I spluttered....

[MissBee]

I think the MM's request for his OW to use the wife's sex toys = him saying that the affair has absolutely nothing to do with the OW as a person.

 

It is not about whatever good qualities she is bringing to the table.

 

It is not about some great attraction he feels for her.

 

It is not about a connection they share.

 

It is not about her (OW) at all.

 

In this case (not saying this is true for all affairs) she really COULD be just about anyone.

 

It is about the wife.

 

It is about him being angry at, wanting to strike out against, needing to punish his wife..... for some reason.

 

All behind her back of course because he is too much of a coward/child to confront the wife directly with whatever grievance he is reacting to.

Felicity, is your friend going to continue the affair?

 

If so, what is she telling herself about MM's request?

 

It seems to be the case doesn't it?

 

I am also curious about the bolded as well.

[18Years2Late]

A liar, cheater, and manipulator. A MM your friend knew was married. His lousy behavior shouldn't come as a shock to her.

 

 

 

 

Perhaps its because the MM is simply getting his rocks off with your friend and its nothing more than the thrill of having sex with someone besides his wife? Your friend is getting used for sex. Its obvious. Especially if he wants to bring his wife's sex toys into the mix.

 

Sickening obvious...

 

Friend...if u really are reading...this man respects no one...especially not YOU (his latest "sex toy")...so let's pretend for a minute that this cheap a$$ man actually splurged a few dollars on some brand new clean sex toys...assuming this is a fairly new R with this "man" (and I use that term very loosely)...I would personally take GREAT offense that he felt like the sex was so stale already that he needed to bring some "help" into the mix...I mean is my "real" stuff not good enough?...open your eyes "friend"...and see this "man" for who he really is...a selfish, lying, manipulative, sex-addicted a$$clown...you've seen everything u need to see to make an educated decision...AND because of his sex-addicted promiscuity...tell his wife...your not the only one he's sharing his "toy" with outside his M I garuntee it...

 

RUN...don't look back...he can offer you NOTHING...and that'd exactly what you will get...other that the worst heartache you've ever imagined and mounds of therapist bills...if u don't have respect for yourself...starting TODAY...no one else will either...

[18Years2Late]

Ok, initially it sounds disgusting and it is - but really if both women bare back it with this guy - aren't they already sharing the same sex toy (as other suggested)?

 

Initially I thought this xMM is being completely disrespectful to both parties, but really, if you look at it objectively, they are already sharing the same sex toy.

 

I honestly don't know how many people insist on condoms (I sure hope that lots do in these situations especially, but in a situation where any good judgement is already out the window, are condoms always a must have?)

 

As for your friend OP, I hope she wakes up and realizes that this man has no respect for her and decides to move on to something better.

 

Not saying it as judgement...

 

You know...there's certain people who I wouldn't touch even with 18 condoms on at the same freaking time and a doctors release in hand...certain people who would need a full body condom on just for me to b alone in the same room with...just a temporary visual makes me throw up in my mouth a little...I'm sure we all know (or knew at one time) someone who fits that description...and this guy fits like a glove...YUCK...

[skylarblue]

I guess I’m in the minority because I don’t find the offer offensive or disrespectful to the OW. Personally, if my MM asked I wouldn’t be against it under certain circumstances. If your friend and MM are sexually open/liberally in their R, then I can understand how/why he would ask and not have thought anything of it. MM and I have a R like that and there is still plenty of emotion. I’m not saying that her MM may not get off on it or sex isn’t a major component, I just don’t see his suggestion as something so objectionable or necessarily thinks it’s a bad thing. A red flag, maybe, but your friend probably already has a good sense of the kind of guy he is. It probably just adds support to what she already recognizes. Personally, I’d be more offended or upset knowing that my MM was regularly sleeping with his W.

Edited February 1, 2012 by skylarblue

[MissBee]

I guess I’m in the minority because I don’t find the offer offensive or disrespectful to the OW. Personally, if my MM asked I wouldn’t be against it under certain circumstances. If your friend and MM are sexually open/liberally in their R, then I can understand how/why he would ask and not have thought anything of it. MM and I have a R like that and there is still plenty of emotion. I’m not saying that her MM may not get off on it or sex isn’t a major component, I just don’t see his suggestion as something so objectionable or necessarily thinks it’s a bad thing. A red flag, maybe, but your friend probably already has a good sense of the kind of guy he is. It probably just adds support to what she already recognizes. Personally, I’d be more offended or upset knowing that my MM was regularly sleeping with his W.

