Complete lack of motivation

[wavering_radiant]

So I feel like I've reached the end. I've lost my faith in everything, my will to be has been crushed, I have no motivation to get anything done, and I'm pretty much almost completely alone and dead and cold inside. The works.

 

Currently right now I'm a graduate student. I was going to get a PhD, but I've switched to a Master's. All of my research ideas for a dissertation completely fell apart and had no coherency. My advisors have told me that , while they think I'm pretty smart, my terrible social skills are going to make it very difficult for me to get an academic job, where collaboration and communication are key. It's what I looked forward to doing, but now I question both if I want to do that and if I would be good at such a thing. Being a quiet guy apparently isn't going to get me very far. I have no idea where I'm going with that, so I'm just going to get my Master's and get out. I don't think I can deal right now with the intensity of working on a doctorate. The problem is finding a job with a Master's in Evolutionary Biology, which is not exactly the most versatile degree one can have.

 

The past three years in school, being so consumed with graduate work, basically eat up all of my free time, making it hard to find any friends, or a girlfriend for that matter. So now I'm almost completely isolated, and in spite of my bad social skills being my problem, it's not like I have the time as a graduate student to make new friends (after all, that's more time that could be spend getting stuff done - publishing, cranking out data, studying). I've resorted to online dating, and in my experiences with that I've pretty much had my heart smashed into pieces and crapped all over who knows how many times.

 

On top of all that, the time I started graduate school is the same time that I completely lost my faith in religion and God. I have no meaning or anything that I look forward to, just an infinite Void that will ultimately consume everything. This has driven me away from so many of my friends and family. I used to be one of the devout, but I've had to remove myself from so many of my religious friends because I can't deal with people constantly trying to convert me to something I have absolutely no faith in. I can hardly even talk to my parents now, both because they think I'm going to hell now and because every time I go to them with a concern of mine, their solution is to pray about it, even though their solution means nothing to me.

 

I've tried therapy, medication, etc., but none of it really seems to be kicking in. I started to think I was actually making progress with my depression and social problems, but then I came to the sobering realization that nothing has changed, I'm still the same person I always was, and I'm just as screwed as ever. All of my motivation is zapped. I find myself distracted every five minutes by who knows what: porn, online dating, other meaningless internet garbage and am unable to get anything accomplished, even though I'm getting so close to the end. I wake up almost every morning and wish I would just fall back asleep and die already.

 

I have no idea what I'm really trying to accomplish with this screed, maybe just to see if I'm not alone.

[Philosoraptor]

Ok so you have time to get distracted constantly, but not time to take a step forward. It seems that you need to learn to use your time more efficently. You also need to force yourself out there as that seems to be your last resort. I don't mean just walking up to strangers, but joining some volunteer organization. Find something you enjoy and dedicate a couple of hours a week to it. Not only would you have at least something in common with these people you are working with, but you would also learn social skills to communicate with those you are assisting.

 

You need to get out of your funk though. I went through this same kind of thing before and I know it sucks. I started my progress by making lists. Lists of things I needed to get done so I didn't get overwhealmed and a bucket list of things I wanted to do to keep me motivated. When I would get down I would just get something done. Whether it be taking care of something around the house, at work, or even jumping out of an airplane. Instead of wallowing I forced myself to take action. But you need to motivate yourself enough to work at this.

[oldguy]

So I feel like I've reached the end. I've lost my faith in everything, my will to be has been crushed, I have no motivation to get anything done, and I'm pretty much almost completely alone and dead and cold inside. The works.

 

Currently right now I'm a graduate student. I was going to get a PhD, but I've switched to a Master's. All of my research ideas for a dissertation completely fell apart and had no coherency. My advisors have told me that , while they think I'm pretty smart, my terrible social skills are going to make it very difficult for me to get an academic job, where collaboration and communication are key. It's what I looked forward to doing, but now I question both if I want to do that and if I would be good at such a thing. Being a quiet guy apparently isn't going to get me very far. I have no idea where I'm going with that, so I'm just going to get my Master's and get out. I don't think I can deal right now with the intensity of working on a doctorate. The problem is finding a job with a Master's in Evolutionary Biology, which is not exactly the most versatile degree one can have.

