online sex

[diaby]

hallo,

 

i have been 3y with my bf. i didn't know until yesterday that he used to chat online with stranger woman from all over the world and having conversation a sex fanatasy and telling to each other how she or her can bring her/him high.

 

the whole 3y he was doing that but i realy don't know about that because i trust him a lot. yesterday i was in his computer just to serf and by surfing i found out that. so i was eager and want to figure out what is going on.. i just start to snoop his mail and i found that. i asked him he told me it just nothing and he was just eager what it is that is all. so what can i do i really don't know. i love him and i asked him if he can stop it and he said no but i'm feeling bad to be with somebody who has such dirty fantasy. it is really ashming to read that what he wrote..

 

so please help. is online sex a sex ??? does it mean he had betrayed me or what is that????

[Heather]

I had the same problem with my boyfriend (now fiance') a couple of years back. Only he wasn't doing it the whole time we were together because he didn't have a computer. Well when he got one, he started going on it all the time and never let me get on. He would spend all of his time and I mean all of his time on that thing! I found out that he was talking to other women and having cybersex with them and talking dirty to them and whatever else. He had even wrote in one of his emails that he would give her his phone # and he would tell her when to call so that I wouldn't be around.

 

This made me very hurt and angry! He didn't give anyone his # until we broke up (for a day) and this one girl called him. He says all they did was talk about me and what happened. Well him and I argued all the time about this and it still continued. He said that he wasn't really cheating and why am I jealous of a computer. This had me to the point when I would be checking his mail everyday (yes snooping but oh well) Well finally I told him that it wasn't right that the stuff he was saying to them other women should be stuff that is said only to me in the privacy of our own bedroom. Well I also told him that if he didn't cut it out he was going to lose me for good. He did eventually stop because he didn't want to lose me. We both have matured in the relationship and I don't think that he will do it again.

 

(sorry this is so long!)

 

(I tend to get carried away)

 

Anyway, You asked is online sex a sex well not physically. But if he is intentionally doing something that hurts you that is wrong! And if you feel as strongly about it as I did then it does hurt you. Tell him give him options and try to spend more time with him to keep him from the computer. If it doesn't stop ask him what is important to him. you should be #1 not his computer or those other women. If he still doesn't get his priorities straight you will need to make the decision to leave him.

 

Sorry I wrote such a lengthy response. It just makes me mad when I see people going through the same crap that happened to me. I hope I have helped you.

 

Good luck and keep us updated.

 

Heather

hallo, i have been 3y with my bf. i didn't know until yesterday that he used to chat online with stranger woman from all over the world and having conversation a sex fanatasy and telling to each other how she or her can bring her/him high. the whole 3y he was doing that but i realy don't know about that because i trust him a lot. yesterday i was in his computer just to serf and by surfing i found out that. so i was eager and want to figure out what is going on.. i just start to snoop his mail and i found that. i asked him he told me it just nothing and he was just eager what it is that is all. so what can i do i really don't know. i love him and i asked him if he can stop it and he said no but i'm feeling bad to be with somebody who has such dirty fantasy. it is really ashming to read that what he wrote..

 

so please help. is online sex a sex ??? does it mean he had betrayed me or what is that????

[Tony T]

Sex does not happen online, in the bedroom, on the kitchen floor or anywhere else except in the MIND. That's where a person is stimulated, that's where the sensations are processed, that's the nerve center of every person.

 

Whether your guy's eyes are on a computer screen, on a lady downtown or in a shopping mall, on a lady in a movie or on TV, or on a computer screen while talking to a stranger on the other side of the planet, yes IT IS SEX if he is having those thoughts of having sex. It can also be done on the phone. American men pay up to 3.95 per minute to have phone sex with women who are total strangers and who they will never meet in person.

 

If you have told him his online "cybersex" as they call it is offensive and hurtful to you and he continues, either he has a serious addiction that must be treated by a professional psychologist or other counsellor, or he has no respect for you and does not care about your feelings.

 

I am not familiar with your culture, but in America some women would chop a guy's weenie (penis) off if he didn't stop. Short of that, surely they would leave him if they had any respect for themselves.

 

A man who ocassionally looks at pictures of nude women online is pretty normal. They are available in large quantities on hundreds of thousands of Internet sites. But if a guy who is in a relationship is in the habit of having sex with ladies online and doesn't want to quit after his lady asks him to, he is extremely sick or is so callous about his lack of respect for his lady, you in this case.

 

You've got a serious problem here. If he does not want to get help, you will either have to get used to it, remain hurt as long as you are with him, or find a guy who has more regard for your feelings and more respect for his relationship with you.

[diaby]

hi please tell me more. did you become jealous of that and did you fehlt he betrayed you or how did you fill, this is something new for me.

 

please write me more i want to know????

 

you know wenn your bf make cybersex

 

it means he needs more from you which he can't get, so he takes it from cybersex,you know he told me he did that wenn ever he feels alone and boring, so he can't stop it because i'm a carrier woman i don't have more time to take care of him and both of us works and sits about 12hours a day on computer. ofcourse we live together but you know he doesn't have no hobbys without computer so i think he can't stop it because he will never get that dirty things from me, so i don't know how can you be with somebody wenn you fill you have to snoop everything otherwise something is going on

 

but what do you think why they do that what did your bf said to that????

[Deejette]

He is cheating on you, plain and simple. If you tolerate it, you are putting yourself down. You are worth more than to have someone who supposedly loves you focus his erotic attentions somewhere else.