 

 

I'm confused...let me make sure I understand.

 

You would be offended if your MM is sleeping with his wife but not offended that he is offering to use his wife's sex toys on you? Is that what you're saying?

[PhoenixRise]

I guess I’m in the minority because I don’t find the offer offensive or disrespectful to the OW. Personally, if my MM asked I wouldn’t be against it under certain circumstances. If your friend and MM are sexually open/liberally in their R, then I can understand how/why he would ask and not have thought anything of it. MM and I have a R like that and there is still plenty of emotion. I’m not saying that her MM may not get off on it or sex isn’t a major component, I just don’t see his suggestion as something so objectionable or necessarily thinks it’s a bad thing. A red flag, maybe, but your friend probably already has a good sense of the kind of guy he is. It probably just adds support to what she already recognizes. Personally, I’d be more offended or upset knowing that my MM was regularly sleeping with his W.

 

I'm confused...let me make sure I understand.

 

You would be offended if your MM is sleeping with his wife but not offended that he is offering to use his wife's sex toys on you? Is that what you're saying?

 

I read it that way too MissBee.

 

Skylar is it your opinion that only the wife is being disrespected in this situation?

 

It boggles my mind that any OW would be ok with using the wife's sex toys unless the affair is more about competing with or attempting to show superiority to the wife, rather than any genuine feelings for the MM.

[MissBee]

I mean...take affairs out of the equation. If my boyfriend is asking me to use his ex girlfriend's sex toys that would be strange and offensive...ANYONE asking me to use anyone's else's sex toys is strange, unhygienic and offensive. I understand if one is in a 3some or orgy scenario...then who cares...but if not, why would you need to use some stranger's sex toys on yourself? Worse yet the wife of your lover lol...okay...I can't even believe this is up for discussion about whether or not it is questionable.

 

 

But Skylar, please clarify, as maybe I am misinterpreting you.

[skylarblue]

I'm confused...let me make sure I understand.

 

You would be offended if your MM is sleeping with his wife but not offended that he is offering to use his wife's sex toys on you? Is that what you're saying?

Just want to clarify; I’m not with MM currently, just as friends. But yes, that is what I’m saying. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be kinda surprised (though MM is quite surprising), just not offended. If MM was sleeping with his W regularly, yes, I’d be very offended. That would be more of a deal breaker.

 

I mean...take affairs out of the equation. If my boyfriend is asking me to use his ex girlfriend's sex toys that would be strange and offensive...ANYONE asking me to use anyone's else's sex toys is strange, unhygienic and offensive. I understand if one is in a 3some or orgy scenario...then who cares...but if not, why would you need to use some stranger's sex toys on yourself? Worse yet the wife of your lover lol...okay...I can't even believe this is up for discussion about whether or not it is questionable.

 

 

But Skylar, please clarify, as maybe I am misinterpreting you.

Maybe weird, but the toy of an ex-gf, never, yuck. That wouldn’t happen. Probably because MM is still with W, I don’t think of it as the same. I mean, we already share MM. Yet, if he and his W separated, no way. Yeah, exe’s toy is definitely gross. The W, no big deal. I know that sounds mental…

[Spark1111]

I was recently told by a friend who is currently an OW, that her MM suggested bringing around his BS's sex toys for them to use together.

 

He still has sex with his W, but the emotional intimacy is apparently dead.

 

Anyway, I saw this as way beyond red flag and fully into WTF dealbreaker territory.

 

I mean, who is this guy?

 

She reads here, and while she didn't want to post, she was interested in comments that might be forthcoming.

 

I find it difficult to understand an A where the M party is still having sex with the BS, so that is outside my remit. I can't really advise, but surely NOT THAT!

 

OMG! Well if you have absolutely NO standards for equitable treatment, she should continue seeing this man, and to ensure he remains happy with her, use the wife's toys.

 

How low can you possibly sink? Not your own man, not your own toys. Just yuck.

 

Next, he might actually ask her to do his friend while he watches.

