i feel like a loser in life!

[zingyd]

well i do house cleaning for realtors and i run a flyer weekly with a flyer delivery service so that is how i get all my business.

 

i have been doing this 1998 oct, and doing just fine and never had real problems getting the work but keeping the work is another matter.

 

i am just no good at working around others. i am so quiet and mousy shy that i hate myself when i am around others.

 

so yesterday i had a job to clean for this couple who work out of their home, so i knew they would be home, so i got major cold feet and did not go!

 

today the exact same thing! when i took these two jobs i knew the people would be there, but i was so adamant about doing these jobs anyway since it was nice that they were closer to home.

 

so here i sit again today and avoided the job. too scared to even call the people, just basically a no call no show deal.

 

i feel so guilty and ashamed of myself. i feel really awful inside, like something is really wrong with me!

 

this is probably not normal behavior but then again maybe it is, maybe some people have done this before, or worse!

 

the counseling is not focusing on these issues as they were not really an issue as most of my jobs are vacant homes and i am fine with that.

 

now i feel like such a dumbass. i feel that there is no hope for me. i think to myself that maybe i should leave my boyfriend so then i wont have him to depend and fall back upon and that would make me hold myself accountable to my own actions like yesterdays and todays job, does that make sense?

 

i do not know what is wrong with me. i know that no one else does either, but i just really needed to get this off my chest, it is killing my esteem or what is left of it!

 

i did not use to be this way but the more i got out of jobs that required working around people and quit going out so much, the more i was alone, the harder it got to be able to function around other people.

 

when we go out, i sit there like a stone statue, so hard i try to find conversation but then i think these are drunks in a bar, so why should i care?

 

yet i care because it reflects in me my own awareness of how bad i am! how withdrawn and even more shy i have become over the last 5-6 years or so.

i just do not know what to do. i feel my whole life just slipping away and think what would i do if i was young again, and my mind is just a blank. my point is to try tofind out what i would do with my life if i was younger and know that i what ever it is i could still do it, but the problem is i do not know what to do with the rest of my life, because i sure as hell do not want to continue to live it in this manner.

 

being 47 and hiding from people is no way to live.

[moimeme]

I thought you'd been diagnosed with a social disorder. Tell your therapist about avoiding people at work. The therapist can't help you if you don't say things are going wrong.

 

People have all sorts of disorders through no fault of their own. What is problematic is when they don't get help when help is easily available. Go get this fixed. Soon. Before your work reputation is ruined.

[zingyd]

i called them today and requested a new therapist because i do not feel results oriented with this lady.

unfortunately now there is a two week waiting list for someone new.

that is okay, i will see how many jobs i can lose and screw up in that time period.

i did the right thing today though for another job.

 

this job for saturday was for this guy who's mom has alzheimers and lives with her husband but he is so busy taking

care of her that the house is really filthy!

 

they of course both live there and would both be there, but i accepted the job anyway but after these past two days of

sabotaging these two jobs, i called the guy and told him i did not feel up to the challenge after all!

 

he was very thankful that i was honest with him. however i am cleaning his house on Monday and i know he will just be n and out

so no real big deal

 

then saturday i have another job for this lady and she will be there but in another part of the house so i do not have to worry about

feeling and working in front of her or others.

 

i think part of it is lack of communication skills or feeling trapped there when someone else is there. if i need or want to leave in a hurry

from anxiety or what evers then i cannot do so if someone is home, so that makes me feel more trapped..does that make sense?

 

hey are you the official greeter here? LOL..i mean that in humor because i have noticed that sevreal posts are answered by you first.

you must be on here alot?

 

that is okay though since you do offer some good advice..thanks.

[moimeme]

hey are you the official greeter here?

 

 

Yeah, kinda sorta

 

 

LOL..i mean that in humor because i have noticed that sevreal posts are answered by you first.

you must be on here alot?

 

I'm a pretty speedy reader and typist. I chill at my desk and am usually doing a couple of things at the same time - like cooking and watching news - as well as checking LS. In the morning, I'm a bit of a zombie until I've eaten so I hang here while I eat and wake up.

[pitprincess]

I clean houses offices and done deliverys as well(all together just as you)

 

Stress will do this to you!

 

I hate to go clean a house where someone is at and If I know they will be there that day, I pick another day in the week to go.

Sometimes they go to another area of the house and that helps but I like cleaning alone because I feel as I am being watched when I work and im just not confee with that.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by moimeme

I'm a pretty speedy reader and typist. I chill at my desk and am usually doing a couple of things at the same time - like cooking and watching news - as well as checking LS. In the morning, I'm a bit of a zombie until I've eaten so I hang here while I eat and wake up.

I'm sure hundreds of people are thrilled to receive pressing information about their well-being from a starved, rushed zombie who is also cooking and watching TV.

 

[moimeme]

I'm sure hundreds of people are thrilled to receive pressing information about their well-being from a starved, rushed zombie who is also cooking and watching TV.

 

 

If I'm this good when I'm a 'starved rushed zombie', imagine how fabulous I am when I'm well-fed, relaxed, and wide awake

[sportsloving]

Originally posted by moimeme

If I'm this good when I'm a 'starved rushed zombie', imagine how fabulous I am when I'm well-fed, relaxed, and wide awake

 

LMAO.

 

Zingyd .. I wish you luck with your new therapist and hope things work out. Is there any one you can ask to help you clean the houses when the people are there?

 

Best wishes for you

[Matilda]

I used to be very shy when I was younger. I then got a job where I was forced to make conversation with people. After, a lot of uncomfortable silences, I finally developed a few pat conversation starters. Although it is cliche, talking about the weather if it has been at all unusual, asking people where they are from, asking people how many children/siblings they have, things like that.

 

It's almost like you are a journalist or something, and you are just trying to find out information about them. Since you are cleaning houses, maybe ask how long they have been in that house, have they ever had anyone clean the house before, compliment something in the house you like, etc. I guess the thing is just make it all about them, like you're dying to know all about them. Usually once you get them going, it's easy (at least easier), and you'll think of other questions as you go along.

 

But I do agree that you need to get some therapy to help you with this problem, since it is affecting your work. I just wanted to give you some conversation suggestions.