Is it ever ok for a woman to hit a man? My girlfriend hit me and says I deserved it!?

[selfrespect118]

Basically, my girlfriend wanted my help on something to do with a car and so I spent time trying to find out for her from friends and research on internet. I then gave her the answer and because it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she said I was being negative and that 'I'm acting like I'm happy that she can't do it and that Im jealous just because i haven't got a car'. I was thinking huh wtf Im only trying to help you!?

 

So I told her look, stop acting stupid if was happy I wouldn't try to help you in the first place and that im just giving her advice. She started swearing and saying that I stress her out and she punched my chest twice, Then i told her to not hit me, And she punched again twice, harder, saying 'what are you going to do?'.

 

The thing is, this isnt the first time shes hit me, shes hit me before and even in the balls because she thought it was funny.

 

And before you think im a wuss, I am a boxer and I think if I lost the plot I would ko her, and I know that when a man hits a women, its the end of the world for them, so ive never hit her back..

 

Before you think why am i still with her, We've been together 2 years, we are 18 and shes my first love and in the first year we had more ups and downs than the last year, and it has been some amazing times too, mostly.

 

Now for the funny part, She dumped me! Lol.. She said because after she hit me 'I walked out on her' (as in out of her house) and I explained to her that she hit me and she thinks that's ok, but its not ok for a man to hit a woman, then why the hypocrisy? And she said its not her fault because I deserved it for 'pushing her'... I think she's got anger problems and she gets stressed out at me so easily.. I think later she will regret it and come back.. but how could you help someone like that? ( hypothetically if we were still together?)

 

Thanks

[coltsfan1]

No one with half a brain will judge you for not hitting her, and the ones that do... We both know what they can do!

 

I ate 4 good shots to the chin from my EX in public no less, I just walked away. Heart broken yes but I didn't hit her. You need to walk away RIGHT F-ING NOW!! If she is hitting you it means one of two things, A) she has not matured enough to use her big girl words and B) she doesn't respect you enough to know better.

 

Walk now and walk fast, before it gets out of hand. Then maybe in a few years she maybe the lady you need, but would you want her by then?

[carhill]

She dumped me!

 

You did good, young man. She gave you a gift. I hope you pay it forward in life.

 

I think later she will regret it and come back.. but how could you help someone like that?

 

Boundaries. Physical force is rarely (I won't say 'never') an answer in domestic relations. Set your boundary and walk away. 99 times out 100 it's the smart and healthy thing to do. Generally, not looking back is suggested, at least for a goodly period of time. People who act out the way she did rarely change in a few days, weeks or months.

 

I can envision one scenario where a woman hitting a man might be OK, and that's as part of SM sex play, where pain is agreed upon and arousing sexually.

[Chi townD]

Nope! Dude, that is assault and it really shouldn't matter what the gender is. Unfortunately, society looks at it differently. If you were at a party and a girl walks across the room and smacks her boyfriend in the face then walks in a huff. You would be thinking, "DAMN!! What did he do?". However if the roles were reversed and the boyfriend smack the girl, EVERYONE would be all over the dude!

 

And it's the same with the courts too! There's a bias when it comes to the sexes. Case in point, I was the victim of abuse. A long time a long in a galaxy far, far away I was dating this girl and she was cute as hell. However, I quickly learned that if she was in a bad mood....leave her alone and give her a wide berth. Well, one day she was in a bad mood and I was is a bad mood and definately not in the mood to walk around on eggshells because of her.

 

A veribal arguement happen that ended with me getting smacked in the face with a pipe. One broken jaw and a lost tooth with some bruising to the ribs resulted in the cops showing up. They stepped over my bloody mass to get to her to make sure SHE was alright. WTF!!!!

 

Once they figured out what happen they took her down to the station where she spent only 6 hours at. At her hearing, because this was her first offense, she was given a fine, community service, 2 years probation and she had to go to anger management classes. If she didn't complete the classes in a timely fashion, then she would be held in contempt of court and would have to serve out the remainder of her time.

 

If I did that to her, I probably would be serving some serious time. Hell, I would have probably got out last week!

[Mme. Chaucer]

Of course that's not okay, and you are LUCKY that she "dumped" you. She sounds like she was going to try to push you to your breaking point. You're not a wuss, either.

 

Don't be in relationships with people who fight dirty!