 

It has been my experience IRL, that when a woman falls for a man, she will deny her spouse or bf physical intimacy.

 

But a man? No matter what, he never says no.

 

To think MM are not intimate with their wives is just ludicrous; a lie to keep the strange and willing coming in their direction.

 

THIS is her idea of a relationship?

[skylarblue]

I read it that way too MissBee.

 

Skylar is it your opinion that only the wife is being disrespected in this situation?

 

It boggles my mind that any OW would be ok with using the wife's sex toys unless the affair is more about competing with or attempting to show superiority to the wife, rather than any genuine feelings for the MM.

 

Yes, totally. The W is being totally disrespected. From the W’s side, I’d be appalled.

 

I wouldn’t be okay with a cache of hers all the time, but a simple vibrator thoroughly cleaned once in a while, considering I didn’t find her objectionable, because MM wanted to…why not. Even if I wouldn’t do it, what’s so bad about him asking? For me, it doesn’t have anything to do with competition or feeling superior now (I don’t think), but most of the A I did everything out of competition and “superiority”.

[MissBee]

Just want to clarify; I’m not with MM currently, just as friends. But yes, that is what I’m saying. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be kinda surprised (though MM is quite surprising), just not offended. If MM was sleeping with his W regularly, yes, I’d be very offended. That would be more of a deal breaker.

 

 

Maybe weird, but the toy of an ex-gf, never, yuck. That wouldn’t happen. Probably because MM is still with W, I don’t think of it as the same. I mean, we already share MM. Yet, if he and his W separated, no way. Yeah, exe’s toy is definitely gross. The W, no big deal. I know that sounds mental…

 

Ahhh.....well as long as you realize We have to leave it at that then....

[thomasb]

That is just sick. And I would hope any woman who was asked to use another persons 'toys' would in quicktime shove it straight up his disgusting a**!

[MissBee]

Yes, totally. The W is being totally disrespected. From the W’s side, I’d be appalled.

 

I wouldn’t be okay with a cache of hers all the time, but a simple vibrator thoroughly cleaned once in a while, considering I didn’t find her objectionable, because MM wanted to…why not. Even if I wouldn’t do it, what’s so bad about him asking? For me, it doesn’t have anything to do with competition or feeling superior now (I don’t think), but most of the A I did everything out of competition and “superiority”.

 

I wasn't going to comment further...but I can't help it. So what would you assume a man's motive is for asking you that? Why can't you use your own or buy a new one? Of all options...what is YOUR assessment of why a man would ask another woman this? What do you think he thinks of her?

 

I'm gonna be honest skylar, it seems as if you have "allowed" a lot of things for a long time and thus your ideas of respect may be very skewed or you have developed a higher tolerance for the outrageous, bizarre and plain gross than most. But your responses seem like you know there is a disconnect.

[woinlove]

I wasn't going to comment further...but I can't help it. So what would you assume a man's motive is for asking you that? Why can't you use your own or buy a new one? Of all options...what is YOUR assessment of why a man would ask another woman this? What do you think he thinks of her?

 

I'm gonna be honest skylar, it seems as if you have "allowed" a lot of things for a long time and thus your ideas of respect may be very skewed or you have developed a higher tolerance for the outrageous, bizarre and plain gross than most. But your responses seem like you know there is a disconnect.

 

Very good question. What could be the reasons? I suppose the MM could be so cheap that he wouldn't want to pay for a new sex toy when he already had access to ones for his W.

 

However, some MM do display traits of really getting off on the idea of having both a W and an OW. These may like to use the marital bed for sex with the OW, may like to have unprotected sex with both as close together in time as possible, and, yes, some may like to use the same sex toys.

[whichwayisup]

I guess I’m in the minority because I don’t find the offer offensive or disrespectful to the OW. Personally, if my MM asked I wouldn’t be against it under certain circumstances. If your friend and MM are sexually open/liberally in their R, then I can understand how/why he would ask and not have thought anything of it. MM and I have a R like that and there is still plenty of emotion. I’m not saying that her MM may not get off on it or sex isn’t a major component, I just don’t see his suggestion as something so objectionable or necessarily thinks it’s a bad thing. A red flag, maybe, but your friend probably already has a good sense of the kind of guy he is. It probably just adds support to what she already recognizes. Personally, I’d be more offended or upset knowing that my MM was regularly sleeping with his W.

