Feeling stuck and can't trust my own judgement

[constantlyconfused]

When your own emotions are out whack it makes you feel like you have no control over Any area of

Your life

 

Oh boy, do i agree with this!

[NervisPervis]

Leave him. Divorce. Not for you, for HIM. MANY (most?) women fall out of love with their husbands. It's natural. It's unfortunate that you are the one that needs to scare him straight, only so that he doesn't screw up his NEXT relationship. But you won't come back. You've moved on. Tell him.

 

I tried for over a year to revive a marriage I thought was in a rut, only to find out she checked out long before. Same reasons as you. Then to find out it was MY FAULT!. My world ended. I not only destroyed my own life but the woman who I previously loved more than anything in the world. I ruined her life too.

 

We have three teenage kids. Point of no return. We have to sick it out in this horrible limbo where we can barely talk to each other in front of the kids. When they aren;t around, we're strangers.

 

I will never love again. I will never be loved again. I have to go to bed every night next to a woman who might as well be 100 miles away. All because my wife was too chicken s.h.i.t to leave me when she should have. When I found out, my PAST changed. All of those good times. All of the hugs. All of the kisses. All nothing now. She never loved me. I'm an empty shell.

 

Don't become us. Miserable and bitter in middle age.

 

Leave him. For BOTH of you.

[NervisPervis]

Sorry. I should have read further before posting. I'm sure my wife also hoped it was getting better. It didn't. I put it at AT LEAST 15 years she hasn't loved me. Can you make it that long? The rest of your life maybe? And no, having kids WILL NOT make it better.

 

Good luck to you.

[constantlyconfused]

Sorry. I should have read further before posting. I'm sure my wife also hoped it was getting better. It didn't. I put it at AT LEAST 15 years she hasn't loved me. Can you make it that long? The rest of your life maybe? And no, having kids WILL NOT make it better.

 

Good luck to you.

 

I'm sorry to hear what you've gone through... this is exactly my fear 15 years down the road, regret that i didn't just walk out when it happened.

 

But then I think, what if things just continue to keep getting better as they are lately and i'm able to actually truly forgive him? Maybe I can feel the same way about him again as I did when I decided to marry him!?

 

If he really doesn't revert to those ways again, then he really is a great guy and i'm worried that if I just leave, i'll regret it...

 

And yes i agree having kids won't help. I've always wanted kids soon.. but after what I've gone through with my husband, thats the furthest thing from my mind now We've doing a lot better now that we were before, but I certainly can't picture that again yet...

thanks for the reply...

[NervisPervis]

I wish I could hook you up with my wife. She could tell you what she was going through when she was at your stage. She won't tell me, so I can't help you there. I almost think you shoud tell your husband. He deserves to know. I just can't help but think that the improvements you see are what you are forcing yorself to see. What you WANT to see. I still sense a lot of hesitancy. I don't see much entusiasm for what you have now.

 

And divorce isn't necessarily the end. You wouldn't be the first couple to get back together afterwards.

 

Sorry. There's no magic answer. I just hope I gave you something to consider. Direct from my (miserable) life.

 

Good luck.

[constantlyconfused]

I wish I could hook you up with my wife. She could tell you what she was going through when she was at your stage. She won't tell me, so I can't help you there. I almost think you shoud tell your husband. He deserves to know. I just can't help but think that the improvements you see are what you are forcing yorself to see. What you WANT to see. I still sense a lot of hesitancy. I don't see much entusiasm for what you have now.

 

And divorce isn't necessarily the end. You wouldn't be the first couple to get back together afterwards.

 

Sorry. There's no magic answer. I just hope I gave you something to consider. Direct from my (miserable) life.

 

Good luck.

 

It is really helpful to get the perspective of the husband, so I really appreciate your replies. I'm curious whether your issues were around jealous/control as well?

My husband really has made major improvements, I'm certain i'm not just making myself to see it.... the hesitancy is that I'm just not sure its enough. Now that i've seen that side of him, I worry about if and how it will come back later in life. Even if it never gets AS bad as last year, the thought of dealing with any of that attitude makes me reluctant to step completely back into this marriage. I guess I just don't love him the way I used to... and I agree I should probably talk to him about it, but this is the point... he's still not someone I could say this to without it turning into a big complicated mess....