missy268 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 (edited) Hi everybody I'm really confused right now and kind of don't know what on earth happened 2 years ago, i became friends with a guy who i used to work with - we were close - but both in relationships...Naturally it developed into more but we fought it because of our relationships the chemistry between us was noticeable and we got a lot of people asking questions Anyway...i split up from my ex in november 2010 - and i went through a really bad time with it, we were together 7 years so it was really hard (and we didnt split because of my friend btw it was mutual decision) in January i started seeing somebody else - another friend of mine, it was more of a rebound, i dont want to be on my own type thing, and my friend from work couldnt deal with it (even though he was still in his relationship) and started asking me how i felt about him, did i feel anything for him and kept telling me it wouldnt work out with the guy i was seeing - it didnt because the guy started seeing somebody else and ditched me... Then...my friend left work, and we didnt see or speak to each other for 2 months, he came over and told me he thought he loved me and he misses me (yes hes still with the girlfriend at this point) he told me his relationship isnt working but he cant leave her just yet as they have a holiday booked for September, but after that they are splitting....a month after that speech we started sleeping together - it felt so right and natural and it was just after 2 years of fighting our feelings it was a relief at this point he had moved out and was staying with a friend even though that lasted 2 weeks and then he went back home. I said i would wait for him to get his stuff together and we will see what happens when he splits up with her, was horrible when he went away and when he came back he didnt speak to me, then he eventually did move out at the end of october - and went to live with another work colleague and he stayed there until 3 weeks ago when he moved into his own place..... since then, he's hardly spoken to me - I have text him and no replies...I haven't been up front about the extent of my feelings towards him and the last time i saw him (12th Jan) i was a bit cold towards him because of some things he was telling me i didnt want to get too attached incase he was going to bail on me - he has bailed on me and i realised i have always been all about him and probably always will be i feel like it's my fault he's gone, if i'd of been more honest and open about my feelings then none of this would of happened...i do think he is dating somebody else and its eating me up thats the only reason i can think why he would ignore me because usually he would text back... i dont even know where to start beginning to move on I'm devastated, i cant stop blaming myself he was one of my best and closest friends,which i think makes it harder help!! xx Edited February 5, 2012 by missy268 Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 It is not your fault ! he basically cheated on his girlfriend and was too much of a pussy to leave her . You are better off without him hun , he does not know what the hell he wants from life . Link to post Share on other sites
Steelrain322 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 It is not your fault ! he basically cheated on his girlfriend and was too much of a pussy to leave her . You are better off without him hun , he does not know what the hell he wants from life . Uh how is she any better sleeping with him knowing he is in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I just read that he moved out so I assumed he dumped her . Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 i feel like it's my fault he's gone, if i'd of been more honest and open about my feelings then none of this would of happened...i do think he is dating somebody else and its eating me up thats the only reason i can think why he would ignore me because usually he would text back... i dont even know where to start beginning to move on I'm devastated, i cant stop blaming myself he was one of my best and closest friends,which i think makes it harder help!! xx Very similar thing happened to me. I was like your guy friend. The woman was very reserved with saying how she felt. I finally had enough and told her I felt she didn't care so she would never see or hear from me again. Did she protest or argue with me? No, she didn't say a word. Just sat there silent. To me that means she agreed that she didn't care but didn't want to come right out and say it. Did she not care or was she like you? I don't know. I immediately disappeared and went NC. She made a few half-as$ed attempts at contact but I ignored them because by that point I was fully convinced she didn't care and I had to move on and didn't want to be strung along. I would say in your case, make one more attempt to tell him how you truely feel. If mine had done that I would have come back. I haven't heard anything from her in a month. Is she feeling like you or simply doesn't care? In my case I believe she doesn't care. LIke one poster stated "If they are willing to lose you from their life, go ahead and let them". In other words, myself and your friend expressed how we felt. If you didn't feel the same or did but didn't want to express it, we come to a point where we have to move on. If you want to let us go, we will let you. The ball is in your court. We can't do anymore than express how we feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missy268 Posted February 6, 2012 Author Share Posted February 6, 2012 The thing is with his break up with his ex, i wanted to respect him by giving him space to get over that - he kept telling me it would take a long time to be okay again and so i thought he needed space...When he did come over which was actually very rare anyway, he used to come around more before he split up with his ex, after the split, he went cold,and came over once a week, or fortnightly, its not like i was cold towards him or anything, we sat together , did stuff together hugged kissed and it felt completely natural He knew how i felt because i flew off at him when i got texts saying he'd been to his ex's for tea a few times and i was like why are you doing that then coming over here and sleeping with me - i started to feel used and annoyed about it if i'm honest. It's such a sad situation because i always thought we would end up together, but i guess everytime hes asked me about how i felt about him in the past, ive just said we're just friends for now, so maybe he thinks i dont care and thats whats caused him to move on, the last time i saw him we were kissing and things and it felt different and more intimate, we were very close that night, and he was going to stay over but he ran out on me....which i thought was odd. I do feel a bit lost without him, and it's taken this space for me to realise how i really do feel about him, but i feel like its far too late now - i guess after 18 months of chasing somebody you do start to give up, but like i said its not through me not caring, its through me respecting he's just come out of a 2 year relationship and not wanting to rush him, but i guess i should of let him make his own mind up about that! and now if he has started something new, i don't want to jeapordise that for him, when i messaged him on Saturday i said id not seen him for ages, and that i missed him and he just ignored that, so he would probably ignore me again and not to mention that just over a month ago, i lost his baby, when i found out i was pregnant, he said to me we should get rid of it, and tried to get me into bed (which i took as a major red flag) and then when i lost the pregnancy, he said at least we can both move on now and i said from this or us, and he said from us, and then he kept coming over again so its like he cant let go either in a sense but when i think about things like that it makes me think yes its time to move on, but i can't because of how i feel about him, it's never changed...and i doubt it ever will. I guess it's a lesson learnt if i feel like this about somebody ever again, dont let them walk away...x Link to post Share on other sites
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