My awesome BREAKTHROUGH experience tonight. Read this and be blessed!

[Teknoe]

Hey LoveShack!

This is a two-part post. 1st part will be what I learned tonight. 2nd part will be what I applied from the knowledge I've gained and the results.

 

FIRST PART:

 

Like many of you, I'm single, and very much in desire of a spouse. I'm sure many of you can also identify with the fact that I am not always as confident as I'd like to be. I find there are certain situations and circumstances where I'm really confident, but most times, I can be very self-conscious and insecure.

 

Tonight I was at a singles event at my church. A guest speaker spoke about her crazy story of how she met her husband. Like many of us here, I can sometimes struggle with having negative self-thoughts. The guest speaker mentioned a famous book back in the '80s called THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING and how applying principles from that book helped to turn her from Negative Nancy to Positive Polly.

 

One really powerful thing she talked about is if we fail to deal with our issues and insecurities when we're single, we'll carry that mess into our relationships and future marriage. She told us not to think once we have a spouse we'll suddenly gain confidence and that all our issues/junk will be automatically healed.

 

Hurting people hurt people.

 

So as long as we continue to ignore/push aside our issues, hoping that a significant other will come along and magically "complete us," we are living in a fantasy world. The sooner we can get that, and start living in a way as to turn our weaknesses to strength, we will never experience the true richness of life.

 

Again, it bears repeating. If you don't deal with your stuff now, as a single, those issues won't go away. They'll just continue to multiply and have babies of their own.

 

PART TWO:

 

Now the results part. As I was sitting there in a room of about 50 people, both genders from 25 to 55 years old, I thought about my own routine.

 

What do I normally do after these meetings?

 

Maybe talk to the person sitting next to me for 5 minutes, and then head home. I don't know why I do it, but it's what I usually do.

 

Tonight I told myself I was going to hang back until the very end, and be confident. I kept telling myself and thinking positively, "I'm going to make an effort to talk to more people and I will connect with some women."

 

Sure enough I did my old "talk to my neighbor for 5 minutes" routine. When she left I had a choice:

 

Do I head for the exit and drive home 5 minutes after the meeting as I always do?

 

Or do I brave it out and stick it to my negative thoughts?

 

It's so easy and comfortable to follow our routines and not try something new.

 

This time, I stayed.

 

I ended up rotating and talking to different folks. But here's where it gets good.

 

I ended up in a small circle with 3 women. All in their late 20s (just like me) and they were all attractive. Here's how the convo went, and my thought process is in italics so you know how I was processing things

 

G1 = girl 1

G2 = girl 2

G3 = girl 3

Me = er, me, lol

 

G1: Hey Jane! Haven't seen you in a while, what you been up to?

G2: Oh you know, just got back from Asia after a month

 

I need to jump in here so I'm not just that creeper listening in. Make it short

 

Me: Nice, which part?

G2: Thailand.

G3: How exciting! What were some highlights?

G2: The food!

 

knowing that Thailand is famous for spicy food, I shall ask her if she likes it

 

Me: Do you like spicy food?

G2: Oh my gosh, I love it!

 

just to keep my confidence going talking with these 3 girls, I'll say it out loud

 

Me: Yup, if you like spicy food, Thailand is the place to go

 

Whoa, did I just say that like I've been to Thailand before? I haven't... but it was nice speaking so confidently like that to 3 beautiful women

 

G2: Yeah, but the only thing is, I don't like the fish sauce

Me: Really? I haven't met too many Asians who don't like fish sauce

G1: Actually, I'm not a huge fan of fish sauce, either

G3: I'm just OK with it

G2: See? I'm not alone here *all the girls look at me*

 

Time to kick up the spice a little...

 

Me: [playfully] And you call yourselves Asian!

*all 3 girls laugh, and my confidence keeps rising*

 

with my confidence high, I decided to steer the conversation to relationships and dating, since it was the evening's topic

 

Me: Hey, what y'all think of tonight's message?

