Just a rebuttal...

[confusedinkansas]

Because I'm a little put off by folks here

A) Taking what I'm saying completely out of context

B) being asked to leave a forum - when it's not there place to ask me to.

I still think that I have a lot of information to offer a WS when they come here asking for HELP.

When BS's here tell a "CHeater" that they are horrible people -(which is bullying) someone needs to stand up & help defend them. Let them know that they aren't horrible people. They have just made a really bad error in judgement, that it WILL be ok.

 

I have never said that cheating just happens. To be specific I said it DOESN'T JUST HAPPEN.

 

I also did not say that the BS was RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CHEATING. I said that they were responsible/or played a part for what happened in the marrige &The downfall of the marriage.

 

Maybe if I made this simple for some it might make more sense.

 

Think of it this way. A child in school that acts out - behaviors change, they start getting bad grades out of the blue.....there's a reason for that. The BEHAVIORS don't make the situation better but they ACT OUT because of something that's happened to them. They have basically chosen a BAD BEHAVIOR to help them cope with what's happened.

 

Nowhere do I blame the parent - or other person (or whatever happened to them) - It's the child's fault they've chosen to act out in a way that's unacceptable.

 

Yes I'm using a child's situation as an example......again, hoping that maybe someone out there gets it. (I doubt it ..... but it's worth a shot)

 

Same in a (MY) marriage - It's not my fault that my husband chose to act out using alcohol. It's his fault. HOWEVER, I did play a contributing role for him to choose that particular thing to help him cope.

Same with me - It's not his fault I choose to have an affair. It's mine. I made a bad decision to COPE. We both made bad decisions on how to deal with what was happening in our life & in our marriage AT THAT TIME. Whew...that felt good!

[nofool4u]

*sigh* yet another pot stirring post for the BS's.

 

ok, I'll bite.

 

 

Because I'm a little put off by folks here

 

And they by you

 

 

A) Taking what I'm saying completely out of context

 

Nope, the context is usually intact.

 

 

B) being asked to leave a forum - when it's not there place to ask me to.

 

I sure never asked you to leave. But I did say that your posts in the Infidelity section, where many come to deal with the pain of betrayal, are a slap in their face.

 

And yes, you know exactly what you are doing when you post things like this in Infidelity

 

 

I still think that I have a lot of information to offer a WS when they come here asking for HELP.

 

So offer it to them, and leave the BS's alone. They are not whiners, they are in pain.

 

 

 

When BS's here tell a "CHeater" that they are horrible people -(which is bullying)

 

And so is their behavior to their real life "victims"

 

someone needs to stand up & help defend them.

 

Yes, defend cheaters! You want to defend them against people who truly call them "horrible", be my guest. But when someone tells the cold hard truth about what they are doing, and what to expect from their BS, its not bullying. Its called knowing what is in the mind of a BS that just got f****d over. And if they don't want to know, then they might as well do the BS a favor and leave them.

 

 

I have never said that cheating just happens. To be specific I said it DOESN'T JUST HAPPEN.

 

ok:confused: and?

 

I also did not say that the BS was RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CHEATING.

 

Oh geez, nobody like you comes right out and says it in so many words.

 

 

I said that they were responsible/or played a part for what happened in the marrige &The downfall of the marriage.

 

Which I agree with, but then you throw in the "that led to the cheating" in the first place. So you say one thing, then completely negate what you just said with other words.

 

 

Maybe if I made this simple for some it might make more sense.

 

And now we have the talking down to BS's as if you are cerebrally superior. It just keeps getting better.

 

Think of it this way. A child in school that acts out - behaviors change, they start getting bad grades out of the blue.....there's a reason for that. The BEHAVIORS don't make the situation better but they ACT OUT because of something that's happened to them. They have basically chosen a BAD BEHAVIOR to help them cope with what's happened.

 

Well good, you are comparing cheaters to children. Thats a start.

 

Nowhere do I blame the parent - or other person (or whatever happened to them) - It's the child's fault they've chosen to act out in a way that's unacceptable.

