trying to let go wihout closure.

[Rudeboy74]

Hey all! First time posting!

 

Long story short, my former girl made a poor decision one night that pretty much shattered me and spun her into a wild depression. Yes, she cheated. Booze was the major factor and a mess of ****ty circumstances. Really don't want to get into details but it is what it is.

 

We spoke a bit after and then got together for 24 hours which were both amazing and tough as hell. There was no sex involved. My choice regrettably but I was not ready. She never lied or minimized anything. In her words, she effed up. First time I have ever been able to look past something and want to forgive someone. I have walked away for far less and not looked back at all.

 

Now, here is what is killing me. After that day, she said she could not handle seeing the hurt in my eyes but that she meant what she said about her feelings toward me and that she did not want to lose me. She then shut down and that was the last time we actually spoke or saw each other. It's a month now.

 

She bounced back to her ex for about 5 minutes but shut that down immediately for whatever reason.

 

We were honestly a love at first sight that found each other six months after that moment that hit us both like a brick. I fell hard. She told all of her friends the same thing. The attraction and depth of feeling was incredible.

 

What I don't understand is why she would not just tell me to beat it and that she does not want me in her life so that we can both have closure and move on. We never even actually broke up. I have dated a bit everything is a comparison that just does not come close.

 

I have stopped trying to get her to talk to me a few weeks ago.

 

How do I move forward? Why would she shut me out unless her feelings were never what she said they were? I am just so confused.

 

I had actually typed this two weeks ago and since there is no change I figured I would actually post it.

[zerovandez]

We're on the a similar boat, friend. She's sorting out her options in an effort to get over you. If it doesn't happen, she will let you know and you guys will work things out.

 

My ex broke up with me about 2 years ago from a 10 year relationship. She too cheated and lied. About a year ago, she reintroduced herself back into my life and I allowed it. Never once did she menitoned she wanted a second chance so I just let things progress as if we were b/f g/f all over again. But, she didn't feel the same way. Just recently, she said that she is more open to dating other men. I was in total shock but I shouldn't have been. I knew the mission was dangerous but I still took it. And now, we are nothing. I realized that I do not want to be second best in her dating world. I'm not so bad looking and I think I'm pretty amazing; a good catch. I've dated since the breakup but nothing serious. She's shut you out? Well, you do the same and at the same time, enjoy yourself any way you desire!

[Eddie Edirol]

Because booze isnt the reason she cheated on you in the first place. No matter what you think the reason is, she lost attraction to you long before she cheated, which is what brought her to that point. She didnt shut down, she just shut you out. Bottom line is this...if she had feelings foryou that were string enough to continue, she would contact you and at least hint to try to make it work. Shes not doing that, so she doesnt want to, and THAT is your closure. You use that to move on.

[childishregrets]

What a weird abnormal person.... Why is the old ex involved was it him she cheated with? It sounds like you three have history.

 

Its not booze though as poster above me says.She cheated due to being a horrible person and you should let rip at her and spill your guts now why u can as you might NEVER get closure mate.

 

Now, here is what is killing me. After that day, she said she could not handle seeing the hurt in my eyes but that she meant what she said about her feelings toward me and that she did not want to lose me. She then shut down and that was the last time we actually spoke or saw each other. It's a month now.

 

Really? Does she expect you to chase her? Have you told her that normally after cheating someone has to grovel for forgiveness?

 

Your post is confusing and it must be tough.Get your answers now and call her and sort it out once and for all then run as fast as you can from her and be thankful u saw this now rather than later.

 

GL

[betterdeal]

How do I move forward?

 

You decide it's over. No need to get her permission to do that, or even tell her. She hasn't done you that courtesy, has she? You can say to yourself, "bollocks to this" and cut your losses.

 

Why would she shut me out unless her feelings were never what she said they were?

 

Feelings change. Remember the girl you were sweet on before this one? Your feelings for her were real, just as your feelings for this one were real, and the feelings of confusion you have right now are real. They are temporary.

 

I am just so confused.

 

No wonder! She says one thing then does another. Ask yourself this, what is it, exactly, that will push you enough to make you take control of your own life? What does she have to do that will lead to you saying "No more. This ends here"?