[Star Gazer]

Of course that's not okay, and you are LUCKY that she "dumped" you. She sounds like she was going to try to push you to your breaking point.

 

Indeed! Thankfully, if you remain broken up (which I hope you do), you won't get pushed to that point.

[betterdeal]

but how could you help someone like that?

 

You file a complaint with the police and let them help her.

[PegNosePete]

You are a victim of domestic violence.

 

It is good that your relationship has ended. Imagine what would have happened if this continued for another 2, 5 or 10 years. You would be a battered husband.

[geegirl]

She dumped you? Consider it a blessing.

 

Being a product of abuse, you cannot help the abuser. And trust me when I say this behavior will escalate, the more she mistakes your lack of reaction for submissiveness. And there will come a day when you react, because she will push you. Get out. Stay out.

 

She has to realize she has issues with rage. It will then be up to her to find help.

 

It's not okay for a man to hit a woman. It is not okay for a woman to hit a man. And I don't care how crazy mad you are. Period.

Edited February 9, 2012 by geegirl

[HeavenOrHell]

No, it's never ok for a woman to hit a man, I'm sorry to hear she's done this to you, you are better off without her, unless she is prepared to get help for her anger problem, even then I'd be extremely wary.

No-one should have to put up with this behaviour.

 

 

 

Basically, my girlfriend wanted my help on something to do with a car and so I spent time trying to find out for her from friends and research on internet. I then gave her the answer and because it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she said I was being negative and that 'I'm acting like I'm happy that she can't do it and that Im jealous just because i haven't got a car'. I was thinking huh wtf Im only trying to help you!?

 

So I told her look, stop acting stupid if was happy I wouldn't try to help you in the first place and that im just giving her advice. She started swearing and saying that I stress her out and she punched my chest twice, Then i told her to not hit me, And she punched again twice, harder, saying 'what are you going to do?'.

 

The thing is, this isnt the first time shes hit me, shes hit me before and even in the balls because she thought it was funny.

 

And before you think im a wuss, I am a boxer and I think if I lost the plot I would ko her, and I know that when a man hits a women, its the end of the world for them, so ive never hit her back..

 

Before you think why am i still with her, We've been together 2 years, we are 18 and shes my first love and in the first year we had more ups and downs than the last year, and it has been some amazing times too, mostly.

 

Now for the funny part, She dumped me! Lol.. She said because after she hit me 'I walked out on her' (as in out of her house) and I explained to her that she hit me and she thinks that's ok, but its not ok for a man to hit a woman, then why the hypocrisy? And she said its not her fault because I deserved it for 'pushing her'... I think she's got anger problems and she gets stressed out at me so easily.. I think later she will regret it and come back.. but how could you help someone like that? ( hypothetically if we were still together?)

 

Thanks

Edited February 9, 2012 by HeavenOrHell

[Mack05]

Be VERY wary of a woman (or man) that uses the words "you made me do it". This should be considered a huge red flag and a MASSIVE sign of emotional immaturity. These people never take responsibility or accountability for their behaviours.

 

They also constantly look to shift the blame. Being a relationship with these type of people is very draining. You have a feeling of always walking on eggshells. They tend to hold onto things longer then most and relationships with these emotionally immature people, tend to be more 'dramatic' then what a healthy relationship should be..They also tend to be hyper sensitive and things that wouldn't bother a normal woman will set her off.

 

Let someone else deal with her drama and high maintenance ways. She will never be the type that you can reason or compromise with. She will always be right and you will always be wrong. If you mentioned this to her, she will just fire back that you are wrong and then list of all your faults. Eventually she will even have you doubting yourself. Be thankful she has left. Literally run and never look back..

 

***This OP****

 

very good post Flourescent...

[lalalandman]

I took a few punches to the face from my ex before. I used to think it was normal behavior and just sort of forgave her that very instant. One time she went to punch me in the gut, missed and cracked her bone- hairline fracture. Funny thing is, she would blame me for it and ended up telling her friends that I was the culprit and she the victim. I could sort of tell people didn't believe it. But she would go bonkers, insane, if the convo came up with others because she knew she was a liar.

 

Bottom line, no, it's not ok for her to hit you. Period.