 

It's too long to type out, but what followed was a nice 15 minute back-and-forth conversation which eventually turned to how guys should pursue women and vice versa. Very light-hearted, lots of jokes (on my part) and lots of laughing.

 

I was on a roll tonight! At one point a FOURTH attractive late 20s gal came in the circle and it was me and those four ladies. I was making them laugh so loud that people in the room were looking over to ME to see what the commotion was all about.

 

Amazingly, I somehow became the life of the party, so to speak.

 

I was just faking my confidence in the beginning, until that fake confidence became real, and my wit became very sharp and I became very bold as a result.

 

Some highlights:

 

One girl said porn and masturbate very softly compared to the other words in her sentence. So I flat out asked her, playfully, "Hey, why did you whisper those words?"

 

That drew a good laugh out of the ladies.

 

When I later said pornography I too whispered it (on purpose) and instantly, all of them were playfully attacking me for whispering the word.

 

I also asked for their feedback on how women like to be approached by a guy and threw in the kicker "Oh, it's for my friend, you know" and they all cracked up.

 

Seems tonight my sense of humor was at its peak, and my confidence was high. By the time I drove home on the freeway I kept thinking to myself "Wow... that was fun. Damn son, you can be pretty funny and charming when you put your mind to it..."

 

So, I don't know who this post will help or how it might give you some things to ponder over, but I hope in reading this you were somehow blessed. A lot of times it's really getting out of your own head and just putting yourself out there. Not desperately, but FAKE IT TIL YA MAKE IT.

 

The best part of the interaction is the one none of y'all can see: it was the way those four young beautiful ladies were looking at me. They enjoyed my wit, my sense of humor and how confident and open I was being with them. At the end of the day, humor and confidence goes a long way.

 

The thing I will remember most about tonight were the number of times I got the four ladies to laugh (and I'm talking LAUGH LAUGH) and people were looking our way as a result. Being the "life of the party" was pretty awesome. I had guys looking over at me like "Damn, you see that one guy there making FOUR beautiful young ladies laughing so hard? What's he doing that's working so well...."

 

Many times, we just need to get out of our own heads, and believe WE CAN. I did it, and SO CAN YOU. (where you at, SD81?)

[Badsingularity]

Good job man! Good for you. Keep it up. Keep facing your fears and walking through them just like you did last night. You stepped out of your comfort zone, faced a fear you usually run from and it turned out great for you.

 

Always keep in mind though that it won't always go so well and those are the times you need to remember times like last night and don't get discouraged. You will learn that some women are nice and fun to talk to like those last night and that some are not nice and have huge chips on the their shoulders. The key is to not let it shake you and to keep doing what your doing. After a couple years of practice you will become a smooth confident dude that has no trouble attracting women.

 

This is exactly how you learn to talk to women. Face your fear and just do it!

 

 

I just made a post regarding this in one of somedudes threads. Check it out.

[Mrlonelyone]

Good work. You just have to get out there and meet people in person.

 

How many guys got to chat up three young asian women last nite?

[Teknoe]

Good job man! Good for you. Keep it up. Keep facing your fears and walking through them just like you did last night. You stepped out of your comfort zone, faced a fear you usually run from and it turned out great for you.

 

Always keep in mind though that it won't always go so well and those are the times you need to remember times like last night and don't get discouraged. You will learn that some women are nice and fun to talk to like those last night and that some are not nice and have huge chips on the their shoulders. The key is to not let it shake you and to keep doing what your doing. After a couple years of practice you will become a smooth confident dude that has no trouble attracting women.

 

This is exactly how you learn to talk to women. Face your fear and just do it!

 

Thanks. God gave me that spirit of boldness last night. Not to get too spiritual but I felt Him telling me "Teknoe, YOU ARE WORTH IT. Don't run from your fears, face them and see that you are WORTHY."

