Still having so much difficulty coping...

[AwptiK]

My story in itself is pretty long, but it's not much different than any breakup story.

 

It's been a few days more than a month now, but I'm still having such a hard time not dwelling on the past and being really unhappy.

 

We are coworkers and this past month has been really difficult for both of us because of that. Luckily, she's transferring stores in exactly a week (not due to me). After that I hope it'll be much easier.

 

Some of what's upsetting me is that she almost seemed to pretend to be this perfect girl that I'd always wanted (why I feel I'm still hooked), but hid a lot from me that would suggest otherwise. She had a lot of flaws that I really try to focus on, but what I said about her seeming perfect still overpower those thoughts.

 

I'm also really worried about being friends, so much that it's seemed to have the opposite effect. Two weeks after the breakup we seemed cool and for once she revealed her status on everything. I had already mentioned having a hard time, and she said some things along the lines of "I really want to be friends with you because you're a great guy, and I hate that you're still having a hard time."

 

Since then, we had a bit of a rough argument and some hard feelings were exchnaged. To the point where I wouldn't doubt her changing her mind about being friends. We haven't texted since, but been polite and professional at work. And now I'm hearing about her going out and drinking and partying with her friends a lot.... Knowing she's moved on and that she's a bit flirty when she drinks, just upsets me so much. That's something that'll go away hopefully when she transfers stores in a week.

 

Any advice is so appreciated. I just don't know how to move on from this gorgeous, fun, awesome addition I had to my life.... It seems like each day brings a new, happy memory I had right back to the front of my mind. I know there is no miracle remedy or cure, but I want to be able to put myself out there again and get back to enjoying life.

 

Also, sorry this is all spaced out...it's the easiest way to type a post on my iPhone.

[Exit]

I think it'll definitely get better once she switches stores. And if she ends up changing her mind about wishing to be friends, that really may be for the best too, at least for the time being. Trying to remain friends with her just isn't going to help your situation.

 

A month is nothing and I don't think you should expect to feel perfect already. I'm aware of when my breakup happened but I guess I hadn't thought about it for a while, and today it kinda hit me when I realized it happened back in November and now it's February and I'm still feeling pretty terrible about it.

[AwptiK]

Yeah I understand man, thanks..

 

Just knowing she's over me and probably already talking to other guys is probably what hurts the most right now.

 

[CopingGal]

I understand. My ex didn't grieve for me at all, not one minute. Within 7 days he was telling me about his new gf. At the time, I did not know he had already been cheating on me before I left him for ignoring me all the time and being a truly lousy boyfriend. So seven days after we break up, he sent me an email telling me about his great new relationship. But it was all a lie. He lied about how he met her, he lied about the fact he told me he met her 7 days after we broke up. He lied about the fact that he met her in the woods. In reality he met her online. He lied about the fact that he was with his son when he met her. Also, he told me he did not grieve at all for me. But when his new gf left him, after 4 months, he said he cried and cried and so did his son. We were together off and on for 3 years.

[KathyM]

I think if you tell yourself that this relationship was just not meant to be, and there are many other wonderful, amazing women out there, it might help you to look to the future and the opportunities that the future presents.

[geegirl]

Yeah I understand man, thanks..

 

Just knowing she's over me and probably already talking to other guys is probably what hurts the most right now.

 

 

One month is nothing when you have her in your sights constantly reminding you of your loss.

 

It's a good thing that she is changing stores and without her in your sights, you will slowly be able to detach. And it doesn't help when you have to hear about her social activities. I don't believe "friends" is in your best interest. What you don't know won't hurt you. No contact = No new pains. It would be wise to cut the cord and move on and if you both truly want to be friends, that opportunity will be there when you have completely healed.

 

It's normal to romanticize an ex even when they've been hurtful and unkind to you. I caught my ex cheating on me and no sooner I was feeling sad and romanticizing him and what we had. Don't be so hard on yourself. You haven't really been given a chance to heal from this. Once she moves, the pain, in time will be much more bearable.

[AwptiK]

Thanks everyone.

 

CopingGal - I'm really sorry to hear about your story.. I've seen a lot of your posts around and I wish I had comfort to offer you.

 

KathyM - I sure do my best to think about the future and how many other people are out there. When the ex comes to mind, I always try and replace whatever happy memory it is, with any memory that was upsetting or unhappy. That's really done a lot for me the past few days.

 

geegirl - Thanks. I really think it'll be worlds different without seeing her in passing 4/5 days out of the week. I've reached the point where most days aren't too bad, but after I see her around work, I spend the rest of the day pretty down. 5 more days

 

There's still a bit that bothers me though. Thinking about how much i'd love to go back in time and do a lot of things over/differently with her. And just, losing such a great girl. Her not being mine anymore, already has me feeling jealous..