Very stressed, anxious and depressed (work related)

[Crusoe]

You've certainly made them sound like they're a lot more mentally stronger.

 

Which person sounds mentally stronger to you?

 

Person A (The way you've described the kids): Full of determination, dignity, and hope. Is able to cope and Never complains.

 

Person B (Me): Severly depressed, anxious, no hope at all, unable to cope at all, suffering so badly that he is suicidal and wants to die.

 

You are equally capable Ross. Those abilities are there inside you. Person A and person B are the same, it just the test they face that differs.

[Ross MwcFan]

You are equally capable Ross. Those abilities are there inside you. Person A and person B are the same, it just the test they face that differs.

 

How do I change to person A then?

[Crusoe]

How do I change to person A then?

 

Take a step, face the test.

[Ross MwcFan]

Take a step, face the test.

 

What does that mean?

[PlumPrincess]

Those kids are a lot more mentally stronger than me then. And because of that they're a lot more better off than I am.

Whoever wants to attribute your attitude to depression - I don't. Suckers...

[HeavenOrHell]

As I've said several times already, comparing one situation to another is not the point, it doesn't matter what a child with no legs is doing in another country, we all know that people are forced to beg or have to do jobs which are the opposite of ideal, it's not right that ANYONE, no matter who they are or what their circumstances are, is forced to do something they find impossible, or soul destroying, or which makes their health worse, no-one should have to suffer, or be miserable. But comparing one life to another is irrelevant to this thread.

 

Kids begging on the street shouldn't be happening, it happens because governments are mercenary, and care only about their own wealth, other people suffering doesn't mean Ross should be unhappy. Life is unfair, and that is wrong, of course, we all know that.

 

AND, many people DO die because they don't have benefits, many will be unable to work because they are mentally or physically ill, having no money does not mean everyone will swim when pushed, many do drown. I'm not saying Ross would drown if his benefits were stopped but it's possible he would sink deep down into his depression and become more suicidal, or it might go the other way and help his depression.

 

People who don't suffer with depression or acute stress are more likely to be able to cope with depressing, mind numbing jobs, they might not enjoy it but they can deal with it, people who suffer clinical depression can sink down lower in situations they find soul destroying or unbearable, are more affected by things, put it that way. The jobs I've hated/found hard/soul destroying made me suicidal and contributed to my problems, they did not help my mental health.

 

I think most people on benefits are thankful they live in a country which provide help to people, this is how it should be in every country.

 

Everyone should look out for each other and help each other in whatever ways we can.

[Ross MwcFan]

I totally agree, HOH.

[Crusoe]

What does that mean?

 

What's the hungriest you have ever been Ross? Ever been so hungry that it hurts? So hungry that nothing else matters. So hungry that all desire and fear are forgotten? That all happiness and sadness are forgotten?

 

How rich would you feel to have a bagful of seed and a field in which to grow your own food? Well, you already have that.

 

Do you hope your benefits aren't stopped? Do you dream of a different life? If so, you also have hope and vision.

 

If I hit you would you hit me back? I think you would, I don't for one second think you're the type to roll over and be beat. So you also have fight.

 

So you have what you need to provide for yourself, you know what hope feels like, you have some fire in your belly and you have vision. Problem is, you've never starved.

 

What if that lifeline that feeds you is taken away. What if you tasted that hunger. What if you had to depend upon your natural resources, wit, intelligence and ingenuity to survive. What would be your first step?

 

Hac in hora, sine mora, corde pulsum tangite

[HeavenOrHell]

Again, how is other people's suffering relevant to Ross's situation?

 

NO-ONE should be unhappy.

 

His reason for working would/should not be because other people are starving, or out of guilt.

 

Everyone would have a lifeline when they needed, if the world wasn't so corrupted.

 

What's the hungriest you have ever been Ross? Ever been so hungry that it hurts? So hungry that nothing else matters. So hungry that all desire and fear are forgotten? That all happiness and sadness are forgotten?

 

How rich would you feel to have a bagful of seed and a field in which to grow your own food? Well, you already have that.

 

Do you hope your benefits aren't stopped? Do you dream of a different life? If so, you also have hope and vision.