 

So I guess if one of your friends was in need of a dildo, you wouldn't mind allowing her to borrow yours?

 

And yes you are in the minority on this.

 

but a simple vibrator thoroughly cleaned once in a while

 

It should be washed thoroughly after every use...

[bentnotbroken]

That is just sick. And I would hope any woman who was asked to use another persons 'toys' would in quicktime shove it straight up his disgusting a**!

 

 

That's not where I was thinking it should be shoved.

[FelicityShot]

I find it hard to advise my friend - but I did say it would be a dealbreaker for me. But then the sex with BS if regular would be too.

 

Friend understands the negative traits and non-equal R, but seems unwilling at this point to make the change. If there is such a thing as fog, this suggestion by the MM seems to have helped move her into real time.

 

I don't know why for her it isn't an instantaneous move on thing.

 

But something is interesting about this thread, which I have reflected on. And that is, why if an OW is prepared to share c*ck, why is it so far stretched to share sex toys?

 

I have the same response as most here - yuck. No way. Sicko.

 

I also agree with what another poster said - it's about his W. MM wants to get off in the same way as with W, and will enjoy the kick of the two women involved thing. Gotta be that.

 

Plus the deceit sex hit must have got quickly jaded, and he needs to up the stakes.

 

I wonder about myself - why I have such a strong aversion to this idea. Why is it that I would feel more betrayed if my H went and used my sex toys with an OW, than if he just screwed her? Or even loved her?

 

I don't have an answer for this.

[FelicityShot]

Oh and quite rightly (?) friend will not be going there with said sex toys...

[18Years2Late]

Ok I have another assessment...just my thoughts abs another huge red flags...

 

I think this MM has some inferiority issues and may be insecure in himself...

 

He doesn't feel attractive to W...W doesn't show him as much love and attention as she use to...maybe treats him badly who knows...so he wants to feel wanted, attractive, get his ego stroked, look at me I still got IT...

 

Solution: love, sex, kind words, ego stroking from a willing OW...

 

But now he's got the OW...but maybe he doesn't feel "up to par" in the sack...now he's insecure about his sexual ability with the feel good OW...

 

Solution: offer to use sex toys

 

RED FLAG: "friend, do really want to spend your life trying to fix this man...you will never b good enough, he will never b good enough for himself...

 

SOLUION: he will continue to seek the ego stroking dejour...then you'll b the BS...

 

And if none of that is an accurate assessment...he's still gross...and no matter your delusions...he IS still having sex with his W...that's what u sign up for...denial is not just a river in Egypt...

 

Somebody please start a thread about how OW think

MM is not having sex with his W...I need a good laugh today...That amazes me...

[whichwayisup]

Guess it's one of those 'how low can you go things' - A cheating spouse bringing the affair partner into the marital home and having sex in the marital bed or even in a child's bed (I've heard this has happened too), so I chalk that up to cheating and banging someone else outside of the marriage is bad enough, throw in the used dildo toys, marital bed or anywhere else in the house is just a passive agressive F-U to the BS (might as well take a giant dump or pee all over the place) and a sick way for the CS to get off on all this stuff. I do recall a thread a few years ago about an OW using the BS's toothbrush and/or hair brush on purpose.. So sometimes it isn't just about the CS, the AP has a sense of warpness to them as well.

 

I do hope your friend takes the time to come here and read more, and hopefully when LS is able to confirm new members she will start posting..

[StrongerThanB4]

I find it hard to advise my friend - but I did say it would be a dealbreaker for me. But then the sex with BS if regular would be too.

Really...because you think married men dont have sex with their wives? Is this REALLY what ow believe???

 

Friend understands the negative traits and non-equal R, but seems unwilling at this point to make the change. If there is such a thing as fog, this suggestion by the MM seems to have helped move her into real time.

 

I don't know why for her it isn't an instantaneous move on thing.

 

But something is interesting about this thread, which I have reflected on. And that is, why if an OW is prepared to share c*ck, why is it so far stretched to share sex toys?

There is no difference. At least not to me. The level of degrading and disrespect comes at no cost when your willing to share a man...let alone his wives sex toys. There really seems like no difference to me.

I have the same response as most here - yuck. No way. Sicko.