 

Yes I'm using a child's situation as an example......again, hoping that maybe someone out there gets it. (I doubt it ..... but it's worth a shot)

 

Sure, this makes sense. Now if you applied this to the words we have seen you type, we wouldn't have seen them in the first place.

 

 

Same in a (MY) marriage - It's not my fault that my husband chose to act out using alcohol. It's his fault. HOWEVER, I did play a contributing role for him to choose that particular thing to help him cope.

Same with me - It's not his fault I choose to have an affair. It's mine. I made a bad decision to COPE. We both made bad decisions on how to deal with what was happening in our life & in our marriage AT THAT TIME. Whew...that felt good!

 

Well, funny you choose to word it this way for your own marriage, when what you tell other BS has a little more of a twist to it.

 

Nice try.

[drifter777]

His wife left him because she was having an affair too. She left to be with her other man. SO...my XAP was very much 'available' during the year we were having our affair. The happily ever after wasn't our "goal" - 2 very dear friends having a wonderful time together (at the time) was pretty much the goal.

 

When you said this on another thread you killed whatever little credibility you may have had here. Two dear friends (one of which was married) having a wonderful time in the sack - are you kidding me? I mean, how obtuse, how insensitive can you be?

 

Really - get a clue. Go away.

[Angelina527]

I have a HUGE problem with this sentence:

 

"I said that they were responsible/or played a part for what happened in the marrige &The downfall of the marriage."

 

There's not always something wrong with the marriage...I hate that people always assume that there must have been problems in the marriage or else the cheating spouse wouldn't have strayed. Not necessarily true! In my case, my husband was the broken one...it had nothing to do with me or our marriage.

 

So, no, I take zero responsibility for my husband's behavior. And even if there were problems in the marriage, I would still take zero responsibility for the cheating. HE chose to go outside of the marriage, not me. There are many other options...cheating should never be one of them.

[confusedinkansas]

1st - Drifter. If you don't like the way I post - or what I have to say it's really not necessary for you to comment then........is there?

This is why I moved away from the other thread. Didn't want to thread-jack.

 

Which I agree with, but then you throw in the "that led to the cheating" in the first place. So you say one thing, then completely negate what you just said with other words.

NoFool......Nowhere have I ever said 'THAT LEAD TO THE CHEATING'

Ever.

 

But hey, this is a perfect example of twisting words, inserting your own assumptions.

 

You BS's that don't like me -so be it-

Yes, I will jump to the defense of a cheater when they are feeling horrible & no one here is helping or standing up for them.

Just because I do that does not mean that I've condoned affairs. I've said more times than I can count that they're not the answer to anything. Ever.

Mine happened - I can't change that.

But what I CAN do is learn from what happened.

 

None of us have walked in anyone elses shoes but our own. Which is why our references can only come from our true life experiences.

 

& funny how I can't get out of my head........."He that is without sin cast the first stone."

 

Angelina - You're right - Not every marriage is broken when something like this happens. It just so happens that in my marriage - it was very broken. On both sides.

[Owl]

But what I CAN do is learn from what happened.

 

 

Raises a question for me...

 

What, specifically, have you learned from what happened? What have you changed, what have you done to safeguard your marriage, what have you done to improve your relationship and prevent a relapse/recurrence?

 

What did you learn from what happened, and what are you doing to apply those painful lessons?

[drifter777]

1st - Drifter. If you don't like the way I post - or what I have to say it's really not necessary for you to comment then........is there?

This is why I moved away from the other thread. Didn't want to thread-jack.

 

Your bullying tactics won't chase me away as I'm up for a debate with you anytime. You are a cheater apologist and do so without regard to the BS because, like you said, you can only see things from the perspective colored by your own life experiences. Offering advice and council to fellow WS's is one thing, but you are far too quick to tell a BS they must shoulder an equal amount of the blame for the affair. That is simply BS and a rationalization to ease your own guilt.

