Nadine22 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I have trust issues in my relationship. I would like to know if I am the problem or if I have reason to doubt my relationship. I am fighting with my boyfriend of 6 months and nearly walked out today due to lies that make me feel he is hiding something. History - The current argument is around a girl that he was sexually involved with before me. In the beginning of our relationship I asked him if he had dated this person because of the comments she made on facebook (he deleted her from facebook). He said he did not date her and that she had a boyfriend. Months later a mutual friend tells me that they were involved. He confesses - he didn't tell me because he was ashamed and it was gross. Months later she starts writing on his wall again...and calling his phone. He states that he doesn't remember adding her back on and assures me he hasn't had any contact with her. He deletes her again from facebook and claims he sent her an email saying he was seeing someone. I never saw the email. So - my current situation - I had a feeling this women would or was in contact with my boyfriend recently because she was posting on my boyfriends brothers wall. I asked my boyfriend and he said he hadn't seen or heard from her. However, later that night he had just received a phone call and text from her out of the blue. I don't care about this girl - but I want openness and honestly in my relationship, So I said tell her you have a girlfriend so she stops this. He said he sent her a text. I said can you save the text you sent because I want to see it. He agreed. However, 2 days later ..I ask about the text. He apparently deleted the texts and her phone call to him on his history because he claims "he wants nothing to do with her". I was so angry and ready to walk out on this relationship because if he has nothing to hide why is he deleting everything after I told him I wanted to see it. I have a hard time trusting him because of little lies early on which I won't get into. My current situation is I had a huge fight with my boyfriend and I walked out. He tells me he will call her 3 way and prove there has been nothing going on and is making me feel like he has done nothing wrong and I'm crazy. someone please tell me if I'm wrong for thinking this all seems shady and deceitful. I want to have an open honest relationship and I am open with him. I don't know if hes fooling around or not but the point is I feel his behaviour is creating all kinds of doubts. I don't need the drama. Does the behaviour look shady or am I totally blowing things out of proportion. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Since YOU say what you want is honesty - and he can't seem to deliver in that easy requirement - best to cut him loose. He isn't trying to earn trust back- he's just making it more difficult... YOU can't make him! Since he values keeping in contact with a gal that obviously has hurt the possibility of a R - he finds value in staying in contact with her... Much more than your request to cut her loose. He's probably still sleeping with her - why else would he stay in touch? Since he's not honest - he's given nothing valuable to work with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine22 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 (edited) Thank you so much for your reply. I don't know what to believe but he tells me that he has absolutly not had any contact or relationship with her since we have been together. he says he can prove it by calling her 3 way. He says she contacted him recently and he responded to her by sending a text that he was in a relationship. However, its the fact that he deleted the phone record and texts that put doubt in my mind and started the fight. He also stated that he didn't have to tell me she called and texted recently and he did so why am I acting this way. I am am acting this way because If you don't have something to hide why are you deleting phone numbers and texts. that just does not make sense to me. thank you again so much Edited February 10, 2012 by Nadine22 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 So he HAS had contact - because she did call and text. The gut never lies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine22 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 So he HAS had contact - because she did call and text. The gut never lies. Ya, well if hes telling the truth it all looks bad. I don't care about this girl...cause if hes shady in general if not her it will be others. what I care about is having a real relationship and not having to be on guard trying to figure out whats really going on. Its really that simple. He claims he is a victom and shes the one pursuing and he denys communicating or prompting her in anyway. However, it LOOKS like he has directly or indirectly given an impression somehow to make her feel like she can call and text. that is just what it looks like. It is possible that some exs call randomly etc...but again why delete all the coraspondance etc if you are trying to be open with your partner lol....~!!!!!!!! does not make sense. thank you again. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 He can show you his phone bill. That would either prove or disprove whether or not he contacted HER. IF he intends to show EVIDENCE - the phone bill WILL provide the truth of what he wants you to believe. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Also ask him to show you - on the spit - all his FB messages! IF he's not hiding anything - he won't have any issue showing you anything you ask. When there's nothing to hide - people don't hide anything... If he won't - you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine22 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 Omg, you rock~@! that is perfect. that way if he really is telling the truth he won't have a problem showing the bill. This is all too crazy to be honest. I have never resorted to having someone provide proof etc... but this is a stupid crazy situation and it is ruining the relationship because I don't not want to be with someone who is sneaking behind my back. Life is to short -~! thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Be sure the pages are numerical - omitting the pages that show evidence is easy IF someone isn't paying attention to consecutive page numbers... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine22 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 omg...this is crazy...but records don't lie.~!!! much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
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