One step at a time.....

[MJEW]

Well its been a long 2 years for me, but I have finally found the strength within myself to change my life. Its been hard, my back and forth mentality, I have been on this roller coaster ride and I am finally getting off.

 

I have made the decision to start on the road of closing the door to my ex husband and my current ex. Yes, I have been acting somewhat crazy the last 2 years, but when you have the guilt over not fighting for your marriage, and the guilt of stepping out of your marriage with the current boyfriend, it ate at me and I did not know which way to turn.

 

In November I finally gathered the nerve and told him ( ex boyfriend) that the only reason I have come back is because I feel guilty for what I did to his marriage and mine. He did not want to hear it, but after a few hours of talking, it got through to him. We put the house up for sale, it sold and now once again I do have to move, but I am doing it with no regret, no roller coaster downward spiral of guilt on myself.

 

I have sat with my 2 kids (18-10) and asked them how they feel about it, they are pretty happy to be moving back to our old neighbourhood, and even though they tolerate my ex, they never have had a strong relationship with him. I feel sad that I have expected them for so long to try and make something of a relationship with him, but I guess it goes both ways.

 

I am not saying that he is a mean man, he is a kind hearted man, he does not have kids of his own and nor can he ever....but he did not know the depth in which a friendship can hold when you care for another's child. He would only go to a certain level and even through numerous talks of how to form a deeper relationship with the boys, he just didn't know how to. So always being left trying to be the balance act with them all, I am no longer going to.

 

We move at the end of the month and we are very happy to do so.

That was the first stepping stone for me, to sell the house, now I moved onto another by buying a house for me and my kids.

 

I am learning to close to the door to both my ex husband, and my ex boyfriend and I will close the door for good. I will not feel guilty anymore for what I did 5 years ago.

 

I am glad that my ex husband and i are divorced, I am glad that I am no longer with him and that he is happy in the relationship that he is in. I wish him well.

 

I am glad that I have pulled up my big girl panties and that I am leaving this behind. For my mental, emotional and most of all my spiritual health. I will stop being so hard on my myself and live my life for me and my boys, not try to hid in a relationship because I cheated on my ex husband.

 

Look out world MJEW IS COMING BACK AND I WILL BE 100% BETTER