Sex does not happen online, in the bedroom, on the kitchen floor or anywhere else except in the MIND. That's where a person is stimulated, that's where the sensations are processed, that's the nerve center of every person. Whether your guy's eyes are on a computer screen, on a lady downtown or in a shopping mall, on a lady in a movie or on TV, or on a computer screen while talking to a stranger on the other side of the planet, yes IT IS SEX if he is having those thoughts of having sex. It can also be done on the phone. American men pay up to 3.95 per minute to have phone sex with women who are total strangers and who they will never meet in person.

 

If you have told him his online "cybersex" as they call it is offensive and hurtful to you and he continues, either he has a serious addiction that must be treated by a professional psychologist or other counsellor, or he has no respect for you and does not care about your feelings. I am not familiar with your culture, but in America some women would chop a guy's weenie (penis) off if he didn't stop. Short of that, surely they would leave him if they had any respect for themselves. A man who ocassionally looks at pictures of nude women online is pretty normal. They are available in large quantities on hundreds of thousands of Internet sites. But if a guy who is in a relationship is in the habit of having sex with ladies online and doesn't want to quit after his lady asks him to, he is extremely sick or is so callous about his lack of respect for his lady, you in this case. You've got a serious problem here. If he does not want to get help, you will either have to get used to it, remain hurt as long as you are with him, or find a guy who has more regard for your feelings and more respect for his relationship with you.

[Heather]

YES I did get extremely jealous and felt very betrayed! Yes I do think you are right that there is something wrong in the bedroom for them to do something like that, but that does not excuse him for doing something that you feel hurt by. My bf said it was because I didn't give him enough sex. Our daughter was very young at the time (less than a year old). And I was always tired, plus he was on the damn computer so much that sometimes he didn't even notice that I was there. What we did was try and spend more time together and spend more time in the bedroom (after the baby was asleep) and things did seem to help especially when I opened up to try most of the things he wanted. When I met him I was not very experienced (with sex). I didn't do any kind of foreplay and didn't want to experiment with new stuff. I finally decided that we needed to try different things so his attention would be more focused on me and not the computer. So we did and everything stopped with the computer.

 

Now if you feel that he can't get away from the computer try and open yourself up to a little experimentation. Tell him that what he is doing is really making you feel bad and if he loves you enough than he will try and work on it. Make him focus on YOU. That should be his #1 priority. If you get his attention a little it might help alot. And just talk to him.

 

Good luck

 

Heather

hi please tell me more. did you become jealous of that and did you fehlt he betrayed you or how did you fill, this is something new for me. please write me more i want to know???? you know wenn your bf make cybersex it means he needs more from you which he can't get, so he takes it from cybersex,you know he told me he did that wenn ever he feels alone and boring, so he can't stop it because i'm a carrier woman i don't have more time to take care of him and both of us works and sits about 12hours a day on computer. ofcourse we live together but you know he doesn't have no hobbys without computer so i think he can't stop it because he will never get that dirty things from me, so i don't know how can you be with somebody wenn you fill you have to snoop everything otherwise something is going on but what do you think why they do that what did your bf said to that????

[Heather]

Thank you Tony WELL said I have never met a man that thinks that cybersex is wrong! I am starting to like you more and more each day Tony you are very wise!

 

Heather

Sex does not happen online, in the bedroom, on the kitchen floor or anywhere else except in the MIND. That's where a person is stimulated, that's where the sensations are processed, that's the nerve center of every person. Whether your guy's eyes are on a computer screen, on a lady downtown or in a shopping mall, on a lady in a movie or on TV, or on a computer screen while talking to a stranger on the other side of the planet, yes IT IS SEX if he is having those thoughts of having sex. It can also be done on the phone. American men pay up to 3.95 per minute to have phone sex with women who are total strangers and who they will never meet in person.

 

If you have told him his online "cybersex" as they call it is offensive and hurtful to you and he continues, either he has a serious addiction that must be treated by a professional psychologist or other counsellor, or he has no respect for you and does not care about your feelings. I am not familiar with your culture, but in America some women would chop a guy's weenie (penis) off if he didn't stop. Short of that, surely they would leave him if they had any respect for themselves. A man who ocassionally looks at pictures of nude women online is pretty normal. They are available in large quantities on hundreds of thousands of Internet sites. But if a guy who is in a relationship is in the habit of having sex with ladies online and doesn't want to quit after his lady asks him to, he is extremely sick or is so callous about his lack of respect for his lady, you in this case. You've got a serious problem here. If he does not want to get help, you will either have to get used to it, remain hurt as long as you are with him, or find a guy who has more regard for your feelings and more respect for his relationship with you.

[Heather]

Thank you Tony WELL said I have never met a man that thinks that cybersex is wrong! I am starting to like you more and more each day Tony you are very wise! Heather

[Tony T]

Actually, I did not make a judgement as to whether cybersex was right or wrong. I do think that online sex is SEX and if you are hurting someone you are in a relationship by doing so, in that case it is WRONG. A person should either cease the behavior or cease the relationship.

 

However, I make no judgement overall as to whether it is right or wrong. My rule of thumb is that if a behavior is not phsyically or emotionally hurtful to either oneself or anyone else, it is probably OK.

 

Between you and met, perhaps my brain is underdeveloped but I just can't see any way I could get turned out by talking dirty to a computer screen. It may not be wrong in all cases, but it is some kind of WILD!!!