 

I doubt that I will ever accept that an affair is a defend-able reaction to marital problems. There are other avenues to end a marriage or work on repairing it. Sneaking around, lying to your spouse, and having sex with another is a cowardly way to deal with whatever problems you have in your relationship. Even when you label is as "2 very dear friends having a wonderful time together", it is still a horrible betrayal of your spouse's trust.

 

BTW: are others ok with the bolded statement above? I'm surprised that no one else has commented on this disgusting characterization of cheating.

[Steen719]

Your bullying tactics won't chase me away as I'm up for a debate with you anytime. You are a cheater apologist and do so without regard to the BS because, like you said, you can only see things from the perspective colored by your own life experiences. Offering advice and council to fellow WS's is one thing, but you are far too quick to tell a BS they must shoulder an equal amount of the blame for the affair. That is simply BS and a rationalization to ease your own guilt.

 

I doubt that I will ever accept that an affair is a defend-able reaction to marital problems. There are other avenues to end a marriage or work on repairing it. Sneaking around, lying to your spouse, and having sex with another is a cowardly way to deal with whatever problems you have in your relationship. Even when you label is as "2 very dear friends having a wonderful time together", it is still a horrible betrayal of your spouse's trust.

 

BTW: are others ok with the bolded statement above? I'm surprised that no one else has commented on this disgusting characterization of cheating.

 

I don't think there is any way that a WS understands what it feels like to be a BS. I won't go through the whole spiel of my divorce, but I did not deserve what I got and YES, I was not perfect in the marriage, but as Drifter says, there are other ways to end a marriage or work on it. This is the absolutely worst, gut wrenching, unrelenting pain I have ever experienced and my son is left to be collateral damage. No matter how a person justifies an affair, the betrayal they perpetrate on us is indescribable unless someone else has been through it and trying to explain it to them is an exercise in futility....just as we see here.

[carhill]

Quote

What, specifically, have you learned from what happened? What have you changed, what have you done to safeguard your marriage, what have you done to improve your relationship and prevent a relapse/recurrence?

 

What did you learn from what happened, and what are you doing to apply those painful lessons?

Owl, the OP, in part, posted up one such lesson here.

 

Quoting:

 

I made a conscious decision when the separation was over (which was my choice - not my husband's) to never go back to the behaviors that lead me to the A in the first place. I also learned not to let my husband's behaviors (after we got back together) get under my skin so deeply that I needed someone to 'help me pick up the pieces' - I'm a much stronger person now than back then.

 

It's really that simple. There's no deep dark hidden secret or agenda.

Change comes within. I didn't seek out some Ala-Babwa to do a weird-o blessing, no intervention or anything crazy - I just made the decision & have stuck to it.

 

-------------------------

 

 

 

Topically, OP, I'll suggest, if you find yourself to be personally attacked, as opposed to general comments, even strong negative ones, about infidelity, instead of public rebuttals, report the poster. If enough people report them, they'll lose posting privileges.

 

Additionally, I would suggest taking the high road and respecting this, the infidelity forum, as a place for people who have been betrayed in a relationship, either covertly or openly, to share their pain and garner support and advice. If they're not open to hearing the lessons a MW/MM have learned from their experiences, that's valid. Respect it.

 

One aspect of 'learning' for myself, as a result of MC, was assignment of 'responsibility' for our choices. Using your M as an example, simplistically, excluding the larger world, your H was/is responsible for his alcohol abuse and its effects on the family and you were/are responsible for your A and its effects on the family. Part of recovery, as you've indicated, is accepting responsibility and moving on with the lessons and boundaries learned. If both parties do so, a healthy recovery can result. If other, other. Owl's recovery, and yours, are a great example of a positive outcome that should inspire hope in others.

 

I wish you well in continued recovery. My best friend's daughter faced similar challenges in a 23 year M and she's making good progress as well, nearly five years in now. Anything is possible.

[confusedinkansas]

Raises a question for me...