 

The past three years in school, being so consumed with graduate work, basically eat up all of my free time, making it hard to find any friends, or a girlfriend for that matter. So now I'm almost completely isolated, and in spite of my bad social skills being my problem, it's not like I have the time as a graduate student to make new friends (after all, that's more time that could be spend getting stuff done - publishing, cranking out data, studying). I've resorted to online dating, and in my experiences with that I've pretty much had my heart smashed into pieces and crapped all over who knows how many times.

 

On top of all that, the time I started graduate school is the same time that I completely lost my faith in religion and God. I have no meaning or anything that I look forward to, just an infinite Void that will ultimately consume everything. This has driven me away from so many of my friends and family. I used to be one of the devout, but I've had to remove myself from so many of my religious friends because I can't deal with people constantly trying to convert me to something I have absolutely no faith in. I can hardly even talk to my parents now, both because they think I'm going to hell now and because every time I go to them with a concern of mine, their solution is to pray about it, even though their solution means nothing to me.

 

I've tried therapy, medication, etc., but none of it really seems to be kicking in. I started to think I was actually making progress with my depression and social problems, but then I came to the sobering realization that nothing has changed, I'm still the same person I always was, and I'm just as screwed as ever. All of my motivation is zapped. I find myself distracted every five minutes by who knows what: porn, online dating, other meaningless internet garbage and am unable to get anything accomplished, even though I'm getting so close to the end. I wake up almost every morning and wish I would just fall back asleep and die already.

 

I have no idea what I'm really trying to accomplish with this screed, maybe just to see if I'm not alone.

 

Anti-depressants; if they are going to work for you take around 6 weeks & then the effect usually kicks in quickly. My belief is that; in almost every case anti-depressants should be thought of as a band-aide. Even if your declared; "cured", seek help. This is very important.

 

You also should try to find a mentor, or two, while going for your degree. Most universities will help you with this.

 

Faith evolved for many reasons, most prudent in this case may be; their methods are effective. Prayer as positive thought reinforcement, Repetitive prayer, (Catholics & Jews are great at this ), is a great way to meditate. Then there is Social interaction, known as "fellowship". There are also avenues through organized religion where you can volunteer, which is excellent for people in your circumstance. You don't have to believe to take advantage of some of the merits of organized religion. Most people struggle with a belief system & I don't think much of those who blindly believe in anything. But the sum of what organized religion has developed is, pardon the pun; good for the soul. Don't let perception block methodology. The methods are sound.

Edited February 7, 2012 by oldguy

[oldguy]

As for career counselors; They're counselors not psychics. My education has taken me in directions no counselor could have predicted. Their a good source of info mainly.

[Teknoe]

wavering,

i'd recommend going on google, finding churches in your area, find out their service time, and commit to attending that Sunday's service. At worst, you lose out on 90 minutes of your Sunday.

 

At best, you might gain some inner peace and re-focus/re-dedication in your life.

 

it's free, so it's worth a shot.

[FitChick]

Try eliminating some key core beliefs that are blocking you. Don't waste money on conventional therapy or meds. Try the Lefkoe Method for free. You have nothing to lose except your depression.

 

I remember Morty Lefkoe telling me about a guy who was nominated for a Nobel prize who was one of his patients many years ago. The guy believed he was stupid, so was constantly anxious and depressed. He had published books, taught at Ivy League schools, was paid big money for lectures, etc. Yet he still had that belief. You can't argue away a belief or think it away. After a few sessions with Morty the man's life changed for the better. There are thousands of stories like that.

