Male psychology

[tigressA]

When I see a guy who I think is attractive I'll look. One time when I was on the subway with two of my girlfriends they were chattering on about something and I was busy staring at some gorgeous guy sitting crosswise from us reading a book. And yes, I do think about what it would be like to have sex with attractive guys I see. I do this whether or not I am single.

 

I asked my BF what he does when he sees an attractive woman and he says he'll think "Wow, she's really beautiful" or take note of a specific part of her body that he thinks is nice but he doesn't think at all of what it would be like to have sex with her.

[EnigmaticClarity]

Yeah, right. The only reason you didn't "want" to act on it because you had no opportunity to do so, I bet. A man is only as faithful as his options.

 

That's fairly offensive--sorry you've been around the dregs of men. Many, and I believe most, men aren't as you describe. Yea, most probably don't feel as though they have options, but even most of those prefer the stability and intimacy of committed relationship. I feel like I've got plenty of options, but I'm not out to prove myself, I'm out to be with someone I know meets my needs and makes me happy, not to roll the dice on that every day, week, or month of the year.

Edited February 2, 2012 by EnigmaticClarity

[EnigmaticClarity]

Sorry, but I would never think about sleeping with another man while in a relationship. My only passing thoughts when a shirtless guy appears before my vision are " Oh, nice body", or " He's hot" but these are more in reference to how visually stimulating they are and not sexual in nature.

 

That's all I do, but I think of it as sexual. I mostly just think about women's bodies, not so much the act of intercourse, but the feelings I get are entirely sexual, and they really just make me want to have sex with whoever I'm with. Every girl I've been with is the same way--they don't say they are, but I can see it in their reactions to attractive men, naked men in film, and based upon their comments about other men in conversation.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Is it true that even in the happiest of relationships, men still wonder about other girls and what sex would be like with them?

 

Some men might be like that ES, but I also believe there are men that really try to be loyal to their partners. Not just in deed but in thought too. Now, no one is perfect and all of us might have varying levels of fleeting thoughts about others. But what always mattered to me is how a man lives his life and how he conducts himeslf and what he decides to focus on. Does he hold the mentality that any amount of fantasizing is okay as long as he isn't acting on it? Or does he, even if thoughts creep up on him, push them out of his mind to focus on his partner and relatoinship? For me, I need the kind of man that doesn't make fantasy a regularly active part of where he spends his time. I need a man that wants to live in the real world with me, not in a fantasy world with other women. I don't think that's a bad thing to ask for. I need one that is going to show loyatly both through his actions and thoughts. Just as he should expect of me.

 

There are men out there like this. Although our culture promotes all kinds of self indulgence (especially in "fantasy") and typically, men are more inclined to want free passes for all matter of sexual thoughts of other women because that's simply what is most pleasing and easy for them. They unfairly expect this not to hurt sometimes too. However, there are men that try to be above the grain on that. And for me, what it comes down to is how hard a man tires, rather then if he is perfect. Unfortunetly, I don't think a lot of men even try anymore to deny themselves any little bit of sexual pleasure they can get when it comes to fantasy. Just look at how many men indulge in fantasy regularly today in ways their fathers never did.

 

Relationships are compromised of not just the physical, but the emotional and mental as well. I think physical, emotional and mental commitment is equally important in a relationship. The mental (even emotional) part of it is harder for people and no one is ever going to be perfect in this regard. Because it requires more effort. But what matters is how much a man tries. Does he overly justify himself or does he make a real commitment to his partner based not only on his needs, but her needs too? Her needs that go beyond the sexual ones. There are people, there are men, that try to live by that code.

 

 

Sorry, but I would never think about sleeping with another man while in a relationship. My only passing thoughts when a shirtless guy appears before my vision are " Oh, nice body", or " He's hot" but these are more in reference to how visually stimulating they are and not sexual in nature.

 

Am I the only one who thinks like this?

 

When I'm in a relationship my SO takes first place and I have never really looked at other people.

