951driver Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 I started dating this girl in May of 2001. I was in college, though, she wasn't, so she was 100 miles away from me. It was rough doing the long-distance thing but the times we were together were worth it because noone has ever come close to making me as happy or kept my interest like she has. In late October 2001 we lost our virginities to eachother. But in April 2003 things had gotten so rough that I couldn't stand it anymore, nothing was going well, every conversation turned into her whining about everything, and my getting upset with her. So I broke up with her so that she could get her life back together. She had become incredibly dependent on me, and she needed to get things straight with herself before we could continue our relationship. In June 2003 I finally gave in and gave her a call. I missed her so much. I've dated many girls in my life, but she's the only one I have ever loved. We got back together. One night we were at a party, and this guy was there that she had made out with while we were broken up, but he seemed really intimidated by me, and I didn't know why. I was upset she had made out with another guy while we were on a break for the sole purpose of getting her life back together so we could continue ours together, but no reason for him to be freaking out. Ever since then, it's been 12 months since that time, I have asked her so many times what really happened with the guy, and stories have ranged from making out to her saying that he tried to rape her, but she always said that they never did anything serious together. In August 2003 she came to college so now we were in the same place. Anyway, 17 days ago I found out that she had sex with the guy. Not from her, from a friend. I confronted her, and she said it was BS. So I threatened to call the guy, and she said that she hoped he wouldn't lie to me and tell me that they did. Well, I called him, and he admitted that they slept together. Twice. Only then did she confess. So not only did she have sex with him, but she lied to me about it for a year. So I broke up with her. 5 days later, though, I saw her again to talk to her face to face. I can't stand not being with her because she's the only one for me, and I know she feels the same way about me. So we got back together, because I figure I can deal with everything better if we are together. Everything was good for a week and a half. But now I've crashed. It's all setting in now. My motivation is gone, I don't go to class (taking summer classes), I've quit excercising, and I'm barely eating. I just wanted to go through life having sex with only one girl and her only having had sex with me. But it's ruined. And I can't believe that I had sex with her for a year, thinking each time that I'm so lucky because I'm the only one. I can't trust her at all now, this wasn't the only lie she has ever told me, but this was the big one. And she's coming through town today, but I have zero desire to see her because I can't deal with what happened. I get this nervous anxiety and just totally shut down, it's really haunting me. I can't get it out of my head. I know she genuinely wants to be with me, and has made a lot of effort to prove that. I want to be with her, too, for the rest of my life, but not if I can't deal with what happened. What do I do? Say goodbye, see a counselor? It almost feels like I should have sex with someone else that way it evens the playing field, so I have no reason to be haunted by what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
masemaid Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 look man.....Love is not about keep count of wrong doings.....right..right!!! That's were alot of relationships go sour.Look you weren't with her and she could do anything with whoever.You dumped her...right? She could have been with anybody and that's her choice...so how can you be mad at that. If you love her....you don't count the mistakes that she made....that's not right.Love is kind..patient...hope and faith....don't let **** hit the fan....go about your life as normal..if your going to be with her..be with her...if you need time, tell her that. You have to think about this......it's your call....Eat some food dude..and go to class........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author 951driver Posted June 3, 2004 Author Share Posted June 3, 2004 but what about the fact that she lied about it for a year? Link to post Share on other sites
bart Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 People lie for all sorts of reasons, maybe she didn't think you could face the truth, or that she was afraid of losing you (you said she's dependent on you). I think you need to figure out what's more important -- being with her, or being angry. You feel betrayed, but what has happened already happened. The dream is gone, you have to live with that fact. I know it's traumatic, I've been there, but you have to move on. I wanted the same thing you did, to be with just one girl. Then I met my ex. I was so in love that I gave my virginity to her after waiting all these years, even though I knew she's been with another guy (she was engaged once). I guess I was afraid she would think I didn't love her if I didn't do it. (Stupid I know...) Three months later she left me. And now all I have is regret. Yeah I felt my dream ruined too, and sometimes I felt so angry, at her and at myself. But you have to rise above that. Otherwise it'll just be misery for the rest of your life. It's been a year since we broke up, and it hasn't really gotten better, but I try not to think about it. And I'm not going to have sex until I'm married. I made a mistake once, I'm not going to make the same one again. Some people will deride this as fantasy or self-righteous. But we all have our inner voices and mine says wait. Maybe you should talk to her, and then take a break to find yourself. If you still want her, you can still get back together. Link to post Share on other sites
slimmontana Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Wow..You have to step away and find out the reason why she lied..That's a big deal The LIE more than the sex the trust is broken...maybe you in time you can gain her trust back and maybe you won't its a hard position to be in. Only you know how u feel. Honesty is always the best policy... Link to post Share on other sites
TempSain Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 tough call. I say forget about her and just date other women. Your still too young to be with just one girl. Have fun dating others because you need to experience other people in your life. There are so many variety of women that you haven't even tried yet. GO out and enjoy it while you can, otherwise you will regret it. Trust me, I have had a similar experience when I was in College too, and it didn't work out. Once something like that happens, its hard to forget. Also, I found that later in life, there are soo many better girls out there. Link to post Share on other sites
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