Later Stages of the slow death called of Divorce (Long)

[Darkesthour33]

Well first off I want to say thank you to so many on this forum, many of you have helped me more than you ever will know, I have been reading for many months now, I think its only fair that I share my story to help others that are at the beginning of the hell, of breakup /Divorce, heres my story:

 

I was married for 9 year, together for 12, we both are 32, we been through a lot as any couple that has been together for an extended amount of time, the 2010 year was when everything came to a head, I got the I love you but I'm not in love with you speech, I need space, and she was going out more, to be honest I didn't have red flags now that I think about it, I had little leprechauns, with pink elephants with signs waving saying "wake up stupid", but at the time I loved my ex so much, I didn't even think cheating was a possibility for us, I trusted her completely. so I believed every thing she said, she said that she needed some space and some time so she moved into her own apartment, I occasionally would call and ask do she want to hang out and she would nicely reply "I'm not ready for that yet", now this whole time she was in her new place she was telling me how all she does is sit around with her friends and talk about relationships, and she gets lonely ( and yes I believed every word of that too) well would you know Facebook is the mother of drama starters these days, I get a call on my Bday in April of 2011 and she wishes me happy bday, I too wished her happy bday on hers, anyway she called me twice on April 4th because she missed me and we talked about her coming back, I felt good and went to go check her facebook picture because I wanted to see her, however I had to use my second profile that she forgot about because she completely blocked me on my original one (I know another flag, but I didnt see it at the time) so I went to her profile page and there they were, all hugged up, the devastation and darkness I felt inside was indescribable, till this day and its been over a year later I still get a little anxious when I sign into FaceBook, well ofcourse I was furious, I went to her apartment she wasnt there she was at his place (this was a blessing in disguise now that I think about it, it would have been ugly had she and him been there)

 

Now this is where it gets ugly but typical, my ex's story completely changed it went from she is confused and needs time to she gave me too many chances and she wanted a family but I would never give her a child (we both agreed that we would finish school but she forgot that) I could say so much more but to some it up she completely REWROTE OUR MARRIAGE HISTORY, I emphasized that phrase because many will ask "how can he or she say all those things that are just so untrue" the answer they need to justify themselves but google the phrase anyway, so you can understand that in more detail

 

Now me I was a horrible wreck, I did all the things that you are not supposed to do, begging, pleading, bargaining, I just couldn't understand how she just could not love me anymore even though I standing right infront of her, its like she was so distant from me, completely emotionless, and would pick fights on purpose so she could storm off, how could she do this I thought what I didnt know at the time was, SHE BROKE UP WITH ME YEARS AGO, this just was the final act, One thing I learned from all this when some one leaves thats just the final straw they have played this out in their head constantly, and planned it with all their friends, yes they were thinking this even during the times when they said or you thought nothing was wrong

 

Our Divorce was final in July 2011, she left our home in November of 2010, I didnt except that it was over until Sept 2011, it was so painful to me it took me a while to grasp that she really didnt want me anymore, but she still would torture me and call me and tell me she loves me and ask how I was doing, and wanted us to 'keep intouch" to be friends (most likely just to try and alleviate her own guilt) until I had to tell her to stop calling me period

 

So now she just calls privately me and my female friends I have no clue how she got their numbers

 

Now I'm no where near as bad as I was, but I piece of me still misses what I thought we had, and its hard to be alone sometimes

 

but thats my story I'm sorry for the length but my story is too much to fit in a nutshell

 

I do hope It helps, anyone who reads it, and feel free to PM me if you need clarification