 

If I hit you would you hit me back? I think you would, I don't for one second think you're the type to roll over and be beat. So you also have fight.

 

So you have what you need to provide for yourself, you know what hope feels like, you have some fire in your belly and you have vision. Problem is, you've never starved.

 

What if that lifeline that feeds you is taken away. What if you tasted that hunger. What if you had to depend upon your natural resources, wit, intelligence and ingenuity to survive. What would be your first step?

 

Hac in hora, sine mora, corde pulsum tangite

[Crusoe]

 

Everyone would have a lifeline when they needed, if the world wasn't so corrupted.

 

Needed or wanted?

 

Can other people not been seen or heard? Can what they deal with not be learnt from? Why do you see guilt when others can see inspiration? Why do you see suffering when others see opportunity and hope?

 

I'll never tell a man with a limp that he can't walk. I'll fetch him some wood so he can carve a stick. I'll even show him how to use it, but I am not corrupt enough to put him in a chair with wheels.

[HeavenOrHell]

I see suffering because millions of people are suffering all over the world, every second of every day, I don't find it inspiring that people are forced to do things (including things like child prostitution) to survive. And millions don't survive. I feel thankful for my own life, and I devote my time to helping those in need, I also feel guilty because I have what they need, even if it's not my fault.

 

Some people with limps will be able to walk and others won't be able to, simple.

 

I'm sure Ross is capable of working out what he needs to do to turn his life around, he doesn't need to be compared people who are worse off than him to do that.

 

Needed or wanted?

 

Can other people not been seen or heard? Can what they deal with not be learnt from? Why do you see guilt when others can see inspiration? Why do you see suffering when others see opportunity and hope?

 

I'll never tell a man with a limp that he can't walk. I'll fetch him some wood so he can carve a stick. I'll even show him how to use it, but I am not corrupt enough to put him in a chair with wheels.

[HeavenOrHell]

You clearly haven't read all my posts encouraging him, or seen any of my suggestions to him about voluntary work, courses and paid work.

 

 

 

Ross is capable of working he knows it and said he is now planning on working.

 

You don't seem capable of understanding what Crusoe is saying to you its apparent by the way you answer him.

 

You desperatly need perspective. You're all talk when you say you believe in a world where every one helps eachother yet you encourage ross to do nothing but get worse. You are the man who tells another man he can't walk when he can.

[Els]

I'd probably get a job, Elswyth.

 

For some reason today, it feels like it probably is for the best for me to get a job, I don't know if it's pressure, feeling like a loser, or just knowing that I don't actually want to carry on living like this, that I don't want to carry on living at home. If I never get a job, if I always carry on living like this, I'm never going to get anywhere in life, I'll never be able to afford a decent enough place of my own and to be able to drive at the same time, I'll never be in a good enough position to date/have relationships, etc. Reality has hit me that the chances are probably low for anyone to get to do a job that they love. So I'm thinking maybe some sort of office work wouldn't be too bad, at least I wouldn't have to be on my feet all day, and if the people there are great, it would make the job a lot more enjoyable. And you know, if I were to get that kind of a job, and stick at it, I could end up getting a better position, and therefore find the work itself more enjoyable. I think it probably would be a good first stepping stone to take in order to get myself the kind of life that I want.

 

This is so awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :):)

 

Read this whenever you feel down and depressed. It's not magic, but it's your own words, and they're so amazingly inspiring.

[Ross MwcFan]

This is so awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :):)

 

Read this whenever you feel down and depressed. It's not magic, but it's your own words, and they're so amazingly inspiring.

 

Thanks Elswyth.

 

I am feeling anxious and uncomfortable, about the thought right now, but I guess it's something I've got to do, as I really don't want to carry on living the way I'm living for the rest of my life.

[Els]

Thanks Elswyth.

 

I am feeling anxious and uncomfortable, about the thought right now, but I guess it's something I've got to do, as I really don't want to carry on living the way I'm living for the rest of my life.

 

Hey, we all need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones sometimes. It sucks, I know, and it definitely is harder for some people (you, for instance, and perhaps me too) than others. But think of all the new avenues it'll open up to you, being independent Definitely easier to get a girl too.

 

Maybe start working part time, if you can, then work your way up to full time? Or start with a job that doesn't require much social interaction if social anxiety is a big part of the problem.

