rubberhedgehog Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Hi, I am asking this question from the perspective of my girlfriend. We have been going out for one and a half years and are totally committed to each other. From my point of view, the only reason that I've not asked her to marry me is that we are both doing doctoral degrees and live 150 miles apart so see each other only at the weekends. We finish them next year and I can see no reason that we shouldn't be together then. We have been away on holiday before to places in Europe (2 hours away) and my girlfriend has had to lie about our room situation. Her mother doesn't know that we see each other so regularly, and would be very upset if she found out that we have been sleeping with each other for about a year (I guess I would be classed a late developer, being 24 when I first slept with my girlfriend - she was 21 but had had sex before meeting me). Now I want to go away for an extended period of time (10 days) to somewhere romantic and exotic in the Asia. Her mother is completely against the notion on multiple grounds (her dad is much more laid back and is very supportive of it!): 1 - It is far away (which I don't think should be an issue) 2 - It is very serious (she doesn't know that we drive to see each other once a week) and thinks that maybe if we were engaged or married it would be more suitable 3 - Possibly concerned that I would 'take advantage' of her daughter and try to pressure her in to sex (which isnt an issue as described earlier....) 4 - She is ignorant of the wider world (not in a bad way, just brought up in a very sheltered home) and assumes that anywhere that doesn't speak English means that we will get rabies as soon as we get off the plane and die of tyhpoid within 4 hours of arriving. Is there a way to solve this? I dont want to drive a wedge between my girlfriend and her mother who would probably turn round and have an issue with me. On the other hand, I don't know what to do about seeing my girlfriend's life being controlled by her mum. She has never been allowed to do anything 'fun' and I want to show her that life isn't just about getting multiple degrees, but going on a banana boat on a special trip is something nice to do as well. Thanks for all the input you can give. RH Link to post Share on other sites
setsenia Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Wow, I am surprised that since she's going for a doctorate degree, she wouldn't be more open minded about things. First thing's first, though. You have to tell her how you feel about the situation. I know it differs in many cultures, but her mom sounds a little overbearing and that could be an issue once you two are living together or married. You can't change a person, but try talking to her about it first. If you have plans to get married in the future, she should take your thoughts and opinions seriously and maybe come to an agreement together. An overbearing parent can easily destroy a relationship. Tell her how you feel about the situation to prevent any of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubberhedgehog Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 Oh, my girlfriend is very open to everything, it's just that her mother isn't. I'm not sure if that came through in my original message, but that is the situation Link to post Share on other sites
setsenia Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Whoops, sorry about that. I must have misread. Is your girlfriend close with her mother? Link to post Share on other sites
mtber75 Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 What's wrong with getting engaged so to satisfy her mom (probably her too) and getting married after you guys finish your degrees. In the states (USA), many couples get engaged forever...That's what happen to my friend and he did got married after more than a year of the engagement. Link to post Share on other sites
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