATS YOUR NUMBER?" I think you skipped the step where the cool guy asks a girl out in person. Where you look the most confident and attractive and she will have the hardest time saying anything but "yes!" to you.

 

SO you maek the huge mistake of just asking for her number as if its the same thing as asking her out. Now you compound it. You the guy worried about meeting girls wait until later in the week to even use the number... She probably forgot who you even were you random dude who met her in a bar. Most people ignore numbers. Did you even leave a msg... You should try calling again if all you were was ignored. But you're in a bad position. A bar already taints your meeting, then you waited to even contact her instead of doing it that day or the next day... This isn't PUA stuff man this is common human knowledge.

 

I think that unless you are a specific type of guy its very hard to turn your interaction on the street into dates and I need an easier way. Most people dont meet their bf or gf with PUA

 

Who would meet their bf with PUA? I mean seriously I'm trying to get into your mind. PUA tactics are specificaly for meeting women.

 

I think you make up a lot of excuses first its that "how do you meet women outside of college..." now "unless you are a speciic type ... PUA" Oh geez.

 

Reality check you already were cool the way you met that girl in that bar. If you did that same thing outside of a bar women would be even less gaurded. They are never more gaurded then they are at night around drunk men. So you already proved yourself wrong. Some how you think it's ok to ask for a number but not a date... then you get a number and don't call it till later in the week.

 

Be the way you were in that bar with women durring day in non bar environments. Ask them out instead of just getting their number. There all your problems solved. Don't run away if a girl or many girls turn you down. It's not a numbers game, its called just living your life.

[PlumPrincess]

Does this matter if she's a stranger in passing? I mean, I wouldn't get upset, but it wouldn't make a difference. They simply weren't into me physically enough to want to figure out how I tick.

I don't always reject people because I am not into them physically. It's possible, but I also reject guys for all other kinds of reasons.

[PlumPrincess]

Thank you guys for replying to my posts

 

But let me ask you in sincerity your actual closing ratio if you will.

 

I know advice like "hey bro chicks are everywhere" is well intended but half baked.

 

Quite honestly how many dates do you guys get from meeting women on the street, the coffee shop, the bar.

 

Most women are reluctant to talk to strangers just about everywhere so I find it hard that average guy's have oozing charm and picking women up everywhere they go.

 

Most people as a fact meet through some common element that binds people together.

 

Talking to women however is a great idea, I was waiting in line and i started a small conversation with a hot girl. Does that mean that I have enough rapport to see and date her, most probably no.

 

I also find it hard to believe that you guys are picking women off the street, I knew a guy who used to do it, he now teaches PUA classes for 1000 a pop and he is the best of the best and it works for him maybe 20% of the time.

 

But I dont want to be a PUA or pickup women at coffee shops etc.

 

I think that being attractive and confident are easy in that no matter what advice a person gives you, your feelings can take a life of their own and the best thing to do is to say whatever comes to your mind.

 

I saw a girl in a bar last week, she was wearing a fur vest I walked over and said "Hey i hope thats not a dead animal, Im a serious activist" and they all laughed and we chatted for five minutes got her number and she didnt pickup when i called her later during the week.

 

I think that unless you are a specific type of guy its very hard to turn your interaction on the street into dates and I need an easier way. Most people dont meet their bf or gf with PUA

Last week I walked into a shop to get information about internet plans. The guy who worked there started talking to me and at the end he asked me if I wanted to go out for a coffee with him after work and I said yes (I didn't think he was exactly my type of guy, but I thought I should be a bit more open about dating). I think you might have better chances if you ask the girl out immediately. If I'm not busy and someone asks me out, I'm more inclined to say yes, while when time passes and I finally get asked, it might feel more serious than I want.

[PlumPrincess]

I think its good advice he gave too. But if it was you who rejected me PlumPrincess I would start howling. Then I would rip off my shirt and begin beating my hairy chest in a display of dominance.

You know you have my undivided attention and devotion. You're my Tarzan and I'm your Jane.

[Dust]

You know you have my undivided attention and devotion. You're my Tarzan and I'm your Jane.

 

You know Tarzan originaly kidnapped Jane. Although he had just saved her life... and She enjoyed being kidnapped!

[PlumPrincess]

You know Tarzan originaly kidnapped Jane. Although he had just saved her life... and She enjoyed being kidnapped!

Kidnap me...

[harkkam]

Thank you DUST for spending time to reply back to me, there were some really good gems in your advice.

 

I just have one more question.

 

I just don't know anybody in my close social circle that has met a woman doing what you are suggesting. That's not saying there is something wrong with what you are doing.

 

I know that its very hard for me to do what you are suggesting for me to do, and its also very hard for my friends to do that.

 

I guess what I was looking for was a way that made it a bit easier to meet a person without having to approach them in coffee shops, stores etc.

 

Quite simply put, I would feel too much anxiety trying to do this

 

Whats funny is that for some reason when I am in a class I feel legitimized, I met my first gf in class, she was visiting our college. After class I introduced myself and asked her out and the rest is history.

[alphamale]

meetup.kom

[Shaun-Dro]

Is that how you guys meet women in your own lives, just curious.

 

Or do you use your social network?

 

I'm a NY guy so we're on similar pages except that I will make a move on a woman that catches my interest. Inaction equals automatic failure so you have to get out there and try. Rejection is not a big deal because women usually will let you down pretty softly; trust me on that. You just have to approach them right.

 

If you need someone to work the kinks out with you, let me know. I'm 33 by the way, probably a little older than you. And not every Meetup holds a bunch of old women. I'm actually attending one Tuesday that will have loads of single young females in the 20s-30s range.