I am stopping this drinking today and for good!

[Art_Critic]

I want you guys to be proud of me someday.

 

We're proud of you now RP...

[Dust]

Two days.

 

I feel a bit ridiculous because I didn't really drink every day, but I had many days when I did drink every day. Posting here helps me keep myself in check. I want you guys to be proud of me someday.

 

I get proud every time I read your posts. You're such a strong vibrant woman. A MILF if there ever was one.

[RecordProducer]

We're proud of you now RP...

Thanks, Arty!

 

I get proud every time I read your posts. You're such a strong vibrant woman. A MILF if there ever was one.

 

Thanks, Dusty, but... you don't even know what I look like.

[jerbear]

Two days.

 

I feel a bit ridiculous because I didn't really drink every day, but I had many days when I did drink every day. Posting here helps me keep myself in check. I want you guys to be proud of me someday.

 

We're proud of you. It's (probably) not easy being you.

[2sunny]

Two days.

 

I feel a bit ridiculous because I didn't really drink every day, but I had many days when I did drink every day. Posting here helps me keep myself in check. I want you guys to be proud of me someday.

 

I'm proud of each and every day I stay sober. I'm worth nothing when/if I CHOOSE to drink.

 

Every day is an accomplishment you should be proud of RP! It's more manageable to only do the day you're in...

 

IF I thought I could NEVER have a drink again... I'd probably feel defiant and just drink now... But sticking to TODAY - and doing my best for today helps me find it a reasonable task to manage.

 

It may help to seek a good trauma counselor to work through the "why you drank part of this" - the key is getting rid of those things that "trigger" us to "want to drink". When I tackled those demons - my desire to drink went away - I no longer had any reason to cover up my feelings - or to numb myself.

[D-Lish]

Hi RP,

 

Good for you for taking a a stand.

 

I never used to be a drinker- but sometime in my mid 30's, after suffering through a divorce and trying to self medicate my anxiety, I became a full blown alcoholic.

 

I was a black out drinker for a while- just drinking until I passed out everyday after coming home from work. No one knew, no one would have guessed.

 

I remember waking up one morning and seeing a huge hole in the drywall at the bottom of the stairs- I had a faint recollection of putting my head through the wall. That wasn't enough to make me stop. I was so depressed and riddled with anxiety during that time that I was mixing sleeping pills with alcohol. That ended me up in an ambulance to emerge after an overdose one night, and almost a month in a forced locked down detox forced on me by a psychiatrist in emerge, My Dad had found me after I passed out with a loud thud in the kitchen where I apparantly peed my pants and he was unable to revive me. Not pretty.... Not a place I ever want to go to ever again. I think that was a couple of years ago, perhaps more.

 

I don't like to talk about that much- but I thought I'd share it with you to illustrate how the addiction can progress to a place where the alcohol controls you. It certainly controlled me. I was living on calories from beer, and little else. I think I went days without putting solid food in my mouth because I was surviving on a diet of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

 

I don't even think I shared the real story with LS- but I shared some pieces of it after getting sober. I was too ashamed to share all the sordid details. The fact is that I woke up in emerge with my parents standing over me in tears, soaked in my own urine after having my stomache pumped, and had a Doctor standing over me looking surprised I had made it. The Doctor was quite clear that had I not gotten to the hospital when I did that I would have most likely died of an overdose from mixing the sleeping pills and alcohol.

 

I've been pretty much sober since. I've had 2-3 one night relapses since then.

 

What I want to tell you is that you are not alone, the addiction is difficult to kick, but not at all impossible. Any help you can get, take it. My advice to you is to "come out"- make your alcoholism real. Once you do that, you hold yourself accountable and you help others to hold you accountable.

 

If you're serious about quitting, tell people about your addiction. It's always a relief when it's not a secret anymore.

 

Keep talking about it, there are many that can relate and even talk you through weaker moments.

 

You can join an addiction forum, post here, see your Doctor regularly, speak to your friends and family... Anything that helps you to stay sober- make the effort.

 

Hugs,

xoxo DL.

[RecordProducer]

D-Lish, thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I am relieved to hear other people have had embarassing moments. But your story is less funny and more sad - but I am so glad you're alive and so proud of you for quitting.