 

Or perhaps go to university first - that will be a gentle, easier way to ease yourself into a 'normal' life than working, I think. Plus there is a the benefit of more job options open to you when you graduate, and you'll be less queasy cause you will have had 3 years to get used to the world first.

Edited February 19, 2012 by Elswyth

[Dream_Theater]

As for crappiness, most jobs are crappy and we do them, come home, complain, and then get back to work the next morning. You can't be exempted just because you don't like working.

 

This is exactly what I thought. I was sympathetic until I read the bit about how you will be miserable working a job you don't enjoy for many hours, then having to come home and only have a couple of hours to relax and enjoy yourself before going to bed and getting up unreasonably early the next day.

 

Ross, that is life for the majority of people who work hard and pay taxes in order for you to receive Disability Living Allowance. I hate my job. I get up at 6am 5 days a week and go work something I hate so I can pay rent. I have a chronic pain condition which (combined with the side effects from the five different medications I'm on) no doubt makes my life every bit as difficult as somebody's who suffers from social anxiety. I pay tax in my wage each month, and am perfectly thrilled for that money to go towards helping people to live who are truly unable to work due to disability, or who are hunting for jobs and need money to live on in the meantime. I am NOT happy to work several hours worth of tax money to give to somebody who just doesn't fancy doing what I do. I don't want to do it, yet I have no choice.

 

I live in the UK like you, and I'd say there's every chance you're going to lose your disability benefits. However, it's SO difficult for anybody to get any kind of job right now that I'm sure you'll be able to live on Jobseekers Allowance for months and years to come; you probably won't apply for many jobs, but the ones you do apply for will have so many applicants that your chances of actually getting the job is next to none, so don't worry about being forced into work, you'll just be forced off of one benefit and onto another (lesser) one.

 

Oh and to the person who said that saying you can volunteer but not work is silly, I would normally agree but I know somebody personally who is truly unable to work at a paid job (he was a qualified teacher, hard worker, but got a degenerative brain disease which gave him diabetes, half blinded him, upset his balance completely and meant he now relies on a wheelchair and guide dog and is only ever going to get worse), but he does volunteer four hours a fortnight at a suicide crisis line. He can do that because four hours a fortnight is doable for him as the charity pays for his taxi there and back and there's no pressure, if he's too unwell he can just not do the shift. But he is a rare case and yes, in general I'd say people who want to volunteer but not work are generally looking for an easy ride. Sorry to sound harsh, Ross.

[HeavenOrHell]

You hate your job, so everyone else should put up with jobs they don't like, right?

Makes perfect sense.

 

The point about voluntary work and paid work, is that for people with health problems voluntary work is much easier to cope with, you can find voluntary work which you can be flexible with what hours you do and when, according to what your problems are, and whether you're having a good day or a bad day etc etc, voluntary jobs don't have the same pressure and stress which paid jobs do. Some people are capable of just voluntary work and not paid work, I know several people with mental health problems who do voluntary work (part time) but would not be suited to paid work because of their problems, unreliability for example if they are not coping well that day and can't even get out the house. I have friends with manic depression, some can't work at all, voluntary or otherwise, I wouldn't employ them if I were an employer, as they are not capable of doing the job, one of them does voluntary when he can, generally one or two mornings a week, but comes in as an extra in case he's not well enough.

 

I'm not sure what point you were trying to make about voluntary work because the things you said are the same things I've been saying, ie your disabled friend does hours to suit him and there's no pressure, exactly my point! Voluntary work is often the only work people with health problems can manage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh and to the person who said that saying you can volunteer but not work is silly, I would normally agree but I know somebody personally who is truly unable to work at a paid job (he was a qualified teacher, hard worker, but got a degenerative brain disease which gave him diabetes, half blinded him, upset his balance completely and meant he now relies on a wheelchair and guide dog and is only ever going to get worse), but he does volunteer four hours a fortnight at a suicide crisis line. He can do that because four hours a fortnight is doable for him as the charity pays for his taxi there and back and there's no pressure, if he's too unwell he can just not do the shift. But he is a rare case and yes, in general I'd say people who want to volunteer but not work are generally looking for an easy ride. Sorry to sound harsh, Ross.

