Sick!

[Mcnulty]

So annoyed and confused.

 

Took a girl out Saturday night, I just kept thinking of my ex...it's not fair on this girl, she is lovely and a hell of a catch.

 

My exes birthday is in a couple of days time and she's haunting me. Dreaming of her, keep wanting contact, missing her.

 

Do you think this is because her birthdays looming? It's been 3 and a half months bu and no contact...so want to move on, but feel completely stuck in the past and not strong enough to move forward....still love her, feel like i'm gonna bear this scar for all time.

[Exit]

Of course important dates can slow us down in our healing. I had a very rough time during the holidays, made it through, and now I'm just hoping Valentine's Day will just come and go without much of an issue. Her birthday is a few months after that and it would be silly for me to think that I won't be thinking of her during that time too, but hopefully I'll be feeling better by then.

[ScienceGal]

How long were you together? I am more curious, since I was more affected by a six month relationship than I was one that lasted a couple years. There really are no rules or any definite time lines. I'm 8 months out from the 6 month long one, and I still miss him sometimes. At 3.5 months, I wasn't ready to date anyone either.

 

What's important is 1)you maintain no contact (kudos to you for that) and 2)that you keep realizing and being honest about your feelings. Acknowledging that you are "stuck in the past" is a good thing because you are not ready to date anyone and that is ok. When you are ready, you will not feel so connected to your ex. Rushing things will likely end poorly for you and/or any new woman in your life. And yes, a holiday or special day can make your feelings resurface. Just let yourself feel the pain, and then take the good moments in life when you can.

 

For me, the idea of meeting someone new is always equally exciting and scary. On one hand I want to move on and be happy, on the other I am afraid of fully letting go of my ex. Once you replace them, it's another step away and it's understandable that it can make your heart ache. And on top of that, it's opening yourself up to possibly being hurt once again. And, who needs that on top of everything else?! (not me).

 

So, take it from me, from someone who jumped back into dating before I was fully healed. I am better than I was, but I didn't give myself enough time and I've delayed my healing because I am trying to make a new relationship work. I'm currently stacking stress and anxiety on top of my old wounds and pains.There are no shortcuts, unfortunately. So, just listen to your gut... if it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

 

Best of luck.

Edited February 7, 2012 by ScienceGal

[CopingGal]

Of course important dates can slow us down in our healing. I had a very rough time during the holidays, made it through, and now I'm just hoping Valentine's Day will just come and go without much of an issue. Her birthday is a few months after that and it would be silly for me to think that I won't be thinking of her during that time too, but hopefully I'll be feeling better by then.

 

Exit, why are you waiting for Valentine's Day to come and go? Celebrate love- love for yourself, love for your friends, love for your family. Go out to dinner with a friend or a family member. Buy yourself a nice present. If you are alone, rent or buy dvds or get some from the public library...anything that's not romantic- the 3 stooges, other comedies, cartoon movies, horror. Rent the 1931 Frankenstein, and Bride of Frankenstein, watch Twilight Zone dvd's. Hulu used to have lots of Twilight Zone episodes for free. I don't know if they still do. Go the the museum. Treat a friend's child to dinner at a fun place and a cartoon movie, or the children's museum. If you have kids of your own, take them some place fun. The possibilities are endless. If you are having dinner alone, order something that's expensive and extravagant. Celebrate life. Live! Laugh! Love yourself

Edited February 7, 2012 by CopingGal

[g450]

Holidays, birthdays, anniversary etc. They are all hard on us. Especially the first year. The last two years I would at least text the ex happy birthday or merry christmas. After two years of this she never recipricated so I no longer do that.

 

Ironically, her birthday is also coming up in a few days. She will get only silence from me and that is the way it needs to be. But we do occasionally talk when it comes to my Son. But that's about it.

 

Best thing for you to do is to ignore those days and stay NC. Find something to preocupy your mind.