jayjay1 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) Hi, i have been with my SO for almost 10 years. Unfortunately our relationship has been going somewhat downhill for a couple of years now. We seem to be having less and less in common as our lives progress, started getting serious when we were 19. Basically we both used to be ravers quit the scene and then I met some new friends and started getting back into it for a couple of years. So the other night I did go out and drank more than usual. I know drinking is not an excuse, but it did cause some very poor judgments on my part. Unfortunately I ended up heavily kissing one of my good friends whom I often go out with and is also in a relationship. It wasn't just a one time kiss either we spent a few minutes together on a couple of occasions that night. Also it was me who initiated it. Well today I feel absolutely horrible and guilty. I think that my relationship issues, plus the alcohol, plus the chemistry of me and the other guy all caused it to happen. I know if I say anything I won't be allowed to hang out with this friend, or most of my friends since we are pretty tight knit group. I don't want this one mistake to ruin my friendships or my relationship. No one else knows about this as it happened after our other friend got kicked out of the event and before we met back up. We have agreed to not say anything to our partners, but I feel horrible. Will my guilt ever go away? Should I say something and potentially ruin all of our lives, or just try to let it go? I do not plan on this happening again, I know to limit myself especially when I'm with this person. Edited February 14, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
loveheart Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I would not tell my partner. We all make mistakes that's apart of growing into what makes us who we are.its not the mistakes we make its what we learn from them.A doctor once told me people make mistakes in marriages and tell their mates looking for comfort from them,only it doesn't happen often. it might cause,confusion, mixed feelings, doubt and maybe even jelousy. If you know you didn't mean this then make sure it doesn't happen again. If you really love your partner, I wouldn't go out and drink with the friends / friend. It will in my opinion more than likely happen again because it happened the first time,iv seen people do things they would never ever do if they weren't drinking and I would say the connection or attraction would be harder to resist for the both of you after a couple of drinks. I'm wondering if you aren't happy and needing something more than your getting from your partner. I wouldnt tell anyone, Stay strong and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Guilt is a good thing. I bet you wont do that again:D The girl you kissed is someone known by both of you & she has a bf? So you run the risk of it getting out in the open on day. Since this is not just you & your SO but the other girl & her bf, you probably should be talking to the other girl first. Besides, the next time you see the girls bf your going to have that deer in the headlights look, guilt as well as fear of not knowing if he knows & is going to punch your lights out. If it where a random stranger I might agree with loveheart. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 ^oldguy, she kissed another guy. Not another girl lol OP, I think honesty is the best policy. How would you feel if your boyfriend did the same thing. What would you want him to do? I really think he should know and then you work it out from there. A lie like this can be a lot worse if you hide it now and he happens to find out later. Plus, I have read stories before where someone says the kiss was a one time thing...but then later they slip up again and things progress even further. I think you should respect your boyfriend and not stay close friends with someone you have enough chemistry with that youd cheat on your boyfriend. Thats just me Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 ^oldguy, she kissed another guy. Not another girl lol Oops, sorry jayjay. Same advice applies however. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Hi, i have been with my SO for almost 10 years. Unfortunately our relationship has been going somewhat downhill for a couple of years now. We seem to be having less and less in common as our lives progress, started getting serious when we were 19. Basically we both used to be ravers quit the scene and then I met some new friends and started getting back into it for a couple of years. As a side note we are not druggies, just love the music and the scene have a few drinks and that it is. He doesn't like me going out, but still allows me to go with my couple of friends.. So the other night I did go out and drank more than usual. I know drinking is not an excuse, but it did cause some very poor judgments on my part. Unfortunately I ended up heavily kissing one of my good friends whom I often go out with and is also in a relationship. It wasn't just a one time kiss either we spent a few minutes together on a couple of occasions that night. Also it was me who initiated it. Well today I feel absolutely horrible and guilty. I think that my relationship issues, plus the alcohol, plus the chemistry of me and the other guy all caused it to happen. I know if I say anything I won't be allowed to hang out with this friend, or most of my friends since we are pretty tight knit group. I don't want this one mistake to ruin my friendships or my relationship. No one else knows about this as it happened after our other friend got kicked out of the event and before we met back up. We have agreed to not say anything to our partners, but I feel horrible. Will my guilt ever go away? Should I say something and potentially ruin all of our lives, or just try to let it go? I do not plan on this happening again, I know to limit myself especially when I'm with this person. Tell your boyfriend what you did!! Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I can tell you feel guilty about this and it's weighing heavy on you. You know there's only one true way to get this off your chest; you need to tell your SO. They will be hurt at first, but later on they will respect you for being honest and forthright. Also, I really don't think you should not be associating with this "friend" anymore. If you two are out again and the drinks are flowing, what's gonna happen if you find yourself alone? Yep, I'll bet the farm you'll be repeating the same "mistake". It's easier to not put yourself in that situation, then trying to fight it when it comes upon you again. Link to post Share on other sites
HHC Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I don't understand why you would keep this to yourself. If you kissing another person is something that makes you feel guilty then it's because it's not something agreed upon in your relationship. If you're having issues already you should take that as a red flag. You need to come clean and either fix your relationship or give your partner all the information at hand so he can decide if he wants to be with you. It should be up to him to respond to this behaviour, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
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