 

What, specifically, have you learned from what happened? What have you changed, what have you done to safeguard your marriage, what have you done to improve your relationship and prevent a relapse/recurrence?

 

What did you learn from what happened, and what are you doing to apply those painful lessons?

 

I've made a concious decision to not go there again. It didn't fix or solve anything. (& I've never said here that it did) It created more drama than I care to ever have again in my life. I'm way too busy for an A & I'm not even close to being the same person I was then.

 

If I wanted to have a "Relapse" it would have been something I'd not have to look very far for. But since my mind is completely made up - It won't happen.

As for the changes - I don't even put myself in the same situations I used to.

I did'nt sit down with someone to FIX things - that wasn't necessary. WE (my husband & myself) had our bouts, had our talks - we've just figured it out. Took time - but finally we're at a really good place. If you ask me to put my finger exactly on where the turning point was......... It was during our separation when we both realized we're better together than apart. Nothing profound - just plain & simple.

 

Your bullying tactics won't chase me away as I'm up for a debate with you anytime.

Nor yours me.

& yet you're the one that has told me to go away....Hmmmm Very interesting. You don't like me - you don't like the way I post here yet you can't seem to contain yourself to still add a jab here & there. ;)

If you ever decide that you're done jabbing away & have actual questions that you feel are necessary for me to answer........Oh, do, ask away!!

[confusedinkansas]

carhill said:

Owl, the OP, in part, posted up one such lesson here.

 

Quoting:

 

I made a conscious decision when the separation was over (which was my choice - not my husband's) to never go back to the behaviors that lead me to the A in the first place. I also learned not to let my husband's behaviors (after we got back together) get under my skin so deeply that I needed someone to 'help me pick up the pieces' - I'm a much stronger person now than back then.

 

It's really that simple. There's no deep dark hidden secret or agenda.

Change comes within. I didn't seek out some Ala-Babwa to do a weird-o blessing, no intervention or anything crazy - I just made the decision & have stuck to it.

 

-------------------------

 

 

 

Topically, OP, I'll suggest, if you find yourself to be personally attacked, as opposed to general comments, even strong negative ones, about infidelity, instead of public rebuttals, report the poster. If enough people report them, they'll lose posting privileges.

 

Additionally, I would suggest taking the high road and respecting this, the infidelity forum, as a place for people who have been betrayed in a relationship, either covertly or openly, to share their pain and garner support and advice. If they're not open to hearing the lessons a MW/MM have learned from their experiences, that's valid. Respect it.

 

One aspect of 'learning' for myself, as a result of MC, was assignment of 'responsibility' for our choices. Using your M as an example, simplistically, excluding the larger world, your H was/is responsible for his alcohol abuse and its effects on the family and you were/are responsible for your A and its effects on the family. Part of recovery, as you've indicated, is accepting responsibility and moving on with the lessons and boundaries learned. If both parties do so, a healthy recovery can result. If other, other. Owl's recovery, and yours, are a great example of a positive outcome that should inspire hope in others.

 

I wish you well in continued recovery. My best friend's daughter faced similar challenges in a 23 year M and she's making good progress as well, nearly five years in now. Anything is possible.

 

Thank you.

[donnamaybe]

Oh, do, ask away!!

Problem is, when people DO ask, you declare it a thread jack and disappear even though the questions are absolutely within the topic of the thread.

[Steadfast]

...Sneaking around, lying to your spouse, and having sex with another is a cowardly way to deal with whatever problems you have in your relationship. Even when you label is as "2 very dear friends having a wonderful time together", it is still a horrible betrayal of your spouse's trust.

 

BTW: are others ok with the bolded statement above? I'm surprised that no one else has commented on this disgusting characterization of cheating.

 

To be honest, it took me years to overcome the cold-hearted rationalizations my ex gave for her infidelity (one example: "these things happen") so I don't feel too pressured to comment on the words and actions of others doing the same. I've seen and heard worse.