 

For now, I will use LS as support. I feel good, I don't feel like drinking at all nor do I need it.

We're proud of you.

Thanks, Jer.

 

It's (probably) not easy being you.

Why do you say that?

[D-Lish]

I could post some funny things I did, but that would glorify the addiction. I wanted to post the worst of the worst that I experienced to illustrate how bad the addiction can become.

 

Art was an inspiration for me while quitting.

[Eve]

By peers you mean LS members? Because I am not getting any other help elsewhere.

 

Hope I read your situation rightly..

 

Well, we know LS seems to attract people who work in the profession you are aiming for. So, I think the work related angle to your situation is probably why I said peers. It would be good for you to get this under control before quaification and probably the best support would be from those who work in the area you are aiming to enter.

 

Personally, I would not advise that you do this with support only from a forum but I am sure that if you enter a dangerous decline, others will recognise this and will guide you to find support appropriate for your needs.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Lostinlife4now]

Dear RP!!!

 

I am here for you!!!! Post here any time day or nite!!!! You are a tough chick!!!! You will get through this and be better on the other side!

 

You go girl!!! So very proud of you!!!!

 

It's a new day............................:D:D:D:D

[RecordProducer]

Thanks for all your support, guys. It really means A LOT to me.

[EgoJoe]

I went over two years cold turkey with no AA and a pathetic treatment program for the courts. I paid lip service while exercising willpower.

 

I want you to know that AA is great etc. but the strength comes from within.

[RecordProducer]

I went over two years cold turkey with no AA and a pathetic treatment program for the courts. I paid lip service while exercising willpower.

 

I want you to know that AA is great etc. but the strength comes from within.

I wholeheartedly agree!

 

Are you remaining sober?

[Art_Critic]

Hi RP..... 4 days and another to go... you are doing great !!!

[2sunny]

Woot! Great work RP!

 

I believe in you! Stay strong - one day at a time.

[RecordProducer]

Hi RP..... 4 days and another to go... you are doing great !!!

Thanks and...

 

Woot! Great work RP!

I believe in you! Stay strong - one day at a time.

Thanks!

 

Today has been a really hard day. First I found out I wasn't getting Daisy, then I talked to my sons and got really sad because of the whole situation with them and their choosing to live with the stupid ex-monster. If I didn't succumb to self-destructive behavior today, I am doing well.

 

I must say keeping my actions in check is much easier than keeping my feelings in check. In other words, when I tell myself what to do but without being too harsh; e.g. "OK, let go back to doing homework." But then I realize I am too unfocused and upset, and I tell myself "OK, let take a break and do something fun. Or I'll tell myself "OK, let's not think about the kids now, things will get resolved and it's not the end of the world, they're alive and healthy, thank God."

 

It's hard (the kids issue), but the solution will come. Always does.

[2sunny]

You can earn their trust back with good and consistent behavior. Our drinking days often cause more harm to our loved ones than we realized while drinking...

 

Trust is earned - work on that moving forward - it gets better as you stay sober longer and do amends along the way. Amends - meaning change or setting things right. ;-)

 

See a counselor... It helps to work through the feelings - or work with a sponsor in AA - letting go f anger and resentments is key - I ended that "desire" to drink when I let go of resentments - it's freedom!!!! ;-)

 

I no longer need to drink to kill the pain of how I feel. I feel it - it's there - I have a voice and speak my truth.

 

You can do this RP! I believe in you!

 

Sending love!!!

 

In the beginning - I had to do 5 minutes at a time - to get one day - its hard - but worth it - my life is completely better as long as I know there's no solution in drinking myself to death. When it's hard - 5 minutes. Be proud! Journal too! Get those feelings out of your head and somewhere else. Pray too!!! Meditate!!! Relax.... Ahhhhhh....

Edited February 13, 2012 by 2sunny

[RecordProducer]

Thanks a bunch, Sunny. However, not all problems in life are drinking-related; nor are people who don't drink problem-free. Some problems just have nothing to do with drinking.

