FelicityShot Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I was recently told by a friend who is currently an OW, that her MM suggested bringing around his BS's sex toys for them to use together. He still has sex with his W, but the emotional intimacy is apparently dead. Anyway, I saw this as way beyond red flag and fully into WTF dealbreaker territory. I mean, who is this guy? She reads here, and while she didn't want to post, she was interested in comments that might be forthcoming. I find it difficult to understand an A where the M party is still having sex with the BS, so that is outside my remit. I can't really advise, but surely NOT THAT! Link to post Share on other sites
despicableME Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I gotta say, this is some sick *****. He still has sex with his W, but the emotional intimacy is apparently dead. What did you think... he wasn't having sex with his wife? You're friend is very niave. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I was recently told by a friend who is currently an OW, that her MM suggested bringing around his BS's sex toys for them to use together. He still has sex with his W, but the emotional intimacy is apparently dead. Anyway, I saw this as way beyond red flag and fully into WTF dealbreaker territory. I mean, who is this guy? She reads here, and while she didn't want to post, she was interested in comments that might be forthcoming. I find it difficult to understand an A where the M party is still having sex with the BS, so that is outside my remit. I can't really advise, but surely NOT THAT! Most MW's and MM's who have affairs still have sex with their spouses. Ask most BS's on here, especially bentnotbroken about this aspect, they'll tell you that their sex life was actually quite good.. Anyway, if this guy wants to use sex toys on your friend, then he should damn well buy NEW ones, not ones that he uses with his wife. That's fricken disguisting on so many levels -- I hope your friend tells this MM to take those toys and shove them up his own.ass! Tell your friend to think about ending her affair with this MM, she deserves a (single) guy who will treat her well, with love and respect and genuine feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FelicityShot Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 Most MW's and MM's who have affairs still have sex with their spouses. Ask most BS's on here, especially bentnotbroken about this aspect, they'll tell you that their sex life was actually quite good.. Anyway, if this guy wants to use sex toys on your friend, then he should damn well buy NEW ones, not ones that he uses with his wife. That's fricken disguisting on so many levels -- I hope your friend tells this MM to take those toys and shove them up his own.ass! Tell your friend to think about ending her affair with this MM, she deserves a (single) guy who will treat her well, with love and respect and genuine feelings. I agree about buying new ones. I told her about ending it too. I had an A, and I was honest about the no sex with my BS. I trusted my xMOM was too. Heck, I was told in no uncertain terms via xMOM when the sex started again after months. I actually think someone who could behave like my friend's MM is possibly far more into sex than emotion. But then there is always the head f**K. Maybe he's just into that - can be erotic. Don't think that's about emotion though. Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I'm a xMOW who didn't and still doesnt have sex with my BS...we don't even sleep on the same floor of the house...I never asked xMOM if he was still having sex with his BS...didn't care...didn't really want to know the answer...and he prob would have lied anyway...and it's the F'ing LYING that's a deal breaker for me...not the sex with the S...just tell me the truth and no one gets hurt...I do know they slept in same bed...so only an idiot would think they weren't having sex... Now...SHARING SEX TOYS...that just gross and so incredibly DISRESPECTFUL on so many levels to your friend...does this guy have a conscience???...apparently all he cares about is getting his rocks off...she should run like h$ell before he offers up his W used toothbrush...and maybe her un-washed thong to wear while brushing up before sex with W's sex toys...Mmmmmm...delicious...where do I sign up?...so jealous... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Who is this guy? I'd ask your friend, who is she??!!! Soooo when this man suggested they use his wife's sex toys...it didn't make her immediately want to break up with him????? That should be her response IMO. It's bad enough he is married but why would someone suggest you use another's sex toy....worse one's wife who one also still has sex with. Maybe he has 3some fantasies and his wife won't oblige him so this is the closest....uisng her sex toys on the OW...and he gets some thrill from that. All I know is...at the end of it all, I've learned what does it matter to analyze this other person, when you as the other participant have a choice too! Whatever his deal is...what;'s yours for sticking around??? Someone being married is a dealbreaker for me automatically BUT even if it were not...someone who is going to suggest we use his wife's sex toys would get the boot...no questions asked! :mad: Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 and spark. i got to ask felicity, what did your friend think of his suggestion? if that didn't make her run screaming, not sure what will. That is indeed the question.... Link to post Share on other sites