 

Noting the conversation is now in the he-said/she-said snipping stage, I take exception to the notion or preconceived role a betrayed spouse plays in their partner's infidelity. Knowing how strongly I blamed myself (with ample encouragement from my ex) makes such a suggestion even more critically damaging to someone trying to overcome it. Speaking from experience and also speaking honestly, I knew full well my faults as not just a husband, but as a father, son, brother and man. Forgotten it seems, is the spouses' pledge to love their partner through such difficult times...not hang them with their own rope. Real love is loving the unlovable.

[confusedinkansas]

Problem is, when people DO ask, you declare it a thread jack and disappear even though the questions are absolutely within the topic of the thread.

 

Oh silly Donna. This isn't someone elses thread they started. It's one I started.

[confusedinkansas]

.drifter777..Sneaking around, lying to your spouse, and having sex with another is a cowardly way to deal with whatever problems you have in your relationship

 

I really hate to say this because it's you & we butt heads - BUT- You're absolutely right.

Since I can only speak for myself & no one else here - It's just a way I choose to deal. Good, Bad or Indifferent. After doing everything that I thought (at that time) was in my power to make a bad situation good - I made the choice. I also have to live with the consequences from that choice.

[nofool4u]

1st - Drifter. If you don't like the way I post - or what I have to say it's really not necessary for you to comment then........is there?

This is why I moved away from the other thread. Didn't want to thread-jack.

 

 

NoFool......Nowhere have I ever said 'THAT LEAD TO THE CHEATING'

Ever.

 

Not in those exact words maybe, but you do talk about the "reasons" that led to cheating, which is pretty much the same way I worded it above.

 

So yes, you have said it, or implied it.

 

 

But hey, this is a perfect example of twisting words, inserting your own assumptions.

 

No assumptions at all. Everyone knows you think there are reasons for cheating, hence things that led to it. You've hinted to this time and time again.

 

 

You BS's that don't like me -so be it-

 

You BS's.

 

 

None of us have walked in anyone elses shoes but our own. Which is why our references can only come from our true life experiences.

 

And there is a reason some people haven't walked in other people's shoes. Because they never will

 

 

& funny how I can't get out of my head........."He that is without sin cast the first stone."

 

When it comes to the sin of adultery, cheating, or sleeping with someone elses spouse, yes, I am without that sin. Funny people who spout that phrase fail to grasp that.

[nofool4u]

Raises a question for me...

 

What, specifically, have you learned from what happened? What have you changed, what have you done to safeguard your marriage, what have you done to improve your relationship and prevent a relapse/recurrence?

 

What did you learn from what happened, and what are you doing to apply those painful lessons?

 

One thing she hasn't done is block the OM from communicating with her, and told him to go the hell away. Why? Because she doesn't want him to ever completely go away.

 

Nice safeguard, eh?

[StrongerThanB4]

One thing she hasn't done is block the OM from communicating with her, and told him to go the hell away. Why? Because she doesn't want him to ever completely go away.

 

Nice safeguard, eh?

 

 

Yes I read that too. Sounds like someone who just has no regrets for their A. Than coming here trying to preach the WS point of view...which in general makes it worse for a BS to consider the calousness a WS would have years later.

Better yet..what WERE your consquences for the choice in having your affair OP???

Edited February 9, 2012 by StrongerThanB4

[confusedinkansas]

Better yet..what WERE your consquences for the choice in having your affair OP???

 

Well, we didn't divorce. So the consequences were't that drastic.

I did have to be accountable for my time - for quite a while. As with every WS.

I also have to live with what I choose to do. I think that's quite a bit of punishment/consequences for most WS's.

 

Because I haven't told my XAP to 'go to hell' means nothing. If I told him to go away & he showed up 6 months later - then what? I mean, I"ve gained nothing. Nothing at all.

Our conversations - however brief -& few & far between are mostly about family.

