Cheating in a marriage it what makes the marriage work...

[FrustratedStandards]

(Originally posted in "Dating" but was told to post it here)

 

My sister had gotten drunk on her last visit, and admitted something to me that hurt me very much.

 

She confessed that the reason her marriage had been working so well (she had been married for a little over 16 years now) is because she regularly cheats on her husband.

 

She enjoys the sexual stimulation from other men, and as a result there are less tensions in her marriage. She gets her sexual release, she isn't as frustrated with her husband for being unable to satisfy her, and both of them no longer argue about sex (her not being satisfied so always being unhappy). The unsatisfactory sex she has with her husband no longer bothers her, so the relationship is focused less on sex (her nagging and him feeling bad for not pleasing her, or, her not wanting to have sex with him because it just builds her sexual frustrations).

 

Instead, she says she gets her satisfaction outside of the marriage, and comes home to a loving, caring, incredible husband otherwise. The sex that they do have is no longer bothersome, so it is more frequent, and her husband is happier as a result.

 

I asked her if she ever felt guilty, but she said she didn't, because after she started cheating regularly (to her regularly is a few times a year) her marriage significantly got better.

 

Clearly I am hurt. After all these years of looking up to their marriage and hoping one day to find the same happiness in a monogamous relationship, turns out it's for all the wrong reasons.

 

(Her husband doesn't know she cheats.)

 

Thoughts?

[Discjockey80]

This is heartbreaking to hear. Either she doesn't have the character to address things with him to help the situation (I assume she wants it more than him?) Or, she has and he refused to do anything and thus, their situation.

 

Either way, it's no excuse for cheating.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I am afraid that more marriages survive because of the infidelity of one of the partners. I guess that it is even tolerated in some marriages.

It's when there is a problem that is perceived as insolvable, discussion about it is avoided, everything done to keep the status quo...

 

I would hate to live like that, and maybe your sister is suffering from it as well, as she got drunk and told you everything. Hopefully she won't get drunk and tell her husband...

 

Sorry that your ideal of a good marriage is destroyed like that.

 

All I can say is that I could not do it, nor would I tolerate my partner doing this (it would mean divorce) but at the same time I have heard stories of people whose marriage works like this...

[seibert253]

I bet her H's attitude would change tremendously if he found out. Her happy M then all of the sudden wouldn't be so happy.

 

Food for thought; what do you plan to do with this new found info? Do you feel her H deserves to know about this? Is it fair to him that his "happy" M is based upon lies?

 

Let the mud slinging from the naysayers begin.

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

What the OP describes is not a marriage at all, at least not in my point of view. . .

 

Though I have heard of all types of arrangements, I would want nothing to do with a marriage like that. . .

 

One of the main reasons I choose to marry is for sexual exclusivity (on both sides).

[Stung]

OP, the mods have already moved your original thread into the Infidelity section.