[Mack05]

I took a few punches to the face from my ex before. I used to think it was normal behavior and just sort of forgave her that very instant. One time she went to punch me in the gut, missed and cracked her bone- hairline fracture. Funny thing is, she would blame me for it and ended up telling her friends that I was the culprit and she the victim. I could sort of tell people didn't believe it. But she would go bonkers, insane, if the convo came up with others because she knew she was a liar.

 

Bottom line, no, it's not ok for her to hit you. Period.

 

So did I lalalandman. On two occasions. It turns out she was bulimic. When she would drink at times she would lose it over nothing and I couldn't figure out why. It's only years later, did I find out why she reacted the way she did. I got punched one night and all jewelery I bought her thrown down the drain. All I did was talk to my friends who I hadnt seen in 2 years. They had moved abroad. I told her not to come in (cause I knew what she was like) as I wouldnt have much time to spent with her. She said it was ok that she knew all my other mates and they could keep her company. Despite the fact I spend loads of time with her, she went off in the bar and I had to leave with her (my friends cringed with embrassement for me). Then she assaulted me. Some random guy sees this and thinks its me assaulting her so punches me in the face. Two for the price of one! I lost it at this stage. I couldn't hit her but I can certainly hit him!. I tore into the guy and my ex cried and screamed "Its not him, its me. it's Me!". The guy I punched called her a pyscho b!tch and left. He was right!. Of course the next day she called over to my house on bended knees, but I had enough. A year later I naively took her back, only for it to happen again years later. The OP needs to leave. It's unlikely her behaviour will change for a long time.

 

My ex went to therapy and apparently know has her rage under control (she spologised years later again). Still I am a believer if a relationship gets physically abusive it is time to leave..Physically abuse is like cheating. One shot and your gone..I bet if you do leave (for good) she will apologise a few years from now. In the meantime she has a lot of growing up to do and a lot of harsh life lessons to learn...

Edited February 9, 2012 by Mack05

[wilsonx]

So, I was waiting for more posts for me to post a response to this. There's a lot of points I want to point out.

 

First off, they are 18 years old. Everyone at 18 years old is emotionally immature. There are people in this thread that do not have a concept of emotional maturity.

 

The lowest level of emotional maturity is victim rationale. They are both at that level. Blaming each other for how they were treated. Honestly, judging from her actions alone, you did deserve it. You not once stood up for yourself. How many times did she hit you? How many times did you stand up to her and tell her to knock that **** off? How many times did you walk away?

 

At 18 years old I do not agree with calling the police. You are only fueling a fire that can easily be put out with time and space.

 

Now with emotional maturity there comes understand of actions with feelings. The action of her hitting you is one of Anger. Most people, even on the forums do not have the awareness to say "Im angry today and warn people to stay away." The action of her breaking up with you is because you weren't listening to her. From this one post, I can pretty much nail it down to communication or lack there of. She hit you, you took it, never told her how it made you feel nor stood up for yourself. You internalized it (bottled it up).

 

After the relationship is over, you RATIONALIZED the entire situation with one quote:

And before you think im a wuss, I am a boxer and I think if I lost the plot I would ko her, and I know that when a man hits a women, its the end of the world for them, so ive never hit her back..

This is a rationalization After The Fact. Not during. You are putting the blame on her for your lack of actions

 

We can call her emotionally immature all day long but I understand her actions, most of you don't. Are her actions legally right? Nope but how many times have we done things that were not the right thing to do when we were in love with someone. If she did not love you, she would not have expressed her feelings in the way that she did.

 

Now you need to learn how to express yourself and your feelings towards yourself and to others. Once you do this, you will be A-OK!

 

For those of you that brought up cheating, there's an understanding of the feelings of why people cheat associated with the action. It has to do with not feeling "in love" by the other person anymore or they have lost themselves and following human instincts to try and find the way back to their path.

Edited February 9, 2012 by wilsonx

[lalalandman]

^^agree definitely. I was probably just as emotionally insecure as she was for me to take those kinds of punches. Obviously I didn't get hit for nothing. Blame game doesn't work and it actually does you injustice because you're refusing to recognize your own issues.

 

Still, if you're getting assaulted, you need to step back.

[Ajax]

I've been following this thread but until now haven't spoken up. But I cannot disagree with Wilsonx more.

 

 

 

We can call her emotionally immature all day long but I understand her actions, most of you don't. Are her actions legally right? Nope but how many times have we done things that were not the right thing to do when we were in love with someone. If she did not love you, she would not have expressed her feelings in the way that she did.