[florence of suburbia]

Maybe you should start a support group for evolutionary biologists with five-minute attention spans and difficulties relating to others who are struggling with their PhDs.

 

I can tell you with 100% certainty that you are not alone.

[RecordProducer]

WR, I totally understand you as I found myself in the same situation. Alsoat the end of grad school I felt like I was breaking down, but now that the end is really coming and there's a challenging bar exam at the end of the tunnel as well as a job search, I am getting into a survival mode again. I've been fighting mild depression for years, I've had ups and downs, and I am familiar with everything you're experiencing.

 

First of all, I am convinced that long-term studying causes depression. Not because we don't like studying, but I think it's a chemical reaction. There's something about the hardhsip of grad school that breaks us down: not having time to relax and enjoy, the lack of social life, or the work hard -play hard game. When we study, new neural connections form in our brain. My theory is that when this happens, some substance is released which causes depression. That's why grad students get burnt and often just want to do something mindless like watch something stupid on TV. That's why many resort to heavy drinking.

 

My first advice to you is to try to relax as much as possible. Relaxing includes sleeping, watching TV and movies, listening to music, doing a puzzle, playing a video game, dancing, walking... whatever makes you feel good and relaxed. Start from this. Next, eat "relaxing" food such as salads, soups, stews, fruit, yoghurt, farmer cheese, pudding... it doesn't have to be low calorie food, but avoid food with no good nutrients, too dry, to fatty or salty dishes. Next, try to laugh as much as possible: there are plenty of stand-up comedians' videos on the web, jokes, funny photos, etc. Also watch upbeat shows and movies. Laughter not only lifts your moodand cheers you up, but also makes your body release endorphines who calmyou down and makeyou happy.

 

Absolutely avoid alcohol. Avoid anything emotionalthat gets your adrenaline going - i.e. anything that makes you angry. Immediately block such thoughts. Avoid learning and reading anything boring or upsetting (except for school). If your living space is a mess, clean it out and makeit pleasant. Find solutions for the little things that stress you out: e.g. if you forget to pay your bills, set a box for all bills or pay them immediately. If you don't have a dish washer and you hate doing the dishes, get paper plates and cups. You get the picture.

 

Finally, be comfortable in your clothes and room temperature. All these things have one common denominator: healthy, low-stress, slow-paced, relaxed and comfortable lifestyle. Everything you choose has to have this hallmark. No unpleasant thoughts, people, or anything else. Don't beat yourself up. Don't stress over anything. Everything in life can be handled well without stressing out about it. E.g. I know a woman who is facing an eviction. One day she is all frustrated and angry and wants to fight for justice; the next day she says I'll pay what the judge says and move out. You know what? She will have to pay whatever the judge says anyway and no matter what she does won't change the stress that her crappy landlord gave her. She could choose to go to court, prepare the money to pay for the unpaid rent and look for a new place - OR she can stress over it all and end up doing the same thing anyway, but in with less energy and joy.

 

At the beginning of my law school journey, I promised myself that I would give my best but never stress over grades, no matter what. I was stressed over my separation and divorce and lots of other stuff during law school, but never over my grades. I kept my promise. Looking back, had I stressed over them, they wouldn't have been better. I've gone to exams without having read all the material and gotten better grades than when I studied my ass off. Bottom line: shyt will happen whether you stress or not; and some things will miraculously get resolved whether you stress or not. You also need to repeat to yourself that the future will bring new adventures and you have to keep the faith. Nothing terrible is happening to you - this is just a chemical imbalance which you can overcome in a natural and healthy way. Some people also recommend yoga, but I've never tried it.

 

One more thing I want to tell you: absolutely do not listen to those who tell you you can't get something in life - in this case, an academic job because you have terrible social skills. If you really want something, you can absolutely get it. Everything depends on you, including your social skills. Of course, I am talking about realistic dreams, not about being a rock star if you're tone deaf.

 

Hope this helps at least a little bit. Best wishes to you.