The cycle goes like this........he emails, we email back & forth about the kids, family stuff, yadda yadda yadda. He asks me to meet him for a drink, I say No. He goes away for 6 or so months. Not a biggie. We don't talk about the A. We don't talk about our respective relationships. Period. A total of about 5 emails passed back & forth. If you really believe that's a big deal, well, ok. You have your opinion & I have mine.

 

Many here have stated that I haven't done this because I don't want him to totally go away. That's not the truth. It would make no difference to me if he ever emailed me again, or emailed me tomorrow.

 

I would never have another affair with him, (or anyone else) if I were single I would't even date him. I know him too well. So, for me to accept an email every 6 months or so, means absolutely nothing to me.

 

Many here are putting too much emphasis & making more on what they 'believe' is the truth. There may be drama in your life - but there really isn't in mine. This A WAS drama. Past tense. Thank God I live a Drama Free Life now.

 

Quoting the bible........He that is without sin cast the first stone...........HAHA!! It means EVERYTING in life...........Not just infidelity My Friend.

[StrongerThanB4]

Well, we didn't divorce. So the consequences were't that drastic.

I did have to be accountable for my time - for quite a while. As with every WS.

I also have to live with what I choose to do. I think that's quite a bit of punishment/consequences for most WS's.

 

Because I haven't told my XAP to 'go to hell' means nothing. If I told him to go away & he showed up 6 months later - then what? I mean, I"ve gained nothing. Nothing at all.

Our conversations - however brief -& few & far between are mostly about family.

The cycle goes like this........he emails, we email back & forth about the kids, family stuff, yadda yadda yadda. He asks me to meet him for a drink, I say No. He goes away for 6 or so months. Not a biggie. We don't talk about the A. We don't talk about our respective relationships. Period. A total of about 5 emails passed back & forth. If you really believe that's a big deal, well, ok. You have your opinion & I have mine.

 

Many here have stated that I haven't done this because I don't want him to totally go away. That's not the truth. It would make no difference to me if he ever emailed me again, or emailed me tomorrow.

 

I would never have another affair with him, (or anyone else) if I were single I would't even date him. I know him too well. So, for me to accept an email every 6 months or so, means absolutely nothing to me.

 

Many here are putting too much emphasis & making more on what they 'believe' is the truth. There may be drama in your life - but there really isn't in mine. This A WAS drama. Past tense. Thank God I live a Drama Free Life now.

 

Quoting the bible........He that is without sin cast the first stone...........HAHA!! It means EVERYTING in life...........Not just infidelity My Friend.

 

 

What you are having is a fake/phony reconciliation. You have had NO consequences for anything...thats why you continue to let this man contact you. You are still NOT being 100 percent transparent with your husband, and perhaps he still has an alcohol issue therefore you both are still fighting your demons.

 

Sad way to live if you ask me. Doesn't sound like you both have invested much of yourselves into your marriage. I feel for the both of you. Very sad way to live.

[frozensprouts]

confused...

I have a question for you ( I hope you don't mind)...

 

are you and your husband coming from a place of " we both made some pretty big mistakes ( him drinking, you having an affair) but that's in the past and we are going to start over with a clean slate"?

 

I can understand that...

 

do you feel that your husband has been able to totally put the affair behind him, or do you think that it still bothers him, but he doesn't say anything?

 

I'm not your husband, and I can't speak to how he feels, but if I were him, the fact that you keep in contact ( even if it's just one sided) with your ex other man would be hurtful to me. Does your husband know about the emails? If so, how does he feel about them? Has he asked you to cut off all contact? would he like the opportunity to respond to one of the emails from this other guy so that he can get somethings off his chest ( that may be a horrible idea, I don't know)

[donnamaybe]

The e-mails are not one sided. She responds and they chat about each other's lives. Now if she never responded that would be different.

[anne1707]

The e-mails are not one sided. She responds and they chat about each other's lives. Now if she never responded that would be different.

 

As a former WS, I still work with the ex-OM. Whilst I talk to him about work, I never discuss anything in respect of personal life. No how are the kids, what did you do this weekend, did you have a good holiday. It is just not an option - not just because I am not interested but also because of the disrespect that would show towards my husband.