 

 

From how I read your idea, this is tantamount to the logic of "He beats me but I know he loves me." Maybe I misunderstand your point. I hope I do. But this is wrong on so many levels.

 

Clearly there were communication issues that if addressed may or may not have contributed to the physical abuse. But it certainly doesn't excuse it.

[flitzanu]

i have a relative who had an abusive wife. eventually she pulled a gun and shot at him, missed his head by a couple feet.

 

as most are saying, walk away quickly dude. she didn't hit you playfully, she hit you in anger and defiance, and even tested your ego asking "what you gonna do?" because she seemingly knew you wouldn't hit her. let someone else deal with her bs and find a calmer one.

[Dust]

Ah women who hit men. Well first off no one will care. Seriously I've had a woman start hitting me full force in the middle of a crowded area and I'm lucky I wasn't arrested. You see what I'm saying here... It's like getting into a fight with a child.

 

Short of her stabbing you, smaching you with a frying pan, or poisining you you're not going to get the cops involved. By the time the police get out to hear your story of how she punched your chest she'll be saying you raped or beat her. So this is my first lesson.

 

You just walk away. Or you wip our your dick and smack them across the face with it. Like I told you though you'll be the bad guy.

 

Basically, my girlfriend wanted my help on something to do with a car and so I spent time trying to find out for her from friends and research on internet. I then gave her the answer and because it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she said I was being negative and that 'I'm acting like I'm happy that she can't do it and that Im jealous just because i haven't got a car'. I was thinking huh wtf Im only trying to help you!?

 

So I told her look, stop acting stupid if was happy I wouldn't try to help you in the first place and that im just giving her advice. She started swearing and saying that I stress her out and she punched my chest twice, Then i told her to not hit me, And she punched again twice, harder, saying 'what are you going to do?'.

 

You called stupid... thats pretty insulting. She was probably pretty sensative about this and having a tantrum. Girls are pretty emotional about getting called stupid or crazy or anything by their bf especialy when they are having melt downs about their car.

 

She punched you in the chest did it hurt? Then she said what are you going to do about it were you scared? I think if a guy did this to a girl it would be very scary, as a guy though you were probably in no real danger. I mean the only real danger is that she pissed you off so much you beat her up. I mean unless she's the type to stab you or smash you with a frying pan its like being hit by a child mostly anoying.

 

Now I'm not saying you should do this becaus it could land you in jail. But if a girl punchs me I won't be hurt phsyicaly. But if I'm pissed off I may slap her if she just hit me... I would never just do that. Heres the big problem its like getting into a fight with a child a child who can get you arrested. If she now comes full force swinging she may litterlay badly injur herself trying to hit you. Not to mention if the police get involved no ones going to care about how she punched and kicked you all they will want to hear about is the slap. Thats why its best to just walk away, and not worry about.

 

The thing is' date=' this isnt the first time shes hit me, shes hit me before and even in the balls because she thought it was funny.[/quote']

 

That is funny. But seriously you put up with it. When I was a young boy a girl kicked me between the legs. I kneed her between the legs while I was in pain and wouldn't you know girls feel pain too when hit hard rigth between the legs she fell over.

 

When I was a grown man a girl punched me there. I was so pissed I came very close to in that instant of pain knocking her lights out my fist was ready. I never spoke to her again. It's so painful that anger a lone should have made you dump her. I question that in you. Seriously I would have put nipple clamps on the girl after that if I were you!

 

And before you think im a wuss' date=' I am a boxer and I think if I lost the plot I would ko her, and I know that when a man hits a women, its the end of the world for them, so ive never hit her back.. [/quote']

 

You could have smacked her ass really hard. Look if you had lost control and beat her up yes you imeadetly become the bad guy and with good reason. She's a weak puny nothing being anoying. You're a real threat. Heck her hitting you puts her life in danger.

 

If you lose control because a girl or child or some weak person is attacking you and you arn't in danger just slap them the kind of slap that will sting the skin but won't leave a mark or injur them... NOT THE KIND OF SLAP that will break their jaw.

 

Before you think why am i still with her, We've been together 2 years, we are 18 and shes my first love and in the first year we had more ups and downs than the last year, and it has been some amazing times too, mostly.