TurningTables Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I was recently told by a friend who is currently an OW, that her MM suggested bringing around his BS's sex toys for them to use together. He still has sex with his W, but the emotional intimacy is apparently dead. Anyway, I saw this as way beyond red flag and fully into WTF dealbreaker territory. I mean, who is this guy? She reads here, and while she didn't want to post, she was interested in comments that might be forthcoming. I find it difficult to understand an A where the M party is still having sex with the BS, so that is outside my remit. I can't really advise, but surely NOT THAT! Hi Felicity. This is a just a stab at your question, but, could it be that her MM is asking her to do this to gross her out so much: as to get rid of her? Its just a thought. Also: I am surprised that your friend has admitted to MM still having sex with his W. Most OW/OM will swear that they arent. BTW: The whole idea is revolting. How could she not want dump him now? Link to post Share on other sites
despicableME Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 it's the F'ing LYING that's a deal breaker for me I'm sorry, but this is so hilarious to me(no offense). The LYING... how could you be upset about the lying, when your whole relationship with this man is basically that- A LIE! He's been lying to his BS, what makes you think he won't lie to you??? I mean... are you listening to yourself? (sorry for the t/j) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Hi Felicity. This is a just a stab at your question, but, could it be that her MM is asking her to do this to gross her out so much: as to get rid of her? Its just a thought. I doubt this very much. There's a higher chance of a D-Day with total disgust this way (if he is tryin to end it) than if the MM just wanted to end the affair. This guy has some sick-twisted fantasy going on, using dildo's on his OW and then going home (Probably without washing them too) and using them then on his wife.. then using them on his OW without washing after using on his wife ..etc..etc.. He's getting off on this! There's no real other explanation, unless he's really cheap! Either way (again) I hope you encourage your friend to end this before she gets an STD and also gets her heart broken. Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I'm sorry, but this is so hilarious to me(no offense). The LYING... how could you be upset about the lying, when your whole relationship with this man is basically that- A LIE! He's been lying to his BS, what makes you think he won't lie to you??? I mean... are you listening to yourself? (sorry for the t/j) My whole relationship with "that man" was not a lie on my part...I'll give u his # if u want to ask him...but I really don't care what he says... Lying by omission because I WASN'T ASKED A QUESTION for which I felt compelled to lie about...is a totally different ball game than me asking a very specific question...to which I already know the answer...and u lie, lie, lie...again, and again, and again... I DO NOT lie...if u ask me a question...I answer it honestly...u don't ask...I don't have to tell...that's my right to remain silent...if my H came right now and said did u have an A 8 months ago...I'd say "why yes I did"...otherwise my lips are sealed... Sorry for answering the TJ...if you'd like to continue this disagreement...start another thread and I'll b 100% honest with you too... Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Either the guy is incredibly cheap (won't spring for new toys), or he's incredibly twisted (gets off on disrespecting his wife). I guess having an affair was not enough disrespect for him towards his wife. He needed to bring her personal stuff into this scenario to up the level of disrespect. He must get off on that somehow. Either that, or he really hates his wife. Next thing you know, he'll be bringing over the wife's clothing and asking his OW to wear them while having sex, or bringing her into his house and doing it in their bed. That's some sick bum she has there. What a prize. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 That is nasty. But then again they're already sharing a penis, why not some toys. Link to post Share on other sites
despicableME Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Lying by omission because I WASN'T ASKED A QUESTION for which I felt compelled to lie about...is a totally different ball game than me asking a very specific question...to which I already know the answer...and u lie, lie, lie...again, and again, and again... This tells me all I need to know how you percieve honesty. if you'd like to continue this disagreement...start another thread and I'll b 100% honest with you too... Nah... nuff said. (no more t/j's) Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I've got a pretty strong stomach when it comes to gross things as I used to be an EMT but just the thoughts of someone using someone's else's toys on me, makes me want to throw up in my own mouth. :sick: As someone else said, what did your friend the ow think about it? Did it repulse her? As for assuming that a mm wouldn't be having sex with his wife or believing him if he told me that he wasn't........I'd call BS on that one. I know that people can compartmentalize and delude themselves as a protection mechanism in order to engage in certain behaviors without feeling badly about it...we have all done it to some degree or another; however, there is usually something that breaks the delusion....and quite frankly, this would be it! No matter how I'm saying some married guy is my sweet, loving boyfriend who loves and respects me and has sex with his wife out of obligation ( )...once he suggested using her sex toys on me....omg just saying that made me laugh out loud...I'd IMMEDIATELY realize he was unhinged and I couldn't continue with the situation as my delusional tactics are not strong enough to overcome that reality check! This situation is beyond a red flag and I do hope your friend doesn't minimize this insult and somehow convince herself it's okay...but see it for the gross disrespect it is and run far away from him. And I also feel quite bad for his wife, if she only knew her cheating husband is not only cheating, but he's offering up her sex toys to a strange woman without her consent....this is so sick...I wonder if he was going to let the wife use it then not wash it and bring it to the OW and garner some type of pleasure out of that.... then after the OW uses it, he brings it back to the wife and uses it on her without washing it in one of their obligatory sex sessions or he gets off on thinking that when she is using it alone, she has no idea the OW has been using it too:confused: SMH...mess! