imperfectangel Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I've tracked down his wife. She's a teacher and I've found the school where she works. Idk what the hell is wrong with me I went to the drs earlier in the week and he has put me on anti depress ants and he's referred me for counselling which I definitely need at this point but there is a waiting list so it won't be anytime soon. I didn't see her picture but just seeing her name was enough I nearly threw up. Has anyone else done this? I feel its getting closer to the day I tell her but I'm not sure its the right step for me him or her and their child Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I've tracked down his wife. She's a teacher and I've found the school where she works. Idk what the hell is wrong with me I went to the drs earlier in the week and he has put me on anti depress ants and he's referred me for counselling which I definitely need at this point but there is a waiting list so it won't be anytime soon. I didn't see her picture but just seeing her name was enough I nearly threw up. Has anyone else done this? I feel its getting closer to the day I tell her but I'm not sure its the right step for me him or her and their child it sounds like you really need to talk with someone in "the real world"...is there anyone ( a friend, family member, etc.)who you can talk to to tide you over until you can get some counseling? ( one more piece of advice that will probably earn me some criticism...make up your mind to either tell his wife or not tell her, then either tell her or don't tell her and walk away....he is not your problem anymore, and you are only dragging yourself down by continuing to let this guy rule your life and mind). Although it may not feel like it, you have power here...power over yourself and your actions...don't let this get anymore out of control for you. Either tell his wife or don't tell her, then find your inner strength, say enough is enough, and walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Be sure you want to tell. And be strong enough to handle the fallout and drama that will follow. Talk to your family Dr in the meantime and keep calling around for therapists, maybe another one can talk to you sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I don't know what's going on with you. You do seem conflicted. I think you need to step back and work on what's going on with you instead of worrying about a married couples issues. Frozensprouts is right about speaking with someone.... anyone. May I ask why you need come clean? Will that help you with closure. Link to post Share on other sites
venus358 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I went a bit crazy trying to find out about his W out of sheer curiousity. I searched and searched on the internet for hours just to try to find a picture of her. I don't think your crazy because I know that I am just a determined person to the point of my own sanity sometimes. It's good in my career but not so good in these situations. You are probably a very logical person usually. I have a theory...you know how every guy has a story of a crazy ex...well, I don't think that there are that many crazy women out there. I think that men do things that make us act crazy. You are hormonal and emotionally attached to someone you can't have so your have become obsessed with finding out what she is like, why she can have him but you can't. There is nothing wrong with you other than the fact that you are in a bad relationship! If you want to start feeling normal again you need to end it and go through the painful withdrawl. Telling her is up to you but I encourage you to read the threads about what it's like to tell the wife first. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I have a theory...you know how every guy has a story of a crazy ex...well, I don't think that there are that many crazy women out there. I think that men do things that make us act crazy. Noone has that much power over someone else unless you (general you) give it to them. You are hormonal and emotionally attached to someone you can't have so your have become obsessed with finding out what she is like, why she can have him but you can't. She, like others, have entered the affair, knowing full well the guy is married. It's not like he lied and hid that fact, then later she found out. Link to post Share on other sites
Auntie Em Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I went a bit crazy trying to find out about his W out of sheer curiousity. I searched and searched on the internet for hours just to try to find a picture of her. I don't think your crazy because I know that I am just a determined person to the point of my own sanity sometimes. It's good in my career but not so good in these situations. You are probably a very logical person usually. I have a theory...you know how every guy has a story of a crazy ex...well, I don't think that there are that many crazy women out there. I think that men do things that make us act crazy. You are hormonal and emotionally attached to someone you can't have so your have become obsessed with finding out what she is like, why she can have him but you can't. There is nothing wrong with you other than the fact that you are in a bad relationship! If you want to start feeling normal again you need to end it and go through the painful withdrawl. Telling her is up to you but I encourage you to read the threads about what it's like to tell the wife first. Good luck! I must be one of the few women who did not go searching for information on someone I am seeing's other partner. I simply did.not.care. He had chosen to spend some time with me. I knew there was someone else in his life, and I chose to continue my relationship with him until I decided it was not giving me what I needed. Link to post Share on other sites
venus358 Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 She, like others, have entered the affair, knowing full well the guy is married. It's not like he lied and hid that fact, then later she found out. I don't disagree with you in any way. But entering into a relationship knowing that someone is already spoken for and what they then lead you to believe and tell you are two different things. Emotions, love, hormones then blind us from the logic that we knew in the beginning. That's what I was getting at. Link to post Share on other sites
Wandaland Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) I feel its getting closer to the day I tell her but I'm not sure its the right step for me him or her and their child It is the right step. She deserves to know the truth and to be given a choice in her marriage, and he deserves to man up and take some responsibility for his actions. The child will be fine. Like someone here said, many kids grow up with single/divorced parents and they turn out fine. Besides, they might not get a divorce. She might give him a 2nd chance and take marriage counseling or something. You're very guilty and remorseful for this woman. But once you tell her, you will feel like a huge weight just lifted off your shoulder. If you don't tell her, then not only will you feel crazier, but he's gonna get a way with it too. He might even do it again with someone else... . Edited February 23, 2012 by Wandaland Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I didn't see her picture but just seeing her name was enough I nearly threw up. I wonder if she'd feel the same way about you. Link to post Share on other sites
jaloka Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 from what i have read here and in other forums, the BS can be pretty vindictive and pursue you to the ends of earth. i dont know the details of your EMR but if your lives are entangled through work and other circles be prepared to be flamed. the MM will always come out as the victim, and you the temptress...you will be denied as a mere one night stand.. Link to post Share on other sites
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