 

The best thing to do is to be teachable and to be obedient (just do the things you know you ought to do)

 

You are right I will not always face the positive kind of results I did last night in future situations, but it was a step in the right direction. I drove home laughing and praising God, thinking about wow... I really was the life of that party back there just now! I am indeed worthy, and so too is everyone else.

 

You just have to believe that in your heart, and then live it out like you believe it.

[ThaWholigan]

Oh yes, to have moments like these where the girls enjoy your company is a boost to your confidence, and a real belief in your ability to make girls laugh, have a good time, and more importantly make yourself attractive in their presence. Has happened to me quite a few times in my past as I was building confidence. Still long way to go, but I'm getting there. Good to see you had a good time!

[somedude81]

Many times, we just need to get out of our own heads, and believe WE CAN. I did it, and SO CAN YOU. (where you at, SD81?)

Are you serious?

 

Give me a f-ing break, calling me out like that.

 

Who the hell do you think you are?

[irc333]

You could have been an uncharming moron and asked them out and it would have worked out. How come ou didn't ask them out?

 

Reason he didn't ask them out was because he'll be seeing them more frequently, he probably wants to keep coming back to the church, and allow them to familiarize themselves with him.

 

I have am male friend that just goes out to events and has fun, women wind up drawn to himm, and they sometimes even invite HIM to THEIR events.

 

In my friends case, he and another male friend that was with him, was invited out by 3 women to go boating with them. They became extremey comfortable with himm, and LOVED the fact that he never hit on them.

 

(Thus why he didn't ask for any digits that very night, he'll be coming back, and after a few weeks, they'll be hanging out in the group)

 

Eventually, something serendipitous might come of it. He is known as "the fun guy" at the events, and not the wierdo guy that asks for their numbers right on the night of meeting them.

 

The only way this works though, is if you know if you'll be seeing these people routinely.

[Negative Nancy]

turn her from Negative Nancy to Positive Polly

 

 

:eek:

 

No one's gonna turn NN into PP!

[Badsingularity]

Are you serious?

 

Give me a f-ing break, calling me out like that.

 

Who the hell do you think you are?

 

 

Can you take anything positive out of his post?

[Mrlonelyone]

Isn't the below just the well worn path to being the male friend that women discuss their rotten good for nothing BF's with?

 

Reason he didn't ask them out was because he'll be seeing them more frequently, he probably wants to keep coming back to the church, and allow them to familiarize themselves with him.

 

I have am male friend that just goes out to events and has fun, women wind up drawn to himm, and they sometimes even invite HIM to THEIR events.

 

In my friends case, he and another male friend that was with him, was invited out by 3 women to go boating with them. They became extremey comfortable with himm, and LOVED the fact that he never hit on them.

 

(Thus why he didn't ask for any digits that very night, he'll be coming back, and after a few weeks, they'll be hanging out in the group)

 

Eventually, something serendipitous might come of it. He is known as "the fun guy" at the events, and not the wierdo guy that asks for their numbers right on the night of meeting them.

 

The only way this works though, is if you know if you'll be seeing these people routinely.

[somedude81]

Can you take anything positive out of his post?

That's not the point.

[Cracker Jack]

Good stuff, Teknoe. Keep it up.

[Krios]

Are you serious?

 

Give me a f-ing break, calling me out like that.

 

Who the hell do you think you are?

 

If all methods fail for you, then perhaps I should introduce you to some guys I know. You'll probably end up losing any respect for women that you had, but you'll be f*cking a whole lot of them, they'll make sure of that. I don't think they've been to SF yet and they like to travel, so who knows, maybe one day I could actually make that happen for you.

 

It's possible that you respect women too much, that you have them on a pedestal that's way too high. You should ask yourself if that's actually justified and if the woman/women who you "put up there" actually deserve it.

 

It's like with that girl that you've been hoping to kiss for I don't know how long. You spend all that time on her, only to perhaps see her end up getting f*cked by another guy. And that'll cut you deep, but perhaps you need that cut in order to start taking what you want, rather than hoping for her to give it to you. So if you want to kiss her, then kiss her and if she pushes you away then you're done with her.

