Author feelinglost29 Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 How is that a fair question. Let's say I don't care about the money at all. Do you not see that inevitably I will need some of my income to live? Let's suppose I care only about my family and I'm going to always be happy living on 20% of the income. Fine. Now let's suppose my wife get's angry and drags this though divorce court.. Depositions, hearings, meetings, mediations, settlement conferences.... $1,000,000 overnight... Now nobody wins.. You angry people that talk about what a jerk I am - don't you think my wife will have the same reaction? Hell has no fury like a woman scorned? And all of this why? Put her and my kids through this for what again? To come clean? THAT feels more selfish than shutting my mouth and fixing the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
EspressoTorte Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 How is that a fair question. Let's say I don't care about the money at all. Do you not see that inevitably I will need some of my income to live? Let's suppose I care only about my family and I'm going to always be happy living on 20% of the income. Fine. Now let's suppose my wife get's angry and drags this though divorce court.. Depositions, hearings, meetings, mediations, settlement conferences.... $1,000,000 overnight... Now nobody wins.. You angry people that talk about what a jerk I am - don't you think my wife will have the same reaction? Hell has no fury like a woman scorned? And all of this why? Put her and my kids through this for what again? To come clean? THAT feels more selfish than shutting my mouth and fixing the problem. So you intend to fix the problem by keeping the affair going? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 It is a fair question because you seem more concerned about the financial implications than the emotional implications of your wife finding out about your affair. You also seem to be irritated by your wife having money from you without earning it - yet you basically funded a prostitute for 4 years taking money away from your family. And will people please start quoting Congreve correctly. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 You are here hurting over a breakup with a prostitute...wanting to call her etc. Are you seeking to move on from prostitute and repair your family...or somehow patch things up with prostitute? If it's to move on, then maybe you need to consider separating or something to give yourself emotional distance and think. You are all emotional over someone else-that's going to affect your home life negatively and you're already not emotionally fulfilled there. People have affairs all the time (your wife probably suspects it anyway) and it could turn out positive like you said in your original post, but you're not being honest with your wife is not giving it a chance to work, which is what you are saying (I think) you want. And if she wants a divorce (which you don't know..she has the very same financial concers that you do), isn't that giving her a chance to have the honest, non-cheating husband you say she deserves? I am sorry you are heartbroken and there isn't much you can do to make that pain go away quickly. But if your desire is to have the prostitute back in your life, please understand it's hard to be empathetic knowing the pain your wife probably feels today in a distant marriage. Healing your own pain and repairing things with your wife (if that is a goal) are both very trying and painful challenges but hopefully you will be better for it, and worth it in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Bito Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I will not judge you on what you have done. Every person no matter how true or riotous is capable of inflicting severe emotional pain to another. I truly am sorry that you are experiencing such pain and I will be honest this pain will stay for a long time. So what next? You can continue to live your lie and try to fix your situation with therapy but I don't foresee that accomplishing anything. You could come clean and tell your wife the whole story but your prediction of the ramifications of this are most likely accurate. No course of action that you can take will fix your situation. With all of that said I will give you my opinion on what you should do. You have to find yourself. You obviously have no link to your true unified self and place your happiness entirely on feeding the desires and wants of your ego. What do you value in life? Wealth? Status? Intense Relationships? All of these things while they may seem to make you "happy" are also the root of all of your suffering. Think about it. Once you acquire these you experience happiness right? How long does this last for? its obviously not forever based on your current situation. No because once you have them then you also have a fear of loosing it. Like your with your money and your wife. Also once you acquire these your ego wants more and more because it is never satisfied. That is why you cheated on your wife many times and had your affair with the prostitute. Your ego will NEVER be content with what you have. That is its very nature. I recommend you rethink your philosiphy on life before you hit rock bottom. Because believe me you have not. If all of this appears to be a load of **** then you need not waste your time but if any of what I have said has resonated with you then I would be happy to point you in the right direction on some reading material that will elaborate greatly on what i have said. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I think you're trolling. Your style of writing is very familiar. Yeh. But it's a cool story, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelinglost29 Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 Bito, I'd love some suggestions on books to read. I don't have access to PM yet but if you could post a couple suggestions that would be appreciated. And MMe Chaucer, it is a cool story... I'm not trolling, I'm not pretending, it is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Be the man your wife THOUGHT she married. If you can't be THAT man - you should divorce her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelinglost29 Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 2Sunny, Thank you for ALL of your comments throughout this. I didn't ask for them to be focused on my wife and family, in hindsight I was making it the side story and you took it front & center. However you (and others) refocused my attention inward and to my family. I am going to therapy starting next week and your comments will be on my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 . I am going to therapy starting next week and your comments will be on my mind. Don't waste your money on therapy. In reading your posts we can see it is all about you. No one matters but you. You are selfish and only care about yourself (not saying that is always a bad thing). I say continue doing what you are doing if that works for you, because you have shown that no one else matters. Continue on this train wreck called your life. There is nothing else you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 2Sunny, Thank you for ALL of your comments throughout this. I didn't ask for them to be focused on my wife and family, in hindsight I was making it the side story and you took it front & center. However you (and others) refocused my attention inward and to my family. I am going to therapy starting next week and your comments will be on my mind. Your comment is utterly selfish. You wanted to hear advice that would best help you finagle your way working both situations to your advantage. Instead, advice helping you to try and see how much your wife and family is being affected by your actions falls on deaf ears. It was all supposed to be about you. I feel so sorry for your wife, god knows she needs it since her own husband is too preoccupied with self-indulging to even care. And I thought I've seen it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 It might help you to connect with this LS member. You seem to have a lot in common and might be able to offer support to one another. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t276690/?highlight=grampi Link to post Share on other sites
PaperClip81 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I am confused about something - how does your wife have no clue about any of this? For these past four years did you have sleepovers with this prostitute? What did you tell your wife? Did your wife ask you who you were texting first thing in the AM and last thing at night? I mean where do you tell her you've been? If you felt strongly enough about this woman to move her into her own apartment, give her money and spend time with her children, why didn't you break up with your wife when you started these feelings for your girlfriend? I am sorry that you are heartbroken about this relationship ending, but are you heartbroken because this relationship ended or that now you might have to face your wife? Also, who is to say that once the gravy train runs out, your girlfriend doesn't tell your wife what has happened? Wouldn't you rather tell her yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I just had to come and find this thread to read some of the stuff here. Firstly, in no way should the OP tell his wife about the affair!!! That cannot be stressed enough. You can always tell her, but you could never un-tell her. The only purpose in telling her would be to release your own guilt, at the expense of doing irreparable damage to your wife. It is mostly unrealistic to imagine the prostitute ever telling your wife about the affair, and the general rule about such things remains: "IF there is a good chance that the spouse will find out through other channels about the affair, then you tell them first, to avoid them having to find out that way. Otherwise you keep it to yourself so as not to devastate your spouse". This other crap about her "deserving to know" (at what would be the expense of her own broken heart, etc.) is bullsh*t, and serves only to multiply the selfishness involved (in being someone who first cheats, and who then needlessly rubs his spouse's face in it) by a great deal. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Like I said before I had been to several prostitutes before I met this woman (even before I married my wife). The routine was fairly mechanical and devoid of any emotions, with any of them. It was purely sex then done. There was never kissing, never cuddling, never talking. The day I met this woman she walked in the room and gazed at me. It was almost like we were meeting for the first time, in the real world, and we had instant chemistry. It was odd and different from any other working girl I had ever been with. During the sex she reached for me to kiss her, a first ever in my experience. Each time I saw her after it grew and grew. Maybe around the fifth or sixth week she told me that she "loved me". I did not reciprocate, I was shocked. I knew what she was and knew that I had to keep my distance. She pushed me for unprotected sex, bringing in papers that she was disease free - I realize how pointless that is when she was continuing to work as as a prostitute after the tests. We continued like this for weeks. She told me that I did not have to pay for her, I insisted. The manager of the massage parlor would tell me that she would show up early for me (I was the first client of the day) and would sometimes leave right after, i.e. she came to only see me. Ultimately on her own she told me that she wanted to stop working and only see me. This was on her own, I never pressured or even asked her to do that. When we saw eachother in the hotel, I never gave her a dollar. We would kiss passionately for thirty minutes, she bought me gifts, she cried about me being married and about how we met. She also introduced me to her brother, to her niece and to her daughter (about 17 at the time). She involved me in all of her personal life, like an open book. Now to me at this time I felt that she stopped being my prostitute and our relationship evolved to GF/BF. There was an enormous amount of passion, tears and talk. No money changed hands. After a while I was the one to say let's get a place, not her. I went and looked and found a very nice apartment in a new building (very expensive). I asked her to look at it and she insisted on finding something cheaper, which she did. At that point when I paid the rent, again after 4 or 5 months of not giving her ANY money, I began to give her an additional $1000 per month with the rent (for bills). For over a year this was our place alone. I slowly let down my guard. It felt real - real enough that I almost left my wife. I never bought her anything expensive and I gave her very little money (just enough in my mind to get by). About six months into our new place my guards were all down and now I was in full in-love take care of this girl mode. I