 

Now for the funny part, She dumped me! Lol.. She said because after she hit me 'I walked out on her' (as in out of her house) and I explained to her that she hit me and she thinks that's ok, but its not ok for a man to hit a woman, then why the hypocrisy? And she said its not her fault because I deserved it for 'pushing her'... I think she's got anger problems and she gets stressed out at me so easily.. I think later she will regret it and come back.. but how could you help someone like that? ( hypothetically if we were still together?)

 

Thanks

 

Of course she dumped you. Look it is more ok for a woman to hit a man. Please understand that. If I got punched by my gf it would anoy me and yes I might dump her. If I punched a gf she would be in serious trouble. If I just grab a girl to hard her entire arm would bruise up. It's a power difference. She'd have to shoot, stab, poison, or hit me hard with an object to hurt me. You have to understand and believe in that power difference. IF you start screaming and getting out of control and waving your hands violently you could really scare a girl. If a girl does the same thing short of her throwing blunt objects it won't be scary at all for a guy. You wern't scared durring any of what happened to you. You knew you were in no danger. You were very disrespected and put in a situation where she was egging you on to beat her wich would have landed you in jail potentialy. Just walk away from a situation like this. Also if a girl is punching you and you have to slap her ass or something. Just don't push or punch her... and slapping should be a last resort kind of like with a kid who is about to run into the street.. or make you kill them haha.

 

Good luck man don't put up with this.

[Exit]

Great posts by Fluorescent. I've dealt with someone like that, the anger issues, plus the total avoidance of any responsibility and blame. Everything was ALWAYS shifted onto me. And yes, these relationships are extremely draining. And double yes, this girl ended up hitting me during an argument. Such a total emotional dwarf, it was like dating a bratty child.

[Els]

Basically, my girlfriend wanted my help on something to do with a car and so I spent time trying to find out for her from friends and research on internet. I then gave her the answer and because it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she said I was being negative and that 'I'm acting like I'm happy that she can't do it and that Im jealous just because i haven't got a car'. I was thinking huh wtf Im only trying to help you!?

 

So I told her look, stop acting stupid if was happy I wouldn't try to help you in the first place and that im just giving her advice. She started swearing and saying that I stress her out and she punched my chest twice, Then i told her to not hit me, And she punched again twice, harder, saying 'what are you going to do?'.

 

The thing is, this isnt the first time shes hit me, shes hit me before and even in the balls because she thought it was funny.

 

And before you think im a wuss, I am a boxer and I think if I lost the plot I would ko her, and I know that when a man hits a women, its the end of the world for them, so ive never hit her back..

 

Before you think why am i still with her, We've been together 2 years, we are 18 and shes my first love and in the first year we had more ups and downs than the last year, and it has been some amazing times too, mostly.

 

Now for the funny part, She dumped me! Lol.. She said because after she hit me 'I walked out on her' (as in out of her house) and I explained to her that she hit me and she thinks that's ok, but its not ok for a man to hit a woman, then why the hypocrisy? And she said its not her fault because I deserved it for 'pushing her'... I think she's got anger problems and she gets stressed out at me so easily.. I think later she will regret it and come back.. but how could you help someone like that? ( hypothetically if we were still together?)

 

Thanks

 

You don't. You leave. You were right for not hitting back. You're silly for trying to make it work. You don't try to make a relationship with a person like that work. Yes, a woman hitting a man has less physical impact and less impact on the courts, but it's every bit as good a reason to leave as a man hitting a woman. You don't stay with people who treat you like that, dude. They aren't worth your time.

[samsungxoxo]

Unless he hit me first, gave me a horrible STD, or put my family members in danger than it's no excuse. Op you should break it off. You have life ahead of you to meet other sweet girls that have self-control and will respect you.

[Wesker]

This reminds me of an incident I had with my now ex a few years back. We were playing catch out in the park. She's not the best when it comes to sports, so I was just tossing simple lobs that anyone can handle. Well, wouldn't you know, she goes to catch the ball, and instead of getting it in the webbing, she catches it in the palm part, causing it to bounce off right into her nose. Blood starts gushing, and I rush her to the ER.

 

Of course all the nurses, and people thought I smacked her one, even though we both were in workout clothes. Even the doctor seemed suspicious. Funny because if I was the one getting bonked (not likely though:D), they would prolly think nothing of it.