releasing some of my baggage

[MsKnightSoul]

why Hello there

 

Let me get this off my chest while I'm feeling this way lol well here's me that has never really been on my own, always living off my parents, not having a job, or other stuff. Video games always took my worries off from the real world, and when I got off them I get worried. I am almost 22yearsold in June tho, I am still immature in ways, but also mature. xD Anyways, when trying to apply for a job I get nervous, I freak out on myself asking questions like "am I going to do it good?" stuff like that because I haven't worked in stores;cashiers, restaurants, well you know.. lol.

 

Thats just doubting myself, low self esteem, low confidence working on me. Well I did work, summer jobs. First summer job i was either 14 or 15, Janitor work, helping my aunty clean. Didn't mind but had issue with cleaning infront of people lol shy... the next summer job, I was 16? I was a receptionist, I hated it! because of this one rude guy giving me **** on the phone(i wasnt told or didnt ask were these workers were at), I went to the washroom and cried lol..awwwe. after that I didnt want to be working as a receptionist. The money was good pay! just for 2weeks I think i got $900.

 

During this past summer July 2011, I worked at a canteen for about 5 days, volunteer work, my cousin was the one who just put my name down and didnt ask me but i helped, I didnt feel like it, I was doubting myself(the fact of to many people, and im not good with counting money). Plus I havent stood on my feet for 9hrs or more, but stuck it up lol.. ugh..

 

Anyways, I applied for University in my birthcity. Me living 13hrs west from there, I got accpeted by both; my sponsor, and university. I happy, also afraid. So the whole family packed up the stuff and stored them into a storage, its hard to find a place there :/ I just had to find a room to rent off from random people. My family living north from me, staying at a familys there. They're still living there, also have jobs there. I am out of University, due to the strike that screwed me over(strike happened 3weeks after the semester just started and then ended b4 Christmas), I really loved the feeling of going to school .

 

I am now here with my family for a long visit (until my brothers wedding feb18th), I stopped living off my sponsor, since i withdrawal. I live on welfare :/ I still have my room I'm renting, anyways...all Ive been thinking was wether if I should go back to school, but this time Community College, My roomates say that The University is messed after the Strike they had, hmm still wondering here..plus I feel like traveling to the States to visit the xboxlive friends lol, and after looking at places to rent were i used to live, i miss it there..I just loved out there! except the windy days haha I wanna move back, im just a confused mind, but me im just the kind to be stuck on the "now" feelings. later on I be changing my mind to something else, and I also don't want to tell that to some of my family, cuz I was the one who brought them here, back to this province.

 

Plus if i try another University or College somewhere else, my sponsor might think im living on them lol. I wanna learn new stuff, im interested in Computers, Art, and Music. *sighs* just hope things will be alright, and that where ever the Creator plans with my life.

 

btw this is a very good place to let everything out since I dont talk about my load to anyone, i try to once, like my mother but then she cuts me off and then changes the topic on me..and i get upset and wont talk. I listen to her when she complains about everything else lol xD

 

welp, im done...for now at least. Peace it peeps!