Very stressed, anxious and depressed (work related)

[Ross MwcFan]

I rang up the hospital before to ask if they had any voluntary work.

 

The woman asked me how old I was, I said 36, and she said, oh that's fine I just thought you sounded a lot younger! It sounds as though she thought I may have been under age (I think you have to be 18 or over to volunter).

 

So I guess I must sound like I'm under 18 then. That'll certainly attract women.

[PegNosePete]

You know there is this thing similar to voluntary work, but you get paid?

 

How can you claim to be too unwell to do paid work but you are able to do voluntary work? That is like me calling my boss and saying I am too sick to come to work today so I am going to go paintballing with my friends instead.

[Els]

Sigh. Seeing that you are choosing to ignore all the wake-up posts, Ross, even the polite ones, all I can do is wish you the best of luck. Hopefully the American economy holds up, for your sake.

[HeavenOrHell]

Ross doesn't know if he is able to do voluntary work yet, he hasn't managed to travel to and walk into the places he's interested in yet.

 

Voluntary work is a way for people with health problems (mental health or physical) to do something useful, to hopefully help with their confidence and gaining skills and working towards a paid job if they are capable of that (obviously it depends what the individual person's problems are, and what their capabilities are). Having done voluntary work looks good on a CV too.

 

Voluntary work feels much different in terms of stress, for people who find social situations/the work environment extremely hard or impossible to deal with, if you've never had social phobia, or agoraphobia, General Anxiety Disorder, or depression, for example, then you will have no concept of how disabling these anxiety disorders can be, ie day to day life which some people with phobias/acute anxiety, find extremely hard, and others without these disorders are able to get on with because they don't have exactly the same problems, or don't have these problems at all.

 

Voluntary work generally feels far less stressful because there is less pressure. You do only as many hours as you are capable of doing, people don't usually do voluntary work as a full time job, it's usually just a few hours a week, if you end up able to work long enough hours to be able to then do paid work, then great

 

 

 

You know there is this thing similar to voluntary work, but you get paid?

 

How can you claim to be too unwell to do paid work but you are able to do voluntary work? That is like me calling my boss and saying I am too sick to come to work today so I am going to go paintballing with my friends instead.

[HeavenOrHell]

It doesn't matter how young she thought you sounded, what's relevant is that you phoned! Good for you! How did you get on? Is there anything available for you to do there?

You'd have felt worse, I'm sure, if she thought you sounded like an OAP

 

I rang up the hospital before to ask if they had any voluntary work.

 

The woman asked me how old I was, I said 36, and she said, oh that's fine I just thought you sounded a lot younger! It sounds as though she thought I may have been under age (I think you have to be 18 or over to volunter).

 

So I guess I must sound like I'm under 18 then. That'll certainly attract women.

[HeavenOrHell]

You might be right, Ross can let me know if he'd rather I butt out.

 

I'm speaking for anyone in his situation really, and from my own experience, as people with mental health problems are often not taken seriously.

 

 

 

I think you do more harm then good when you speak for Ross. His entire problem is he never seems to find his own voice.

[Ross MwcFan]

It doesn't matter how young she thought you sounded, what's relevant is that you phoned! Good for you! How did you get on? Is there anything available for you to do there?

You'd have felt worse, I'm sure, if she thought you sounded like an OAP

 

There was only two positions, one was helping out on the wards, handing out drinks and talking to the sick people, the other was being behind a desk (something to do with cancer research) handing out leaflets, and telling people information.

 

I can't do any of these because of the social interaction, and I'm not really any good at comunicating, explaining even simple things (unless it's in text). So, yeah I'd feel too uncomfortable. And because of my social anxiety and crappy comunication skills, I don't think I'd be any good anyway, and they'd probably let me go, plus because of this I'd be feeling like I was coming across as really weird, which would make me even more self concious and jumpy. I'd come across as being so on edge, I'd probably freak people out.