 

Your strategy hasn't been working for years. Perhaps you should draw a conclusion from the results you've been getting.

[somedude81]

If all methods fail for you, then perhaps I should introduce you to some guys I know. You'll probably end up losing any respect for women that you had, but you'll be f*cking a whole lot of them, they'll make sure of that. I don't think they've been to SF yet and they like to travel, so who knows, maybe one day I could actually make that happen for you.

 

It's possible that you respect women too much, that you have them on a pedestal that's way too high. You should ask yourself if that's actually justified and if the woman/women who you "put up there" actually deserves it.

 

It's like with that girl that you've been hoping to kiss for I don't know how long. You spend all that time on her, only to perhaps see her end up getting f*cked by another guy. And that'll cut you deep, but perhaps you need that cut in order to start taking what you want, rather than hoping for her to give it to you. So if you want to kiss her, then kiss her and if she pushes you away then you're done with her.

 

Your strategy hasn't been working for years. Perhaps you should draw a conclusion from the results you've been getting.

Thanks for the post but this isn't the right thread. This would fit better in one of the threads I've made in this section.

 

I'm in SoCal, not SF.

 

I no longer believe in pedestaling women. It's never worked.

 

I'm not going to even begin talking about D. That would hijack Teknoe's thread.

[Teknoe]

You could have been an uncharming moron and asked them out and it would have worked out. How come you didn't ask them out?

 

Good job enjoying yourself though. Letting loose and just being yourself as opposed to some guy stuck in his head.

 

Dust, I'm standing firm to my conviction that this isn't a season for me to be dating. I know the things I need to work on in this season, and none of them involve dating. I'm in no rush currently to date. It wasn't my goal last night to ask any girl out on a date. I just wanted to be confident and enjoy myself around them, be comfortable in my own skin. I'm not going to run before I first walk.

 

 

 

Are you serious?

 

Give me a f-ing break, calling me out like that.

 

Who the hell do you think you are?

 

Whoaaaaa. I didn't think you would get so defensive. The fact that you got THIS defensive should be something you should examine in-depth. I'm not "calling you out" in a bad way. That's what you interpreted, but I was mentioning you in the vein that this post might be able to give you some extra things to ponder.

 

We all struggle with negative thoughts. We all know you in particular are VERY negative. I shared an experience where, last night, I dethroned those negative thoughts that so often cripple us. You came to mind so I threw your name in at the end. Not because I was calling you out in a bad way, but rather because I care and hope you'll find the healing you yourself need.

 

Maybe you should think about how you reacted, and re-read my original post again. It was meant in a positive, encouraging light. You misinterpreted it and rather you took it personally. You need to calm down and just receive positive vibes people are trying to give you.

 

 

Can you take anything positive out of his post?

 

That's not the point.

 

Actually, that IS the point. My entire reasoning for writing my experience out last night was to bring some insight, hope and encouragement to other people who struggle with lack of confidence, constant negative thoughts, self-doubt and stuck in the same old stronghold routines that hinder us and stop us from living out the kind of lives we should.

 

Instead you decided to take my mentioning your name as an attack on your personal character. It was not an attack AT ALL.

 

That is something worth looking deeper into at your own time. "Why do I get so defensive so quickly, and why do I look past the positive things? Why has my mind conditioned itself to not receive insight and love, but rather be filled with hatred and self-doubt?"

 

If anyone is looking for TRUE healing, the first thing they must do is drop their pride and ego at the door. Be humble, be open, and have a teachable spirit. Take care of yourself, sd81.

[somedude81]

I had no problem with this thread and understood the meaning behind it.

 

But randomly dropping my name was uncalled for. It's bad enough that Dust keeps doing it, I don't need it from you either.

 

Honestly, it felt like you were trying to make an example out of me.

 

Unless it's a thread I made or posted in, nobody has any reason to talk about me.

