stab17 Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Hi LS, To be honest, i feel like **** right now and have been for the last 2 months since the BU. I have so many other issues that needs to be dealt with such as my career path, family problems... The BU definitely shook my equilibrium as I cannot take all these problems anymore coming at once... I feel like I have been used, I was there for her, right beside her when she was at her lowest and needed my support. I don't understand how someone can turn so cold so quickly and don't give me the support I need at the moment.. I do want her back but I have lost all hope. I have been NC for a month now. I have honestly tried everything... working my ass off, new hobbies, old hobbies, counselling, working out more often than I used to (sometimes I got 2x a day). My friends would even drag me out so I can take things out of my mind... But I legit feel like a debbie downer when I'm out with them and that's not fair. I feel like I have done everything I could.. I cry every ****ing night, I sleep for over 10 hours every day. I cry when I wake up. I dream about all this **** all the time and I just want it to end.. Do I only have one choice left? I am seriously considering doing it and I am in such a dark place and I do appreciate all the support given to me, but it feels like nobody loves me anymore anyway not even my family. I also lost one of the people who matter to me the most in my family. Link to post Share on other sites
esteem-jam Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Yes, and that is, find another girlfriend. And of course, NC meanwhile. If youre talking about ending your life, I can tell you that it will be more painful and complex than stopping a girl and talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 It seems like you've done a lot, but you've yet to take the power back. You are still allowing someone else to control your emotions rather than being able to look at things truly how they are. You are caught in a path of anger and depression and you need to find a path out of it. I will suggest something, and that is volunteering. Do you like animals? People? Children? If so then there are a ton of opportunities. You could spend time helping puppies and kittens, spend time talking to the elderly and giving them a reason to smile, or even tutor or be a big sibling for a child in need. Seeing that you can still bring happiness and joy to others will surely put a smile on your heart. I started off by paying for Christmas presents for a young girl. I reached out to a single father who was having trouble due to the economy and was struggling just to keep a roof over his little girls head. There was much joy brought to my heart when hearing him say how wonderful it was that his girl would be able to have a Christmas this year after I dropped off the presents. If you feel like your life is down, then do something to help someone else. As that is one of the greatest joys that one could feel. Even at your worst having a child run up and hug you for making their day/week/month/somtimes even year is more than enough to make you shed a happy tear. Link to post Share on other sites
lilyblue Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Medication. Have you talked with your therapist about this? Or seen a doctor? Link to post Share on other sites
poodle Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 (edited) Have you considered that the girl might be a way for you to get your mind off the loss of a family member? Sometimes we deal with smaller issues in an unhealthy way to avoid coping with the things that are really bothering us. I wouldn't recommend medication, as Lilyblue suggested. You should work on curing the underlying problem, not the symptoms. I do think talking to someone might help. Good luck, things will get better. They always do. Edited February 2, 2012 by poodle Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 +1 for philosoraptors post. I work in the healthcare field and helping others is whatt I do everyday. Seeing the joy and hope on another persons face especially a childs is a feeling no amount of money can buy. Please take into considerstion the effect losing you would have on your family and friends. Judging by your post you have both and they love/care about you or else they wouldn't drag you out. Just think about it and continue to post here my friend!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Your story is very similiar to mine, except I'm 3 and a half months down the line. Yes, she totally betrayed me after I'd been there for her for a long time with her issues, i couldn't get any lower than how I FELT THEN. tHEN MY FAMILY JUST DIDN'T BOTHER, THEY GAVE ME NO SUPPORT AND i LASHED OUT AT THEM, NOT SEEING THEM AT XMAS. I still can't visit them, feel so let down by so many people. Had a serious health scare at xmas also, and than a close friend died 2 weeks ago. Life is cruel, but it will hammer you down even more if you let it. It's about realizing your self worth in this world and you are worthy of being here my friend. The volunteering...I've just had an interview for that and am about to start volunteering in a hospice. You are a decent person...we all have kicks in the teeth, all of us, but it's about how we react to them that defines us for the future. If you fight this and do not take it lying down in the future, you will love yourself more, as you will look back and think...wow, that was a tough tough time, but you know what? I got through it, because of me...no one else. Happiness comes from within, not from others. I'm sending you strength and luck. Link to post Share on other sites
KS11 Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Hi Stab17, Im not sure if this will be of any help, but even in the smallest amount and speaking from experience knowing that others are feeling the same provides some solace. What I want to say is I know exactly how you feel because it is a feeling that im trying to get of hold of myself. I cant go a minute without my mind wandering back to how things are, to how badly shes hurting me. Like you, its the first thing i think of when i wake up and the last thing. I try and sleep all the time just so i dont have to think about it. Every night i wake up at like 3am and just lie there. Like you, i too am at the end of what i can take. I loathe myself. I cant get over the feeling that im not worth something. Because i am not. If i was then I wouldn't have been treated this way. Like i say, i havent offered any advice, but i just wanted you to know that there are others like you...and somehow i guess we just have to keep going... Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 KS11, please don't loathe yourself. This type of thing happens to the best of us..the majority of us. View every day as a step further on in your life and a day further away from the initial day you felt like the world was ending...baby steps, deep breaths. You are a worthy person who has been dealt like me a **** hand at the mo. It's really hard, i'm with you on that, you are not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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