[denise_xo]

Ross, do you have any thoughts on how you can work on improving your communication skills in a safe atmosphere?

[Ross MwcFan]

You might be right, Ross can let me know if he'd rather I butt out.

 

I'm speaking for anyone in his situation really, and from my own experience, as people with mental health problems are often not taken seriously.

 

It's fine HOH, I don't mind at all, I really appreciate it. I've given up myself, because people think I'm either making stuff up, and make false accusations towards me, like 'you're just lazy', or they're just cold and harsh towards me and tell me to 'snap out of it', which obviously I cannot do (I would give anything to be able to do that, to not feel this way). This makes me feel even worse. It's like I'm in a really bad way, in need of help, support, understanding, but I'm just getting slapped in the face.

 

Plus I'm just tired of arguing.

 

To be honest all this is just driving me away from the board.

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross, do you have any thoughts on how you can work on improving your communication skills in a safe atmosphere?

 

I'm not really sure, I could join some sort of group for social anxiety, but since it would only be once a week, I don't think it would be enough.

 

I've even tried talking to myself, explaining things, everyday, but it's hard to get the motivation to do that, and I can't really think of much to say anyway.

 

It's like with most people, I just struggle so hard trying to string things together, and usually I can never think of anything to say, it's like I come off as so awkward and I think because of this I make the other person feel uncomfortable too.

 

I never used to have any problems with communicating/having conversations (excpet for the fact that with certain people, or when I was in a group, I would just not be able to think of anything to say at all, and I'd just sit there for the whole time being really quiet (and therefore looking odd ).

 

But now it's like, I pretty much can't think of anything to say when talking with 'anyone' (except for one person), and I come off as so awkward when I do actually speak, and I find it so difficult. I think this is because I've not really socialised, or conversed with anyone (until recently) for years.

 

I know if I had the opportunity to start having conversations with people often again (in a safe enviroment), I would gain the skills back.

Edited February 14, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[Ross MwcFan]

How could I forget, on top of that, my voice can sometimes sound weird as well, like it'll suddenly go all croaky, wavery, and weak sounding, sometimes it'll even sound a lot higher and very unmasculine. Again, I nebver used to have this problem either.

 

It makes me feel so self concious when it happens.

[denise_xo]

I'm not really sure, I could join some sort of group for social anxiety, but since it would only be once a week, I don't think it would be enough.

 

I've even tried talking to myself, explaining things, everyday, but it's hard to get the motivation to do that, and I can't really think of much to say anyway.

 

It's like with most people, I just struggle so hard trying to string things together, and usually I can never think of anything to say, it's like I come off as so awkward and I think because of this I make the other person feel uncomfortable too.

 

I never used to have any problems with communicating/having conversations (excpet for the fact that with certain people, or when I was in a group, I would just not be able to think of anything to say at all, and I'd just sit there for the whole time being really quiet (and therefore looking odd ).

 

But now it's like, I pretty much can't think of anything to say when talking with 'anyone' (except for one person), and I come off as so awkward when I do actually speak, and I find it so difficult. I think this is because I've not really socialised, or conversed with anyone (until recently) for years.

 

I know if I had the opportunity to start having conversations with people often again (in a safe enviroment), I would gain the skills back).

 

Ross, the bits I have bolded are very encouraging. It means you have the necessary capacities and that you can mobilise them again. Think hard about how to find those situations where you can re-develop those skills. I really think it would help you tremendously.

 

The bit I have underlined is symptomatic of negative thinking, highlighting the negative before any potential positives. Yes, it might not be 'enough'. But it's definitely better than nothing, and it's a place to start. Why don't you consider it

[denise_xo]

When you say you didn't used to have these problems, what happened between then and now?

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross, the bits I have bolded are very encouraging. It means you have the necessary capacities and that you can mobilise them again. Think hard about how to find those situations where you can re-develop those skills. I really think it would help you tremendously.