[betterdeal]

Make a woman laugh and you can make her do anything

[somedude81]

Make a woman laugh and you can make her do anything

I've made plenty of girls laugh; and my posting history speaks for the rest.

[Teknoe]

I had no problem with this thread and understood the meaning behind it.

 

But randomly dropping my name was uncalled for. It's bad enough that Dust keeps doing it, I don't need it from you either.

 

Honestly, it felt like you were trying to make an example out of me.

 

Unless it's a thread I made or posted in, nobody has any reason to talk about me.

 

 

Very well, although my intention was NOT to make an example out of you, I can see how you interpreted it that way. I apologize that it rubbed you the wrong way.

 

I'm glad to hear you understood the meaning behind the topic.

Knowledge is good, but honestly, not very useful if we don't apply it. I hope you will go from knowledge to action.

[betterdeal]

I've made plenty of girls laugh; and my posting history speaks for the rest.

 

I was talking to Teknoe, but point noted.

[ja123]

Thank you so much for taking the time to write about your positive experience, Teknoe.

 

 

It's very helpful!

[somedude81]

I was talking to Teknoe, but point noted.

I know that.

 

I just don't want people on this forum to think that I'm some kind of sourpuss IRL and that's why girls don't want to date me. But that's just not the case.

[betterdeal]

I know that.

 

I just don't want people on this forum to think that I'm some kind of sourpuss IRL and that's why girls don't want to date me. But that's just not the case.

 

Okay then.

[betterdeal]

I'm looking forward to more good news updates, Teknoe!

[Teknoe]

I just don't want people on this forum to think that I'm some kind of sourpuss IRL

 

Well, since you brought it up... why do you think you have this reputation of being a sourpuss IRL?

 

Take a second and think about it.

 

Most of your posts are negative. Yes, you whine on the net because it's safe, anonymous and it's an outlet, I get that. But when a person complains to the degree of which you have consistently displayed, can you blame people here on LS for associating the term "sourpuss" with you?

 

From out of the abundance of your heart your mouth speaks.

 

In other words, who you are, the things you care about, they manifest in your conduct and your speech. Because you're so negative here, it doesn't make sense for people to presume you're the opposite IRL.

 

Another ? to ponder is why are you so worried about your online LS reputation?

 

Another follow-up to ask yourself on your own private time is, "If I care so much about what people here think of me, why do I not care about the suggestions they've given me as possible steps to self-improvement? What's the real reason holding me back from trying these different things out?"

 

These are some ?'s you might want to consider.

 

 

I just don't want people on this forum to think that I'm some kind of sourpuss IRL and that's why girls don't want to date me. But that's just not the case.

 

What makes you think "that's just not the case" ? I'm not trying to call you out or attack you here, I'm asking it from a curious point of view and NOT KNOWING MYSELF 100%. All I can do is pose the ? to you to ponder.

 

You once said you have no clue what girls IRL think of you, something to that effect, because you've never asked.

 

So going by that logic, HOW THEN, can you safely and confidently presume that "Girls IRL reject me not because I'm a sourpuss but because of some other reason(s)" ?

 

If you don't know why girls are not flocking to you, then you don't know for certain why girls are shunning you. Does that make sense?

 

Again, I think it was TheWholigan who mentioned it in your Women are allowed to be insecure thread. You seem to lack some sense of self-awareness and there seems to be a level of naivety you possess. Again, this isn't meant to be an attack on you or your character, but only trying to engage you in a honest, cold-hard-look-in-the-mirror self-examination.

 

I don't need you to answer my ?'s publicly, but I do hope you think over my questions on your own private time.

 

Hey, a lot of us are in denial over something or some aspect in our lives. The worst though is the person who is denial and isn't even aware of it. Because then that person will remain stuck in that place.

 

I want to move forward in my life, not remain stuck or go backward. I know you do, too. But first we must be open, ready to do battle with our own shortcomings and we must TRY. And then we must learn, and persevere.