Career decisions and boundary setting

[daphne]

Last year was hell in a lot of ways. I had a health scare, brought on by a lot of work stress and responsibilities. I found myself vascillating a lot on making decisions, including what to do about my job. I considered going for my mba, and looked into where I wanted to steer my career away from the company I work at. The stress just got to be too much, and a few slimey guys at work who wouldn't leave me alone awsn't helping.

 

I got a new boss, and a new perspective. I looked at two of the females in my group who are excelling in their careers. They are both alone and very type A personalities. They are both now overweight due to the stress. They love the self righteousness that belongs to those in charge. I know it, I felt it too. If you're locking up and everyone left 3 hours ago, that's all you have. Self righteousness and a bitter attitude.

 

But now that I have a new boss, I'm not responsible for everything anymore. I'll admit that he thought he'd slack off and let me stay in charge while he wanders off for 2-3 hours at a time due to his unstable wife and drama. But I have not encouraged it nor enabled it, like I would have in the past.

 

I say no now. I don't get mad. Then back down and do what they want. I demand respect now. If I don't get it, I don't lose my cool. I just point out the obvious then drop it and walk away. One of the women who has a penchant for treating me like crap doesn't know what to do with my new attitude. I'm not mad, spiteful and I still do a great job. I'm just not a doormat anymore.

 

So, I let go. It was a slap in the face to get a new boss, when I did a better job than he does. But I don't want to end up like the girls I work with. They were once attractive and had good qualities. Now, they're simply unpleasant due to the stress.

 

And the best side benefit to all of this, is I'm finally saying no, not backing down and not getting mad. I'm also making decisions about everything much quicker.

 

Everyone got away with murder with me. This year will be different. And at the office party, one of the slimeballs creeped on me and rubbed his hands all over my arm and I point black looked at him with an eat **** stare and then turned my back on him. He hasn't bothered me since.

 

I have a life now. I leave work at a reasonable hour. I don't try to be the work horse anymore. I am much more patient with people, too. And there's no arguing about whether I get to take a vacation. Since work isn't as bad as it used to be and they pay me extremely well, I have no real reason to leave. And as for the mba, I realized that for the $$ I'd have to invest in it I would probably be making a lateral move at best. I'm just going to enjoy my life. It's been a decade of putting teh job firstand I am shifting gears.

 

My favorite part is setting my boundaries with zen. I am not letting people walk all over me any more.

 

Edited February 12, 2012 by daphne

[carhill]

Life is short. Success and money are nice. No doubt. I've noted, getting older, that things are a little more 'gray' about all that stuff. When your friends start dying off, that's a canary. I got another reminder tonight with Whitney (Houston) dying today at 48. Some moderation and boundaries probably could've saved her life.

 

Hope things on the personal front have been going well.

[RecordProducer]

Very inspiring post, Daphne! Thanks so much for sharing. The "new you" will probably have more chances for advancement at work because nobody seems to care about hard workers when it comes to promotions. I think the key to leadership positions seems to be leadership skills - and to convince others you have them, you have to demonstrate leadership demeanor and leadership work (not do only what others tell you to do). Is that your observation or do you think it's not quite like that? I've never worked in a corporate setting in the US so I don't know.

[daphne]

Life is short. Success and money are nice. No doubt. I've noted, getting older, that things are a little more 'gray' about all that stuff. When your friends start dying off, that's a canary. I got another reminder tonight with Whitney (Houston) dying today at 48. Some moderation and boundaries probably could've saved her life.

 

Hope things on the personal front have been going well.

 

Yes, they're nice but not worth sacrificing happiness and health over. Yeah, it was pretty depressing about Whitney. I watched her star spangled banner from 1991 on youtube and started crying. Her talent was so much bigger than where she landed. Like Maria Callas, the opera singer. Two bigger than life voices that ruined their lives over bad boys.

 

 

Very inspiring post, Daphne! Thanks so much for sharing. The "new you" will probably have more chances for advancement at work because nobody seems to care about hard workers when it comes to promotions. I think the key to leadership positions seems to be leadership skills - and to convince others you have them, you have to demonstrate leadership demeanor and leadership work (not do only what others tell you to do). Is that your observation or do you think it's not quite like that? I've never worked in a corporate setting in the US so I don't know.

 

Thanks Record. I do agree that people look past the work mules and more at people with leadership ability in management. I never had a strong enough (or big enough) team to not be a pack mule. I do have the demeanor and confidence tho. Interesting thing is that our new hire got confused because I had it and my boss didn't and the new guy would look at me as the manager. My boss wasn't thrilled and has since done a number of things to put himself in charge. I don't mind, that's his new role. I'm happy. What's interesting is that now that I'm not completely focused on the job, I dont' always know how to fill my time. Maybe learn to relax a little?

 

And to add to my epiphany, my new boss has put on weight and looks stressed out a lot. My tennis coach told me I look happier than I did last year (when I was the stressed out one.)

 

I'm going to Hawaii to surf and no one tried to stop me for once.

 

I think I win.

Edited February 12, 2012 by daphne

[carhill]

I'm going to Hawaii to surf and no one tried to stop me for once.

 

Good for you. Every choice has benefits and costs. Striking a healthy balance is part of the journey. Be aware you'll go 'native' after a week and won't want to leave

[RecordProducer]

I'm going to Hawaii to surf and no one tried to stop me for once.

 

I think I win.

Yay for you! Enjoy Hawaii. Recharge your batteries.

[EspressoTorte]

This sounds a lot like what I've been through over the past few years and my work environment. It's either be stepped on, or stand up for yourself.

 

And it feels all the more better when people have noticed you've reprioritized.

Kudos to you daphne

[daphne]

This sounds a lot like what I've been through over the past few years and my work environment. It's either be stepped on, or stand up for yourself.

 

And it feels all the more better when people have noticed you've reprioritized.

Kudos to you daphne

 

Thank you. It's been a long battle. But also a good learning experience to apply to my personal life as well.

[RecordProducer]

Thank you. It's been a long battle. But also a good learning experience to apply to my personal life as well.

How are you going to apply it to your personal life?

[daphne]

How are you going to apply it to your personal life?

 

I'll set and keep my boundaries with men and friends. I've been a pushover in those areas as well. It generally doesn't work out in my favor and causes a lot of resentment. I don't have to be resentful, I just don't have to do what I don't want to do. Pretty simple concept. Wish I had caught on a long time ago.

[RecordProducer]

I'll set and keep my boundaries with men and friends. I've been a pushover in those areas as well. It generally doesn't work out in my favor and causes a lot of resentment. I don't have to be resentful, I just don't have to do what I don't want to do. Pretty simple concept. Wish I had caught on a long time ago.

Good foryou, Daphne.

[daphne]

Interesting, if I had been the slimeball the arm wouldn't be where I'd be reaching for...

 

YOu go girl. Enjoy work, don't let it enjoy you.

 

Lol. Thanks. I plan on it!!!

 

Good foryou, Daphne.

 

Thanks RP. It's such a relief.

[oldguy]

THINGS; money, cars, careers excreta too often define a person and there in lies the problem; when things define the person rather than the person having a clear & comfortable definition of themselves.

I was once owned by all my possessions but was never content with any of the toys for long. In fact I was caught in the viscous cycle of working harder to pay for the things & in turn resenting the things because they where the reason I was working so hard. It was easier when I took inventory of my base priorities & gave up many of the toys, most of which sat idle while I was working to afford them.