[confusedinkansas]

confused...

I have a question for you ( I hope you don't mind)...

 

are you and your husband coming from a place of " we both made some pretty big mistakes ( him drinking, you having an affair) but that's in the past and we are going to start over with a clean slate"?

 

I can understand that...

 

do you feel that your husband has been able to totally put the affair behind him, or do you think that it still bothers him, but he doesn't say anything?

 

I'm not your husband, and I can't speak to how he feels, but if I were him, the fact that you keep in contact ( even if it's just one sided) with your ex other man would be hurtful to me. Does your husband know about the emails? If so, how does he feel about them? Has he asked you to cut off all contact? would he like the opportunity to respond to one of the emails from this other guy so that he can get somethings off his chest ( that may be a horrible idea, I don't know)

 

Frozen - That's EXACTLY where we are now.

I'm 100% positive that he has totally been able to put the affair (& everything else) behind us.

 

 

What you are having is a fake/phony reconciliation. You have had NO consequences for anything...thats why you continue to let this man contact you. You are still NOT being 100 percent transparent with your husband, and perhaps he still has an alcohol issue therefore you both are still fighting your demons.

 

Sad way to live if you ask me. Doesn't sound like you both have invested much of yourselves into your marriage. I feel for the both of you. Very sad way to live.

You can say this all you want. Feeling sorry & sad for us - is pretty much a waste. It's not fake or phony.

 

Let me reiterate again..........we have done the marriage counseling gig. We separated for 14 months.

Nothing fake or phony about any of it. But thanks for your concern

 

The e-mails are not one sided. She responds and they chat about each other's lives. Now if she never responded that would be different.

The emails are never initiated by me.

I really hate repeating myself, especially for those that seem to think they know my story inside & out.

My husband knows:

1) of the contact with OM during our separation

2) of the phone contact early on between the separation & us getting back together

3) of the emails

In the beginning he did tell me to ignore them. Which I did. After the X emailed again I did explain & show my husband the responses.

Because he knows exactly WHERE I AM IN OUR RELATIONSHIP....He's not worried.

Kiddos....really, the "rest of the story" is this........happily ever after.

Proving that marriages can move on & even be better after__________(You fill in the blank - cuz infidelity ain't the only thing that marriages suffer with)

[StrongerThanB4]

Frozen - That's EXACTLY where we are now.

I'm 100% positive that he has totally been able to put the affair (& everything else) behind us.

 

 

 

You can say this all you want. Feeling sorry & sad for us - is pretty much a waste. It's not fake or phony.

 

Let me reiterate again..........we have done the marriage counseling gig. We separated for 14 months.

Nothing fake or phony about any of it. But thanks for your concern

 

 

The emails are never initiated by me.

I really hate repeating myself, especially for those that seem to think they know my story inside & out.

My husband knows:

1) of the contact with OM during our separation

2) of the phone contact early on between the separation & us getting back together

3) of the emails

In the beginning he did tell me to ignore them. Which I did. After the X emailed again I did explain & show my husband the responses.

Because he knows exactly WHERE I AM IN OUR RELATIONSHIP....He's not worried.

Kiddos....really, the "rest of the story" is this........happily ever after.

Proving that marriages can move on & even be better after__________(You fill in the blank - cuz infidelity ain't the only thing that marriages suffer with)

 

So your telling us your husband knows your STILL in contact with the OM??? Because your #3 states that he knows! So does he know your still talking to him about your personal life with this OM?

 

Might be a happily ever after for you...but it still sounds like your husband doesnt know how much your STILL keeping behind his back.

 

Personally I dont even know what the point of you starting this thread was...cause you clearly had no consequences..and still have no regrets in even having contact with this guy who you proclaim to be a somewhat loser? Ayyy ya yai...this isnt even worth my time. You can "pretend" to be in this la la land with your husband...but sweeping all this under the rug is what you've both clearly do. Dysfunction isnt my happy ever after!