norajane Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I just want to know how to properly deal with the anxiety I feel. You have to look within yourself. Why are you so attracted to this drama? Guys are going to look at women all the time. They'll find some attractive and flirt or smile or whatever. Nothing at all has to come of it, and most of the time it doesn't. It's not inevitable or required that you pay any attention to anybody who is attracted to you. If you were in a healthier mental place, you'd laugh it off or feel flattered and forget about it. Or you'd be disgusted at the antics of this married man. Instead, you are drawn to his antics and are dwelling on these thoughts in your head...why? Why do you need drama? Really, give some serious thought to why you were attracted to the drama of an affair, and are now again attracted to the drama. When you understand that about yourself, you will be far less likely to be attracted to inappropriate men. If you never look within, you will never deal with the underlying issues that are attracting you to people who make you anxious (because you know nothing will ever work out between you). Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovebug180 Posted February 27, 2012 Author Share Posted February 27, 2012 The guy is playing "tension" games with you and you're playing right along with him. A married person who plays this game wants to see if you're the type who'll sleep with a married guy and you ARE the type . . . and he knows this . . . because you're giving off that vibe . . . as much as you claim you are not. A well-adjusted person (single or married) who does not crave sexual attention and validation wouldn't give this guy a second thought. Yet here you are, less than two months on the job, and you've already created a fantasy with a coworker. A validation-seeking man/woman can spot their validation-seeking counterpart a mile away. It didn't take long for you two to find each other. If you were able to step outside yourself and literally watch how the two of you behave towards each other, you'd see how pathetic it really is. Maybe you should close your eyes and imagine this guy's wife, his family and your supervisor all sitting in a room watching surveillance tape of the two of you playing this game --- then maybe you'll get an idea of how ridiculous you both really are. You claim you're afraid of going down that road again? Oh you may be afraid, but it's obvious you're getting off on all this "tension" and are already well on your way back down that road. This is how "it" all starts dear. Yes, he's attracted to you too. Yes, he'd sleep with you if given the chance. Does that make you feel better now? Feel validated? Or are you going to keep chasing validation until the "tension bubble" finally bursts in the back seat of his car? You asked for sound advice - here it is: Get back to concentrating on your new job, stop obsessing about what this guy is thinking, stop giving off vibes and reacting to his vibes and let go of this ridiculous fantasy so you can manage to pass each other in the hallway without all that "tension." And make yourself an appointment with a therapist asap (trust me, you have issues). I'm glad you sought the need to analyze me and too read me. Thanks . And FYI, I was right about everything that I was experiencing. He DID try to make a pass at me, which I have POLITELY declined. Surprised huh? Of course you are. Because it seems to be in your eyes since I am that "type" of home-wrecking pathetic gullible easy woman that gets off on sexual tension from married men who obviously needs therapy (which I do advocate therapy for anyone because we are in the helping profession!). So of course I would let him do me in his backseat. Guess I'm not classy enough for a hotel. :dunno: Thanks for you input. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovebug180 Posted February 27, 2012 Author Share Posted February 27, 2012 While this may not play-out visibly in all such situations, it is very possible that some parts of his mind WANT to reach-into the proverbial cookie jar... but MAYBE this is what happens when 'decent-enough' guys try with all their might to RESIST their urges, because they value what they have at home with their wives. As for "tension in the workplace", UN-TIL he grabs your ass, or makes outward sexual or otherwise offensive remarks, you have no recourse. I don't see anything 'wrong' yet done, and I don't sense you to be suggesting that anything 'wrong' has happened. However, I'm sure it is entirely possible to get oneself worked-up and 'tense' in response to another person, almost entirely independently OF that other person. What have you observed thus far to suggest that he isn't (a) Drawn to you AND (b) Resisting merely because he values what he has at home ?? I didn't observe anything to suggest it wasn't the way I thought it was. He cast the bait but there is no biting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovebug180 Posted February 27, 2012 Author Share Posted February 27, 2012 You have to look within yourself. Why are you so attracted to this drama? Guys are going to look at women all the time. They'll find some attractive and flirt or smile or whatever. Nothing at all has to come of it, and most of the time it doesn't. It's not inevitable or required that you pay any attention to anybody who is attracted to you. If you were in a healthier mental place, you'd laugh it off or feel flattered and forget about it. Or you'd be disgusted at the antics of this married man. Instead, you are drawn to his antics and are dwelling on these thoughts in your head...why? Why do you need drama? Really, give some serious thought to why you were attracted to the drama of an affair, and are now again attracted to the drama. When you understand that about yourself, you will be far less likely to be attracted to inappropriate men. If you never look within, you will never deal with the underlying issues that are attracting you to people who make you anxious (because you know nothing will ever work out between you). I dwelled on it because I was attracted and having the thoughts made me feel badly. I liked your last paragraph. It is very genuine and I will look into what suggested. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovebug180 Posted February 27, 2012 Author Share Posted February 27, 2012 Why would I be surprised? Everyone here knows what his intentions are. When someone says you created a "fantasy," that doesn't mean anyone is implying you imagined this guy's signals/vibes, it means you need help to figure out why you send off signals to unavailable men. Okay thank you for clarifying. I guess I do need to look into that. Go deeper within myself. Link to post Share on other sites
HHC Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Why do you think he is attracted to you and not just being nice? Link to post Share on other sites
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