 

I think like that too. My SO takes first place too. Unfortunetly, this is a big reason so many people have disatisfaction in relationships. They don't put their SO first, they put themselves first. No one wants to deny themselves anything anymore. There isn't much self control being practiced anymore. And not even just self control, there just seems to be a hugely consuming society from money, to food to sex.

[EnigmaticClarity]

If we lived in a society where naked beautiful women would constantly throw themselves at men and where it's perfectly accepted for a man to have an unlimited number of gfs, wives, you bet that 99 % of men would NOT have the typical girl-romantic thoughts of "the one". Men would NOT think : "oh yeah, these hot chicks here are beggin me to F them, but i'd rather pass them up and be my gf that i've had for years". In fact, such a society would be men's dream world. Everything else is just illusion at best and denial at worst.

 

Don't be mad at me, i'm just telling it like it is.

 

You're telling it like it is by painting a picture of a fantasy world that can't possibly exist? If an extremely attractive woman threw herself at me--let's say a 9 when I consider myself a 6--I wouldn't respond. Not worth the risk in a real world--who knows what her motivations are. I'd be skeptical that it would last and wouldn't throw away a good relationship chasing something that may or may not work out.

 

Your assumption only holds if men aren't attracted to their wives and are constantly looking at other women. Men who are attracted to their wives aren't as likely to have this problem.

[xxoo]

Just look at how many men indulge in fantasy regularly today in ways their fathers never did.

 

I highly doubt that former generations were more pure of thought.

 

My

[EnigmaticClarity]

If we're raised in a society that values monogamy, there wouldn't be so much cheatinggoing on.

 

I was raised in a society that values monogamy. Where do you live and what have you seen to make you think that isn't the case? Do we self-righteously burn cheaters like Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich at the stake? No, but we lose a great amount of personal respect for them. Yea, not enough to vote against Clinton for president...but that doesn't mean society doesn't place value on monogamy. It absolutely does.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I highly doubt that former generations were more pure of thought.

 

I didn't say that former generations were more pure of thought. Just like I am sure former generations didn't have obese people. But our culture is overly self indulgent in many avenues. And sex is one of them. Just as food is one of them. Our culture is seeped in sex 24/7. And while I think sex and some amount of fantasy is healthy and normal. I don't think the level of what we have today is.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I highly doubt that former generations were more pure of thought.

 

I'm sure that She-Who-Will-Not-Let-the-Porn-Thread-Die is thinking about the effect upon fantasy that the Internet has had. My grandfather wasn't exposed to the volume or variety of imagery spanning thousands of fetishes that modern men have available to them.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I meant to say:

 

I didn't say that former generations were more pure of thought. Just like I am sure former generations had obese people. But our culture is overly self indulgent in many avenues. And sex is one of them. Just as food is one of them. I think the over indulgence has been raised in both these respects compared to other generations. Our culture is seeped in sex 24/7. And while I think sex and some amount of fantasy is healthy and normal. I don't think the level of what we have today is.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I'm sure that She-Who-Will-Not-Let-the-Porn-Thread-Die is thinking about the effect upon fantasy that the Internet has had. My grandfather wasn't exposed to the volume or variety of imagery spanning thousands of fetishes that modern men have available to them.

 

There are a number of people in that thread sustaining it, not just me.

 

Why don't we not do the cheap shot thing okay?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Whereas men are never happy with that they have and constantly think about banging other women, as admitted here by many men.

 

 

You are wrong to equate thinking about banging other women with "men are never happy." Many guys can think about banging other women while being perfectly happy with their partner.

 

Also, lots of guys don't go down that road to full blown sexual fantasies about other women, but they will still get a very visceral, sexual reaction to attractive women. And, as many women have said on this thread, plenty of women do the same thing.

 

So then why exactly is it that people try to tell me i'm jaded when my opinion is proven to be true in here?