 

The bit I have underlined is symptomatic of negative thinking, highlighting the negative before any potential positives. Yes, it might not be 'enough'. But it's definitely better than nothing, and it's a place to start. Why don't you consider it

 

I have actually been considering it.

[Ross MwcFan]

When you say you didn't used to have these problems, what happened between then and now?

 

I moved to a new area, which I felt really uncomfortable in, and I felt like I didn't fit in with anyone. All my friends were left behind in my old area. So the only way for me to have made friends in the new area (and that's if I would've fitted with with some people), would be to go to work, but I was never able to (the move made my anxiety and depression hundreds of times worse, even in my old area, I found work to be very difficult, but was planning on trying to land myself a decent career).

 

So because of this I haven't really socialised and had conversations with anyone for over 10 years.

Edited February 14, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[KathyM]

I know a woman in your same situation. She suffers from a paranoid disorder, and so she gets government disability, and has for many years, since she came down with the illness 20 years ago. The government now makes her work as a condition to her getting her government stipend. She goes to work four days a week, 8 hours a day, doing some manual labor (packaging mostly), for much below minimum wage, and she's getting by pretty good. That type of job would probably not appeal to you, but you know what? Most people--the vast majority--don't like what they are doing for a living, but they force themselves in order to be able to pay the bills. It's a part of life--can't always have the privilege of working in the field that you want. That's life. We all do what we need to do to get by in life. Do you know that the more you avoid doing the things you are afraid of, the more you fear them? Your avoidance increases your fears. If you would force yourself to do these things that you are afraid of, you will learn that you can manage, and they are not as bad as you think they are. The more you do the things you are afraid of, the less afraid you will be. That is true for anything you do in life, whether it is meeting people, going to work, driving, or whatever. If you force yourself to do it, you will realize it's not that scary. But when you avoid it, your unhealthy fear builds up and makes you want to avoid that situation even more. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, and as long as you use your fear and avoidance as a crutch and an excuse to avoid life, the more you will be a victim of it. You should also try telling yourself that you don't care what other people think of you. Only your opinion of yourself should matter. You are afraid of any possible negative opinions of others. The sooner you start developing an "I don't care what they think" attitude, and live for doing what you want, the sooner you will be living a genuine life that is not concerned all the time about whether others are approving of you.

[HeavenOrHell]

I have talked about my own situation a lot in this thread, in messages 51, 52, 78, 86, 91, 97! And message 109 was based on my situation. This doesn't mean these thoughts/ideas will help him as he's not me, they're just suggestions from someone who has similar problems to me.

His social anxiety is far worse than mine is at the moment. And these problems can fluctuate.

 

I know Ross's situation too, yes he's unhappy and wants to change, we both agree on that if you read my posts you'll see I'm encouraging him to do that.

 

No, you're right he can't jump right into the perfect job, (not many people have that privilege, except maybe those whose family has a business they can, and want to, join, or they marry into their ideal job), that's why working towards it via voluntary work or doing a course is a good idea.

 

He does need to get out there and do the things he's scared of bit by bit, he won't freak people out, he only thinks he will, he's freaking himself out by imagining freaking other people out He might make mistakes, but not as many as he thinks he might, we all make mistakes, but if we're wise, then we learn from them.

 

 

I think then you should talk about your own situation. Feel free to do that as it pertains to this thread. I know Ross's situation and from what he writes he's unahppy and wants things to change. Thats why I encourage him to step out into the world and see for himself. At this point just getting job would be a baby step. He can't jump right into the perfect job. He has to get out there and make mistakes and freak people out. The things he's afraid of.

 

 

 

Do the handing out drinks and talking to sick people thing! Just do it!

[Ross MwcFan]

I've just spent hours looking for jobs, courses, appreticeships, which are to do with animals, and either I can't find anything that's near enough to me at all, or I'll find somewhere that's just about maybe near enough, but I need loads of decent GCSE grades in order to do the course. I've really really really tried looking, and reading, and researching.

