Divorce?

[whichwayisup]

that was the end of the meeting. I told her thank you for helping me understand where she’s coming from better. She got up, and went back to her computer and ear buds.

 

WTF? Not a normal reaction.

 

She still is putting everything on you (like I said to you in a reply afew days ago, post 91) and washing her hands of any wrong doing she's done. She's given up, doesn't want to make any effort though she certainly wants YOU to jump through hoops! The thing is, Moose - It'll never be good enough, you can change and continue to make efforts, try to please her, reconnect with her.. Until SHE wants to put effort in and work on herself, work on the marriage with you, nothing is going to change.

[2sunny]

Moose - do you promise things to your kids and then not DO them?

 

Have you read the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz? It may help! Read it ASAP!

 

Even if your W avoids interaction with you - why aren't YOU spending time and energy getting connected with your kids? IF I were married to a man that came home from work and just had intentions to ignore and avoid me - I'd want to divorce him - because I may as well be on my own if he had no intention of being a big part of my everyday interactions.

 

I know she avoids you - but are YOU also avoiding? Avoiding her and your kids?

 

Can you change THAT - at the very least with your kids?

[Moose]

Moose - do you promise things to your kids and then not DO them?

 

Have you read the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz? It may help! Read it ASAP!

 

Even if your W avoids interaction with you - why aren't YOU spending time and energy getting connected with your kids? IF I were married to a man that came home from work and just had intentions to ignore and avoid me - I'd want to divorce him - because I may as well be on my own if he had no intention of being a big part of my everyday interactions.

 

I know she avoids you - but are YOU also avoiding? Avoiding her and your kids?

 

Can you change THAT - at the very least with your kids?

My kids and I interact all the time! Just last night, the youngest and I had a, "play" fight....for about 15 minutes it was fun!

 

The eldest daughter is grounded to her room and had surgery planned for this morning. I chatted with her about that, if she was nervous and etc...then praised her for obeying the rules and keeping her room clean.

 

My youngest son had some questions about losing salvation because he went on a retreat with an Assembly of God Church. I walked him through that. This was all just last night....and a typical way my kids and I interact.

 

Yes, I did promise to take them camping/fishing last summer. Our budget couldn't handle it due to some un-expected expenditures...and I apologized over and over and over. I did not make another promise.

[2sunny]

It may be useful to review that term "salvation" with your wife. How do you "lose" something that you never had?

 

How can you "obtain it" what steps does one take to "get it?" or even "give it to another person?"

[Moose]

It may be useful to review that term "salvation" with your wife. How do you "lose" something that you never had?

 

How can you "obtain it" what steps does one take to "get it?" or even "give it to another person?"

Good question. I'm wondering what your thought process is on that idea?

[2sunny]

Good question. I'm wondering what your thought process is on that idea?

 

Do you always answer a question by asking a question? Don't you have a mind (thoughts) of your own?

 

I am a believer that you can't transmit something you don't have... So one must "have something" in order to give it away... Transmitting courage, strength, hope, faith, and the power to honor self - and others is key, for me! I do my best to display this by knowing that every word and every action shows MY qualities as a human. I honor myself and others to the best of my ability in my interactions.

 

Did you read the book I suggested? It helps!

[Moose]

Do you always answer a question by asking a question? Don't you have a mind (thoughts) of your own?

What makes you think I don't have my on mind set? Just joking....I was just curious as to what you were driving at and you gave me an answer:

 

I am a believer that you can't transmit something you don't have... So one must "have something" in order to give it away... Transmitting courage, strength, hope, faith, and the power to honor self - and others is key, for me! I do my best to display this by knowing that every word and every action shows MY qualities as a human. I honor myself and others to the best of my ability in my interactions.

 

Did you read the book I suggested? It helps!

You just suggested it...so the answer is no, but I will! And I get where you're coming from.

 

I'm sure you've heard of the, "Love Tank".....well, I've been making deposit after deposit, and more deposits. Where from where I sit, she's been making nothing but withdraws....make sense?

[worldgonewrong]

Moose-

 

As a man who professes a deep love for Christ, I too have suffered the same way that you have in terms of evaluating all this. I've been with my wife for 20 years and divorce is in the process.

 

I don't have any 'answers' per se, but I do know that God doesn't want us to suffer unduly.

 

Also, I have to add, I could have written your words verbatim. The change was expected all on my end, every time, and she just...gave up. She didn't see that she had to bring something to the table too for the marriage to work out.

 

With about a year and 7 months of misery under my belt, I'm finally seeing sunshine. I have a good female friend, potential lover, who gets it. She understands that you gotta keep your eyes on God. That it's just as important to adore each other as it is to make sure you're kneeling in prayer in church.

 

I hope that makes sense. I guess what I'm getting at is, I've been there and I still sort of am there, but there IS light at the end of the tunnel. God doesn't want us to muck around in misery, particularly if the other person has checked out. Life's too short.

 

 

Ok, I posted my situation in the marriage and life partner section. Long story short, I've been married for going on 25 years and have come a long ways in changing my habits, being more attentive to my wife's needs and wants.

 

It's all come to a head. She says that I need to change more, she's not happy. So now I've been going to counceling, alone because she believes she doesn't need it. It's been 4 months.

 

She has said plain and simple, "I'm not working on this anymore it's all up to you". So....during my counceling I've discovered that even though I'm not perfect, my wife also has problems of her own.

 

In fact, it's emotional abuse and this is coming from a Christian Councelor.

 

NOW, I know that God literally HATES divorce. However, in my view I believe abuse is cause for divorce. IF we both being believers work on the marriage together, God can repair it.

 

BUT, since I'm the only one willing to quit my habits, (drinking, smoking) and to seek guidance yet my wife is ignoring the problem and refuses to go to counceling etc....

 

In your opinion, is this cause for divorce?

 

I can't live like this anymore, and I don't feel I should have to. I love her dearly and would give my life in exchange for hers. But I'm hurt, angry, concerned, feelings of guilt overwhelm me, it's affecting every area of my life!!!

 

I can't work on myself with this going on anymore!!!!