Love. best friend...feelings aren't mutual anymore

[rderrick]

So might be kind of long, but I'm in serious need of advice (especially female). Me and my friend have known each other for 10 years, went to both high school and college together (24 now) and are very close. We became best friends probably in the last year. I came home last summer (was living out of state) for about two months and we both developed feelings for each other, although we didn't admit it until I left. After about a month away, I decided to return home for good (many reasons but coming back to her made me the happiest). We both were excited, but I let the moment pass (more focused on settling back home and finding a job) and her feelings were lost. Despite this, we became closer together and are almost inseparable (you could say I was friend-zoned, but it was more like I missed my chance to get out of the original friend zone haha). But we definitely became best friends - but my feelings for her only became stronger.

 

Now I don't know what to do. She knows how I feel, although its been two months since it was brought up. She said then that she wasn't sure what she wanted and if she even felt that way anymore. I don't think she does, but she acts like she does. She isn't very touchy-feely, but she'll still get close to me even in public, always puts her arm around me. We lie in bed (nothing sexual or anything) together, I've given her massages and taken care of her when she's sick. This may be because we're just really close friends. And at this point, we're the closest to each other in our lives so neither one of us wants to lose that (she confides in me more than anyone else).

 

And she is really happy being single right now. She is only a year removed from a four year relationship which crushed her emotionally -she was expecting to get engaged. Since then, she's only gone on a few non-committal dates here and there. I think she would have reconsidered for me when she had feelings, but those aren't really there anymore.

 

Can anyone offer some advice? I know some people have said I need to remove myself a little bit and maybe then she'll see how important I am in her life (sort of the case when I lived away from home). But we spend so much time together and we're best friends so it would seem too hurtful. I am a nice guy, maybe too nice to her, but I can offer a lot. We're already friends, she felt some sort of attraction to me before, I have a good job and I treat her better than any guy has before. I know you can't make anyone like you, but is there anything I can do?

[jyoun]

"she is really happy being single right now"

 

I think that says it all. It seems like she simply wants a break from the stress of having to deal with a real boyfriend. Give her some time, try and lay off any "hints" or pressure to date, and just be there as a friend like you've always been.

 

I too have a close long-time friend who has shared romantic interests from time to time with me and we've both gone through big breakups recently. She is laying the "hints" on me like she wants to date me, but I very much feel like I need a "break" and work on my self for a while. If your friend is anything like me she may simply needs some time and space alone before considering dating again. She may still be recovering from the breakup and her heart isn't quite healed yet. This might explain why she can't say she has "feelings". It's like trying to see when you've been blinded by a bright light, it takes some time to recover from a loss like that before you understand what's going on.

 

I hope this helps a bit... Good luck.

Edited February 15, 2012 by jyoun