setsenia Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 (edited) That was supposed to be "disowned" in the title, folks. I wish I could correct the thread title. So as many of you have read in previous topics, my mother in law disowned us over facebook comments back in November. Her and his stepfather got offended over every little thing we said and did and eventually she and her husband said they wanted absolutely nothing more to do with us and told us to "have a nice life". I may have mentioned she was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago and recently got the all-clear from her doctor to go back to work, throwing us under the bus shortly after going into remission and didn't feel the need to try to make any more amends with her son. Well, his mother has been sending him e-mails for the last few weeks along with the rest of her relatives regarding her health updates. Another mass was found on the opposite side of her brain and she was going to get a biopsy and mentioned the hospital she would be staying at for those who were local. Anyways, we are not sure what to think. My husband feels a little sad, but is finding it hard to know what to feel about this. His mom never cleared things up about what happened a few months ago and then suddenly acting as if nothing happened and is like "come visit me"? Although, this is a general family e-mail, nothing personal. So, I told him if she really wanted him to be there or wanted to clear things up, she would tell him personally, not in a family e-mail update. After being told she wanted nothing to do with us and then sending the e-mails, he's probably still not going to see her in the hospital. He has given her several chances to be a part of his life and she has ruined it each time. She never really raised him until his biological father passed and then just lets her husband control everything and he never really wanted his wife or stepson to have a relationship with each other. My husband also helped her greatly with taking her to treatments and being there for her when she was first diagnosed with cancer. She only showed appreciation to her husband, so I honestly don't think she deserves another chance. Yes, it's sad, but he would be repeatedly setting himself up for failure in hopes she might change. She kicked him out over their dog a few years back and now recenly disowning him over trivial facebook stuff. She treats her dogs and even his friends better than her own son and never shows an interest in his life other than out of obligation. She hasn't changed in his 28 years of life and it's not going to happen now. She tried for a little bit when she first was diagnosed with cancer and then it went down the tubes. So, we really don't think he should go any further than wishing her well and going on with our lives. We've been down that road before. Any helpful advice? Edited January 31, 2012 by setsenia Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 It genuinely is yours and his adult choice to make. Been down that road it is not any easy one to separate your personal opinions/emotions against what the future may hold for that family member. Whilst its reasonable to suspect that maybe that person who is ill will have a change of heart/personality, I have seen the opposite to be true. They start to clean house and think they have the right to say or do such hateful things all in the name of their illness. I personality think that being the person to take the high road means leaving that family member to clean up there act. Until ones last breath, they are still accountable for their actions or in actions....past/present. Granted when one is medicated to the point of disillusion there is leaway to adjust and understand ... stay strong and do what is right for your life standards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author setsenia Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 Definitely good points there! That actually reminds me of when she was first diagnosed with cancer, she broke the news to us...via E-MAIL! My husband was pretty upset and told her and his step-dad that he would have appreciated being told that kind of news in person, not in a family e-mail. Their response: That he was being selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
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