Silkosei Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 I met this girl, and we were great from the start and she moved in with me practically after a month. Everything was great for about 4 months then I moved back home and she moved back to her parents house. We stayed together and hung out everyday. I do everything for this girl and treat her like a queen. Then she started changing. Her ex-boyfriend of 4 years that she always broke up with and went out with someone else then got back together with sent her flowers for her birthday. No big deal. Then she started hanging out with again. She would always talk to him on the phone and I was almost sure she was cheating on me. She used to have me sneak into her house at night to sleep, and that ended cuz she said her dad thought somthing was up. But one time I went over and saw guys boxes and t-shirts on her floor in the laundry pile, and her sheets looked like stained. I confronted her and she said she had been wearing her ex's boxers that she had kept from when they were together and wore tehm cuz she hadnt done laundry, and the sheets were stained for the last month from me and her. I didnt believe but had no proof. Months went by and we moved in together again into an apt. She would be real shady about sometimes going out and me catching her ina lie. She would never talk on the phone to her ex when I was around, and even one night slept in the other room cuz we were fighting and talked to him all night long while I could hear her talking all sweet and cute in the other room. She was going to Florida for a vacation with her friend for the weekend and the whole time she was there she wouldnt pick up my calls for the whole 4 days. When she came back she acted like nothing was wrong and told me her phone was dead or she was busy. Even told me she went parasailing with her friend. 2 Weeks later I found pictures of her parasailing .....with her ex that she had told me I was being insecure about and she hated me bringing **** up and accusing her, when the whole time my gut feeling told me somthing was going on. I caught her. Confronted her and she said she was sorry and would never do it again and wouldnt talk to him anymore. I took her back! I know u must be thinking WTF? Well i changed for this girl and wanted to give it a try plus i cheated on my ex and figured this was karma for me and would try to make it work. Me and her are still together, still living together, and occasionally we fight and she acts shady, like I think she has gone to his house a few times when we were fighting to sleep there or whatever. Her phone is in my name and I still see that she calls him occasionally when I'm at work....and she's home alone. My insecurities are driving me crazy and I REALLY DONT TRUST her! I think the worst all the time and feel that she uses me cuz I support her and pay for everything, and she cant even stop talking to her ex that she swears is justa friend, but she already sheated on me with him for like 2 month period, and we have only been together for like 1 year and 4 months. She told me she would stop talking to him on the phone, but that didnt really last. Me and her spend like 24/7 together and for her to be cheating on me still would mean that she would only be able to do it while im at work. Thats the times that i see his # on her phone bill occasionally and its only for about 1 minutes each time. So if they not talkng for long then im thinking its just her saying he's gone u can come over.? I going crazy over this ****. I wanna leave her ass but I have changed everything about myself for her and became soo unselfish and I dont wanna just give up and start over? What can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
pinky Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 Heck yeah she is! And you are letting her get away with it. You said that you canged yourself for her, that is nuts! If she doesn't like the guy she met, then she doesn't like the real you. Don't change for anyone but yourself. She talks to her ex when you two fight? Probably telling him how awful you are and how you hurt her, I'm sure. Then she looks like the sad mistreated one. Believe me, if you are willing to put up with this she will keep on doing it for as long as she can. No one is worth giving up you self respect for. And if you break up who will she run to? For all you know this is just some sick game they play with people, and you are a gamepiece right now. Have faith in yourself, the REAL you and either make serious changes in the relationship (which she 'll probably leave you over) or muster up all your self respect and move on. You sound like a good guy that is currently doing double duty as a doormat. Don't mean to sound harsh, but I played her games way back when I was a teenager, she needs to grow up. Pinky Link to post Share on other sites
slimmontana Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 That's Crazy!! That's total lack of respect on her part...How do you think she would feel if you were not part of her life anymore? No way this relationship can work...Because she is not respecting yoour feelings..How scandalous using the phone that you pay for to call somebody she cheated on with you. That's unaccpetable you have to have a serious heart to heart with her to see where this relationship is going to see if it is worth salvaging! Good luck to ya! Talk to her let us know how it goes! Link to post Share on other sites
disguy Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 My advice and i'm sure there are others that are gonna be writing the same thing, is leave her. No if's, and's, or but's about it. I have been in similar situation like yours. She's just freeloading off you while she cheat's on you behind your back. You can do nothing to change this person. She will always be messsing around on you with her ex. You seem like a good guy and you deserve much better. It always seems like nice guys finish last. I put my ex girl up on a pedastal and basically worshiped the ground she walked on - it was that bad. You probably have really strong feelings for her and look past all the bad that she's done. Well its time to move on. Pick up what's left of your broken heart and leave her. Trust me there are other women out there that would die to be treated the way that you treat her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Silkosei Posted June 3, 2004 Author Share Posted June 3, 2004 Thanks guys, I already figured the majority would tell me what I know I should do. She is very manipulative, and very smart. What I can't seem to understand...she said that the ex is her first boyfriend, first everything and she could never just get him outta her life. She says she wants to marry me, and she doesnt see him ever for the last 5 months. We have been good and no problems, but I told her if she only calls him once in a while to say hi, why does she choose to do it when i'm not around at work etc.. She says she knows it would hurt me if I knew she still talked to him every now and then, and I get crazy when I find out. Her conversations only last a couple of minutes to him? What is that? In my head I just want to actually have proof by catching her or somthing or else I would never know for sure. We are practically married I mean we live together now and plan on getting a house soon, we have a puppy that I bought her. It would be a very hard break-up with me not being alone for so long, but then again how long can I handle this feeling of insecurity and mistrust? Can somthing like trust ever be restored when somthing like that has happened? I try to treat her differently somtimes like I just dont care to see how she reacts and she trys harder to make me happy. Is love always just a game of one person caring more and the other one chasing ? Link to post Share on other sites
disguy Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Love is only a game if you make it a game. But no that is not the definition of love. Love is when you can completely trust her and are able to communicate with her. She has to meet you half way. You can't do all the work. You can only try till you can't try anymore. Its all about compromise and you telling her to only call him only to say "hi" once in awhile? What you should have said is "Its either me or him, its your choice". Believe me man if she chooses him, she will realize what she lost. I can say that from experience. I treated this girl like crap even though she kept trying to make me happy. Finally i just dumped her because the relationship was just too easy and i ended up cheating on her. I realize now that I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I still regret it till this day. That girl never deserved to be treated the way that i treated her. But anyway, you have to give her that ultimatum and stick to it. Don't let her manipulate you any longer. Its kinda weird how we always want to be with the one that treats us the worst. I guess we keep thinking that we can change that person. But i've come to realize that only she can make that change. There is nothing you can do to make her change. With all these posts of people telling you that you should just leave her, you might not, but in the end you will have to learn from your mistakes. And that will only make you stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Leave her. Don't think for a second that she isn't still seeing him on the side. She isn't calling him to just say hi. Come the f*ck on. Even if she was telling the truth, that shouldn't be allowed. I don't believe in keeping ex's as friends anyway, but if you cheat with one of them... you better not be saying another word to them. At all. It's way disrespectful. Trust me there are other women out there that would die to be treated the way that you treat her. He's right. I'm so sorry for you. I can tell you really care for her. Good luck. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
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