[Ross MwcFan]

This is exactly what I thought. I was sympathetic until I read the bit about how you will be miserable working a job you don't enjoy for many hours, then having to come home and only have a couple of hours to relax and enjoy yourself before going to bed and getting up unreasonably early the next day.

 

So, the fact that I stated that I'd find work to be crappy and boring, suddenly makes everything else (anxiety, not being able to cope, depression, suicidal thoughts) a lie? I mean why else would you lose sympathy for me?

 

Even though I stated that I'd find work to be crappy and boring, the other reasons that I said for why I cannot work are still true.

 

Ross, that is life for the majority of people who work hard and pay taxes in order for you to receive Disability Living Allowance. I hate my job. I get up at 6am 5 days a week and go work something I hate so I can pay rent. I have a chronic pain condition which (combined with the side effects from the five different medications I'm on) no doubt makes my life every bit as difficult as somebody's who suffers from social anxiety. I pay tax in my wage each month, and am perfectly thrilled for that money to go towards helping people to live who are truly unable to work due to disability, or who are hunting for jobs and need money to live on in the meantime. I am NOT happy to work several hours worth of tax money to give to somebody who just doesn't fancy doing what I do. I don't want to do it, yet I have no choice.

 

Like I said, the other reasons for why I cannot work are still true and valid.

 

I live in the UK like you, and I'd say there's every chance you're going to lose your disability benefits. However, it's SO difficult for anybody to get any kind of job right now that I'm sure you'll be able to live on Jobseekers Allowance for months and years to come; you probably won't apply for many jobs, but the ones you do apply for will have so many applicants that your chances of actually getting the job is next to none, so don't worry about being forced into work, you'll just be forced off of one benefit and onto another (lesser) one.

 

That would mean that I wouldn't be able to afford to run my car anymore. Driving has helped me a LOT with my life, he helps me get out regulary.

 

The nearest place for the shops from me is really far for me to walk, and usually on the way there I get bullied by younger people. Before I had a car, I could not face going out, I was basically a recluse.

 

All the progress that I've made over the years would be undone.

 

Oh and to the person who said that saying you can volunteer but not work is silly, I would normally agree but I know somebody personally who is truly unable to work at a paid job (he was a qualified teacher, hard worker, but got a degenerative brain disease which gave him diabetes, half blinded him, upset his balance completely and meant he now relies on a wheelchair and guide dog and is only ever going to get worse), but he does volunteer four hours a fortnight at a suicide crisis line. He can do that because four hours a fortnight is doable for him as the charity pays for his taxi there and back and there's no pressure, if he's too unwell he can just not do the shift. But he is a rare case and yes, in general I'd say people who want to volunteer but not work are generally looking for an easy ride. Sorry to sound harsh, Ross.

 

It's nothing to do with just looking for an easy ride.

 

Volunteering at something that I'd enjoy doing for a few hours once a week, is something that I may just about be able to cope with, working full time at most other jobs is somethign I wouldn't be able to cope with.

 

Volunteering would give me more confidence, and may help ease me into a full time job.

Edited February 21, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[denise_xo]

Volunteering at something that I'd enjoy doing for a few hours once a week, is something that I may just about be able to cope with, working full time at most other jobs is somethign I wouldn't be able to cope with.

 

Volunteering would give me more confidence, and may help ease me into a full time job.

 

That sounds good. Did you get any more info from that hospital?

[Ross MwcFan]

I'm done with this thread. I'm sick of people not listening to what I say, not taking my issues seriously, thinking I'm just being lazy, etc. Reading these sort of posts just makes me feel a lot worse.

[Ross MwcFan]

That sounds good. Did you get any more info from that hospital?

 

They just only had those two positions, which consisted of having to be social and good at communication, both of which I'm no good at, and the anxiety that I would feel because of them would be too overwhelming.

[Ross MwcFan]

I'll just say one last thing before I leave.

 

People who would be turned into a suicidal quivering wreck because of working, should be entitled to benefits, they shouldn't be expected to work.

 

If you think otherwise, than I'm sorry, but you should be ashamed of yourself.