 

 

Have you been colluding with Woggle? What "many men" write on Internet fora does not necessarily translate into real life numbers. I think it's documented that infidelity by married women and men are very close in number. So, why are you vilifying men only for being "only as faithful as their options"?

 

A person with a very skewed perspective like yours can easily Google all day long to find "information" and "facts" to support their position.

 

I'm not saying that lots of guys are not unfaithful. Yes, indeed, there are several very outspoken PUA / player types around here who feel it's their biological destiny to "bang" any woman they can, regardless of how they get there. They're sad losers!

 

Men AND women are equally capable of having high or low character, and of being human beings who might succumb to weaknesses.

 

I don't think you should be in a relationship until you learn how to trust a man and how to view a man as your equal rather than an amoral animal.

[EnigmaticClarity]

There are a number of people in that thread sustaining it, not just me.

 

Why don't we not do the cheap shot thing okay?

 

They're all talking to the same person.

 

It wasn't intended as a cheap shot, it's a fairly fun thread to read.

[joystickd]

I'm sure that She-Who-Will-Not-Let-the-Porn-Thread-Die is thinking about the effect upon fantasy that the Internet has had. My grandfather wasn't exposed to the volume or variety of imagery spanning thousands of fetishes that modern men have available to them.

Oh! The porn police or the woman that makes intelligent statements like porn makes more money than Hollywood. Please don't say funbags

[xxoo]

I'm sure that She-Who-Will-Not-Let-the-Porn-Thread-Die is thinking about the effect upon fantasy that the Internet has had. My grandfather wasn't exposed to the volume or variety of imagery spanning thousands of fetishes that modern men have available to them.

 

Most men aren't interested in those niche fetishes, even post internet. And fetish existed before the internet (art imitating life, or life imitating art?)

 

I bought and devoured Nancy Fridays books when I was a young adult: My Secret Garden and Men in Love. They are collections of women's and men's sexual fantasies, submitted by letter to an ad she placed somewhere around early 1970s. It made me feel normal!

[joystickd]

Most men aren't interested in those niche fetishes, even post internet. And fetish existed before the internet (art imitating life, or life imitating art?)

 

I bought and devoured Nancy Fridays books when I was a young adult: My Secret Garden and Men in Love. They are collections of women's and men's sexual fantasies, submitted by letter to an ad she placed somewhere around early 1970s. It made me feel normal!

I mention this on the porn thread and you know what they are so stuck on porn that they can't even conceive that possibility. Its hypocritical in a sense

[EnigmaticClarity]

Most men aren't interested in those niche fetishes, even post internet. And fetish existed before the internet (art imitating life, or life imitating art?)

 

Art imitating life, then art changing life by spreading ideas. I think most men have SOME kind of fetish--my ex asked me if I was a boob man or a butt man on our first date...I stupidly replied "boob man, definitely" before noticing she was a pear. The nature of the question implies she thought men tended to fetish on one or the other.

[xxoo]

Art imitating life, then art changing life by spreading ideas. I think most men have SOME kind of fetish--my ex asked me if I was a boob man or a butt man on our first date...I stupidly replied "boob man, definitely" before noticing she was a pear. The nature of the question implies she thought men tended to fetish on one or the other.

 

A body shape preference doesn't necessarily rise to level of a fetish.

 

Now, if you are sexually drawn to large breasts to the point that you are unable to perform without their presence, that would be a fetish. Also if you were more sexually fixated on breasts than genitals.

 

For most men---even "boob men"--that isn't the case.

[EnigmaticClarity]

A body shape preference doesn't necessarily rise to level of a fetish.

 

Now, if you are sexually drawn to large breasts to the point that you are unable to perform without their presence, that would be a fetish. Also if you were more sexually fixated on breasts than genitals.

 

For most men---even "boob men"--that isn't the case.

 

It's useful to agree on what a "fetish" is--I didn't think it was something you HAVE to have to perform, just something you really liked a lot. Here's the dictionary.com definition that applies to sexuality--"any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation".