Right, but screwing a man who screws his wife isnt a sicko?

I also agree with what another poster said - it's about his W. MM wants to get off in the same way as with W, and will enjoy the kick of the two women involved thing. Gotta be that.

 

Plus the deceit sex hit must have got quickly jaded, and he needs to up the stakes.

 

I wonder about myself - why I have such a strong aversion to this idea. Why is it that I would feel more betrayed if my H went and used my sex toys with an OW, than if he just screwed her? Or even loved her?

 

I don't have an answer for this.

 

Because he obviously does have that desire to get back at his wife for whatever reason. Just like those who bring their AP into their home and beds that they share with their wives. Same deluded sick thinking pigs.

[FelicityShot]

Somebody please start a thread about how OW think

MM is not having sex with his W...I need a good laugh today...That amazes me...

 

Well, as a WS, I was not capable of the two people sex thing - I went into another bedroom.

 

Small survey of one says it's possible!

[18Years2Late]

I find it hard to advise my friend - but I did say it would be a dealbreaker for me. But then the sex with BS if regular would be too.

 

WHAT?!?!?!?...exhibit A...he's MARRIED!!!!...HE HAVING SEX WITH HIS W!!!'...geez...the M license wasn't a deal breaker but screwing the woman he's MARRIED TO IS?????...

 

Friend understands the negative traits and non-equal R, but seems unwilling at this point to make the change. If there is such a thing as fog, this suggestion by the MM seems to have helped move her into real time.

 

I don't know why for her it isn't an instantaneous move on thing.

 

But something is interesting about this thread, which I have reflected on. And that is, why if an OW is prepared to share c*ck, why is it so far stretched to share sex toys?

 

I've been in a monogamous M for 16 years...both H and I clean and disease free...xMM in a monogamous M for 15 years...both he and W clean and disease free...so no I didn't have a problem sharing his C*CK...and I never tried to fool myself into thinking I wasn't sharing it either...now xMM and I had history...not someone I just met at work...now if he was a serial cheater...that would b different.

 

I have the same response as most here - yuck. No way. Sicko.

 

I also agree with what another poster said - it's about his W. MM wants to get off in the same way as with W, and will enjoy the kick of the two women involved thing. Gotta be that.

 

Plus the deceit sex hit must have got quickly jaded, and he needs to up the stakes.

 

I wonder about myself - why I have such a strong aversion to this idea. Why is it that I would feel more betrayed if my H went and used my sex toys with an OW, than if he just screwed her? Or even loved her?

 

I don't have an answer for this.

 

Amazing!!!

[StrongerThanB4]

Well, as a WS, I was not capable of the two people sex thing - I went into another bedroom.

 

Small survey of one says it's possible!

 

 

Wow...how compassionate of you.

[18Years2Late]

I find it hard to advise my friend - but I did say it would be a dealbreaker for me. But then the sex with BS if regular would be too.

 

Friend understands the negative traits and non-equal R, but seems unwilling at this point to make the change. If there is such a thing as fog, this suggestion by the MM seems to have helped move her into real time.

 

I don't know why for her it isn't an instantaneous move on thing.

 

But something is interesting about this thread, which I have reflected on. And that is, why if an OW is prepared to share c*ck, why is it so far stretched to share sex toys?

 

I have the same response as most here - yuck. No way. Sicko.

 

I also agree with what another poster said - it's about his W. MM wants to get off in the same way as with W, and will enjoy the kick of the two women involved thing. Gotta be that.

 

Plus the deceit sex hit must have got quickly jaded, and he needs to up the stakes.

 

I wonder about myself - why I have such a strong aversion to this idea. Why is it that I would feel more betrayed if my H went and used my sex toys with an OW, than if he just screwed her? Or even loved her?

 

I don't have an answer for this.

 

Well, as a WS, I was not capable of the two people sex thing - I went into another bedroom.

 

Small survey of one says it's possible!

 

No small survey...I'm a WS too...I also sleep in another room and I don't have sex with my H...but that was prior to my affair...but u should know by know that women (most) can't compartmentalize like a man (most) can...men will have sex anytime, anywhere, with anyone, under any circumstances...especially with the woman he's MARRIED to...

 

Where's DespicableMe? I need help here "Are the hearing themselves?"