[anne1707]

Ross

 

That is so unfair of you. Whilst there have been many posts that you may consider as unsupportive, there have been plenty of people who have been cheering you on and encouraging you. Look at the very recent posts from Denise and Elswyth for a start.

 

You do have to accept the fact that if you are going to work then you may not end up with the most fulfilling, enjoyable job - like so many, many other people. You also have to accept that if you do not work but are considered capable of work then your benefits may be reduced. You complain that you will not be able to afford your car - well again there are many, many people who are unemployed and can no longer afford to run a car.

 

You need to realise that what you are so keen to avoid is the reality that an awful lot of people are already experiencing. And I'll tell you this much - many of those people who are having to watch every penny of their benefits would love to have a job, no matter how dull or boring it might be.

 

You also have to realise that you cannot just assume that you should get benefits etc regardless and then get irritated when people who work and pay taxes which then pay for your benefits get frustrated by your attitude.

 

After having not worked for so long, how you can be so sure that you would hate working or would feel suicidal. This really could be the very best thing for you to get out, do real work, meet people and earn your own money.

[Dream_Theater]

You hate your job, so everyone else should put up with jobs they don't like, right?

Makes perfect sense.

 

The point about voluntary work and paid work, is that for people with health problems voluntary work is much easier to cope with, you can find voluntary work which you can be flexible with what hours you do and when, according to what your problems are, and whether you're having a good day or a bad day etc etc, voluntary jobs don't have the same pressure and stress which paid jobs do. Some people are capable of just voluntary work and not paid work, I know several people with mental health problems who do voluntary work (part time) but would not be suited to paid work because of their problems, unreliability for example if they are not coping well that day and can't even get out the house. I have friends with manic depression, some can't work at all, voluntary or otherwise, I wouldn't employ them if I were an employer, as they are not capable of doing the job, one of them does voluntary when he can, generally one or two mornings a week, but comes in as an extra in case he's not well enough.

 

I'm not sure what point you were trying to make about voluntary work because the things you said are the same things I've been saying, ie your disabled friend does hours to suit him and there's no pressure, exactly my point! Voluntary work is often the only work people with health problems can manage.

 

Yes, the fact that I hate my job and yet continue to work it as much as I can makes me feel as though other people also need to accept that in society, we can't ALL work jobs we love, there are too many unfulfilling, low paying unsatisfying jobs around and so many people who need work that it is inevitable that plenty of us will need to do jobs we hate. I'm working towards a job I will enjoy through studying etc. so I'm not bitterly trying to make other people miserable, but it is galling to see someone like Ross state that part of the reason he doesn't want to work is that he doesn't like the idea of doing something millions of us do every day.

 

I wasn't really trying to make a point about voluntary work, I was probably wrong to say what I did, and I tried to make the point about my friend who is seriously ill but volunteers to show that yes, plenty of people are incapable of work but are capable of vol jobs due to the lack of pressure, stress etc. that comes with paid jobs. I volunteer several hours a week myself and find that the work I do with charities feeds my need to do something worthwhile enough that I'm able to get through my rubbish day job, knowing that in my free time I am helping others

[Dream_Theater]

I agree with everything Anne has said, too. You seem to get very angry and defensive quickly and then say things like you're not bothering with the thread anymore when you don't get the responses and answers that you want. I even tried to reassure you (in this or another thread, I can't remember) that you'll probably still get Jobseekers Allowance if your DLA is removed, and that you will probably struggle to get any job in the current climate so I wouldn't worry too much about being forced into a job in the near future, but you just seem to be angry and defensive in return.

 

I know you have serious, real problems but what annoys me is that you seem to just sit back and accept you have those, and seem to think you're entitled to be looked after by the government indefinitely, for the rest of your life. I am PRO welfare and as I said before, I'm happy for my taxes to pay for people who are struggling, but there is a limit and I don't agree with people just sitting back, saying they have these problems and then seeming to think they should be looked after permanently for them without trying to get themselves out of their situation. Maybe I sound harsh but hey. I'm very sick myself and trying to hold down a job I don't like to keep a roof over my head so it's more than a little upsetting to read of people like you who are being cared for by the government and have enough money to live, eat, a place to stay, and even the luxury of cash to run a car, who are happy to sit and take, take, take for longgggg periods of time.