[EnigmaticClarity]

Here's the dictionary.com definition that applies to sexuality--"any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation".

 

I'm actually not liking that definition because I thought sexual fetishes aren't limited to objects but are also used to describe fixations on situations as well, such as is true in BDSM.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I'm actually not liking that definition because I thought sexual fetishes aren't limited to objects but are also used to describe fixations on situations as well, such as is true in BDSM.

 

And yea, that's how Wikipedia expands that dictionary.com definition--they define it as "the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation."

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fetishism

[xxoo]

It's useful to agree on what a "fetish" is--I didn't think it was something you HAVE to have to perform, just something you really liked a lot.

 

In that case, I have fetishes for lots of things, many of them contradicting each other

[Disenchantedly Yours]

They're all talking to the same person.

 

It wasn't intended as a cheap shot, it's a fairly fun thread to read.

 

 

There are good chunks of time when I wasn't involved in the discussion at all.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

You are wrong to equate thinking about banging other women with "men are never happy." Many guys can think about banging other women while being perfectly happy with their partner.

 

Mme. Chaucer, I can't help but personally equate that a man that thinks about banging other women while in a relationship with me, does support some disatisfaction with what I have to offer him. Why is it we tell ourselves that it's natural for us to think about other people (and it is), but that it's not natural to feel worried about what our partners are thinking about and what that means to their involvement with us?

 

I can't stop not thinking that if a man is focusing on other women within his relationship with me, that it infact does point to a certain amount of disatisfaction. I don't think it means he doesn't care about me. But it doesn't point to a happy fullfilled man either. Likewise, if a man can't not stop thinking of other women every chance he gets, what is the compromise for both of us? Because I don't think it's fair to say that it's okay for men to indulge in every little fantasy they have everytime they come in contact with a beautiful woman but that women are the ones that are suppose to control their own emotional response to this. Perhaps its time for more understanding on both sides. Not just asking women to "understand" about "male needs". Maybe it's time to ask men to understand why sometimes their sexual behaviors toward other women can be hurtful even if they are not directly going after that woman.

 

That's something I always struggle with.

 

And what if I am only thinking of one man every 6 months and controling myself the other time but he is thinking of 600 women within 6 months. Seems unbalanced.

[xxoo]

Mme. Chaucer, I can't help but personally equate that a man that thinks about banging other women while in a relationship with me, does support some disatisfaction with what I have to offer him. Why is it we tell ourselves that it's natural for us to think about other people (and it is), but that it's not natural to feel worried about what our partners are thinking about and what that means to their involvement with us?

 

I can't stop not thinking that if a man is focusing on other women within his relationship with me, that it infact does point to a certain amount of disatisfaction. I don't think it means he doesn't care about me. But it doesn't point to a happy fullfilled man either. Likewise, if a man can't not stop thinking of other women every chance he gets, what is the compromise for both of us? Because I don't think it's fair to say that it's okay for men to indulge in every little fantasy they have everytime they come in contact with a beautiful woman but that women are the ones that are suppose to control their own emotional response to this. Perhaps its time for more understanding on both sides. Not just asking women to "understand" about "male needs". Maybe it's time to ask men to understand why sometimes their sexual behaviors toward other women can be hurtful even if they are not directly going after that woman.

 

That's something I always struggle with.

 

And what if I am only thinking of one man every 6 months and controling myself the other time but he is thinking of 600 women within 6 months. Seems unbalanced.

 

But is he focusing on other women? Or are these passing thoughts?

 

The best way I can explain this is to describe my own experience, with my own thoughts. I am focused on my partner. He is my everything. I want no one else in my heart or in my bed.

 

Still, I can see a man with a certain feature, or a certain carry, and get a volt of electricity to my groin. There is a dirty thought, and then it's gone.

 

I get FAR more volts of electricity from my H than I do from other men. When my H and I were flirting (pre-dating), his presence in the room changed my breathing A passing sexual thought about another man can not compare.