gave her an additional $500 per month, I bought her very extravagant gifts. I discussed her plans to open a makeup school, I worked with her in every way to get her life in order. But again, the only money I gave her was rent and an additional $1500 for bills. About a year and a half into our new place she wanted her daughter to move in there. I was silently reluctant but said, "sure". I would see her daughter (now around 19) and we would have long conversations. I would drive her and her daughter to work when they needed it. Her daughter had no idea how we met, or what her mother had done for a living, but knew that I was married. Which was painfully obvious because I only came at set times and never at night. During the last year of our place together, we evolved to where we would lie in bed watching TV shows for most of our time together. Her daughter would ask me for advice and I was a part of their lives. In a sick way it felt to me like I had two families. At one point, about five months ago, I ran into a financial problem. Nothing major but I was being tugged in all directions for money, all at the same time. I cried about it to her. She offered to give me her savings ($50,000) to help me through it. I fell apart crying to her. Nobody had ever offered anything like this to me. I of course didn't accept her offer, and perhaps she knew that would be the case, but it felt so real and I felt so completely in love with her and she with me. Then as my initial post stated, it all fell apart. And since then, I now know that she had been working again as a prostitute for at least a year. She told me that she did it because she thought I was having financial problems and she didn't want to take my money or always be my responsibility. Mind you, she always accepted the money and gifts without hesitation. I explained in detail my finances, explaining that I could afford the money I give her and I wanted to give her more. I just didn't want her doing prostitution again. She said she understood then deceived me again instantly. So while everyone is saying that she was a gold digger prostitute, it didn't feel that way to me (at least not until the end). I feel like ironically she made the same type of disconnection I made with my wife with me. She would prostitute herself, cheating on me, but in her mind only for money. I was just as guilty. It almost felt like maybe we could make it work and grow old together in this odd relationship. I have my family she has her prostitution. We were both equally unfaithful to ourselves and our relationship. But I couldn't deal with that. I told her that I needed her to be faithful; even though I was not and maybe could not ever give her the same. So that's why I felt it was love. Our relationship began as client/prostitute but changed. Of the four years we saw each other I paid her for sex for a few months. Afterwards, it was rent and extra money for expenses (and for the first year of that other place it was only a place for her and I to meet and have sex, she was still paying rent on another house for her daughter and brother). Did I really see it wrong? Was there really no love there, ever, at all? If I didn't have a wife, or if I had left my wife right when I met her, how would you describe it? I'd like to know. I'm now sitting here thinking maybe I should call her. I'm as much of a hypocrite and liar as she is. There really IS a lot more to the story in this post, which wasn't evident in the other thread. Generally, the only immediate reason why prostitutes do what they do is "money". Her offering to spend time with you without compensation, and then, later, not wanting to seem like such a burden on your finances, are further suggestions of her having a (deeply damaged, wounded) soul. Her migration back to prostitution was not caused by you or anything you did or didn't do. It is reflective largely of her psychological make-up and of little else. The woman's wounds are deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, and so much so that a mere mortal shouldn't have enough time in his life to truly tally them, let alone begin to understand... Of course most of those wounds were through no fault of her own, but she is the one who needs to boldly save herself, and she simply won't be 'saved' by anyone without her consent. With all that said, I'm still unsure about raw "love"... I'm certain there were feelings on both sides which parallel many we know when "love" comes a calling, but I lean a bit more toward the union introducing an internally-produced 'drug-like satisfaction' (for different/opposite reasons) on both sides. After a bit of therapy, I can envision a therapist summarizing by defining an as yet unbeknownst to me condition in you, which explains your actions here to the smallest detail. I sense that, at your respective cores, you each have manageable 'conditions' about you (some natural flaws, some man-caused flaws) and that most of the way this snowballed to where you are today, has been caused by products (/symptoms) of those conditions. That really is the best news, with all things considered. Tiz far better to have one disease and numerous symptoms than to have a dozen completely different diseases ravaging your body or soul. Link to post Share on other sites
Cocollective Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Wow I'm speechless. Link to post Share on other sites
coopster Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Wow I'm speechless. i`m not!... OP... your an a$$. a coward, a lying cheating hypocrite, surprised you even get it up with not having any balls. Karma will sort you out. You got loads of money? you want to splash it around? Go give it to charity low life 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coopster Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 (edited) `feel empty` ?? go have a w**k ...tosser, Go `empty` your money on your `wife` , . Does she know what`s going on noballs? PM me her number ...I`ll tell her!!!! lowlife, hate guys like you. Why you asking advice on here i dont know?! Why not just go throw your money at another hooker, You been used!!! the same way you USED her. go away , guys like you really get to me Edited February 16, 2012 by coopster Link to post Share on other sites
coopster Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 hope to god you were NOT having unprotected sex with your wife while you were with this slut? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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