 

At my local college, to get decent GCSE grades, you already need to have good enough GCSE grades, which doesn't make much sense. So that's somethign I wont be able to do.

 

I would LOVE to work with animals, but I just don't think it will ever be possible for me, and it's the only kind of job that I could see myself doing.

 

It looks like this will never happen for me.

 

I'm so jealous of everyone who are able to study towards the kind of work they would really enjoy. I don't know why it has to be such an impossibility for me, it's like I'm cursed or something.

 

So what am I supposed to do?

Edited February 15, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[denise_xo]

I've just spent hours looking for jobs, courses, appreticeships, which are to do with animals, and either I can't find anything that's near enough to me at all, or I'll find somewhere that's just about maybe near enough, but I need loads of decent GCSE grades in order to do the course. I've really really really tried looking, and reading, and researching.

 

At my local college, to get decent GCSE grades, you already need to have good enough GCSE grades, which doesn't make much sense. So that's somethign I wont be able to do.

 

I would LOVE to work with animals, but I just don't think it will ever be possible for me, and it's the only kind of job that I could see myself doing.

 

It looks like this will never happen for me.

 

I'm so jealous of everyone who are able to study towards the kind of work they would really enjoy. I don't know why it has to be such an impossibility for me, it's like I'm cursed or something.

 

So what am I supposed to do?

 

My suggestions is that you expand your options a bit. I don't know about where you live, but where I am jobs working with animals are really few and far between, meaning that even if one took an education related to that, work would be quite challenging to find (unless you're a fully trained vet).

 

What other kinds of work can you have a go at?

 

Also, are there colleges where you can improve your results that you can get to using public transport (if the driving bit makes you too stressed)?

[Ross MwcFan]

My suggestions is that you expand your options a bit. I don't know about where you live, but where I am jobs working with animals are really few and far between, meaning that even if one took an education related to that, work would be quite challenging to find (unless you're a fully trained vet).

 

What other kinds of work can you have a go at?

 

Maybe something that involves working in a hospital? I quite like the idea of that for some reason.

 

IT work sounds like it might just about be bearable.

 

Other than that I can't think of anything else I would like or find bearable.

 

Also, are there colleges where you can improve your results that you can get to using public transport (if the driving bit makes you too stressed)?

 

I'm not sure if there are any near enough to me to be honest, but I could have a look tomorrow.

[FitChick]

Ross, read Morty Lefkoe's latest blog post if you haven't already. It might explain why you got only partial relief from eliminating "I'm not good enough" and help you understand your problems. I need to read the blog again myself because it seems a bit confusing, but maybe you will be able to explain it to me!

[Ross MwcFan]

Looks like things might be okay now, I had a talk with someone over the phone.

 

Thank god.

[denise_xo]

Looks like things might be okay now, I had a talk with someone over the phone.

 

Thank god.

 

Glad to hear! Now you have some space to keep working on expanding your options. Did you follow up on the voluntary work at the hospital?

[Ross MwcFan]

Glad to hear! Now you have some space to keep working on expanding your options.

 

I know. Thanks.

 

Did you follow up on the voluntary work at the hospital?

 

No. I explain why in one of my earlier posts.

[anne1707]

At my local college, to get decent GCSE grades, you already need to have good enough GCSE grades, which doesn't make much sense. So that's somethign I wont be able to do.

 

Sorry Ross but I really do not think this is always the case. I have just come up very quickly with these links which may help you.

 

This is a site detailing GCSE courses which can be done as distance learning. I clicked on a few courses and looked at entry requirements - all were open to anybody regardless of previous qualifications (or lack of)

 

GCSE Distance Learning Qualifications

 

This is a government promoted site about adult education and GCSEs

 

https://nextstep.direct.gov.uk/Pages/home.aspx

 

And finally this is the adult learners section of a college's website which shows that there are plenty of cources which are at GCSE level and for which formal qualifications are not required to enrol

 

Adults | The Manchester College