Dating someone in the same office, go public or not?

[Stupid Girl]

I've been seeing this guy for a few months, and we've been official for about 2. We've been co-workers in the same office for well over a year. It seemed to obvious thing to do, to not act on or talk about our relationship at work, so we've just been basically keeping it a secret all this time. We're both professionals working in a professional office, so it made sense. Lately however, he's been saying he wants to "go public" (in other words, change our facebook statuses, be openly affectionate, etc), but I'm not sold. There's just something that seems unprofessional to me about dating somebody in the office.

 

I don't know if this is of note, but I'm in a higher position than he is, so in a sense I do have "more to lose" or whatever (or as I like to put it, more of a need to look professional).

 

So what do you think, does he have a point or are we doing this right already?

[cerridwen]

You're doing it right already.

I can't think of a single reason why you should go public at work.

Keep it professional in the office.

Keep it private for yourselves.

[johan]

I think revealing the identity of who you're dating isn't a huge deal. In fact, people might feel deceived when they eventually find out, if you hide it for a long time. That is, if you consider anyone there to be your friend. Maybe telling the people you care about is a good thing to do. They should feel like you trust them.

 

I wouldn't advertise it much otherwise. But I do think that keeping things professional is important.

[cerridwen]

Really think twice about it, OP.

[Star Gazer]

I wouldn't go public with it at all.

 

Two people at my first firm dated for 2 years before anyone other than the managing partner knew, and it only came out at the 2 year mark because they felt compelled to announce their engagement so they could invite co-workers to the wedding. I can't tell you how much respect they garnered from the entire office for having been SO professional with each other that none of us knew.

 

And can you imagine the sexual tension that must build, having to be so professional all day, only to be able to come home and, uh, really let loose?

[cerridwen]

Don't do it, OP.

[Stupid Girl]

Johan and Star, you two basically stated the two points keeping me on one side or the other. Part of the problem is we both do have a lot of friends at work, and it does feel dishonest. But on the other hand, what you said, Star, is exactly what I'd love to happen - it sounds so romantic, but at the same time, still so respectable. I don't want people to think of us as having some frivolous office relationship, because it's really a lot more than that. But we've known a few couples in the office who have gotten together and subsequently broken up, which is always a huge nightmare

 

We're still keeping it quiet for now, but I know he's not happy about it.

Edited February 9, 2012 by Stupid Girl

[binny]

I would keep private if I were you, too risky. Perhaps later in the relationship you may wish to announce it but I personally think 2 months is too soon. You could still announce it to your friends, the ones you don't work with or your close friends at work and ask them to respect the fact that you want to keep it quiet. You could also update your relationship status to just say "in a relationship" rather than "in a relationship with XXX" or just hide your relationship status all together!

 

Some of my work collegues were once a couple for a short period of time and after they broke up things were pretty awkward.. In fact they still are awkward and this happened a couple years ago!

 

I'm just curious, does he report to you? I only ask because where I work they have a policy that if 2 people are in a relationship or related they are not allowed to be in a position where one is reporting to the other or where they have to work closely together. This is to avoid the them being biased towards one another.

[EspressoTorte]

You're doing it right already.

I can't think of a single reason why you should go public at work.

Keep it professional in the office.

Keep it private for yourselves.

 

I agree. Things like this have a way of turning into a high school situation amongst co-workers. You shouldn't feel obligated to make your status known.

[Mrlonelyone]

What espresso said is so right.

 

Report your relationship to human resources or your supervisor and no one else. That's all that ethics would require.

 

Don't go public unless or until you are ready to marry this guy or something.

[Graceful]

I've been seeing this guy for a few months, and we've been official for about 2. We've been co-workers in the same office for well over a year. It seemed to obvious thing to do, to not act on or talk about our relationship at work, so we've just been basically keeping it a secret all this time. We're both professionals working in a professional office, so it made sense. Lately however, he's been saying he wants to "go public" (in other words, change our facebook statuses, be openly affectionate, etc), but I'm not sold. There's just something that seems unprofessional to me about dating somebody in the office.

 

I don't know if this is of note, but I'm in a higher position than he is, so in a sense I do have "more to lose" or whatever (or as I like to put it, more of a need to look professional).

 

So what do you think, does he have a point or are we doing this right already?

 

I met both of my most serious BFs at work. Both resulted in a LTR. In both instances, we kept it private. In the first, I was fresh out of grad school and it was my first professional job and after a few months, people did figure it out. We were young, and so were most of our co-workers. At that point, it was not a big deal. After a year, he quit his job anyhow, and the whole thing became moot. Everyone loved us as a couple and were thrilled we stayed together.

 

In the second instance, we were not direct co-workers -- still, we kept it quiet. I individually told a couple of my closest friends at my job, whom I trusted not to violate my trust and they kept it quiet. Again, my BF ultimately quit his job after a year and it all became moot. I felt fine keeping it private and so did he.

 

If you feel dishonest and have a couple of really close friends at work, then tell them privately if you feel they can be trusted. If not, then stay the course and keep it a private matter. There's no telling if one of you may quit the job at some point anyhow, and then you can make it as public as you want. Until then, stay the course and know that it's your prerogative to keep your personal life off limits at work. GL.

[Lobouspo]

Keep it under wraps for as long as possible. The tricky thing about these types of relationships is that if they dont work out you have coworkers in your business and taking sides quite possibly. I dated someone from work once and the only reason why coworkers found out is because we were seen out together a few times. Needless to say, when we broke up, it was not pleasant.

[txalpiner]

Is there a company policy regarding this sort of thing? Otherwise, why would you "announce" a relationship, unless you are invited to events that might make things apparent?

 

If not, just relax and enjoy yourselves. If your partner can't handle that, it's his problem.

[txalpiner]

Is there a company policy regarding this sort of thing? Otherwise, why would you "announce" a relationship, unless you are invited to events that might make things apparent?

 

If not, just relax and enjoy yourselves. If your partner can't handle that, it's his problem.

[KemoyCousins]

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[wowme20100]

He's probably already told everyone already. I can see from your perspective 100%. If there is no need for a public announcement do not do so. From my experience with men once a guy posts a picture somehow its over for him.