[quankanne]

I want you guys to be proud of me someday

 

girl, don't you realize how inspirational you are? Just by surviving and tackling head-on life the way you have, only to see your dream through to becoming a lawyer is nothing short of incredible, and I'm incredibly proud of you. Every time I see you on here, there's something new you've conquered that you share, which is not something many people are able to do. So don't sell yourself short ~ some young woman is going to find your posts or meet you IRL and say, "this woman is a survivor, and she's got some brass balls, and I want to be her when I grow up!"

 

very excited that you're so close to finishing up your studies, it seems like you only just started talking about law school have you chosen what specialty you want to pursue?

[RecordProducer]

Forgot to post.

[2sunny]

Thanks a bunch, Sunny. However, not all problems in life are drinking-related; nor are people who don't drink problem-free. Some problems just have nothing to do with drinking.

 

I never said all life problems are from drinking.

 

I do know - my problems when drinking were in a whole different class than when sober.

 

I could never muster any energy to DO anything about the things I complained about while drinking. My mind was never clear and I couldn't take action.

 

I let go of my pity party while sober... And seem to accomplish a ton now each day.

 

Amazing miracles come my way each day now... And I wake up with such hope every morning. While drinking - I never even slept! I was a crazy lady!

 

My mind is at peace now and I am happy - that is a wonderful gift! I NEVER got that when I drank!

[2sunny]

Not one of my problems were solved when I drank.

 

But first I had to admit who I was - I am an alcoholic.

 

When I started doing something about that - is when things started to get better.

 

I learned that I ALLOWED myself to,play the victim... And I never want to go back to that old life ever again - ill do anything never to be miserable that way again.

[RecordProducer]

I do know - my problems when drinking were in a whole different class than when sober.

Oh, absolutely! Everything seems so horrible.

 

I could never muster any energy to DO anything about the things I complained about while drinking. My mind was never clear and I couldn't take action.

Same here.

I let go of my pity party while sober... And seem to accomplish a ton now each day.

 

Amazing miracles come my way each day now... And I wake up with such hope every morning. While drinking - I never even slept! I was a crazy lady!

I slept all the time. I hated the sleepiness. I hated the fogginess. The sadness. The anger. The fatigue. The blurriness. I hated me.

My mind is at peace now and I am happy - that is a wonderful gift! I NEVER got that when I drank!

I feel so much better too when I am sober.

I learned that I ALLOWED myself to play the victim...

This is so true! If you have a "I can do it" psychology (about anything) you'll never be a victim (apart from causes beyond your power).

 

Also, it's indulging the bad urges what fuels drinking: you allow yourself to get high or to knock yourself down or to miss the day, etc. In its essence, the drinking problem is nothing but major lack of discipline and self-control. And those may be rooted in low self-esteem or self-destructive mentality. But it's also a selfish thing, like let's see if I can get away with it. Kinda like crime: robbing a bank for $500 may not be worth going to prison for 5 years and it's certainly self-destructive, especially after spending some time in prison. But it's more than self-destructiveness. The adrenaline rush is probably addictive; there's a rooted hatred toward the privileged part of the society; and most of all, there's lazyness - why work when you can rob and get away with it? If you told an alocoholic that he would definitely die 3 months after drinking one sip, I don't think anyone would do it. There's some arrogance and lack of responsibility in all drinkers. Not saying we were born like that - on the contrary: it's a result of long-term suffering. But it is weakness that we need to fight by being strong. As Cerridwen said above, it's a tough thing to beat, but I am tougher.

 

And I never want to go back to that old life ever again - ill do anything never to be miserable that way again.

Hopefully I will, too. Thanks for all your support, Sunny - you're really helpful. And Arty's carefreeness and an a quarter of a century of sobriety is definitely inspiring. He has his own company, emlpoyees, awife and a kid - he would've had none of it had he not been sober.

[Art_Critic]

Forgot to post.

 

woohoo....

 

Atta Girl

[2sunny]

I was born with it - it's genetic... It's just that Rama that occurred through the years gave me a good reason to "up my need to cover up the pain".

 

Those reasons became what I had to face.

 

When I lost my power to choose - I couldn't control what I drank, how much and what I might do to myself and others when I started drinking... I had NO control over it. It eventually had a death grip on me. I couldn't drink and I couldn't not drink. That is when I got help... Detox was a necessity.