Need to vent, am I 100% wrong?

[Dig0923]

I know everyone on here reads posts over and over and tries to give advice and honestly its almost always great. So please bare with me too as well as I vent and give a quick backstory as to what is happeneing.

 

Ok quick story, was with my current gf for 6 years, then towards the end of our relationship I felt something happening. She started becoming distant and withdrawn from me. During this time, she has been playing an online game, and years before we used to play together. She is a very flirty person and this is projected towards the game where she flirted (She says innocently and when she knows she does she says its innocent) all the time. A few times she got really close select guys in game if that makes any sense. Talking all the time in chat, skype and such. I told her plenty of times it bothered me and to stop and she would but still flirt from time to time which bothered me.

 

At the end of our relationship when she was becoming distant she was in talks with some guy in game, would talk on a voice comm program kinda like skype and chat with everyday. Playing every day and talking then crawling into bed late at night just to pass out within 5 min with back turned to me and doing it again the next night.

 

Well come to find out she started having feelings for this guy and I started sleeping on the floor and couch to try to work it out. SHe eventually said that she had enough feelings where she though that she would so something bad if she was with me. I also went snooping on her pc and found out that she had looked up another guy on facebook to see his info and such. This wouldnt bother me but when I confronted her, she lied right to my face and denied it all. So I told her she had to leave and we had to stop seeing eachother. So she left and went away for a few months. During those months I started working out making myself better and whatnot, and she kept playing the game and talking to this guy every day.

 

Eventually she came back and we starting haning out and trying to be friends ( I know against what everyone says ) and it was the worst thing of my life. Trying to be friends without being jelous and knowing she was talking to this dude on the side. SO one day I finally said I have had it and was driving to see her to tell her I was done and not going to put up with this **** anymore.

 

I went to go see her and once she really saw that I was going to leave she finally had a change of heart it seemed and tried to work things out. After a few months of ups and downs we talked and came to a compromise about alot of things.

 

So that is most of the backstory sorry for a lot of reading. At the moment me and my gf are back together but I have so many trust issues and jelouse tendancies. She is back living at home while I attempt to establish a life and we see eachother a dew days every week. She still plays the game and still talks to this guy on game and on voice chat with other people. SHe tells me over and over that they are just friends and she told him to back off her and that me and my gf were back together. There are just times where she wont talk to me all day and then get mad at when I bring it up.

 

I have been told by her that I am insecure and that I need to trust her ( although she knows she needs to work on earning that back ) and that I need to not get so upset if she doesnt talk to me all day. I told her that she needs to be more affectionate and needs to take my feelings into consideration. She agreed but told me she will not stop playing the game with this guy because she has other friends whom she plays with including said guy. Recently things started bothering me because she is starting to play and talk with some other guy now all the time ( She tells me that ) and because hes is 5 years younger that I shouldnt have to worry about it.

 

Now that I have vented and explained all that, am I in the wrong for getting this way or is it ok for me to have these feelings? She says its ok but I have to learn to trust her and I continuously explain to her that she needs to be more sensetive to how I feel and take that into account when she is playing, or when I am not around to see what is going on.

 

I know I don't trust her 100% but was it a mistake to get back with her when I don't trust her 100%? I do however trust her now alot more then I did when we go back together, I just fear that I will always be like this and always cause fights when she is home and I am home. We dont talk on the phone, its always through AIM or skype chat so it's even less like I feel like I am talking to her, than a robot.

 

Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Questions? Any info appreciated even though I know that I am probably blowing things out of proportion here.

 

 

*** Oh forgot to mention she saved up money and 2 weeks after we broke up she was going to go fly to see this guy and then decided against it and then told me he might come up to see her which I never know if he did or not. She says no but you never know ***

[betterdeal]

It's okay to feel jealous or left out: they're just feelings which are neither right or wrong, they just are what they are. Given the circumstances, you don't sound overly jealous or overreacting to me.

 

It sounds to me like you've tried to adjust things, explained how you feel and what bugs you, but it's just not working out. Maybe you want a relationship with a different kind of girl than this one, and she seems to like having lots of online boy friends.

 

There comes a point when you have to ask, how am I any different from her other online boy friends and, is this what I want?

 

My advice would be for you to get offline a LOT more. Go out side and meet some friends. I would say end things with this girl but, honestly, what is there to end? You just stop being one of her online boy friends and go hang out with people who do want to spend time with you in actual reality.

[Dig0923]

Oh I didn't mean to say I never see her. I do see her and hang out with her all the time and we are dating again. It's just when she is at home, she reassures me that I have nothing to worry about and they are just friends.

 

I don't want to make it sound like I am one of the ones she just talks to online only and such.

 

I started working out again and going out alot more anyways too. I spend alot of time at college and with friends already

 

I agree with alot of what you say and already told her I deserve better. I adjust to what she wants and it doesn't seem like she wants to budge. I get told time and time again to get over what happened between her and the other guy in the past I just can't because she still talks to him most of the time and playing with him along with others in her online adventures.

 

I guess I shouldn't worry about an "E-Person" but I always wonder when that will end and the real person will show up to meet her...

 

Thanks for you reply.

[betterdeal]

I can understand her getting a bit miffed with you pushing her when she wants some space. That would annoy me too. I can also understand that you don't like her socialising with that guy. That would annoy me too. If she won't budge on that you have two choices: leave or suck it up and live with the fact she will socialise with him.

[2sunny]

I'd say you are right to feel that she hasn't earned your trust. IF she wanted to earn trust - she would quit playing the game and never communicate with that dude again.

 

Since she hasn't - I would dump her so fast her head would spin.

 

You've trained her to treat you poorly... Time for retraining.

 

Your boundary is too loose - unless you expect her to satisfy you by flirting with other men while she avoids you... She's a cake eater for sure.

 

Life's too short to beg a gal to be good to you... Let her treat someone else with such disdain.

[Dig0923]

Thanks for the responses. I will take some time away from her and evaluate the situation then give an ultimatium. If we can't come to some sort of agreement or compromise then I will be forced to make a decision.

 

I am alot stronger now to deal with something like this and 100% prepared to take that step if need be. I already learned to love myself and know that I deserve better.

 

Thanks for the input and appreciate all the comment. I will keep updated in the future about what happens, and also am always open to help other around the boards.

 

Thanks betterdeal and 2sunny!

[Professor X]

I guess I shouldn't worry about an "E-Person" but I always wonder when that will end and the real person will show up to meet her...

 

Shouldn't you? You guys did break over a "E-Person" once before, didn't you? And as a guy who used to spend A LOT of time playing MMORPGs, I can tell you you have every bit to worry about - I know many people who ended up meeting their "E-Person" in real life and hooking up with them, even if they were from a different country.

 

She says its ok but I have to learn to trust her

I have to disagree with this. She broke your trust in her and thus, she needs to do what she can (if she's sincere about making your RS work) to gain that trust again; Keeping things exactly the same will only lead to the same results, she can't see it cause she's addicted to the game, so she will wanna do whatever she can so long as she keeps playing it.

 

As for the two of you, I think you need to make it clear where you stand, when it is to much and what you will and will not accept from her - and in this case, you are entitled to tell her that she isn't allowed to flirt or talk about anything person with those online guys (given the circumstances).