knowing when to 'run with your feelings' and when to pull yourself together

[imperfectangel]

I've read on here a lot about when people are having a bad day om/ow wise they ride out their feelings cry if they have to etc let it all out and then carry on but what if you have two which leads into three bad days?

 

I've done nothing but let my feelings carry me but when do you know that its time to take control of your feelings to stop yourself from crying and suck it up so to speak?

 

I'm worried that I've let my feelings control me/my situation and instead of taking the reins and regaining control I've fallen into the 'I can't help how I feel' trap.

 

People can't help how they feel - the heart wants what the heart wants but you can supposedly control how you react to your feelings.

 

How do you know when you need to get a grip and need to ride it out I'm struggling here and having many more bad days than good

[imperfectangel]

Thank you so much for your post I really do appreciate it.

 

I feel I am getting better. I no longer want to contact him what is the point? Where will it get me? There is no point. He cannot give me what I want and I'm not even sure I want him anymore - infact I know that I don't.

 

I still check my phone but no as much as I did. I keep my phone on silent over night so if he did ring/text it will not disturb my sleep.

 

Little changes here and there are getting me where I need to be.

 

There's someone at my place of work with the same car - an unusual colour so it does stand out - but I no longer associate it with him I barely notice it now.

 

I think its the way he ended it that hurt me most - just ignoring me is so cowardly

[imperfectangel]

No I am glad that here on ls people give you the truth that's what I love about it here I don't want people blowing smoke up my ass I need people to give me the hard talk as it were

 

I have blocked his email and he can no longer find me on fb/twitter although he was never on my social networks anyway probably cos of wifey

 

I last checked his fb on tuesday and it showed he went to a family event last sunday it killed me and I really thought to myself why am I torturing (sp?) Myself like this?

 

I'm tired of feeling like **** over someone I've probably seen a handful of times my whole life he isn't worth it - I know this my head knows it but my heart can't take it in

[imperfectangel]

*multiple post*

Edited February 4, 2012 by imperfectangel

[whichwayisup]

How do you know when you need to get a grip and need to ride it out I'm struggling here and having many more bad days than good

 

It's okay to have a string of bad days, but as long as each day you push yourself to do something, go out and be with friends - even if you feel awful.. Or go for a walk, do yoga, volunteer somewhere, see a movie, work out, anything.. If you're not functioning properly and it's been months, then it's time to go talk to someone to help you cope with the pain of losing your exMM.

[whichwayisup]

No I am glad that here on ls people give you the truth that's what I love about it here I don't want people blowing smoke up my ass I need people to give me the hard talk as it were

 

I have blocked his email and he can no longer find me on fb/twitter although he was never on my social networks anyway probably cos of wifey

 

I last checked his fb on tuesday and it showed he went to a family event last sunday it killed me and I really thought to myself why am I torturing (sp?) Myself like this?

 

I'm tired of feeling like **** over someone I've probably seen a handful of times my whole life he isn't worth it - I know this my head knows it but my heart can't take it in

 

You need to block him on facebook so you don't sneak a peek anymore. Every single time you look, wonder what he's up to and see he's living his life, going on and healing - It sets you back. Block him so you can't 'search' for him! Please, this is for your own good. Start googling how to let go of love, etc and see which articles apply to you and read them.

 

Keep really busy if you can. Distraction helps!

 

You're much stronger than you realize so don't let this pain and heartache, control you! You control it! Get pissed off and tell yourself "he's living HIS life, going on,, it's time SO DO I! Fu.ck it!! No more tears and energy wasted on HIM. ass.hole!!" Hope you are smiling now.

[whichwayisup]

I think its the way he ended it that hurt me most - just ignoring me is so cowardly

 

He did what was best for himself so he didn't have to face and deal with your reaction, your pain and answer questions. He's a p*ssy! A guy hardly worth crying over, really when you think of it. FOCUS on the crap and negative stuff, find that anger and focus it into you!

 

Call a girl friend and GO shopping, spend the day pampering yourself, a spa day, massages, sit in a hot tub. Live life and be blessed that you are starting over and once you heal, you'll soon will be fresh, hot and ready for a great (single) guy when the time is right.

[imperfectangel]

He is now completely blocked and I have just been online and ordered a new sim card.

 

I'm happy but scared at the same time. I do feel like this is progress but I hate the thought of mever seeing/hearing from him again.

 

I know that's the point of nc but it just feels weird

[Emme]

Having bad days is how you know you are in it to win. Anyone of us can have a good day. It’s called going back to the past when we refused to face the facts. To face the facts is causing us pain and it’s worth it. It’s like exercising, no pain no gain. You are on a treadmill running for your life. At times you will feel the burn and you want to stop but you don’t. Instead you might choose to walk instead of run. Sometimes your emotions get so heightened you want to just get off the damn thing but you don’t you just press the stop button. Stop the treadmill and hold onto the handle bars but don’t get off. Just take a break. Nothing good has ever come to someone’s doorstep unless they struggled and fought for it.

 

You know when you need to get a grip when you feel like you are loosing control of your body/mind. You have no control of what you are doing because the pain and anger is making you think random thoughts that are blissful or violent. You need to get a grip when you can’t focus on the task at hand. You might need to have to slap your hand or your face to stop thinking about them. Do it! Then your mind will bring you back to the present day of where you are now and your success of leaving the past behind.

 

 

This is not easy. It will break you down in ways you didn’t think possible. The pain is real. The process has to happen this way because that’s how you know your healing. You are leaving the past behind and focusing on the present. Cry all you want to. When the tears stop falling that’s when you know it’s over.

[RickFox]

When you're tired of crying, when you're tired of wondering if he's thinking of you, when you're tired of walking around sad, when you're tired of wondering why he 'chose' the other person, and when you accept that you will have good days and bad days and you know you'll break down a bit but that you WILL move forward without him...............that's when you know it's time to pull yourself together. Your heart may want him, your mind may be screaming for him, but you know nothing good is coming from this particular relationship.

 

He's not yours, never was ...you need to accept that...many of us needed to accept that as do you.

 

It is not for anyone to tell you that you did or didn't love this person, that is something only you know, but you have the power, not him. You have to realize that it goes on because you allow it to....when YOU no longer allow him to have a hold on you, it's over and YOU get to live your life.

[Gentlegirl]

It sounds to me as though you are in Ground Hog Day..same thoughts about the same person for too long.

 

You probably don't have enought to occupy your mind and your time. Until you get yourself out of the rut, you will be like a little mouse on a treadmill. I am sure you don't wish to be like that for the rest of your life.

 

You are young and wasting so much of your precious time... get out there, make contact with some clubs, organisations, charities. Try them all. THEY ARE NOT GOING TO COME KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR!. You have to make the effort yourself. Grandma Gentlegirl is giving you a very gentle kick in the pants. I had to do the same at 64 and I did it. I have found a couple of new interests that I like and occupy my time and energy.

 

You need to keep telling yourself that you cannot change the situation as far as xMM is concerned. Absolutely nothing you do will change what the facts are. He is married to somebody else because that's what he wanted.

 

Remember, when you are going through Hell, just keep going and one day you will come out the other end....

 

My very best wishes to you,

 

GG