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I was recently told by a friend who is currently an OW, that her MM suggested bringing around his BS's sex toys for them to use together. How exciting! He still has sex with his W, but the emotional intimacy is apparently dead. He's having sex with two women. She is sharing his precious dick with another woman's vagina. :sick: Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 That is nasty. But then again they're already sharing a penis, why not some toys. Touché. Link to post Share on other sites
Elizabeth Southerns Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Either the guy is incredibly cheap (won't spring for new toys), or he's incredibly twisted (gets off on disrespecting his wife). I guess having an affair was not enough disrespect for him towards his wife. He needed to bring her personal stuff into this scenario to up the level of disrespect. He must get off on that somehow. Either that, or he really hates his wife. Next thing you know, he'll be bringing over the wife's clothing and asking his OW to wear them while having sex, or bringing her into his house and doing it in their bed. That's some sick bum she has there. What a prize. I think it's even more disrespectful towards the OW. The BS doesn't know. The OW is told, and expected to be OK with it. Link to post Share on other sites
beenburned Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 OMG!! Run Forrest Run!! This MM is sick and twisted!! Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I think the OP is very telling to all of us, who've found ourselves in the position of willing to accept, anything less, than what we should believe we deserve. Of course this is an extreme example, of how far not to stretch our boundaries of acceptance. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 :sick:not only is that sick, it's a big ole pile of steaming something.:sick: Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) Ok, initially it sounds disgusting and it is - but really if both women bare back it with this guy - aren't they already sharing the same sex toy (as other suggested)? Initially I thought this xMM is being completely disrespectful to both parties, but really, if you look at it objectively, they are already sharing the same sex toy. I honestly don't know how many people insist on condoms (I sure hope that lots do in these situations especially, but in a situation where any good judgement is already out the window, are condoms always a must have?) As for your friend OP, I hope she wakes up and realizes that this man has no respect for her and decides to move on to something better. Not saying it as judgement... Edited February 1, 2012 by TigerCub Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I was recently told by a friend who is currently an OW, that her MM suggested bringing around his BS's sex toys for them to use together. He still has sex with his W, but the emotional intimacy is apparently dead. Anyway, I saw this as way beyond red flag and fully into WTF dealbreaker territory. I mean, who is this guy? A liar, cheater, and manipulator. A MM your friend knew was married. His lousy behavior shouldn't come as a shock to her. She reads here, and while she didn't want to post, she was interested in comments that might be forthcoming. I find it difficult to understand an A where the M party is still having sex with the BS Perhaps its because the MM is simply getting his rocks off with your friend and its nothing more than the thrill of having sex with someone besides his wife? Your friend is getting used for sex. Its obvious. Especially if he wants to bring his wife's sex toys into the mix. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I think it's even more disrespectful towards the OW. The BS doesn't know. The OW is told, and expected to be OK with it. . Disrespectful to both women, for sure. But then, look at who we are talking about. A guy who would be in an affair is not respecting either woman. He's cheating on one, and using the other. Nothing about an affair is respectful. I guess this suggestion about the toys is just another display of disrespect for both women. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I think the MM's request for his OW to use the wife's sex toys = him saying that the affair has absolutely nothing to do with the OW as a person. It is not about whatever good qualities she is bringing to the table. It is not about some great attraction he feels for her. It is not about a connection they share. It is not about her (OW) at all. In this case (not saying this is true for all affairs) she really COULD be just about anyone. It is about the wife. It is about him being angry at, wanting to strike out against, needing to punish his wife..... for some reason. All behind her back of course because he is too much of a coward/child to confront the wife directly with whatever grievance he is reacting to. Felicity, is your friend going to continue the affair? If so, what is she telling herself about MM's request? Link to post Share on other sites
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